I don't know what time it is when I wake up, resisting the urge to panic, I flinch at the ache in my bones. Where was I? The smell of the woods, the warmth, brings me back to the events of yesterday.

Stefan's house. 

How many days did I hide out here in my youth? 

Glancing carefully over my shoulder, I spy my warlord is still asleep and take in the plains of his face. His strong arms are still wrapped around me, holding me to his chest, with his nose buried into my hair. I drag my fingers slowly over his arm, absorbing the last ounces of warmth for I'm not someone who can remain once I've woken up.

The words of last night echo in my mind. 

"You're mine."

Testing the words over and over, I can't find that I feel any particular remorse for the sentiment. Had anyone ever truly wanted me beyond my political status? I find myself staring at his lips, admiring the long lashes and high cheekbones, memorizing every detail of his stubbled jaw, though the facial hair was trending more towards a beard after a few days without shaving.  

Did I have any right to feel... happy?

Slowly, I slip out from under his arm and stand up. 

My whole body hurts, my hand is bandaged, and faint glimpses of my time in the chamber radiate like a dream. "Damned whiskey..." I sigh, it was a rookie mistake. I tally up how much magic I'd used, healing him when it wasn't my main talent and then exspending so much energy opening the chamber. 

 Raiding the closet for clothes, it's a sad state when I consider how far I've fallen. I don't practice, and my limit has greatly lessened, and now I am paying the price for it. 

Finding a nice long sleeve, a vest, and some trousers, I pulled them on, grateful for Stefan's fashion sense. For the first time in a long time, I didn't scramble into my shirt; I didn't avoid the mirror for fear of seeing a new scar that I didn't recognize. Even though he uses his teeth, even though he grips me so tightly, while I may bruise and bleed, he has yet to scar me. 

I didn't mind the pain, but the permanence of being mutilated was more than I could bear. I suppose it wasn't fair to lump all men into the same sector as demi-dragons. But, the scars were still present no matter the suitor. I couldn't imagine a mortal man feeling anything but shock for the state of me. 

Stealing a glance at the sleeping man, the slightest hint of a smile tugs at my lips. His tangle of gray hair shields his eyes, but he's still, peaceful. 

Resisting the urge to touch him is easy. He doesn't belong to me, and I know there will be more discussions when he wakes up. Business would continue as usual, the feelings would fade, and we'd go back to being enemies. 

Forcing myself to leave the room was another story, and my legs felt heavy as I made my way down the stairs. It was nostalgic to be here again for I grew up here. I would ride from my home, and in exchange for some blood from my horse, I could remain as long as I liked. 

Stefan had always been intriguing; he had the best stories, and he never treated me any differently, for he was a prince as well—or at least, at one point, he had been.

I startle when I see Tonic is already awake, sitting at the kitchen island. Wearing only a pair of pants, though he's a bit too tall for them, he seems as surprised to see me as I am to see him. Silently sitting next to him, I find that he looks different—relaxed, tired, and older. 

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." I break the silence, crossing my arms to rest my elbows on the table. Shrugging, his cheeks redden as he squirms. "Tonic, I don't think I can ever thank you enough for what you did for me. I'm sorry that I put you in danger, but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there besides me." 

"I was just doing what was right, Nicolas; it wasn't anything special." 

"It was for me," I tell him firmly, ''Tonic, my family... sent me away. You noticed that I'm not.. capable like my father." 

Tonic stiffens, and I place my hand on his forearm, offering him a small smile. "That's because I'm not. I'd like to be.. I hope to be.. but they sent me away and... it's left me with a lot of baggage. I was mildly intoxicated when I opened that vault, and I put you at risk. I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know that. I'm going to do better; I'm going to get better because this can't happen again."

He offers me a shy smile, rolling his eyes half heartedly as I unfold myself to hug him, soaking in the warmth. "How did you sleep?" I ask him, changing the topic for both of our sakes. 

Tonic flushes deep to his core, and he immediately looks down. "I um. Fine. Fine. I slept fine. Better than- well, not the best, but fine. Just fine." His stammering takes me off guard, which is strange even for Tonic. 

Straightening, I raise an eyebrow, cocking my head curiously. "So, fine then?" I question with a small laugh. He nods almost too quickly, and I feel the urge to pry. "Do where did you sleep?" I gesture around the house, noting that it wasn't down here.

