The statue seems to hum as I approach it, as if I realize it's near a magic user.

 I feel like I stand a chance at opening it; my magic courses through my fingertips at the ready. It's not going to respond to any simple, revealing spell. But I start with the basics, my hands resting on the pedestal, and the statue groans as I chant; the wall shudders and shakes as the statue slowly begins to move. 

It's taking almost everything I have just to slide it. The stale air from the passageway threatens to gag me as it finishes its pass and comes to a rest. My hands are clammy; I feel drained as if the statue itself sucked the very essence out of me. Lord Darrius was so much more powerful than me, it was foolish to think my own meager magic could stand up to such a force.

"Stay close to me, Tonic. We don't need to get separated in there." I honestly don't know what could be down there. 

It could be a maze, a room, or even a realm. My father was the most powerful wizard the world had known. Everything he did was meticulous and for a greater purpose—or so he said. It would make little sense for this task to be quite so easy.

We make our way down the dark and rank passage. The smell of dust and dead air makes breathing difficult. The air feels heavy, and each step feels weighted. Tonic crowds close to me, and the cavern feels very cold and lifeless.

 My father probably hadn't been down here in some time, not like he was known for his good housekeeping. In the eerie silence, we can practically hear our heartbeats, and ahead, I can see a dim light.

 I try not to race towards it. The dark is eating away at me; I feel as if it might consume us. It's as if there are eyes bearing down on us, looking over our shoulders and just out of the corner of our eyes.

I practically gasped for air as we reached the light, a skylight, but I can't picture from where in the castle it resides. The roof must be charmed, hiding its location. The air feels light out of the tunnel, and I check my pulse, wondering if we've walked through poison. 

Tonic coughs absently. 

Surrounded by stone shelves and books, I run a hand through my hair and take in my outfit with a level of disappointment. Coming here after laying with a man was somehow satisfying, yet this wasn't how I wanted to appear in my first contact with my father's book. 

Tonic groans, "It smells awful in here...", I know from experience that he loathes the dust and dander of leafing through titles. "How are we going to search all these before everyone wakes up?"

I know none of these are my father's spellbook. "This is all history and lore. Some are spellbooks, but nothing like what we are looking for. Take a good smell. Where is it the strongest?" I watch him patiently as he inhales, only to cough and try again.

"There?" He doesn't sound sure, but there's an iron gate that is latched with a piece of rope.
Cautiously, I approach and extend my hand, waving at the rope, cocking my head before looking over my shoulder at Tonic. 

"Surely it can't be this easy?" I mutter, earning a shrug for my trouble. Flicking my wrist, the rope falls away, and I pop the gate open.

There, I see my ax, and I quickly reach for it only to have my hand stabbed through by the tip of a giant spear.

I try not to scream as I retract my hand, clutching it to my chest. The towering stone guardian pulls back his spear to stab again, and I jump to the side to dodge the jab narrowly. Tonic allows his wolf to come forward, but his teeth are useless against the stone spear. All of a sudden, I feel sorry for my assault on Alpha in the bathroom. 

I'd stabbed him so carelessly. 

"Mutt." The guardian garbles as it swats him aside carelessly.

 He yelps as he hits the wall, but it gives me time to grab my ax, and I swing it with everything I have to strike the stone beast's leg. The electricity jolts through us both; with a crack of light, the leg sloughs off the giant with an audible groan as it slams to the ground.

 The creature screeches as it crawls toward me. Its stone helmet cracked, and I could see the glimmer of red eyes beneath it as it pulled itself. 

Tonic leaps onto its back, bracing his claws into the crack on its helmet. The guardian roars and swings at him. He stays low, pulling, trying to dislodge its head. I use the last of my strength to swing my ax for its neck and somewhat hit my target. The head dislodges and rolls away, red eyes dimming as the stone begins to crumble.

"So you can defend me but not yourself?" I demand of him, wishing to slice him with the axe if I could lift it. 

