A/N: Two announcements:

•This chapter is +3k words, which is longer than what I usually write. So I hope you enjoy it.

•I will use these symbols (▪) next to titles of chapters which have somewhat explicit scenes. I never write completely explicit scenes, so it's just a warning for steamy secenes.

Happy reading!

The beach.

It's the only reason I love summer. Besides curly hair, tanned skin and a perfect beach body that is. Not that I have one.
But who cares?

It's annoyingly hot today so what a better day to go spend a few days at our beach house, my favorite getaway. My family, Shanon and I pack small suitcases and drive to our destination.

After our encounter couple of days ago, Shanon and I didn't utter a word about that topic as if it's a taboo but at the same time, he talks and laughs with me like nothing happened. Well practically nothing happened, but I can still feel the tension in the pit of my stomach whenever I imagine him close to me again.

Whenever we are gathered with my family for a movie or dinner, I try to steal a glimpse of him to see if he's acting suspicious. He always catches my gaze like he always did when we were younger and he gives me that warm contagious grin which gives me the impression he doesn't think about that night at all. I mean I barely did anything but I couldn't stop him. I don't know what has gotten into him that night but I loved it and I've been fantasizing about it. It's kind of sad that he is acting oblivious and casual about it. I'm sure he was feeling something, but why doesn't he show any emotion?

With those thoughts in head, we pull into the beach house driveway. Julie and Shanom are the first to open their doors and rush to get their suitcases and race inside the house to 'the room'.

There is this one room which has a leaning roof which makes the night view fantastic. Not to mention the hanging bed hammock which we made so many pranks with whoever was sleeping on it. We would take turns claiming that room each year. So if I take it this year, Julie takes it the next and Shany the year after. But Julie once took the opportunity when Shanon and I were helping my parents and had it for a whole week for two successive years. And they were like Tom and Jerry ever since.

With giggles, they run to the house and I watch them from behind. If it was any other situation, I would be running and laughing with them and trying to push my way into that room. But an uneasy feeling finds its way to my stomach and I suddenly feel sick. My mom gives me a 'are you okay?' look and I nod at her, taking a few stuff with me as I go inside.

I walk into the living room, lay on the couch and close my eyes, trying to reach some peace of mind.

I don't feel the same comfort nor joy I used to feel when I'm around Shanon. I can't deny the pleasure I feel when he touches me, I've always craved it. But my subconscious tells me it doesn't feel right. It's like giving a lollipop to a toddler knowing that it will hurt his teeth but you do it just to see the happiness on his face. Shanon is like that. He's so sweet and cute like a lollipop. He's so fun to be around. When I let him kiss me, I feel so weak. I felt so vulnerable that if my parents didn't stop us, I would have let him do whatever to me. Which scares the crap out of me.

I'm becoming more and more fragile when it comes to him. Sometimes mere touching would bring those memories back and I would melt remembering them. And that isn't good for either of us. I don't know why he did what he did but I'm certain he doesn't share the same feelings as me. He didn't respond to my confession which makes me think he doesn't reciprocate it.

Don't overthink it Josy...we were just caught up in the moment. He was probably just feeling wild because he heard my sister and her boyfriend in the other room...

A cool breeze brushes a few curls away from my forehead. It feels heavenly and ticklish until someone actually starts tickling me hard on my bare foot.

If anyone in this world knows me, they know I freaking hate it when I'm tickled. I open my eyes to see Julie standing by my feet with an evil grin and somehow I lose my balance and am about to fall face first to the floor when a pair of muscular arms I wasn't aware are next to me catch me.

Shanon is smiling at me like a prince charming while he holds me between his arms. I silently gulp some air, trying to ignore the fact that I'm in his arms.

"What are you doing Grandma? " Julie speaks. "Sleeping is for the weak. We got a couple of nights to enjoy and you're already sleeping?" She looks at me like an angry parent and stifle a laugh, which makes Shanon giggle too. I quickly put myself together and get out of his arms, avoiding his gaze.

"I have a headache." I lie while heading to the kitchen to get myself a cup of cold water. I'm thankful that none of them follows me because I really need some space, my mind is running hundred miles an hour.

I always act suspicious when I'm nervous about something. I think and overthink it in my head and finally persuade myself of my own messed up thoughts and worry about it for days. That's exactly what I'm doing right now. Shanon is messing up with my brain and being around him is only making me insane.

I know it's all in my head. If we ever bring up the topic, he will be so casual about it.

"Should we go swimming later today?" I jump a little, almost spilling water on the floor. I haven't even noticed my mom in the kitchen making some pancakes. She gives me a weird look.

