―19―

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh my god, I apologize like a thousand times for taking so long to upload. BUT HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER, AND I AM SO GLAD I FINALLY AM ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN (my keyboard broke in the midst of having no internet. I died multiple times). Here is the chapter, now don't kill me<3

I stormed through the cottage door hours later, soaking wet from the sudden thunderstorm. The rain pelted against my face as Harry and I ran to his car, and again when I ran from his car to the cottage. I was soaked with rain, and shivering cold from the high winds. I slipped my shoes off without shaking off the water, letting it pool on the hardwood floor. Only then did I shake off my jacket, and slip off my flannel shirt, leaving me in my tank top.

As I passed the laundry room to go to my bedroom, I threw in my jacket and flannel shirt. I made a mental note to throw in my other wet clothes after I changed.

I quickly made it to my room, changing into thicker, warmer, clothes. I quickly gathered my drenched clothes in my arms and threw them into the laundry room. I walked into the kitchen, feeling a cup of tea would warm me quickly and put me into better spirits.

As I waited for the water to heat up, I couldn’t help but think of the events that happened shortly after the thunderstorm interrupted Harry’s plans.

The thunder was the perfect excuse for me. I pushed myself away quickly, knowing I wasn’t any good for Harry. My plans I made were instant, and they were quick, though I knew they were best for the both of us.

That moment, I decided I would no longer keep in touch with Harry.

It was a decision I very much detested, but I had to deal with it. Harry couldn’t be with me─not someone so vile, and disgusting. Harry deserved better, someone who wasn’t such a fuck up, or someone who wasn’t so... broken... and coping with ugly solutions.

Harry was thoroughly confused when I pushed myself away, and asked him to take me home. He looked hurt when I had to explain that I didn’t want a relationship. “Not for a while,” was my reply when I told him when I would be open to a relationship. I hoped it would make him walk away. It was for his benefit anyway. . . .

I bit down on my lips hard to keep the tears from falling, but they did anyway. The hot tears rolled down my cheeks as the pain in my chest grew larger and larger. The pain in my chest showed just  how painful it was to leave Harry like that, when he was just inches away from kissing me, just a few minutes away from us possibly becoming a couple.

The thought made my heart throb and ache and I immediately dismissed it. However, it came back. The thought of us maybe being a couple by now, or agreeing to a date in the future.

I covered my face with my hands, shaking my head slowly.

I knew immediately that the decision was stupid, to let Harry go and walk away from him as if I had no feelings. I knew that every fiber in my body wanted to call him, to say sorry and explain everything. I wanted to tell him that I had feelings for him, that I liked him more than I should. . . but my mind fought back, told me how much I would ruin things, how I would ruin his reputation and his band’s reputation, too.

Feeling the pain boil over, I turned the stove off. I no longer wanted tea, I wanted to get rid of this pain and every feeling inside me. I wanted to become numb.

I hurried to my bedroom, locked it, and pulled out every clean sheet of paper I could find before throwing them on the bed. I grabbed the nearest pen, and a hard-surfaced object ─which happened to be a large book─ and threw myself on the bed.

For the next few hours I scribbled away verses, choruses, and lyrics that didn’t make sense. I crossed out things I hated, things that shouldn’t have been written. . . . By the time the sky had blurred colors of orange, pink, purple and blue, all sheets were used and so were a few sheets of paper towel and toilet paper.

I also had written out a song, full of the tears I shed and the words I could never say.

As I glanced over the words and notes, I decided it was the best it could be. I quickly scribbled down the title of the song before pushing all the of the papers into a folder and under the bed. Feeling a large wave of fatigue pass over me, I covered my body with a blanket, turned over and fell asleep.

Thump-thump-thump.

“Wake up, Sofia!”

Thump-thump-thump.

“SOFIA! WAKE UP!”

The shrill voice made the black curtain of unconsciousness disappear, the white prickled ceiling quickly taking place instead. I groaned loudly and flipped my body over, thoroughly enjoying that I had no dreams or nightmares last night. I pulled the covers up to my chin and made sure my feet were tucked in properly before letting myself drift back to sleep.

What felt like seconds later, a loud thumping noise sounded on my door, followed by Ella’s voice. “SOFIA ADAMS, WAKE UP RIGHT NOW OR I WILL LITERALLY POUR TOILET WATER ALL OVER YOU THE MOMENT I GET IN THAT ROOM!”