I shudder, my hand screaming. I can see the floor as I look at the top of it, feeling the rush of sickness; I dry heave and hold the offending limb as far away from me as I can. My fingers refuse to respond as I try to flex them. The muscles have been torn, the bone shattered, I curse as I fall back against the wall with heavy breaths.

"Tonic!" I demand, fighting through the discomfort.

The lycan limps toward me, my stomach lurches, and the room spins. It throbs again, I'm left doubling over as I vomit. Blood seeps from my lips, and I curse low in my throat. "Damn it... it's poisoned."

"That's a lot of blood." Tonic grimaces, wrinkling his nose.

I put my busted hand over my mouth, and I'm sick once more when I realize my blood is sliding through the hole. 

"Nicolas?!" Tonic's voice sounds more frantic, yet it echoes in the distance, "This is a lot of blood. It's too much blood, what.. what do we do?" He stammers; my head throbs as I try to focus.

"I.. I don't know.. I think the guardian was cursed." I wipe the blood from my face with the back of my good hand, "I'm going to be ok, I think."

"You think?" he snaps, panic rising in his voice."I shouldn't... we shouldn't have done this."

Checking my pulse once more, I can feel it hammering in and out, going from dangerously low to galloping as my vision blurs. "I've used too much magic; I can't fight off the curse the guardian put on me."

 Reluctantly, my eyes fall on the spellbook as blood seeps from my lips with a cough. My feet move on their own, pulling me across the room; I can feel its invisible fingers reaching for me, pulling at the remains of my magic. 

"Nicolas.." Tonic cuts me off, his body blocking me as I collapse onto his back with another series of coughs. "Curse..? You're getting really pale, I think-" Shuddering, he glares at the book before pushing me back towards the door. "Please, we must go back; I can't let you do this."

 My eyes are unseeing, and I can only focus on the book on the pedestal before me. It was as if they wanted me to find it—as if he'd left it specifically to be seen by anyone who sought it out. But why? 

"Tonic, just listen to me. I have been poisoned by the guardian, which means my only hope is going to be-" I clutch my stomach, flinching as my body falters. "It took everything I had to open this damn vault, I need to recharge, and this book is my only option, or I'm going to die. When I pick this up, I don't know what will happen. You need to take me to Stefan." 

Tonic watches me as if I've lost my mind. I can't afford to doubt him now; I have to trust that he has some sort of loyalty to me. "You-you're the son of the Lord of Magic. You- you should be all-powerful? How?"

"Tonic!" I snap, and he nods hurriedly. "You have to take me to Stefan! Do you understand?" I command him, and he nods again. "You will take me into the city, and a large house is at the heart. It will smell like the dead. You must bring me to him and do what he says—exactly what he says. Do you understand?" I repeat it because he must; my life depends on it.

"Nicolas, I'm scared." He breathes, "You're pale, and you smell like.. Alpha.. oh god, Alpha is going to murder me if you die. Nicolas, please..."

"Me too... so don't let me die, Tonic." I clenched my teeth as I touched the book, and everything went black.
__________________________________

The book siphons as much magic as I can muster, clinging to my hand as if I'm cemented to it. I can't release it as it searches for my father and finds only my unworthy body. I can hear someone screaming, and I realize it's me. 

It's like I'm watching from another body as I crumble. 

This is it. I'm going to die. I hear my father's voice, and I blink at the brightness that surrounds me.

"Found it, did you?" His voice is young, not like I remember.

"No thanks," I spit. 

"You would have enough magic to meld the book to you if you hadn't wasted your time in school," 

I laugh, and he looks impressed. 

"You've grown bold, " he comments. Even in death, he mocks me.

"You continue to lie. I would never have been strong enough to meld to your book, and you made sure of that." Wanting to leave, I look for any source of an exit, and yet my legs won't move. I'm floating in the abyss, surrounded by rotating darkness, with flashes of light.