Tonic shrugs quickly, glancing at the stairs, flushes again, and looks down once more. He almost seems to shrink before me, and I frown, parting my lips to speak. Then it begins to dawn on me all at once: "Or... Who did you sleep... with? " I test the words, and he freezes like a statue. 

I gasp, covering my mouth, and he panics, looking away with a groan of embarrassment. 

"Tonic!" I breathe. Stefan! "Tonic, I'm sorry Stefan is very... he could of charmed you or seduced you. You don't have to be ashamed. I'll speak with him- damn it, Stefan..."

"I um.. He didn't seduce me. Not really, that is. He invited me up for some clothes, I just-" He stops, muttering to himself as he runs a hand through his hair, uncertain if he should be revealing all of this. " I've never liked girls; I mean- there are girls who I think are beautiful and who I've liked, but nothing like this. When I saw you.. um.. Kissing... Alpha- I just... It clicked for me. I um.. I didn't even know you felt that way about men."

 He works his way carefully through his words. 

Oh, Tonic. 

"I asked Stefan if I could try it, I have never even kissed anyone before-"

I gape at him. "Not even as a lad?" 

The Alpha-look alike shrugs, sighing in defeat. "The omega is denied comforts of the flesh. I couldn't see myself with anyone, and I figured it was because I hadn't seen the right one, but I realized yesterday that it was possibly because I was looking at the wrong people. I didn't realize men were even an option!"

While his story was nothing like mine, I forced myself to find a way to be happy for him. I find the concept of suddenly becoming afflicted with an affinity for a man hard to believe, but who was I to judge? 

 "Tonic.. I wish you had done it with someone who was less.. promiscuous. Don't get me wrong, Stefan is one of my dearest friends but he definitely has never been denied any comforts. I just don't want you to fall for someone who isn't going to reciprocate those feelings."

He laughs, genuinely laughs, and I press my lips into a thin line as I stand and adjust my vest at the insult. I didn't even know Tonic could laugh, but I shouldn't find it so offensive that he doesn't believe me about a man he just slept with.

 "Nicolas, I'm not falling in love with him. I've found a part of myself that had felt unobtainable, I want to explore it. I'm not stupid." 

"Glad you're thinking rationally," I mutter, moving to the stove to light the flame and put a kettle on for tea.

"So. How long has this been going on between you and Alpha?" He turns the tables on me, another unexpected twist. Looking over my shoulder at him, I run my tongue over my teeth in quiet consideration of how forthcoming I want to be. "Hey, I told you mine, now it's your turn. Think of it as repayment. If you're truly grateful, then share." He prods, bringing on a sigh.

"It's only been a couple of times," I tell him, leaning back against the counter as I stare at the ever-changing flame. "There's nothing going on."

"I never would have thought of Verando in that way. He doesn't seem, I don't know- The type?" He sounds confused, and I frown at him, crossing my arms over my chest, suddenly self-conscious.

"What's the type? You can't help what you like Tonic. I didn't bewitch him. He came onto me." My tone is harsher than it should have been; I'm taking my insecurity out on him. Running my fingers through my hair, I remind myself that I probably need a haircut soon. "Look at Victor; he blows 'type' right out of the water," I grumble and glance at my pot, willing it to be ready now.

 This was not the conversation I wanted to have this morning.

"Do you like it?" Tonic asks bluntly. 

I blink. "What? Sex?" I ask, raising a brow, almost laughing. "Um. Yes. Sex is great. Did you not like it?"

"I did. I'm just curious. I don't have anyone to ask this stuff, so I hope that's okay."

"Ask away," I mutter, widening my eyes in exasperation as I raid the cabinets for a glass and the whiskey I knew he must have. It was too early for wine, but I pulled a bottle down anyway, just in case. 

"What's it like?" Tonic boldly questions- a teen hungry for knowledge.

My fingers paused. What was it like? I need a drink. Pulling down a wine glass, I pop the cork with my teeth and spit it on the ground, pouring myself a healthy amount and taking a swallow. 

"Overwhelming. Degrading. Amazing. Mind-blowing." I mutter, resting my teeth on the rim of the glass. I think of his mouth on me and inhale sharply, taking another drink. 

"Wow." He mumbles.

"Yeah. It isn't like that for everyone, but it's my preference. It's what I like."

Tonic looks surprised. "You want to feel that way?" He raises a brow. "I get the last bits, but you want to feel degraded? You picked the right person..."

 I grimace. No. That's not it.