"Are you sure you're okay Josy? You sick or something? You're usually hyper by the time we get here." I was about to tell her that I'm all good when the two devils enter the kitchen.

"Did anyone mention swimming?
Shanon jumps up and sits on the island, beside my mum, wiggling his eyebrows to her.

"I want to swim right now!" My sister squeals as she approaches me, tugging at my shirt. I look at my mom for rescue but she's already too endorsed in making the pancakes she forgot we're in the kitchen.

"You guys go first. I want to sleep for a bit."

"What are you? A party pooper?" Julie and her stupid comebacks. I swear I will get her back.

"Come on Josy. We can sleep later. These are my only days with you guys before my family arrives." Shanon tells me, eyes deeply gazing into mine. He's pleading me with his eyes and their charm never fails to persuade me.

"Let's get dressed!" I tell them and hear cheers and wohoo's on my way to my room.

•••••

"Last person to reach the beach will have to piggyback the other back home." Without hesitation, Julie and Shany throw their flip flops and start running towards the sea never once looking behind. I look at them from afar, summer breeze blowing into my dark brown locks and into my black short swimming suit.

"Honey, do you have fever? You've been acting strange today." my mom asks worriedly.

"No, just a little headache making me dizzy... I'll be fine." I give her a genuine smile before putting on some sunscreen on my face and shoulders.

"If you're feeling sick, go rest in the house." My dad appears from behind her. "We have plenty of days to swim."

"I will be fine." I wave at them and join the others in the beach.

After what feels like hours of swimming and playing volleyball, we get out and air dry our bodies. This time, my head really starts to buzz because of the burning rays of the sun.

"I'm going back home to rest."

"What about lunch? I was about to serve." My mom tells me.

"I'm not hungry mum. I need to sleep first, I'll eat later."

"I'm going with her, don't want to leave her alone. Enjoy the meal." Shanon tells them and he gets a satisfied nod from my parents and starts walking by my side.

Silence. He doesn't speak. Nor hold my hand. I steal a glimpse from the corner of my eye, and he's looking down, deep in thought. Is he thinking about that day? The distant look on his face is making my stomach churn.

We reach the house and I go directly to get some clean clothes from my closet. He tells me he'll be in the living room if I need anything.

I let the cold water run through my naked body, sinking deeply into my skin and it actually makes me feel freshened up and feeling better. It's when I turn the faucet off that I realize I haven't brought a towel with me. God damnit!

"Shanon? SHANON? Can you bring me a towel?" I shout out to him and he shouts a yes. Seconds later, I push the curtain aside, get off the bathtub and turn to the mirror, tying my hair into a messy bun.

The door creaks open and it all happens too fast. His whole body emerges inside the bathroom and I freeze in place. My brain tells me to at least cover my body parts with my hands but my system is frozen and doesn't respond. He looks at me through the mirror and doesn't speak. Instead, he comes closer from behind and covers me with the towel. My heartbeat slows down after his gentle move and I clutch the thin material around my body tighter.

Instead of backing off and getting out, I feel heat emanating from the body rubbing my back. Eyeing each other through the mirror, he puts his hands around my waist and I feel heat spreading like a disease. Eyes closed, soft whimpers escape my lips.

"Kiss me Josy." he whispers in a low raspy tone. My body does not respond to my commands as my eyes remain shut and I can't move an inch. "Kiss me like a madwoman"

Without a warning, he brings his hand to my jaw and tilts my face to the side to face him and brushes his lips on mine. The feeling is not foreign anymore. It's rather crisp and sweet. He kisses me passionately and slowly and I never open my eyes, finding pleasure in every touch. His hands moves to my cheeks and their coldness and the soft massage they're doing weakens my bones that the towel nearly falls off my body.

His arms then move to rest on my back holding the towel in place. So I take the chance to put my arms around his neck while I return the kiss, enjoying every drop of its sweetness. He makes sexy noises along with soft moans and I open my eyes to feel what he's feeling. The baby blue eyes gaze back at me, they look really dark and wild.

He lifts me off the ground, not breaking the kiss nor eye contact and sits me down on the side of the sink and stands between my legs. I still have my arms around him that I didn't pay attention to the towel fastening around me and falling to my thighs. I was about to catch it but he grabs my wrists and my breath with it.

My inner voice is screaming, but my real one is gone. I want to scream, to hide, to cover my naked body but with every look he gives me, I get goosebumps. He gets closer to my face again, his eyes telling me of his next move. He lowers his gaze to my chest and heat spreads throughout my body. I want to at least cover my chest but my hands get paralyzed along with every other body function I was ever able to do.

