Chapter 24

I felt my heart race and the blood drain from my face, essentially turning me pale. I was stupid enough not to think of Niall, and what he would think when he heard my song. As my heart pounded against my rib cages at an ungodly speed, I wondered what he would think. Would he think negatively like everyone else, or would it be more positive? Would he even bother to ask what the song really meant?

I couldn’t just rise from my chair and run away from the lad. One, that would have been rude, and I’m done being rude to people--no matter who they were. Two, Niall would constantly bug me about it until we actually sat down and talk. There was no way to avoid this.

I sighed quietly, and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Fine,” I said, eventually. “Why did you want to talk about it?”

With Niall, I should have realized there was no way he would going to sugar coat things. He was blunt. “Why did you write it?”

My cheeks flamed, and I considered the question. Should I just tell the truth or simply come up with a believable lie.

Before I knew what I was saying, I asked, “Do you want the honest truth?”

Niall nodded his head slowly.

I shakily lifted my left arm onto the table, and lifted my coat sleeve slightly to show a scar or two--not the entire arm. I felt that if I showed Niall my entire arm (and my other), something terrible would happen.

I watched as Niall’s eyes turned watery, and his mouth formed a small ‘o’ shape. When he spoke, his voice shook. “God... why would... why would you even think about doing something like that?”

I felt my heart ache seeing Niall fall apart like this. Tears burned at the edges of my eyes and I shrugged my shoulders, lowering my eyes onto the food. I didn’t even feel like eating anymore. I definitely felt like throwing up.

“Come on, Sof, tell me,” I heard Niall speak again. Seconds later, his hand was softly laid on my wrist.

That’s all it took for the tears, burning to just fall down my cheeks, to spill. I clenched my eyes shut and covered my face as sobbed quietly. The pain was quickly building up, and I couldn’t simply stop crying. I heard a loud screech, followed by a pair of lanky arms wrapping themselves around me. I didn’t care who it was, I leaned into their shoulder and cried into my hands.

“Love, shh, it’s okay,” Niall’s hands were rubbing my arms softly, and comfortable. “Come on, why don’t we go to my apartment for today? We can talk there, if you’re comfortable.”

I removed my hands from my face, peeking up at Niall. As much as we really didn’t know each other, I trusted that he wouldn’t do anything too terrible. I knew enough that we got off on the wrong foot, and he genuinely seemed like a nice lad.

I nodded my head, giving Niall that as my only answer.

“Alright, you gotta wipe those tears though. I’m pretty sure when we leave here together, there is going to be paparazzi waiting for us,” Niall said.

My hands flew to my cheeks, wiping aggressively at my cold, wet cheeks. When I was sure my cheeks weren’t wet with black mascara running and my eyes weren’t puffy and red, I grabbed my food and drink and let Niall lead me out. His hand was on my lower back as we left the cafe.

It was just as Niall had said. I guess word got around that Niall and I were in the same cafe, because a group of paparazzi had started flashing their cameras in our direction, yelling out different things I couldn’t make out. I frowned, yet let Niall lead me towards a black van. I’m assuming someone drove him here.

My thoughts were confirmed when we both slid into the back seat.

Both of us were silent as the car took off down the street towards what I assumed was Niall’s house. While both of us were quiet, I quickly texted my aunt to let her know I was meeting up with Niall and wouldn’t be back for a while. Her response was almost immediate.

Aunt Delilah—Alright, have fun then. See you tonight?

Me—Most likely yes.

For the time remaining in the car, I picked at my muffin and brownies, eating them in small proportions. By the time the car stopped, we were in front of an apartment building. I bit my lip, and jumped out of the black van when Niall did.

The silence between Niall and I still existed as we made our way inside the building. After yanking  open the first door, there was a second door with a lock required to get past. Knowing this, Niall brought out a set of keys, and inserted one of them inside the lock. He opened the door, holding it open for me.

We only spoke when Niall closed his apartment door behind me. “Did you want something? Tea, water, fizzy drink?”

