He was shaking with rage.

I'm so stupid, he thought. I'm a fucking idiot.

He wasn't angry because of the intruding vampires (but they were a small reason why), but because he knew he should have chosen differently. Back on the forest floor, when his mind was drifting away and his body numb with sharp pains and shivers, he should have said no. He should have refused. He knew he was able to make the smarter choice by pushing Levi away, but he was too weak. Mikasa was the reason he was too weak. She was one of the two people she had left and he didn't want to lose her no matter what. He was a coward and the thought of having to walk the earth alone was... almost unbearable. He was well aware that it was certainly weak of him, but everyone was afraid of something.

The world around him was the ocean; his movements eventually getting slower, his legs and torso heavy to carry and his swings and hits weaker and softer. It was rough trying to breath steadily. He was suffocating on his sorrows and regrets and they slowly spilled out of his mouth and into screams. Eren's body screamed for him to stop, to quit the running and the fighting and the yelling. It wanted to shut down, but he wouldn't allow it. It hurt so bad. Everything was painful, but he was used to it now.

The shouting rung in his ears, but one voice stood out in particular. It was a boom of screeching in pain, stinging his eardrums.

"Armin!" Eren cried and ran to the direction of his dear friend's voice.

He tripped over a few rocks as he shoved his way through the fighting crowd, and he saw him. A few vampires were huddling over him, snickering as they kicked at his body. Eren gasped. He was on fire, the flames bigger than he was and the heat so overwhelming that he could feel it from where he was. He screamed, screamed in fear that he was going to lose him. He didn't want to. He didn't want to feel the pain of losing someone again.

He sprinted swiftly. From a distance perhaps it looked like he was running with a twisted ankle, but that didn't really matter. He had to get to him, and fast. There was fire everywhere, flamed arrows whizzing and whistling through the dense air. He could no longer see the night sky, it was grey and heavy with smoke.

"Stop," he shouted with his hands in fists. "Stop it!"

Armin wasn't the only one being burned alive. There were a dozen others, both humans and vampires, who tossed and turned in agony of the fire. Eventually they stopped moving, the fire crackling and hissing and slowly incinerating their skin. Of course they didn't listen to him, because who would?

Eren tackled down the burly vampires, easily knocking him to the ground (which was a surprise to the both of them), and bringing the knife down to bury it down into its torso. It howled with anger and pain, but Eren didn't remove it. He let the blessed metal sear his flesh and watched him die. The other vampires looked at him in disbelief and attempted to take down Eren, but failed when the boy countered their attacks by jumping up, pulling the dagger out and slashed their throats. He admitted they were fast, but not fast enough. He was rather impressed with himself; he always practiced archery during training and rarely went to had to hand combat sessions.

Well, perhaps living with a vampire must have toughened him up.

He then scrambled to Armin's side after he made sure they were all dead, ripped off his shirt and used it to extinguish the blaze.

"Come on, come on, come on," he muttered through gritted teeth. "Armin! Are you still there, buddy?"

Eren felt stupid for asking. He was obviously very hurt; patches of skin on his face were angry red and he couldn't even tell if was still alive. Eren could smell his friend's skin melting off him, and gagged. His clothes were torn and were basically just rags at this point. Eren didn't like this, seeing him suffering and having his skin so odd looking. It was like nothing he's ever seen before, which was quite a shock to him because he was always surrounded by dying people who had suffered from diseases. He was bloody and raw, like red paint splattered onto marble floors or white canvases. His hair was streaked with dirt and ashes and whatever skin he had left was smeared and stained with his own blood.

"'s hurts," Armin groaned, his fingers slightly twitching and his eyes closed.

"You're going to be okay, right? You're strong," Eren said as he frantically looked around for a water source. Maybe he could cool him down.

"No," he coughed. Eren was a but glad his whole face wasn't damaged, at least he had a face to look at. "It's not working. It was too much."

"Armin, what are you saying?" Eren asked with a humourless laugh.

"I'm dying."

"You're not dying."

"Yes I am." He spoke a bit louder, which wouldn't be yelling or shouting since he had been whispering the whole time, but it was enough to get a reaction out of his friend.

"I'm not believing you," Eren said, his tone of voice more firm. It was like he believed the more he denied it, the more chance Armin had of living, but that wouldn't happen. Words couldn't do anything whenever someone was dying. They were irrelevant.

