fifteen

A few days later, I was in the same position. Sitting in my hotel room alone a few minutes before midnight.

All-American Rejects was playing from my computer in the corner because I truly am an emo at heart.

I had ramen noodles cooking up on the in-room kitchen when a knock at my door surprised me out of my thoughtless drift.

I looked down—my sweatpants stained and my tee shirt having a huge hole around the seam from my careless behavior. Like most nights, I was a bum.

I answered the door, though, not bothering to look through the peep hole.

Luke leant against the border of my door, his hands feeling up and down the detail. "Hey," he said, not looking at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows and titled my head to the left. "Hey," I slowly said, "are you alright?"

He shook his head. "You know those people I met today?"

"No, I've been here all day."

Luke took a step forward, pushing past my arm and going into my room.

I took a step back, closing the door. "Sure, come in."

He collapsed on my bed, automatically rolling into the sheets until he cocooned himself. "There were these people today who really like me, right?"

I went to the kitchen a few feet away, keeping an eye on him to make sure he wasn't, like, lighting my bed on fire. "Yeah, I know a few people who tolerate you." I stirred my ramen, making sure it wasn't going to burn in the boiling pot.

"This one girl with bright, bright, bright purple hair gave me a present." He closed his eyes and rolled over to face me, blinking a few times. "Her hair was like yours, so pretty."

"What was the present?" I grabbed a bowl from the wooden cabinet above the sink, emptying the excess water before pouring the warm midnight snack into a ceramic bowl.

"It was weed," he giggled, "so much weed, Mike." Luke rolled onto his back, star-fishing. "And now I am so high but so lonely." He looked over at me, waiting for an answer to come out of my mouth.

I took a bite of my ramen, stuffing my mouth. "Well, that's fun," I said between bites. I walked over to the main area of my room, taking a seat on the end of the bed. "Is that why you came here? You didn't wanna be alone?"

He nodded. "Alex would be so mad but I know you'll never tattletale on me." He curled up into a fetus position, taking the sheets further away from me. He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

I nodded, "I'm not very good company or anything. I just want to eat my second dinner in quiet, really. Sorry."

He shrugged. "Do you tolerate me?"

"I guess so."

Luke wiggled himself up to the pillows, shutting his eyes once more. "I don't think you like me."

"I don't hate you." I brought another spoonful of ramen to my mouth before scooting closer to him and placing my midnight snack down. "That's a big compliment."

He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at me, his eyes were a glassy shade of blue and he looked gorgeous in the dim light of my hotel room. He was cuddled into the sheets, the blankets up to his neck as his grabby hands held the layers of sheets close to his body.

"Do you just wanna sleep?" I asked, ready to move to the kitchen to finish my late night writing and eating.

I had to be on a schedule or else I'd never get anything done. I had to wake up early and stay up late to make sure I had enough writing for the day.

"No, I don't know." He rolled closer to me, his hips flat against my side as his legs lapped over my own. "Touch me."

"No," I said, scooting backwards. I was on the very edge of the bed and suddenly regretting letting him in. "Luke, come on, dude." He rested his head on my arm, closing his eyes once more.

He was tired, his head was hurting. The feeling of my warmth against his skin was something he needed.

"Do you ever feel like your brain is just," he paused, "I don't know, eating itself? It feels like that right now." Luke brought up one of his hands from the sheets, resting it on the top of my rib.

"I'm sorry. Do you wanna talk about it?"

He shook his head, burying his face in between my arm and torso. "Just tell me I'm okay."

"You're okay, Luke," I assured him. "You're this amazing human being, you write your own shit, you produce your own shit, you do all your own shit. You're gonna be a legend one day."

"Am I?"

"You are," I promised, hoping not to let him down, "and legends never die."

Luke breathed out a heavy exhale. "I want to sleep—I just want to sleep for a while."

I nodded, lifting up my arm and wrapping it around his back. My fingers were crawling up and feeling each vertebrate of his spine. Sooner rather than later, his breathing became shallow and he didn't speak anymore.

I moved us over, making myself more comfortable.

He stayed asleep as I finished my ramen. He stayed asleep when I accidentally hit him in the head with my computer. He stayed asleep when I turned on Melanie Martinez remixes. I made sure he was still alive around 3 in the morning before I, too, fell asleep.

I've never gone to bed with someone besides Ashton or a family member. It was something new when I could feel his lump of a body next to me all night long.

Luke woke up seven hours later, not very confused about his situation. Waking up in other hotel rooms seemed to be his specialty. He poked at my back, not taking my grumble of a response as a sign.

"Fucking hell, Luke," I said at his fifth poke.

"Sorry, I'm about to leave and get ready for sound check."

I rolled onto my back, rubbing at my eyes and adjusting to the light. Luke was leaning on his arm, looking down at me. His eyes were a faded red, he looked in pain. "That's alright, I'll probably show up around then, too."

He nodded. "Don't write about anything from last night, alright?"

I sighed, knowing I had to delete a solid two pages now. "I won't."

aaaa I have no questions about thisssss what do u want to knoowwww