C  H A P T E R T W E N T Y - S I X
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Normani stayed in her room for the rest of the night. She'd heard Arabella enter the apartment sometime after Anika had left and she refused to face her. So she stayed in bed until she eventually fell asleep.

The sound of the kettle boiling the next morning was what woke her. She rubbed at her crusty eyes and squinted at the sunlight that streamed through her room.

She could hear the unmistakeable husk of her ex-girlfriend's voice singing and for a moment she rationed how long she could hold out in her room before she died of thirst. But in the end, it wasn't worth it. She rolled out of bed slowly and donned a short gown over the sleep shirt and bed shorts she'd worn.

She opened the door to her bedroom and for some reason, the cotton fluff on her uggs was far more interesting than the other human in the apartment so she focused her attention on that until she made it to the kitchen.

She reached her destination and having nothing else to do, she leaned against the doorway silently, watching as her ex stirred a cup of tea, probably green if her diet hadn't changed.

As if she sensed she was being watched, Arabella looked up and offered a small, almost shy smile.

"Hi," she said.

She was still devastatingly beautiful, in fact, she'd become more comely since Normani had last seen her.

Her hair had grown longer and it shone with a vibrancy that hadn't been there before. Her skin was a healthy, brown, natural tan and her hands were covered in new black ink tattoos.

"Hello," Normani replied.

"I boiled water for tea, there's some leftover if you'd like," she said.

"Thank you."

She walked over to the same counter as the girl and she located her favourite mug. They worked in a mutual, tense silence.

Up close, Normani could make out one of the new tattoos she'd seen from afar, a black-inked symbol of the double Venus on her left hand. Arabella lowered herself onto a bar stool and placed her food out in front of her.

"I like your tattoo," Normani said after a long bout of silence.

"Which one?" Arabella replied and they shared a smile. It was the tiny push they needed to break the tension.

"The double Venus. You finally got around to getting it."

"I finally feel like a real lesbian," she replied with a crooked smile, "I'm kidding. I got it done this summer. The best part was that it was free at the place where I work. They sponsor all of my tattoos now."

"You work at a tattoo parlour?"

"Yeah," Arabella replied and Normani didn't miss the silent pride that shone in her eyes, hell, she was proud too. It was all Arabella had ever spoken about when they'd been together.

"Are you heading there now?"

She surveyed her outfit: tan cargo pants and a white golf shirt worn with white converse and her hair hanging down to her back.

She was sure it followed the dress code of the parlour but her outfit was so Arabella-like. She made it look attractive with little effort, like she did with many things.

"Yes," and then, "hey, Normani? "

Normani sensed that her next words were heavy. She felt a tightness in her throat and all too suddenly, the room felt very claustrophobic.

"Yes, Arabella?"

Normani used to call her Mi Amor and Arabella had called her Mi Sol in the time they'd been together, it was so strange that they had to regress into full names. Normani was sure it wasn't supposed to bother her, but it grieved her all the same.

"I'm really grateful you're letting me stay here, even if it's for a little while. I'll do everything in my power to ensure that I'm not an inconvenience to you. I know that there's a lot of explanations that I owe you and I'm ready to talk as soon as you are, yeah?"

Normani sighed. It seemed like it was all she could do these days to get rid of the heaviness in her spirit that was weighing her down. She could see her ex from her peripheral, she saw how she wrung her hands together anxiously – there was a new tatto on one of the knuckles of her right hand; a lotus flower inked in pure black -- and how her straight teeth bit down on the flesh of her lips.

"Okay, Arabella," Normani replied.

X O

The last few weeks of summer passed by in days that Normani spent working at her receptionist job at Imani's Dance Academy and babysitting for Ekhana.

There were a few sessions spent in the studio with Peaches, fooling around with new concepts of choreography that they knew would help them in the year-end showcase. Returning to her usual order of things helped to ground her and sometimes, when she tried really hard to summon her imaginative powers, it almost felt like everything was back to normal.

That was if she discounted the nights where she'd stay up all night scrolling through her camera roll looking at pictures of her and Keith at their peak as a couple.

She was embarrassed at the extra money she spent on comfort food and wine some nights that got her through the pain that would plough through her chest like a pair of oxen in the planting season.