I distinctly remember that Harry was telling me what a fizzy drink meant--a soda. Remembering this, caused a small shot of pain to wave through me, but I shook it off. I told myself, be strong. I shook my head slowly. I didn’t want anything to eat or drink, though I’m sure Niall didn’t forget we both just came from a cafe. He was only being polite.

We made our way to his living room, which wasn’t very far off from the entry way. The living room was very celebrity-style. He had multiple guitars hanging up against one wall, while the wall next to it had a giant flat-screen TV. There was an L-shaped white couch that looked expensive to clean out anything that was spilled. There was also a desk with a desktop computer as well, but it was turned off.

I took it upon myself to sit down a few cushions away from the corner of the couch. Niall, after grabbing a water bottle from the kitchen, sat down next to me.

“Did you want to continue talking where we left off?” Niall asked. But we weren’t talking when we decided to head to his place. I was crying, and he was holding me as I did so.

However, I nodded my head and quickly thought of the best place to start. “I don’t know when it started,” I began explaining Niall how I had spun out of control only to fall in this dark abyss. “I guess it was just gradual. I guess things really hit hard after the awards, when that girl beat the living shit out of me. I just... something snapped. I couldn’t cope with everything going on.

“The pain and stress was building up all inside a bottle. Eventually it exploded and that explosion were these self-inflicted scars. I didn’t know how to stop--I still don’t, if I’m still being honest here. So I just continued. And I guess, writing about my self-harm helped me cope better too.”

I looked up at Niall to see his eyes filled with tears again. Why was he tearing up? Surely he’s known people who’ve self-harmed before.

“Niall, I’ve brought all of this on me,” I croaked, feeling my throat close up as tears formed. “I know I have, and that’s the worst part. I acted like such a bitch to protect myself from hurt. I let Harry in, got attacked because of my bitchy act, then pushed Harry away because I’m nothing but poison to him. All this pain is my fault because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.”

The tears fell over my cheeks and Niall immediately pulled me to his chest. His arms wrapped around my shoulders as I buried my face into his blue sports jersey and soaked it with my tears. It didn’t seem like he minded, though ‘cause he let me cry. He whispered soft things in my ear, telling me it would all be okay soon and that he would be by myself every step of the way. It made my heart flutter that finally someone knew everything, that I wasn’t hiding my scars from someone. It made me feel slightly better that I had a real friend again. Someone who wasn’t attracted to me, who wasn’t paid to be around me, or anything of the stort. They simply were there because they cared.

After a few minutes, I looked up at Niall while my tears still freely rolled down my cheeks. “Niall, why were you close to crying when I showed you my scars?”

I saw his adam’s apple bob as he tried to figure out something to say. Though when he spoke, his voice was shaky and I knew he was close to crying with me. “Because Sofia, no one should be sad enough to feel as if scarring and causing themselves pain would feel better. It’s one of the saddest things to me.”

I didn’t say anything more. I only kept my head on Niall’s chest as he started singing some pop-punk song I didn’t recognize. His voice was nice, and it comforted me, even though I had no clue what the Irish lad was singing.

Eventually, my body relaxed and became heavy, almost to the point it felt like gravity was pushing down on me. I closed my eyes, let slumber completely overtake my body.

_____________

Sorry these chapters have been so short lately. But what I'm writing is all necessary, and I don't feel the need to write more than I have to. Otherwise, I'll be wasting your guys' time.

So as i said in the previous chapter, this story is coming to a close. One or two more chapters and then we'll be finished completely. But there will be a good epilogue so you guys won't be too mad at me when the last chapter comes. (;

Also, you should know that these are an independant series. And that the next book, Almost Never, is so much more happier than this book. I'm almost excited to get to that book because of how tired I am of writing depressing books. (and I'm too excited to get to She's Exceptional and Broken Harmony, which I'm sure will be renamed because it's too cliche.)

Vote and comment please!

-Chey xx