The black beast lumbers towards us, a predator stalking his stunned prey. I take a step back, clutching my companion's arm, thinking of the warning we had only just received from the mortal within this beast. 

He looks at me like I'm something to eat—a parasite invading his territory, and he's come to end my existence. The black wolf bares his fangs as he stands between us and the city entrance. Had he been on patrol? Or did he see us leave and decide that he could have one more opportunity to change his mind?

 "A little late to be out taking a stroll." He isn't asking, he's demanding a reason for our presence here. Tonic says nothing; he's stalk still, guarding me; a bead of sweat rolls from his temple, and I swallow back my concern. Beta was not here to continue our conversation, he was furious, and I had provoked him. 

 It will be up to me to get us out of this. "I wanted to get here before the shops closed; I forgot something in the bookstore." I lie. 

The wolf snarls and I slow my breathing. I refuse to show how it rips through my very soul. I could argue with him as a man, but I'd not gotten used to the lycan standing before me. A wolf the size of a horse, black as night, and those same golden eyes piercing through me. Flashbacks hit me like a slap in the face, I see my mother being torn apart.

 My chest throbs in agony, my soul bleeding for her. I feel light-headed.

"Do you find me a fool?" His tone is harsh, saliva seeping from his exposed jaws. "You're running to your allies; Alpha has this ludacris idea that we should speak with the rebellion, converse with roaches... Does he know where you are? What you're doing?" The golden orbs shift to Tonic who pales, giving away our lack of permission.

"You're right! I'm going to arrange a meeting with Alpha." I tell him quickly, shouldering Tonic to the side.

"The only use the pack has for the rebellion is to end it!" He barks.  

 "You don't have the authority to make that call!" I challenge him.

I feel as though I have hit a nerve, for now, the black wolf begins to stalk forward once more. Tonic staggers behind me, I know what's about to happen, everything in my body tells me to brace for impact, for the death that is imminent.

The bark makes my blood run cold. I feel his breath hot on my face, the wolf so painfully close as he looms over me. Were my parents this frightened? I can only remember my father laughing and my mother screaming, and it brings me back to full circle that Alpha was the one who killed them. 

A single tear rolls down my cheek, in silent apology because what Beta had said in that hall was true. Nobody in any heaven would forgive me for how much I'd sinned.

 "I'm sick to death of your pompous attitude. I'm sick of these pathetic excuses as to why you're still alive when you are nothing! It is a waste of time and space. To think you even commanded an audience with the Alpha is... maddening. Do you know what I think?"

 Beta gets louder, more demanding. His hair stands on end and his muscles flex as he rolls back on his hind legs. I can feel it building, the tension of a spring coiling for launch.

"I think you are controlling him, that you know how to influence the curse, and that you have infected his mind with your poison. Why else would Alpha entertain you? Why else would he... do anything... with you?"

 I wonder what it will feel like, will I be in too much pain to really comprehend? Will I be awake every moment of this short battle?

 Beta pulls his lips back to expose his teeth and parts his jaws in a deafening snarl. The echo stirs my hair and I shut my eyes.

At that moment, my body finds it hard to comprehend what to do. There was no one to save me, no one to default to, and my instincts faltered when it came to saving myself.  I surrender to my imminent death. I've seen this play out before; I know I won't make it through this.

Was I ready? What would happen to my people? He had no reason to honor anything once I was gone. 

 I don't want to see it coming. 

"You don't deserve him!" I hear the pain in his voice, making me flinch. The smallest of smirks tugs at the corner of my mouth.

I open my eyes in disbelief just in time to see the familiar gray blur and at first, I think it is Tonic.

 The roar that comes from Alpha shakes me out of my stupor. He shoves Beta across the path and the black wolf scrambles to get back to his feet. I cover my ears with my hands at the volume of the brawling wolves.

"Are you about done making a fool of yourself? " Alpha demands, his teeth flashing in a threat, ears laid back against his skull.

Beta snaps his jaws in a savage bark. "You are acting like a fool; I am saving your life! They were running to the city full tilt. Maybe you should ask your pet what he was up to!"

