[twenty four]
twenty four
I watched Luke get changed a few times, a stylist bringing a brush to the bridge of his nose. She covered him in his skin-tone powder, making him stay the same color as cameras were going to be on him for hours.
I have no idea what awards show we were at. Frankly, I didn't really care. All I did know, though, was that I needed a nap and Luke needed a few naps.
"So, you're not going to say anything dumb, right?" Alex asked as he paced around the dressing room.
Luke was staring at himself in the mirror, a blank expression on his face. "Yeah, nothing dumb."
"Talk about the tour, the next album, nothing else."
"What if they ask?"
"Avoid it, Luke, avoid it. We sent you to media training for this. You know this."
Luke looked at me through the mirror, quirking up an eyebrow and smirk. He has obviously heard all of this hundreds of times. "Maybe I want to talk about my problems, though."
"You give me problems," Alex sighed. He plopped down on the couch next to me, resting his arm on the back of the cushions. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table and let out a sigh.
"Am I going out there with him?" I asked, looking over at the
Alex nodded. "Follow me on the carpet, you're a row behind Luke in the stadium." He brought a hand up to his nose, "I have a headache."
"Me too, want some vodka? They've got good shit in catering—."
"Luke, no. Don't touch that."
The blonde rolled his eyes and stood up, "Yes, Daddy." He tucked in the white button down more into his black skinny jeans, turning to look at himself from the side.
Alex ignored his earlier comment, "You look great, Luke, like a real adult." We both watched the star turn around in the mirror a few times. "It'd look better with those fitted slacks, but, I mean, whatever."
Luke rolled his eyes, "I wanna look hot, not like a 10th grade mathematics teacher."
"My 10th grade mathematics teacher was pretty hot," I pointed out.
"That's gross." Luke dug through his bag, spraying himself with cologne that was [probably] more expensive than me. It sure smelled like it. "I think I'm ready."
Alex stood up, I quickly followed his movements. "Alright, boys, let's get this done."
"Can I start a fist fight?" Luke asked as we began walking out of his given trailer and out into the hot sun.
"You would lose," Alex responded. He had no emotion to his voice and I figured that the duo have had this conversation often.
"You don't know that. I could probably break a nose or two." Luke was walking with a bounce in his step, almost skipping a few steps ahead of Alex and I.
He continued his half-dance-half-walk thing until we were able to hear the shouts of the stadium. News people screaming questions, fans screaming in general.
Luke's security guard met up with him and they entered together. Alex got him and I onto the carpet, the entire situation overwhelming. The carpet was about nine feet wide, photographers flashing behind a thin, black rope. There were breaks in the ropes where news media stood, ready to pull the stars over to interview them to death.
Luke was a professional at this, he knew where to stand, how to stand, and when to change. He had a calm, relaxed smile on his face, his blue eyes blinking constantly at the bright lights.
Alex paused to let me and my small legs catch up with him as we stood to the side, moving when Luke did. "Have you been with him all day?"
I nodded. I crossed my hands over my chest just like Alex was, my laminate letting me around the stadium was itching my sweaty neck.
I don't know why I was so nervous, no one was paying attention to me. I was red in the face while Luke looked a Greek God.
"Is he high?"
I bit on my lower lip, "I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that."
"I'm his manager, you can break his privacy trust. I need to know what he's on because I know he's not sober."
I leant closer to him, just making sure no one else would overhear. "He did coke with that other musician that visited us earlier."
Alex tilted his head back and rolled eyes. "I fucking hate Luke."
"He didn't do a lot, if that helps." I rested my hands in the pockets of my jeans instead of across my chest. We took a few steps as Luke moved further down the carpet. He was about halfway through now, looking less godly and more anxious than he did before.
Alex shrugged, "I mean, I guess that's better than doing an entire gram or something by himself, you know?"
I nodded, pretending to know what he was talking about. "Have you tried talking to him about any of that?"
"Off the record," Alex turned to look at me, making sure I understood, "we've tried to get him help quite a few times. It just made him more angry with us. We can't do anything about his mental state without his consent."
"Why do you think he keeps denying help?"
Alex laughed, shaking his head. "Because he's fucking Luke Hemmings, that's why. He's a brat at times. I love him, I care for him like my own son, but he's a self-indulgent prick."
I licked my tongue over my upper teeth. "I think it's actually the opposite. I think Luke's a self-hating narcissist."
"Yeah?" Alex asked, raising his eyebrows. He turned to look at me again, genuinely interested in our conversation now.
"I've spent a lot of time watching Luke's every move and I know that he doesn't like the things he does, the things he says. He's not happy with the place he is currently at. He loves himself as much as he hates himself. He think he's the shit, but he also thinks he's shit." I nervously bounced on the heel of my feet, waiting for Luke's manager to say something more.
"Tell me more." Alex grabbed my arm, linking our elbows together. We walked over to where Luke was doing an interview, staying in the background.
"He relies on everyone else to tell him what to do, to tell him how he feels, he has no internal pride. He truly isn't able to be proud of himself."
"Are you a therapist?"
I smiled, "No, I feel like it, though." I looked down at my feet, scratching the red carpet with my Converse. "I think Luke is really interesting. I'm really trying to get into his head. Not just for the article. I just want to be a friend of his, a good one."
"Luke doesn't have friends," Alex said, "only connections." He let go of my elbow, taking a deep breath before heading to Luke's side. They headed towards the stadium and I was quick to follow.
Tens of thousands of people were sat in their seats, Luke stopping to take photos with a few before swerving up to his seat.
I sat behind him, staring at the back of his head. He didn't turn around, he didn't move. He stared straight ahead for what felt like hours. He wasn't fidget-y anymore, he wasn't smiling and skipping anymore. He was sat straight like a statue.
He'd have to get up here and there to accept an award. Luke would make an acceptance speech, getting less and less sincere and more and more annoyed. He and I made eye contact after the third time he came back up.
I could only feel rage.
Another half hour passed before he turned around fully, looking straight at me and signaling for me to lean forward. Alex had gone to get drinks with the crew, it was just me and him for a few seats.
"You feeling alright?" I asked before he could put in a word.
"No," Luke responded. His knuckles gripped the back of his chair as he spoke once more, "Let's go back to the hotel."
"I don't think we should do that, Alex would—."
"I want to fuck you, Michael," he blatantly stated. His eyes met mine and there were no emotions behind the glassy blue.
I bit my bottom lip as I thought over his words. My heart was beating faster than I thought it could as I responded, "Okay." I stood up, going down to his row and waiting for him to gather his things.
"We have to go before Alex comes back." Luke grabbed my hand, pulling me down the stairs and to a back elevator where he knew his manager wouldn't be using.
"If you get me fired, I'm gonna be so pissed."
Luke and I stopped at the closed elevator doors, waiting for them to open. His hands moved to my back, squeezing at the skin around my back. "Live a little," he said with a smile.
And, that night, I lived a little.
Because just a fuck felt like something more with Luke. With my nails leaving raised lines upon his back, he whispered that he feels for me. With a human being like Luke groaning out my name, everything felt twenty times better.
Luke just wanted some attention, some affection.
there's a bit of foreshadowing here ;++) guess
the next chapter is hella important
see y'all thursday
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