Sabrina's father sighed as he sank down into the overstuffed armchair the following morning. He and Sabrina had eaten breakfast together in the Essen Hall, then retired to a sitting room overlooking the snow-dusted orchard. Sabrina hadn't felt comfortable hosting her father in the apartment she'd shared with her mother, as everything there only reminded her of things she didn't want to think about.

Sitting across from her father, Sabrina studied him, wondering if he would have attended the funeral the night before had he been allowed; as it was, only members of the coven were permitted to attend Hexen funerals. Was it that way in other covens? Sabrina didn't know, but now that she was personally affected by the mandate, she found it unfair...anyone who cared about the deceased person ought to be welcome to say their goodbyes.

While Wilhem normally displayed a relaxed, occasionally absent-minded demeanor, this morning found him markedly different. His long fingers were constantly moving, touching his sleeve, adjusting his ring, or reaching up to tug on the collar of his shirt. It was odd to see him fidgeting so much, but Sabrina doubted he realized he was making such nervous movements, so rather than pointing them out and likely hurting his feelings, she refrained from mentioning anything.

"How are you?" Wilhem asked, before immediately wincing. "I'm sorry. What a ridiculous question." He paused, as if searching for better words amidst everything else stored in his brain. "Do you need anything?"

Sabrina shook her head. "No, thank you. I've always been fine on my own. It was just so unexpected. It's hard to believe how things have changed."

Her father nodded, and Sabrina briefly wondered how he would have responded if she'd burst into tears and sobbed inconsolably over losing her mother...or if she'd thrown her head back and laughed with maniacal pleasure at finally being free to do as she wished, gleefully planning her own future without any input from anyone.

But Sabrina didn't do either of those things and instead, held her tongue. It wasn't her father's fault her relationship with her mother had been so strained. She doubted he was even aware of Marlene's plans for Sabrina to follow in her footsteps as leader of the Hexen.

While part of Sabrina wished she could at least discuss this with her father, confiding in him and receiving advice in return, she would never do such a thing. She didn't like being burdened with other people's problems she had no way of fixing, and since she wouldn't ask something of someone she wouldn't willingly give herself, she remained quiet.

This was the relationship she had with her father, and even if she might have wanted more at times, for the most part she was glad it didn't require significant emotional investment on her part, as she simply didn't have that much of herself to give away.

"Your mother was quite a woman," said her father, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I know not all Hexen welcome their child's father into their life, but I always appreciated her letters, telling me how you were doing and what you were up to."

Sabrina blinked.

Her mother had written about her to her father? And regularly, from the sound of it? She hadn't known that.

Sabrina herself wrote to her father frequently and felt they maintained good communication, so it was surprising to find he'd communicated with her mother, as well, even though there was no reason he shouldn't. Anytime Sabrina had seem her parents together, they'd always been pleasant, appearing to be on good terms with one another.

"Did you ever think about moving into the castle?" asked Sabrina. She'd asked her father the question once before, when she'd been very young, and she was curious to hear his answer now that she was older and could understand more.

Wilhem smiled. "No," he replied with a gentle shake of his head. "I would have considered it, of course, if Marlene had insisted. But I think she knew we would do better, or at least be happier, being apart." He held up a hand. "I don't mean we wouldn't have been happy being with you, it's just...we had very different paths before us, and we were each content to continue on them while both supporting you."

He glanced at Sabrina as if he hoped he hadn't said something offensive, and she offered him a smile intended to set him at ease.

"I understand," she said, because she did. She knew what it was like to want to order your life the way you saw fit, without having to check in with anyone else or restructure things based on another person's preferences. It was easiest to only be concerned with yourself and your own affairs.

"I always looked forward to your presents," she added, "especially the microscopes."

Wilhem beamed, but whether that was because they were moving towards talking about something he was passionate about or because he was happy knowing his daughter had appreciated his gifts, Sabrina couldn't say.

"I wasn't sure they'd be interesting," he admitted. "After all, what is science compared to your magic? But I'm glad they proved useful, or least enjoyable."

"I loved them," Sabrina assured him. "I still do. I use the last microscope you sent me all the time in my research."

"Is that your plan, then?" asked her father. "I mean, ah...given how things have changed, is your plan to remain with the Hexen and continue your research?"

Sabrina saw his fingers twitch again, and he readjusted his cufflinks before resting his elbows on the sides of the chair and steepling his fingertips together.

On the one hand, some part of her—the part that recognized herself as a daughter sitting across from her only living parent—wanted her father to invite her to come live with him. She wanted him to suggest she move into the city and perhaps complete some scientific courses to supplement her magical education, or possibly work with Nichts to see what could happen when magic and science were combined.

On the other hand, Sabrina couldn't bring herself to truly resent her father's obvious nervousness at the thought of having his living arrangements disrupted. It was one thing to remain in touch through letters, presents, and the occasional visit...it was quite another to imagine sharing your home with someone, even someone you were related to, necessitating a change to the smallest of your everyday routines.

Sabrina would have greatly resented being thrown into such a situation, so she certainly wasn't about to put her father in the same position.

"I do plan to stay here and continue my research," she nodded. "This is my home, and I don't think Mother would have wanted me to leave just because she's no longer here."

It still felt odd discussing her mother in the past tense, but amidst that realization, Sabrina saw her father relax, lowering his hands into his lap as a smile spread across his face.

"I don't think your mother would have wanted that, either," he agreed.

Sabrina knew she'd let him off easy, and simply out of spite, she very nearly considered changing her mind. What about her needs? What about what she wanted? When was someone else going to be the one to change instead of her?

She'd lived for years trying to please her mother, attempting to hide or alter parts of herself Marlene didn't like, walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting her too much. Sabrina was not destined to live a quiet life where she was oblivious to others. She was tired of worrying about what others thought or making choices based on taking other's needs into consideration. She was tired of changing, tired of bending, tired of going politely along lest she cause a disruption.

Let there be disruption! Let other people wonder how she was going to react for a change!

Tempting as it was, Sabrina pushed the surge of anger down deep into her stomach. While it would have felt good to let it out, it also wouldn't get her any closer to what she wanted.

Realizing she'd been quiet for a long time, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and turned her attention back to her father, who appeared to be happily lost in his own thoughts and unaware of her silence.

"Are you working on anything exciting?" she asked him, forcing a smile to her face when he began to animatedly describe a new undertaking.

She would offer this one final act of kindness to him, placing his comfort above her own, making life easier for him even as she faced countless unanswered questions and decisions she'd have to make by herself. After all, who knew the next time she'd see him again? Better to part on good terms, and then resume her focus on her research unencumbered and without regret.

And Sabrina was more determined than ever that her research would be her main focus. Her time of repairing metal items was over; now was the time to create things no one else had ever imagined, let alone seen. Now was the time to give everything to her affinity.

And after she met with Sprechen Monika, she intended to do just that.

Picture by Jez Timmons from Unsplash