"I need to feel that way. It's not something I can help. It makes me feel alive to lose myself to someone and trust them. I've faced a lot of pain, hurt, and regret. Being able to control it and thrive on it is the only way to stay alive for me. Some other head trash goes along with it, but I like it. It's like positions or methods; everyone likes something different. I like to be dominated." 

 Honestly, I've realized that I crave it, that I secretly like to defy and face the consequences.

"To each their own, I suppose." Tonic shrugs, and I smirk, taking another drink of wine before setting the glass before him and pouring myself a cup of tea. 

"Don't knock it till you try it." I challenge him as I take a sip of my tea and glance up to see Stefan in the stairway. 

I almost spit out my drink but force myself to swallow it, wishing I hadn't handed off my wine. 

"Having such a wonderful conversation without me?" Stefan giggles, floating soundlessly over to sit at the counter with us. Tonic flushes as Stefan kisses his cheek, while it warms my heart just a little, I'm going to have to have a conversation with Stefan later about this. 

"Oh, you know, just talking about dicks and what to do with them. Nothing out of the ordinary." I tell him, which causes Tonic to practically evaporate from embarrassment. 

That's what you get, rookie.

"Tonic knows exactly what to do with mine. I trained him well." He smiles, and Tonic gets up.

"I'm going to go see if I can catch more sleep. I'm glad you're okay, Nicolas." He departs quickly, and Stefan watches him like a love-drunk schoolgirl as he goes.

"Ok. When you get hot friends and don't tell me, I start to think you're mad at me. What the hell? These creatures are gorgeous." Stefan instantly pries at me, and it brings a frown.

"They aren't accepting of what you are. Well. Tonic is but not Alpha." I gesture up the stairs to where the warlord still slumbers.

"Mmmm... saving that one for yourself. I don't blame you. But come on, well-endowed men who walk around naked and take care of themselves? Sign me up." He reclines back onto the counter, dipping his head back to look at me with a look of restraint. 

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, give that a go. He'll bite you in half." I pull my shirt down at the collar to expose my bite mark scar. Stefan chews his lower lip and waggles his eyebrows at me. "It's not what you think."

 Yet I'm smiling, and he can see through me, I sip my tea as I dunk my teabag. 

"Please enlighten me then." He pleads, "Nic, he's.. the opposite of what you've gone for in the past; you come home from school, and now.. your parents? And this..?"

"It's just sex," I mutter, dismissing his hopeful look. "School was-" Swallowing, I nearly choked and quickly set my cup down as I tried to catch my breath. The thought of rehashing it all over again, for someone who cared for me so deeply and might actually give me true sympathy, was more than I could take in this period of pretending to be strong. "School was hard, Stef."

"We knew it would be, honey." The strigoi resists the urge to touch me, searching my face, the deep red eyes glimmering behind the heavy black lashes. "But you survived. Twice, you've survived. You're the one who lived through the invasion; when I saw you in town, I wondered.... but Nic, this is the healthiest I've ever seen you look."

"I was a coward, Stef; I let them kill my father. I just stood there, and I've only gotten this far because-" Shaking my head, I sigh, placing the cup on the table as I reason with myself through the guilt of being the last surviving member of my family. "Is it disgusting that I... don't think he's a terrible guy?"

The strigoi's jaw drops, "That?! That man is who...?! Nicolas!"

I shush him, glowering at the mock horror. "I swear to the gods, Stefan."

In silence, we regarded each other; my friend, who I've known since I was a child, grinned with wicked amusement. "Overwhelming. Degrading. Mind-blowing, was it? Let me guess, did his penis do all the talking?"

"It certainly didn't hurt..." I reassure him. "Well-" Shrugging, I can't help but giggle. "Stefan, I'm so far gone that I can't even bring myself to feel guilty anymore. This man killed my family, and I'm fornicating with him like a teenager. It just feels good to feel anything."

"'Just sex' looked pretty worried about you." Stefan points out, taking a swallow of my wine.

Frowning, I know that's true, but I can't allow myself to go there. "He needs me if he wants to win this war." I exhale.

 "Bad boy." He returns; I groan, walking away to sit on one of the couches.

"I don't need a lecture. It's complicated."

"I'll say. Complicated is pretty damn good looking though. A little busted up for my tastes, but I know you have issues with your own appearance." He plucks at my shirt as he floats over me on his side as if he were lying on the ground, propped up on his elbow.