The growl from the gray beast in front of me resonates in my chest, rattling me. He's so close I could almost touch him. 

"You are slacking on your duties to chase after the omega and a servant. Remind me, who should I be concerned about?" 

"Answer me this!" Beta straightens his body, and Alpha stiffens, caught off guard by the change in tone. "Why... why did you..?"

"Caspian, that was never a possibility, and you know it." Caspian? 

Beta glares at the ground, and there is a long moment of silence. "So again, you give me no response... I have begged you to consider me for years!"

"Not now, Caspian." Alpha snarls, his voice low, harsh. "You're shaming yourself."

Beta adjusts his stance and decides. "Right then...  Brothers, right? Always brothers. Siding with a servant, the son of the man who did this to us! Who destroyed us?! Who enslaved us?" The black beast thunders, chuckling once more. "Alpha. You are no longer fit to lead. You have been compromised, bewitched by this magical creature. I'm telling you to step down and maybe you can be rehabilitated. But the decisions you're making are a danger to the pack." 

My heart twinges, catching me off guard. I think back to Gena's words and my heart climbs in my chest. 

"Alpha, it's a trap!" I shouted suddenly.

The large gray ears lay flat against his skull, "Come and take it if you want it; you're going to have to kill me before I'd hand these men over to you."

 Tonic pulls me quickly out of the way as Beta lunges, and the two wolves crash to the ground in a heap of fangs and snarls. The ground gives way to their mass. The sound of teeth clashing and bodies crashing together makes me feel sick, I break into a cold sweat, trying desperately to think past my panic.

"We have to stop this," I say to Tonic, who shakes his head quickly and sinks to the ground.

"We can't! Beta has challenged Alpha! We have to stand aside, we can't interfere! It is against our laws." 

The gray wolf has the black beast on his back by the throat, clamped down and ready to go for the kill.

A white creature leaps out of the brush, I'd never even heard him coming. With immense brute force, he rams into Alpha's scarred shoulder, forcing him to release Beta. The gray wolf yelps and grits his teeth, staggering back a few steps, holding his paw up. 

"Why am I not surprised, John?" Alpha mutters. 

"You are leaving behind too many witnesses; we need to give them no reason to follow us. We should slaughter the town, lay waste to anyone in our path, and save our brothers! You are wasting time on civilians!"

"The pack is not going to follow either of you." Alpha snaps, taking a slow step back, taking stock of the heavy tree line behind him. With Tonic frozen, we were too far from the castle to run back on foot without slowing him down. We had done this, we had given them the perfect opportunity for them to overthrow him. 

Beta licks his lips, smearing the blood across his teeth as a steady trickle drops from his chest. "Guess I have your pet to thank, after all. You've been playing smart, staying with Sota... now you're all alone."

"The pack won't have a choice! We will take it, and those who won't follow can join you in a traitor's death!" John thunders.

"Tonic, we have to do something. This isn't a challenge; this is a takeover." I command action from the shrinking male. 

I will not stand by and do nothing while my only lifeline is destroyed.

Tonic shakes his head again, putting his hands over his ears. "I can't, Nicolas! I'm not... I'm not strong enough! I don't want to die!" 

I feel helpless to stop the fight as they close in Alpha. My eyes drift to the beautiful sunset behind them. The blazing pinks, oranges, and yellows of the sky look like an inferno above this horrid scene. I hear the snap of jaws and close my eyes, only able to assume that it's over and we are merely waiting our turn. 

When I allow myself to steal a glance, it's Delta who has come to help his Alpha.

Delta is not strong enough to fight the massive white creature, and the fight is a losing battle. Soft, sweet Delta, his shaggy brown coat, and his deep chocolate eyes, I see those same eyes reflected back on me as the white wolf pins him to the ground and tightens his hold on his throat.