"Nicolas, you are stronger than all of us. You are one of the Solomanari. You can do things I only dreamed of doing-" 

I cut him off.  "Don't. Do not justify what you've done to me."Rage for my predicament begins to climb into my throat; I inhale sharply, fighting not to scream. I'd never addressed this with him; in life, he never had time to answer for what he'd done to me. "You sent me away! You knew I would die. I wasn't strong enough."

His face holds only patience; I damn him for his arrogance. "You needed guidance I could not give you; you are not like me or your brothers. It made you stronger and who you needed to be." He sounds so sure, and I feel myself sinking into darkness.

It was the answer I was expecting, that throwing me into the depths of magical hell would somehow turn me into a better person.

"Or you could just.. stop."

"Stop?" My voice is almost a whisper, only to wince and clutch my chest. Ow. It hurts. Touching my mouth, my hand comes away bloody, and I check my pulse, yet I can't find it. "You're doing this, aren't you?"

"A past self set this trap for you. But if it's too much...you could stop. Just let go. Give in. It'll all go black, no pain, no discomfort. Just that, the end." Lord Darius stands before me, younger, healthier, a version of him I don't remember. 

"You never cared what happened to me, did you? Ah, my chest hurts," I cringe, gripping my chest. My hand slips up to my throat, and I feel as though it's difficult even to take a breath. "Can you not just be honest with me for once? Can you not just admit that you knew I would fail? That the person you got back, if you got back one at all, would be so fucked up that-"

With a scoff, my father stares off into the distance as if he were late for something, as if I was wasting his time. "Give up if you need validation or an apology." He shrugs, indifferent to my demise. "If you failed, it is because you gave up."

"Gave up." I laugh, disgusted, shaking my head in disbelief despite the searing pain in my chest. White flashes through the room, and my temple throbs. "I needed you to say that there was a reason for it all. I don't want an apology because the day I came home, the disappointment on your face said it all. I didn't give up! I fought, with everything I had, I fought!"

"Yet here you lay!" My father shouts, making me hesitate; I pull back. My body feels hot, blazing like he'd lit my skin on fire.  "If you want to prove me wrong or become more than what you are, then do it, Nicolas. Get up."

I shake my head, and anger wells up inside me. "My life will never be the same now because of you; all of this is because of you!" I scream at him, tears streaming down my face. "What motivates me is not your approval but to erase what you have caused. I have to fix this. I have to fix what you have broken."

"Then wake up, Nicolas!" He shouts back at me.
___________________________________________________________

I jolt upright on the table and inhale sharply. Clutching my chest as I heave and gasp for air. 

I was dead- actually dead.

My eyes stop on a familiar face. His pale, angular features look horrified and relieved all at once. I take in his long black hair, sharp nose, deep brown eyes, and proper attire before I throw my arms around his neck and relish in his cool skin. "Stefan!"

 Tonic did it; he brought me back.

Stefan kisses my cheek, and I squeeze him as hard as I can, realizing how weak I am by how my arms refuse to move. I feel like dead weight; my body sags, and I slump back down, but he wraps his arms around me.

"Easy now. It's hard to come back from purgatory. You've been gone for almost an hour." His voice is so smooth, almost song-like. 

My eyes search, and everything mixes into a blur, but finally, my gaze lands on Tonic, and I scramble across the table to hug my naked companion as he wraps me in a warm hug. His skin feels fantastic against my reanimated corpse.

Absently, I checked my pulse to confirm a heartbeat was still there. They had succeeded in bringing me back to life; I'd not been turned into a member of the undead.

"How?" I finally bring myself to ask, allowing Tonic to slip out of my grasp as Stefan takes over supporting me.

"I sent your friend with the golden nose here to find a couple of herbs, and, thankfully, it's a full moon, so the moonlight flower was in bloom. That did the trick; else, we would be trying to figure out if you would turn into a better werewolf or vampire." Stefan smiles a fanged smile, and I feel Tonic's skin crawl. 