"Eren, listen-"

"I don't want to listen! Not now, you c-can't leave me," Eren stammered angrily. Tears didn't pool in his eyes this time like the first time Armin supposedly "died". He grit his teeth and looked away as if pouting. He knew Armin was right, but his stubborn self wouldn't admit it aloud. He was somewhat mad at his friend for getting himself into trouble in the first place, but more importantly, he had a ton of hate and rage towards the ones who did this to him, but they were long gone now. He couldn't avenge him again after killing them, but he felt unsatisfied, like there was a lot more he could do.

"No. Listen to me," Armin repeated. "I'm sorry. Everything hurts so badly right now, but I want you to know something."

"What is it?" Eren asked eagerly as he leaned in closely to his friend's ear.

"I want you to be happy."

He pulled away from and stared at his frozen lips. Eren's name danced on the tip of his tongue before his hands stopped twitching and his words stopping and melting into icy silence. He didn't cry. He wasn't going to cry. There was simply no need. He was glad his eyes were closed, because he didn't want to see them while he was dying, the time he had seen them was when he was still alive and well.

Eren was tired of everything.

He wanted to sleep.

---

He could still feel the area where he slapped him and rested his own hand on it. He sucked hard on his bleeding lip hard, and stepped out into the pouring and freezing rain. It hurt, not because he was hit or was bit, but it was emotionally painful for him. His heart clenched and felt like it was going to sink, which was surprising because he had no idea his heart could even feel anything anymore, being somewhat dead and all.

He walked through the empty town. Everyone else was either at the camp or indoors like they were instructed to do. Most of the doors and windows were boarded up clumsily but efficiently, and there were no lights behind any of the windows despite the day being so gloomy and grey. Levi listened to the sounds of his boots squishing into the mud and soaked pavement and his steady and light footsteps. Droplets of rain dribbled down his hair and onto his face, dampening his cool skin and already soggy cloak. He exhaled slowly, and watched as his breath froze in the air and drifted off into the unknown.

And in that very moment, he never wanted to die so badly before, it wasn't as bad when Petra had left him.

He just wanted to be loved.

He had given Eren everything. He protected him, shared his home and cared for him when Mikasa passed away. He always watched over him when the night fell, and made sure no other vampire crossed his path whenever he went to camp. But he still got angry anyways, he still screamed at him and never looked at him the way Levi looked at him. And for a long a time, Levi didn't mind, because he was content with just being with him. It would never be enough for him because the more time he had spent with Eren, the more he wanted to claim him as his. He never wanted anyone so badly in his life before, and thought it was impossible until he found Eren in the forest, wounded and barely breathing.

He tried so hard, he tried his best not to be so greedy whenever he was thirsty. Sometimes he starved himself just so he wouldn't harm and bother Eren.

But it didn't work. Eren still ended up hating his guts no matter how hard he tried.

He thought that if he was human, maybe Eren would slowly open up to him. If he were normal and ate human food and didn't kill anyone because of his hate towards his own species, maybe he would come to love him.

But he wasn't human. He was a vampire, and everyone despised them.

Whatever, he thought. He was right. I could have anyone I want.

The thirst clawed at his throat. He wanted to drink and he needed to do it soon. Perhaps going back to his old habits wouldn't be too bad. He would just return to what he used to do; participating in illegal blood trades and hunt. Levi would adjust to being lonely once more.

He was okay with that.

He wished he wasn't lying.

---

The fighting eventually came to a stop.

They lost less people than they expected, but it was still many. After the vampires fled, the soldiers began to drag the bodies away from the battle area, their blood creating a crimson path and the heels of their boots digging into the hard dirt. The majority of them had been bitten, but Hanji reassured them that they were not going to turn unless they were dying, which didn't give relief to some of them since they had been hurt severely.

Vampires had attempted to bite Eren too, but he wouldn't let them. He promised himself he would never let a monster have the satisfaction of drinking from him ever again. It was almost morning. The birds began to chirp and fly from their nests in the trees, and he could spot the soft hazy glow of the orange sun. Eren entered the medical tent. There had to be something for him to do. They had to move some makeshift beds outside to treat more people because the tent was getting crowded as soldiers zipped in and out. On one bed, people were trying to press hard enough on a wound so that it would stop leaking through, on another, someone had died. Just in the corner, an individual had been pierced in a fatal area with an arrow. The air was dense with the scent of alcohol and rust.

Death was everywhere.

