thirty four

"What do you want do when you're older?" I asked Luke, turning my head to face him.

He pulled the white hotel covers closer to his bare chest as he stared up at the ceiling. He looked so relaxed in between the sheets, it's become where we spend most of our time. "I'm not sure. I think I want to stay in my house in Sydney for a while. Just me and my thoughts."

"I want to travel," I responded, even though he didn't ask. "I want to see the world."

"I've already seen the world," he bitterly responded.

I shrugged, "I haven't, yet."

"I want to have one kid, just one."

I turned to my side, propping my head up with my hand. "Yeah? Why's that?" I already knew the answer, I knew Luke too well.

"Because I could give my kid my 100-percent attention, you know? They'll never be alone, even when they want to be."

"I hated being an only child. I either had too much attention or not enough. I was either surrounded with love or completely alone." I closed my eyes, taking in the peaceful room we laid in. I could faintly smell Luke's natural smell, I could smell the clean—now a little not clean—sheets below us. I could hear Luke's slow breathing as he thought of what to say next.

"I used to wish for siblings all the time. At every birthday, I'd blow out the candles and wish for siblings."

"I hate my siblings."

I thought back to my childhood, all the times I was so alone. All the nights my parents were doing their thing and I was in the room staring up at the ceiling—the same way Luke is now.

Luke interrupted me quickly, "I don't want my kid in the limelight, ever."

"Isn't that what your parent's said?"

I opened my eyes in time to see his face quickly twitch in pain. The thought hurt him. "Yeah, and they were right."

I reached out my hand, tracing my finger up from his chest and down to his hips. I watched goosebumps appear under my rough fingertips. "Do you think you'll be happy? You, your kid, your house."

"I want to be married, I think I'll be happy."
"It sounds happy. I hope I get to see it happen."

Luke looked at me, his blues eyes filled with something I couldn't explain. "I hope so, too." He turns back, looking up at the ceiling. "What do you want?"

"I want a bunch of cats and a bunch of dogs and probably a few bunnies, too."

Luke chuckled, "I can imagine you waking up surrounded by animals and your husband is, like, sleeping on the ground."

"Or wife," I pointed out, reminding him of my sexuality, "but, yeah, that's kind of the dream."

"How're you gonna do all that when you're traveling?"

"I'll travel until I'm old and wrinkly, then I'll settle down and adopt an entire shelter."

Luke turned on his side, reaching out his hands. He reached his thumb over the corner of my eyes, I figured it was a romantic moment. He was gonna lean in and tell me that I'll never grow old.

Instead, he squinted his eyes and went, "You're already a little wrinkly."

I pushed him back, trying not to laugh. "I hate you."

"You love me."

I didn't respond