"A Strigoi might have been the better option." While Stefan rolls his eyes at me, and I smile, kissing Tonic's cheek only to receive a look of horror for the token of affection. "I'd be honored to be either."

 He pats my shoulder awkwardly; I haven't been dead too long to read the room. The air is heavy; they exchange glances that alert me to something they haven't yet shared. 

"What? Can't a man be happy that he came back from the dead? Would you rather I fall into pieces? "

Tonic sighs, for keeping secrets from me had never been his strong suit. "Alpha heard the commotion. He caught me on the way out and followed me here. He... is aware of the situation. Let me remind you how correct I was that he was absolutely livid."

The first thing I search for is the book, and judging by the calm, I imagine it's here if not hidden. Beyond it's presence, I can't imagine what he'd have any grounds to be angry for.  "Well, he's got no reason to be anything but satisfied, Tonic. I did as he asked, I found my father's book. Isn't that why I'm being held captive?" 

"Captive?" Stefan frowns, though he shudders his shoulders in silent intrigue. "Here I thought you looked in quite good health."

Tonic edges between me and the Strigoi; his hand floats as if he wishes to take my hand, but he opts to cross his arms instead. "Nicolas. We thought you were dead. You went cold, and your heart stopped. I got you here as fast as I could, but your eyes were rolled back into your head, and this book was stuck to you, sucking the life out of you.

 I don't think him seeing that has helped our cause; we were all a little freaked out. Stefan didn't know if he could save you as you had used so much of your magic-"

I come to realize that they're blaming me. They feel I've been reckless and made a mistake, and if I could walk, I would have leaped off this table and stormed out.

"You spread yourself too thin; you know how you get. If Tonic hadn't been there, that would have been it. Lights out." Stefan's voice is calm but reprimanding.

I was the only one who could do this; we wouldn't have the book without me. "I did what I had to do to get the book. I had to try; it could have the answers to the curse." I reach for it, but Stefan slaps my hand. 

The book's fingers don't dare reach for me. I test my fingertips, and the attempt nearly sends me back into the darkness. Cursing, Stefan grabs my arm, and I quickly pull out of his grasp with a scowl. I truly was drained; there wasn't an ounce of magic left in me. 

"Can I go to bed?" I demand, not wanting to be lectured.

They exchange nervous glances before finally, Tonic speaks. "Alpha is outside."

"Of course he is..." 

"I didn't know if you wanted to see him, yet he was rather insistent on seeing you?" Stefan looks guarded yet curious as to why the warlord looks so distraught. 

Knowing the strigoi as well as I did, I'll have to explain that one tomorrow. With the sun almost up, his rush came from the fact that it was time for him to retire for the day.

"Let him in," I tell him weakly as a small spirit appears, opening the door. His entrance is enough to take my breath away and furrow my brow all at once, the brilliance of his hair against the darkness of the room causing me to momentarily forget that I was waiting for the onslaught.

"Can I talk to Nicolas alone?" His voice is strained. 

With a sigh, Stefan leads Tonic up the stairs, suggesting a tour. "I've got incredibly good hearing, Lycan. So tread lightly."

I watch them leave, wondering why I subjected myself to this man at all. Meanwhile, Alpha stares down at me, expectant, menacing.

"What?!" I demand in annoyance.

"Don't start Nicolas..." He sounds tired.

"Me?! You storm in here demanding explanations! Looking at me like you care! I did what I needed to do." I had to do it for nobody else could. It was what he asked me to do, what he'd kept me to do. "I did what you asked; you have no right to speak to me in this tone."

He scoffs, arms crossed over his chest, pacing as he mutters to himself. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he speaks. "You died." 

"You have almost died many times. I thought we had a deal that we weren't supposed to save lives." I retort bitterly. "Or is it just me that that doesn't apply to?"

"Did you just think you could hide the book from me? What if Tonic hadn't been there?" He turns the tables on me because he knows the other is a losing argument.