 I hear him gasp as life begins to leave his body, and I see myself reflected in their humanity. He doesn't want to die, but he will for a cause he believes in, for a man he believes in, for his family. Beta fights Alpha to the ground, his paw between the off-center shoulder blades, shoving him into the dirt with his jaws clamped behind his head. 

His injured shoulder gives way, and he collapses beneath the weight. I can't let this happen. I hate this man, but I can't watch him die, not like this.

My training begins to bubble to the surface. I am not powerless. I am more than capable. 

"No!" I scream a spell as it's revealed, anything that comes to mind, and the wind throws Beta and the white beast toward the heavy treeline. 

They begin to run at me; I've now become the main target. I shout again, and this time, they're lifted off the ground in a small vortex of wind as the sky begins to groan and turn black. The clouds pull together, and I curse under my breath. I'm about to lose control of it. I belt out one more command as I shove my hands forward and feel the energy leave my body in a rush.

Falling to my knees, I flinch as I stuff my hands under my armpits; the blackened tips of my fingers warn me that I am pushing myself too far. The pain of my scalded fingers makes me grit my teeth, pushing back against the increasing chill to gain back control of my ability. 

A wall of ice is coming from the nearby creek, having flown through the woods and crashed into Beta and the white wolf, encasing them in ice. The fingers of the cold water stretch high in the sky like a beautiful fountain of destruction.

 Their whole bodies were surrounded by murky water mixed with divine, shimmering ice cycles. I shiver beyond my control, my teeth chattering, my breath materializing with each pant. My hands feel frozen, and I glance at my blackened palms before I press them back into my coat, cursing again. Weak, my body threatens to give out from the overdraw of magic.

 My head is pounding, fighting against the effects. 

Tonic rushes to Delta.

"Delta, please." He begs, pressing his cheek to the wolf's shoulder. He's gasping, fighting to stay alive. His chocolate eyes rolled back into his head. His membranes are pale; he's lost so much blood. I shamble over to him; my body feels almost wooden in its movements.

"Tonic move," I command and press my hands into the dark red of his bloodied fur. I find the biggest wound, and I mumble a few lines over and over until it begins to close. It won't heal him completely, but it will save his life. 

He gasps, inhaling a full breath of air and lurching forward. Taking big gulps of air, he struggles to try to stand before falling over and going unconscious.

"Is he dead?!" Tonic searches my exhausted face.

"No. He's just out of it. It's hard to come back from being so close to death; he needs a warm bed and rest." I realize Alpha is standing over us because I can hear dripping. I look and see the wound on his neck as blood seeps freely down his leg.

 How is he still standing? 

I approach, and he bares his teeth at me, warning me to stay back.

"Cut your shit, and let me help you." I snap, unwilling to admit to myself why the words surface.

  This is my chance; I could allow him to die. 

Exhausted, it was tempting, but if I didn't stop the bleeding, this would have all been for nothing. I can convince myself of that; I would kill him on my own terms.

Reaching out to touch him in defiance, he snaps his jaws in my direction. I jerk my hand back, my body reacts, and I freeze his paws to the ground. Horrified, we both regarded each other with the wariness of sworn enemies.

I scared him almost as badly as he terrified me. 

"Listen here, asshole! I just saved your life. Cut it out! Just stand there and let me close these wounds on your neck, or you're going to bleed out! Just... Just... Stop trying to bite me!" I nearly sobbed, my hands trembling, and my body felt as though it might be attempting to go into shock. I hadn't touched one of these beasts, and to place my hand on the throat of the one who-

Stopping myself, I take a slow breath.  Either I was going to align with him or I should let him die, but I couldn't keep reminding myself of what he'd done. We would never get past it, and listening to the two men fight with him had proven what Tonic had tried to convince me. 

Alpha was the one who was fighting for us before I ever asked him to. 

I'm answered with a growl, but I shove my hand forward into his fur and murmur until the wound closes on his throat. 

He shakes out his coat at the sensation, and unwillingly, I rest my hand there for a moment longer; the fur is so soft. I admire the various shades of gray and the richness of the color. My hand is completely gone in its density; I feel his hammering pulse beneath my fingertips and marvel at the roll of muscles as the soft texture makes my fingers close. 

