I tossed and turned around the bed as I couldn't find sleep.

Every time I'd close my eyes, that one drop of blood that oozed off Ryan's lip would flash in my mind  and a pity for Ryan would grow in me then I'd remember how he left me and I'd feel okay to not help him.

I was to sit up on the bed when Mia opened the door. 'Hi.' She whispered.

'Hey.' I replied.

'Can't sleep?' She asked and I lifted up the covers. She took her shoes off and snuck in the covers. 'Are you okay?'

'Not really.' I replied as I stared up at the ceiling. 'I don't know.'

'They fought really bad today.' She voiced out my thoughts. 'I almost felt bad for both of them.'

'What will happen next?' I queried her in the dead silence as I laid on my back.

'It's up to you Jane. What do you want?'

'Nothing.'

'Then let it be.' Mia yawned as she shifted to get comfy in the covers.

' I'll get lost then.'

'Would you really?'

I said nothing as just after a second, I heard Mia's snores.

I bawled up at the ceiling until I knew Mia in in her deep sleep. As slowly as I could, I removed the covers and threw my legs on the floor. My toes tinkled under the cold floor and creaked as I shifted my weight on my feet. I tip toed to my jacket laid on the floor and picked my shoes and got out of her room.

I carefully climbed downstairs afraid if I might wake Mia's parents wake up. The lock of a door clicked but to my relief, no one came out so I unlocked the main door and escaped.

I sat on the stairs and wore my shoes and hoodie. Pulling my hood up, I slipped my hands in my pockets as I explored the city.

The dark had settled in and moon refused to shine today. The roads were damp from the recent petter pattering as far-flung howls of dogs filled the streets. I took in the air that slowly flew around celebrating its freedom and  liberty. The clouds shades the moon's lights and the stars went home.

I just walked leisurely around as involuntarily my mind drifted back where I never wanted it to. I wanted to shut my mind as Ryan's desperate eyes, his silence, his running away would flash before me gnawing at me slowly.

At this night, I needed Ian. I wanted him to comfort me and tell me everything will be alright. I wanted him to hug me and play Tekken  with me as we'd both eat from ice cream bucket. I needed him to tell me his stories he'd been working on as we'd talk about his characters and plot. I wanted to tell him everything but he wasn't here and he wouldn't be soon.

I rubbed my face to not remember him. Not anyone.

I paused abruptly as I found myself in front of The Lovely Garden. Just staring at the bench, the nights I spent here because I had no where to go, the minutes I spent waiting for people, the hours I drained in order to fix my life, the conversations I had with Ryan and how much he hated it and how logan just destroyed it...

I shook my head and turned around from it. My pace grew as I walked away from it and faster and faster until I began running through the areas I never go.

The cars loomed out of the dark streets. My heart picked a beat when I heard someone saying my name. I suddenly stopped breathing for a second to make sure my ears weren't playing with me. I followed the sound to the conservation of what seemed of a man and a woman.

I rounded the corner and hid behind the car. My eyes widened as I saw Logan and Charlotte talking around.

'I did what you asked me.' Logan's told her. 'Now, the money.'

I placed my hand over my mouth to not produce a sound. Charlotte silently handed him a briefcase of what I thought was filled with money. 'No one got to know?'

'Absolutely none.'

'Good, now hop on. Next step is?'

Logan smirked. 'Poison.'

'Good, You'll get more money soon.'

Logan nodded and was to walk towards his car before I broke in a fierce run. Charlotte?

Suddenly, heat speck up my legs and as my calves burnt. I stumbled and just as I was to regain my balance, someone stopped me from falling.

I looked behind to look at the person and suddenly freed myself away from the man who just saved me.

He was a drunk dude.

His muddy brown long hair hung on his shoulders and his torn and muddy clothes made me feel somewhat uncomfortable.

'You're good.' He said in a singing voice.

'Thank you.' I murmured and I knew he didn't hear me.

'Running in the streets? I would've said it's dangerous but it seems like you already know.'

'I do.'

He smiled and his yellow crooked teeth shone. 'Getting lost is good child. But staying lost is wrong.' He touched my arm but I jumped back. 'Now off you run before someone's hunger take your innocence.'

I didn't need to told twice as I ran away.

***

I stared at the food tray that Mia's mom just gave me. It was the next day after the terrific night. Every time I'd stare at the food, the word poison spoken by Logan would flash in my mind.

But why would she do it? For the sake of her reputation? She was pissed off at me since the beginning because I had Ryan and she couldn't but why would she do that to me? To humiliate me socially? What good would it bring to her?

I needed to discuss it with someone.

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and was to dial Ian's number when Yang just popped out of nowhere and I screamed so loudly that I fell off the chair.

Yang burst into a good laughter as I rubbed my butt. 'Knocking is still a reasonable manner.'