"I thought it was understood that this whole thing is one big, what if? You wanted the book; I had to find it, so I did. If you had been there, you would have triggered the guardian yourself with your brutish antics, and then there would be no bringing you back. It had to be this way. I needed Tonic. You were incapacitated anyway! 

You were drunk off your ass, celebrating a ceremony that almost got that sweet boy killed. When the time came and I needed someone, and Tonic was there, you weren't!"

He had no right to me, no right to worry for my safety after all the pain he caused me. 

Damn him.

He was too drunk to help me; he couldn't have done anything to save me, and in the end, if it hadn't been for Tonic, I would have been dead. We're at a stalemate.

 I expect him to lash out, but it would seem I've got him pinned.

 I'm too tired to deal with these emotions, to deal with him and his complicated messages. In a rush of anger, I shove off the table, yet my body threatens to drop to the ground in a heap. Moving quicker than I can blink, he catches me, and my hands grip his biceps in surprise. His body is shockingly warm, soothing to my chilled hands. 

"You're like ice." Alpha murmurs, concern heavy in his voice. 

I'm not fond of hovering and scolding, for I'm not a child. Yet, to see him so afraid for me did give me the smallest hint of satisfaction. I deflate a little; if I'm going to continue with my plan, I have to fix this between us. 

I have to keep telling myself that's why I don't turn him away.

"Verando. I had to do it this way; it was the only path forward. Your people, much as it might not seem like it, are my people, and I have to do something to help them. If I can do anything to stop these rituals, I will try like hell to accomplish it." With a heavy sigh, I close my eyes, pressing my forehead to his chest, breathing in his warmth. "I also don't want you to go."

Alpha cursed, glaring at the floor, yet his arms wrapped around me, and I felt his lips brushing the top of my head. "Don't call me that. Not here."

"I want you to stay," I insist, my voice hardly above a whisper.

Much as he battles with himself, those arms never loosen. I hear him take in my scent, and he captures my chin, tilting my head to search my face. After what feels like a life time, he nods, choosing me over returning to his pack. 

I stand up on my tiptoes, and Alpha bends to meet me. He takes my cheek in his hand and pulls me against him as I capture his lips with my own. My lips must taste like blood. I almost retract, but sensing my reluctance, he deepens the kiss as I curl my arms around his neck, submitting to his will. 

"Don't ever take yourself from me again, you're mine.. and this body no longer belongs to you." Alpha breathes against my lips.

My eyes flutter open, and I inhale his need for me as my lips hover over his. I realize he's supporting most of my weight and smile a little. "That's a bold statement. Who says I agree with these terms?" My body forms to his, meshing with his hips, clinging to him in every way possible to close the gap between us.

 I'm suddenly very aware that Tonic and Stefan are staring at us. Tonic immediately averts his eyes and flushes three different colors of red. Unapologetically, Alpha kisses me, "Who says I'm asking for your permission?" Scooping me up in his arms, I nearly yelped in surprise; everything ached as I clung to his neck.

"Is there a room he can sleep in?" He asks Stefan, his tone strained. 

Stefan looks curious, but at my pleading expression, he minds his manners."Up the stairs, the third door on the right." He steps aside to allow the possessive warlord to pass. 

Alpha rolls his eyes and takes me up the stairs, ignoring the other two.

"They saw." I sound like a shy, feigning innocence.

"I know." I can't read his expression.

I don't say anything as he sets me on the bed and climbs in behind me, putting his arms around me from behind and pulling me to his chest in a manner that makes my nearly dead heart threaten to flutter. I feel lightheaded, and he curses once more. "Damn it, I can hear your bloody heart threaten to give out. Don't overthink it, Nic, you're cold as ice, and I'm just trying to warm you up." He grumbles, his tone softer than before. "Got to sleep."

"Yes, Sir," I cling to his arm, hoping beyond all reasonable hope that he was still there when I woke up in the morning. 

Thankfully, sleep finds me quickly.