He's so unbelievably warm that my other hand finds his shoulder, and the black recedes as if my magic feared him as much as I did. 

 The smell of the woods, of pine and cedar, fills my nose. I take a tuft between my fingertips and marvel at its smooth, silky texture. There is no murderous warlord, and for a moment, I'm lost in the beauty of this massive creature. 

One icy eye is locked on me. I realize it is not a human looking at me; this is not the eye of a man but a wolf watching me so carefully. The small pupil and decisive look are a dead give-away. I'm in the presence of the true Alpha, the wolf side that we cursed him with.

 Tonic told me this was what made it so difficult, that inside them, there was a creature wanting to get out. I see my reflection in that crystal-clear eye, absorbing this creature from the inky black rim to how his coat turns white around his eyes and muzzle. 

I find that I can't breathe, for if I do, the moment will end, and once more, I'll be afraid of him.

The wolf steps away from me, and I close my hands.   

"They won't be like this forever; they will thaw out in an hour or two and be mad as hornets." I wish Beta and John were dead; that would make it much easier.

Alpha sighs, flattening his ears against his skull. "That gives me enough time to go back and get Sota; it's going to be a long night." 

I want to ask what that entails, but I think I know.

 He's going to have to kill them, and I don't want to be around when he does.

"If you're going back, let me heal your shoulder." I don't ask as I approach, and he takes a quick step back.

"I will heal on my own; I heal much quicker than humans do. It would be best if you headed back to the castle. Now." 

I'm irritated at the command.

"Let Tonic and I take Delta to the rebellion; it's considerably closer than the castle, and he can truly rest there."  I'd love to be away for a night, but Alpha sees things differently. "A night away might do you some good; you need treatment; my magic can only do so much-"

He narrows his eyes at my attempts, leaning away from me, the walls of his boundaries returning. "Some of us have responsibilities to attend to. A leader knows no time frame. I have a job to do." 

I'm frustrated with his judgmental expression. I owe him nothing.

"Hey. I saved your life; the least you can do is thank me!" I feel bitter, even a little hurt. 

"Thank you? You broke the rules! It wasn't your place, and I was supposed to die. Delta was supposed to die. You have upset the balance." He sounds genuinely upset, as if I had committed a grave crime.

Bewildered, I gape at him. "You wanted to die?" My voice is low, I'm taken aback at just how similar I am to this man. For I, too, was ready to die. 

"No. Nobody wants to die. But it was meant to be. It's what the gods wanted." 

Immediately, I take back my assumption. He is insane. He must be.

"Fuck the gods!" I'm furious. 

I'm hurt.

 I'm exhausted. 

He is not amused with me as he gives me the look one gives a child when said child needs a beating behind closed doors. Hurt, I cross my arms over my chest, turning away for I wish I had let him die if this is how he showed gratitude. There was no way he could know what saving him had done to me, the demon I had to fight to bring myself to do it, but surely he could have a clue.

"Maybe in the future, you should mind your own business." With that, he dismisses us, limping slightly. 

"Asshole." I murmur before gesturing to Tonic, "Come on. We're not going back with him. Delta needs help."

Tonic lifts Delta and carries him back to the rebellion, unwilling to leave his side, and still shaking from what we'd just endured. I find myself feeling painfully alone in the rejection of the man who I'd just had passionate sex with the day before. 

There is nobody to comfort me or reassure me of my worth. I wrap my arms around myself and feel the darkness of my self-loathing, threatening to close in on me.

 Without thinking, I begin to head towards the direction of Haryek's cottage, and while I want to turn around, I know this isn't a good idea, but I need someone, anyone other than the crippling loneliness that stands at the edge of my subconscious.

 With a gentle rap of my knuckles, he pushes the door open and gestures for me to enter.  Haryek gives me his warmest smile, and I offer a small smile back before entering the warm cottage. I intend to tell him everything; perhaps Haryek could find a use for me, and me a use for Haryek.