twenty two

All was quiet on the bus a full twenty-four hours later. I wanted to be asleep, but I wasn't asleep. Luke sat across from me, I'm not sure if he was planning on ever sleeping.

I had my laptop open in front of me, trying to catch up on writing I didn't really want to do.

Here's a problem with me, I procrastinate. I procrastinate so hard that by the time it's the last minute, I'm even less in the mood to do said activity than I was if I just did it on time. I'm not in the mood to write, I just want to lay in bed and debate life with myself until I drift into a slumber.

"What're you doing?" Luke asked. He was sitting on the opposite side of the booth, his own laptop open.

"Writing." I looked up, seeing his tired eyes. "What about you?"

"Music." He leant back on the cushions, rubbing at his eyes. I think he was in the same boat as me. He loved making music but he wasn't in the mood to make music. I loved writing but I'm not in the mood to write.

"I've made no progress in the last twenty minutes," I admitted, leaning back in my own seat. I crossed my arms, pulling my sweater closer to me.

"Same here," he sighed, "What're you trying to write about?"

"You, obviously."

He smiled, "That's kind of weird." Luke closed his laptop and took out his earbuds, letting them fall to the table between us. "Analyze me."

"What?"

"I can help you get your thoughts on paper—or on your screen. Analyze me."

I pushed my laptop further away and looked at him, trying to figure out where to start. "Well, you don't have much confidence in yourself. You need constant attention, constant praise. You would be nothing if it weren't for Alex telling you that you're on the right track.

"On that note, you've got no internal pride. Pride is something you should feel about yourself. You need other people telling you that you should be proud. I know this, just trust me on this one." I rubbed at the scruff around my chin, I needed a good shave but I had next to no time with a few deadlines coming up and no work to show for it. "I have no idea what happened with you and your family, but I know you've got years and years of rage built up in your delicate frame. I know you're scared of the world and you have no idea what to do next."

Luke didn't respond. Goosebumps were rising up his skin as his breathing was shallow. "I was expecting something stupid, not that."

"I would never lie to you."

"I have confidence in myself, really. I wouldn't be able to do what I do if I didn't have confidence in myself," he wisely spoke.

I shrugged, "Would you still be making music if there weren't 50,000 people out there screaming your name every night?"

"Of course," he said. Luke looked down at his hands, "I mean, I think so." He looked back up, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth parted open. "Maybe."

I shrugged once more, not saying anything else.

"I'm happy, I just don't show it."

"That's okay. I'm not here to tell you what to feel." I closed my laptop and began gathering up my own things.

"If you leave now, then I'm gonna be debating my life for the rest of the night."

For the third time in a few minutes, I shrugged. "That's all I do."