"Sh-shanon..." I finally find my voice but it cracks and comes out as a weak mutter. "Wh-what are you d-doing?" His eyes look at me and their color comes back to normal.

"Isn't this what you want?" I have no idea why when he said that, it seemed like he was angry. Or maybe a little reckless. He didn't scream or speak loud but for a reason, I felt intimidated. Not by him, but by the whole situation. And by being completely naked.

I can't lift my face from the ground. My brain finds pleasure in staring at the marble art at this very specific moment. He brings his hand to my chin and lifts my face with two fingers.

"Look at me," here we go with the raspy voice again." Look at me Josy." I barely manage to look up to his eyes which are piercing through my eyes, as if looking into my naked soul.

"What the hell have you done to me?" he only says those words but his eyes are still full of talk, like he has much more to say but can't quite formulate it into words. Not given a chance to process or understand what he said, he puts the towel around my shoulders and yanks me by the arm. I struggle to follow his strides, making sure the towel is covering enough of my body and he eventually leads us to his dim room.

We sit on the bed and he gets closer to me bringing his arm around me and takes me in a tight hug.

"Come here." He squeezes me gently and I'm still in awe at everything that happened. What even is happening? It feels heavenly whenever I'm in his arms, it makes me forget everything else.

"Shanon?" I'm surprised upon hearing my own voice."What did our kiss mean to you? Why did you kiss me?"

I know I will regret asking this but I have to know. As joyful or hurtful it might be, I have to know what he feels about me. I can't stay in the void forever. My gut feeling tells me to just keep my face on his chest to minimize the casualties. His heartbeat picks up, he stays silent for a long moment and then lets out a deep sigh.

They say never underestimate your gut feeling, it's never wrong. Nothing. He feels nothing towards me. Why would he? I'm just his cousin who he grew up with. I'm dumb for believing we could be something more than that and for letting my hopes up. Those kisses and those looks, the sparks, they were just in my imagination. Tears find their way into my eyes and I sniff.

"Don't cry Josy, please...I don't know what's happening... I love you, I do..." he pulls away and sits beside me. Confusion is clear in his voice, words can't seem to leave his mouth.

"Actions speak louder than words and your actions don't match your words. You kiss me and then act as if nothing happened. You give me special looks then you smile at me like I'm your fucking little sister. You confuse me so much. You know I fucking love you and you keep on torturing me and playing on both sides." I didn't know I was throwing my hand in the air like a sailor and crying like a 3 year old. "Is this about your ex girlfriend? Is this your fucking way of trying to forget her?"

"What? Hell no!"

"Then what is it? How come you kiss me and then act like you have Alzheimer? Am I a toy for you? If you don't love me the way I love you, just say it, say something! Just don't leave me like that!" He didn't speak a word, he just eyes me which spikes my anger. I was just about to get all worked up when he starts to unbutton his shirt slowly, giving me a smirked smile. What the heck?

"What are you doing?" annoyance still overpowers any other emotion I'm holding.

He pulls his shirt over his head and I'm left with sculptured muscles in front of me. While I'm staring at his chest, my hand finds its way to it and starts tracing. He suddenly brings his palms to my cheeks and kisses me dearly, then slowly moves to my neck, and I feel the weakness again. Without another warning, he brings his hands to my thighs and lifts them apart, climbing on top of me.

By now, I'm aware that I have nothing covering my body, that Shanon is half naked, and that he's on top of me. And I can feel his bulge on my thighs. Then it all sinks into my brain. A wave of anxiety hits me when I realize we're home alone and there's no turning back now, kind of...

"Don't be afraid of me," he snaps me out of my fears with a dulcet like voice like he was reading my mind. "I'm not going to hurt you and I never will. Just lighten up, let us be wild and have fun. Everything has a sweet taste with you Josy. I know you want this so bad, I do too."

His lower body pinning me to bed, he supports his upper body with his arms on both sides of me, and he looks at my eyes deeply, the blue of his eyes so deep and his pupils so dilated they spread a lovingly warm feeling into my own body.

It only took a nod for Shanon to unzip his shorts and pull them off of his legs and climb back on top of me.

He gently pulls my legs apart, and penetrates between them, placing deep kisses on my mouth as soon as I start moaning his name. Soft cries fill the small room as I give in to him, his eyes fixated on mine to see the pleasure I'm feeling. And I can't help but shut my eyes with all the sparkles and heat steaming from both our bodies and enjoy the action.