I groaned again. Ella was probably trying to get me up for the past half hour. Knowing my baby sister’s threats weren’t empty, I kicked the sheets off me and padded towards the door. I fumbled with the lock a moment before pulling the door open.

In front of me stood a red-faced Ella, who glared at me as if I had just told her she had an ugly unibrow and a mole on her cheek. I only blinked at her, not knowing why she was standing in front of my door, demanding that I open it.

Eventually, I said, “Yes, your highness?”

Ella only glared harder─if that was even possible. “We’re supposed to go ice skating ─you, me and Dad─ at three and it’s two in the afternoon. Get ready.” Just before Ella turned to leave, she added, “Oh, and someone’s been trying to get a hold of you. Security wouldn’t say, just that they wanted you to call them.”

My baby sister turned her back and walked away, her long blonde hair nearly hitting me in the face. Memories of planning to go ice-skating with my family came back and I groaned loudly. Ella must be furious with me for forgetting. It was highly unlikely me to forget something like that. Running my hands through my hair, I turned to my closet.

I picked through it until I found a pair of dark, skinny jeans and a heavy, maroon sweater. I slipped on a pair of neon socks and quickly braided my hair into a fishtail braid, letting it rest on my left shoulder. It only took me a moment to decide make-up was unnecessary.

I sat on my bed as I turned my phone on. In less than a minute, my phone was buzzing to life. I ignored the few texts Harry sent me and the missed call from Security. I dialled the number I memorized by heart, and put the phone against my hair.

“Sofia,” said a deep, heavy voice, “Just who I wanted to speak to.”

I hummed in response. “Ella told me someone wanted to get a hold of me. Who?”

“Normally, I wouldn’t bother you at a time like this, but this woman is persistent,” the security guard on the other end laughed lightly, as though it wasn’t easy to be dealing with the person. “she said her name was Darlene Cummings, you know her?”

The moment the name was said aloud, I felt my stomach clench and my body freeze. Darlene Cummings. . . . . Yes, I know her. I know her all too well, actually. . . . I frowned, confused, at the idea of Darlene trying to get a hold of me. Didn’t she say she never wanted to lay eyes on me until the real Sofia came back to her?

“Sofia?” the voice on the other line caused me to blink.

“Um, yeah,” I said slowly. “I... know her... Did she say what she wanted?”

“She gave me her cell-phone number to give to you,” the security guard answered, and began listing off the numbers. I quickly scribbled them down on my hand with a pen on my nightstand.

When I hung up, I stared at the number written on my hands. That number belonged to Darlene Cummings, my former best friend; the person I trusted with every inch and fiber of my body and soul. The person who walked out on me because I changed into a darker, vile person─someone she truly didn’t recognize.

I bit my lip. She wouldn’t like who I was now. She would get angry, yell at me and walk away. What point was there to talking to her if she was just going to walk away? I never changed, not once.

As quick as I could, I rubbed her number off my hand. When there was no marks of pen on my hand, I knew that I made a final decision─to push everyone away, everyone but my family. I didn’t want anyone to come in contact with me, anyone that really mattered that is. I was nothing good, like a disease. I was nasty, I was terrible, and I could ruin someone’s life. There was no way Darlene and Harry deserved me.

I blinked twice to hold back the tears that suddenly appeared. I wasn’t going to cry, not today. I spent all of last night crying and wiping away my tears. Today wasn’t going to be the same.

Pushing myself off my bed, I headed into the living room where I knew Ella was. When I saw her on the couch, feet tucked under her, watching some television program she liked. I sat down beside her and pressed my head against her shoulder, sighing quietly.

“I’m sorry I forgot,” I told her quietly, “I was up late last night writing, and I should have remembered that we had plans today as a family.”

When plans were made as a family, they were usually on Holidays or very rare. Since our family became one member less, Ella has been looking forward to every Holiday. It usually meant we spent time together as a family, and seeing as we haven’t had much of that during the rest of the year, she was more sensitive if I’d forgotten something like today.

I knew that I had to suck up and kiss some major ass for Ella to not be mad at me. I hated knowing that she was disappointed or upset because of something I did. It was the worst thing to feel, to know that the one person that looks up at  you felt disappointment. It made my chest ache. I would do almost anything to make it all go away just so I wouldn’t feel that certain ache in my heart.

“It’s not okay,” Ella eventually said, “but I forgive you.”

I closed my eyes, sighing through my nostrils. “You’re too nice to me, Ella. You should be screaming and yelling at me, honestly. . . .”

My sister only kissed my forehead and told me, “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sofia.”