'But this is funny.' Yang regained his breath as he spoke. 'I just wanted to ask if you wanna come with us?' He outstretched his hand.

'Where?'

'We're gonna visit Noah.' I handed him my hand and he picked me up in a swift motion that I almost crashed into him.

The door opened and Mia came in. For a moment she stood still then when I backed away from Yang, she cleared her throat and said, 'I think we should go.'

'I'll come.' I needed an escape from my thoughts and maybe, it will be a good visit.

'Cool. We're downstairs.' Mia informed before she vanished downstairs and embarrassment nibbled me.

'Yang,' I stopped him just as he was to get out. 'Thank you for, you know, yesterday.'

He nodded as he knew I wanted to say more but I couldn't.

He smiled. 'Ryan's fine.' Yang answered an unspoken question. 'I visited him yesterday and we're on good terms.'

'You punched the shit out of him.' I said remotely.

'Well, yeah, had to. He wasn't listening. He needed a punch to bring him back.' Yang rubbed the back of his neck, 'We're cool though. Don't worry.'

I nodded. He smiled and left the room.

I picked up my hoodie and mobile from my nightstand and wore my shoes. When I got downstairs, I saw Yang's car and was to go there when Mia called my name.

'Yeah?' I turned around to see her sitting on the kitchen counter. She bit her lip as she seemed nervous but I had already figured out what she was .to say.

'Jane I was thinking that maybe you could stay at, like, I don't have problem of you staying here but , you know—

'—I'll stay at Ian's don't worry.'

Her eyes widened. 'No, I didn't mean that I just ... ' she fumbled for words but I put my hand on her.

'It's fine. I'll be okay there.' She didn't seem satisfied a bit but I didn't push it further. I was already trying to hide my anger towards her insecurity but I knew better.

I went outside and sat in the backseat. Mia came after a few moments and settled down in the passenger seat.

Yang began driving while I texted Ian.

Me: Pick me up from the garden. I need a place.

I turned the phone off. Mia grabbed Yang's hand who placed it on her knee and without wasting a single second, my mind drifted back when Ryan would hold my hand and I would feel butterflies. But now, I just feel hatred towards them. Towards Mia and Yang that I just wanted to jump out of this car. I bit the inner of my cheek and I shook my head. I needed to get a grip on myself.

Tired of burning holes in their holding hands, I stared out of the window.

The same old world. The same old shitty humans.

Yang stopped the car and I got out as soon as I could. 'I'll get the flowers.'

'I'll park the car there.'

'Okay.' I began walking in the flower's shop as I clenched and unclenched my hand for Mia and Yang just stole a kiss and my hands urged to punch the shit out of them.

I took another breath. Calm down Jane.

I stepped in the flower's shop and leisurely strolled the lanes of the flower shop. I bent down to smell a pink rose when my eyes caught a familiar mane of brown hair.

I gulped down as my heart raced. I stood up and slowly began walking towards the exit. 'Jane!' I squeezed my eyes shut as he called me.

I didn't stop rather I picked up the pace. His footsteps drew closer and my breath hitched. I began sprinting to get out of the shop. 'Jane, listen to me!'

I was to just round the lane when he caught my wrist and made me turn around to face him. 'Ryan, leave me.'

'Just hear me out.'

'Let me go.'

'Jane please.' He begged as I tried to free my wrist from him. 'Just ... just hear me out.'

'Why?' I hissed. 'Why now? What happened to you when I begged you to speak?'

His eyes fell on the floor as his grip on my wrist loosened. 'I'm sorry.' He voice broke but I refrained myself to cry.

'It's useless now.' I whispered as I left the shop and he didn't follow me. I bit the back of my hand to stop the tears and my lips from shivering. My heart felt heavy and throat tightened as if someone was choking me. I paced back and forth to get a control on myself and when I did, my phone beeped.

Ian : At 8, be ready.

Relief waved through me. I was to turn around to get to the car when I saw a man smoking. He coughed and smoked and coughed and smoked like he didn't dare the drug was killing him. A woman, who I supposed was his wife, came to him and taking the cigarette from him, threw it in the bin.

'These things will destroy your life! Why don't you get it?!' She yelled at him but he didn't give a single crap and tried to walk away from her but instead fell on the ground.

His wife cried and people gathered around to take him to the hospital but I knew he had already died.

I didn't move an inch but saw the whole scenario unfolding in front of me. Then a stranger's advice whispered in my head. 'Staying lost is wrong.'

I didn't give a damn to the man and woman and I felt guilty because I didn't help them. I sat in the car where Yang and Mia turned back to look at me.

'Where's the flowers?' Mia asked me but I ignored her comment.

'Yang, I need your help.'

Mia seemed affected by my request but I ignored her reaction again. 'Yeah. What do you want?'

'Weed.' I told him. 'A lot of weed.'

***

Comment and vote if you liked it.

Love 💕, huz