Swatting at his hand, I hug one of the couch pillows to my chest, bringing up my knees; saying this out loud was more than I was ready for, and yet, I needed to get it out. It had been a weight drowning me, and now there was finally an opportunity to come out and say it. 

 "He's more than that. He can be good, he loves his people. He is totally dedicated. Something that some of us know little about." I roll my eyes and Stefan pretends to look hurt. He vanishes then reappears in the chair across from me.

"Now you're defending him. Interesting." He ignores my comment, and I stick my tongue out at him, casting the pillow at him, which he easily catches. "Well, who am I to judge? You know what I've done, who I've done. Just protect yourself, baby. You know how I worry about you. 

I'd hate to have to find out what Lycan tastes like. Oh, wait. I already have. It's pretty damn good." He reclined on to the couch, patting my leg and quietly checking that he wasn't pushing me too far. I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed Stefan.

"Hey, he was a virgin. If you hurt him, I swear Stefan, I'll burn you at the stake. He's a good guy. To good for any of us really." 

The strigoi holds up his hands in innocence."I'm just coasting, baby. I'm not trying to find love. It was his idea."

Much as Stefan's promiscuous nature irritates me, I can see Tonic's point of view.

Almost as if on cue, Alpha makes his way downstairs, pausing when he sees Stefan with his arm entangled around my leg. The warlord doesn't hide his scowl as he stretches and enters the room. 

I wish I could be so comfortable with my body, admiring the exposed plains of the nearly naked man.

"Sleep well?" I ask, hoping to avoid yet another lecture.

"Surprisingly. By the way, you need to keep a better eye on your 'borrowed' help; that spirit creature is out of its damn mind." He glares at Stefan, who looks baffled, tilting his head.

"Pavel?" He questions.

"I don't know what it's name is.. it came up there asking me questions about-" He stops, unimpressed with the continued contact our host insisted upon. Pursing his lips, the Stirgoi removes his hand from my leg, pressing his palms together between his knees with a forced smile. 

"Keep it away from me." 

I blink, staring at him; Stefan raises a brow and gives me a look as if I could do better than a foul-tempered dictator.

"Sorry, didn't realize that he was in there with you. I'll tell him to mind his own business, perhaps." Always the gracious host. 

I give Stefan an apologetic look, standing as I compose myself. "Are you leaving?" I ask, taking note that he hasn't sat down. I tread across the room, pouring another cup from the kettle and dipping the tea bag. I offer him the cup, a peace offering.

"Yes, I've been gone for too long and Victor isn't experienced enough to start rotations. It'd be different if we weren't venturing closer to Ziduri today but we have seen elf tracks so we need to get ahead of this." 

It's hard to keep the frown off my face. I wish I had that sort of instinct to pick my duty over my desires. Accepting the cup, he takes a drink. He rewards me with an expression that slowly becomes my favorite look as his cheek dimples. 

 "Oh, shut up," I mutter, "Don't look at me like that, you know what this is."

 Capturing my chin in his hand, he regards me as I cross my arms in solidarity for my position that I wasn't upset by his absence. "I am glad you're okay, Nic. We aren't done discussing this, not by a long shot. But for now, I do need to go. Try and stay out of trouble until I see you again. The list is ever-growing, and I am pretty old. It's hard to keep track." 

I'm caught off guard by his playful demeanor. Bending, his eyes catch mine, observing my expression as I amuse myself with how far he has to bend to reach my level. My lips part as I inhale; my body betrays me, and he kisses me.

Smiling against his lips, I return the gesture in a slow, building burn that makes me stretch onto my toes to pursue him.

"Get some rest, " he commands me, speaking against my lips as his nose brushes against mine. We both know that's not going to happen. 

"How dare you kiss me like that and leave..." I retort, my voice low and hard, yet I keep my arms firmly crossed, for if I touch him, I know exactly what I'd be inclined to do. 

"Mmm... If only." He exhales, straightening, clearing his throat as he stretches and pops his neck. "To be continued, you're rather unfortunately short, you know. Might want to invest in a.. stool.. or something."

My jaw drops, and he smirks, winking as he quickly departs. By the time he clears the front yard, the giant gray wolf takes his place, and he sprints back to his people.

Stefan is very close to me, watching my face.

"Just sex, huh?" He pries. "That was a hell of a kiss."

"Stefan." I plead. 

"Nic..." The pain in his voice is clear; it's as much of a plea for my sanity as I was for his silence. "

"Do I have any healers robes left here? I need to go see Haryek."