"Erwin, don't you dare," a  voice said in panic. Eren whipped his head to the side, only to see Hanji grabbing the collar of Erwin's tattered shirt as he lay on the ground. "You will not die. Not now. Not ever."

His right arm was nowhere in sight, instead, a bloody bandaged stub in its place. Eren gasped.

"Erwin, please," Hanji pleaded as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

Eren watched in horror as the commander coughed and made an effort to keep his breathing steady. Beads of sweat rolled down his temple, and his hand was being squeezed by Hanji. He looked like a complete mess, and Eren couldn't help but think how afraid he appeared. His breathing came out like rattles and wheezing.

"You're taking over," he mumbled as he winced at the pain.

"No, I'm not. You can't go," she said frantically. "I can't do this. I'm not fit for this."

"Yes you are," he told her firmly, and coughed again.

"Erwin-"

"Hanji," he cut her off. "Please."

She bit her lip, and Eren couldn't tell if she was crying or not. Her glasses were cracked and had a thin layer of dust and dirt on them.

"Fine. I'll take your place," she said sadly. "I don't want you to go."

"I know that, and I'm sorry. You'll do better than I have, okay? Don't do anything crazy when I'm gone."

He jutted his chin as if gesturing for her to lean in closer. Once she as close enough, he surprised her by placing a soft and sincere kiss on her lips, long enough for her to indulge in it. It was purely asexual, but Eren could tell they had a deep bond of some sort. It was over as soon as it started, his head hitting the pillow and his mouth slightly parted.

He had the last word. His eyes went dull and blank, and his chest ceased all movement and he was no longer struggling to breath or speak. Hanji bit her lip and furrowed her eyebrows as if trying not to make a scene. His hand went limp in hers, and a sound between a cry and groan escaped her chapped lips.

"Damn bastard," she whispered through gritted teeth.

"Hanji, I'm so sorry..." Eren trailed off. She only noticed him now.

"Oh, Eren! You were here the whole time? I was looking for you," she exclaimed.

"Of course. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I just wanted to tell you that Petra is gone ... for now. She'll be back, but you're safe at the moment. Just go home and get some rest, alright? I'm sure everyone is tired," she told him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Look, I just want everyone to recover from this entire ordeal," she replied.

"But what's going to happen to the people? Who will protect them now?"

"Whoever isn't hurt I guess."

"I can hel-"

"No, you will not," she insisted firmly. "Look at you; you look like hell."

"Alright," Eren said with a sigh.

"Good. Get going, Jaeger."

He nodded, knowing it would be futile to even try to argue with her. He didn't have a home to return to, so he thought it would be best to walk around for a few days before coming back. Perhaps he could use whatever money he had left to buy a new home, but he didn't have the mental strength nor motivation to do it.

He jogged out of the camp and headed straight for the forest, knowing what his purpose was. Eren was trained to do this.
---
The underground cavern was nothing but ruins now.

The cabins were piles of burnt wood and ash covered stones scattering whatever path that used to be visible. Some structures were still in decent shape, but appeared as if they were going to crumble any second if one were to lean against it. The tiny town was neglected, or at least looked like it. Eren knew that they were lurking in the dull shadows somewhere, watching his every move and waiting for the right time to attack...

But he wasn't going to let them do that. Oh no, he was going to give them one hell of a time if they even lay a finger on him.

He was aware that being down there was dangerous, and potentially life threatening, but the buzz of killing those beasts fuelled his heart. They were the ones who took away his loved ones after all, and he wanted them gone. He wanted them to suffer, and so he was going to send them to hell himself. All he had was a lantern and a few blessed knives, along with a bow. It wasn't a lot, but he was sure he would be able to kill at least ten of them.

As the darkness around him engulfed him and the cold air grazed his body, he knew there was no looking back.

---
So thirsty.

Levi hid himself in the small nook formed by the fallen wooden walls of the place that was once his house, clenching at his chest and twitching as he thought about how great it would be to attack a whole village to feed on. He couldn't bring himself to do anything, and so he returned underground for refuge.

His head whipped to the side as sudden noises entered his ears. Levi could hear footsteps and arrows flying through the air outside his hiding place. He could hear everything.

Maybe someone had come to take him for all the sins he had committed.
---
AN:

smh it's chp 20 and they're still not together.

school is coming up, but i'll do my best to continue updates!

i love you guys! thank you for reading! <3

~your best friend takeshi