She hated that she still compulsively looked through Keith's Facebook and was confronted with pictures of him, as handsome as ever in his dark suits. He'd gotten a new haircut, he was growing a beard, he'd started attending a new church and had gone to a stadium to see his favourite football team with Karibu last week.

She both hated and loved that he no longer contacted her on social media apps. He'd finally gotten the message to leave her alone and it was supposed to give her the space, peace and clarity to move on from their failed relationship – yet why did she feel hurt that it was so easy for him to let her go like that? Did he still spare her thought while he was busy moving on with his life, or had she faded into the abyss of his past?

The only thing that had changed about her life was her new roommate. A month had passed uneventfully. and Arabella was easy to cohabit with because she was tidy and kept to herself.

They lived totally different lives and schedules. Arabella worked the typical nine-to-five, while Normani left the apartment during midday and returned in the later hours of the night. Normani didn't know what her ex did for fun and where she went to socialise because she'd never taken care to.

They'd yet to have that talk. They were so busy and led such different lives and schedules. They hardly spent any time together in the apartment. Where would they find the opportunity to fit this dreaded discussion in the first place? Normani told herself that the dreaded talk would happen when the universe allowed it and who was she to mess with the cosmos?

×

The new academic year started and Normani was soon consumed in all of her final year classes. If anything, her schedule had become even more demanding because there were a lot of practical assignments she needed to get done and just as much academic research.

Her school life coupled with Imani's classes and work often left her depleted of her energy and she'd return home every night sore and exhausted but it wasn't anything she wasn't used to.

And then one day, Normani had woken up to the beautiful news that two of her four lectures had been cancelled for the day and she'd taken the initiative to skip the others and she stayed in for the afternoon.

She busied herself with tidying her room and buying her portion of the groceries before she unceremoniously flopped in front of the TV and watched Netflix for the entire day.

She heard the front door opening sometime after 17:30 and saw Arabella bustle into the apartment with paper bags in her arms.

"Hey," Normani greeted.

Arabella stopped for a moment and offered a startled smile to her ex, "oh, hey. I didn't expect to see you home so soon."

"I decided I needed some me-time."

Arabella nodded, "those are very necessary, good for you."

"You went grocery shopping too?" Normani said, pointing to the items in her arms.

"Not really," Arabella replied, "I just rushed down to the farmers market after work to get some fresh ingredients... it's for this recipe I saw on Pintrest."

"Oh that's cool. Look at you being a responsible adult. I swear I've lived off of food from campus for a long time now," Normani said with a small chuckle, "I know that as a dancer I'm supposed to be mega healthy and blah blah blah but I really love my chicken wings and pizza."

"Your schedule also doesn't give you the time to prepare meals."

"Yeah, dancers aren't people in these people's eyes," Normani said with a slanted smile.

"That's capitalism for you," Arabella said with a slight grimace, "but I'm making enough for two, I could fix you a plate if you like?"

"Oh no, you don't have to do that, I'll be fine."

"I insist, consider it as my thank-you-for-living-here token."

Normani wanted to object but the determination in Arabella's eyes as well as the expectation that bloomed on her face like a child's made her defences crumble. She wasn't in the mood to hurt her feelings anyway.

"Okay, but let me help you with something."

"You know I like cooking by myself."

"Yeah, no bet," Normani replied, "so you're still a terror in that department, huh?"

Arabella only smiled and sauntered into the kitchen.

"Okay, at least let me wash the vegetables."

Arabella gave it a moment of consideration and nodded her approval.

They worked in complete silence in the kitchen and Normani retreated back to the living room once she was done.

Arabella returned from the kitchen with two plates of a vegetarian alternative to chicken Alfredo.

Normani got out a bottle of sweet red wine that they shared. She had to admit that the Alfredo was amazing and although she hadn't thought it possible, Arabella's cooking skills had gotten better.

Normani's compliment about how good the food was opened way for more conversation. The wine was cool and relaxed them, making it easy for them to let their guards down just a little.

Normani felt warm from the food and sweet from the wine that settled in her belly serenely. They'd spent the entire meal seated on the carpet floor, leaning against the couch, just like old times.

"Isn't it weird how we've lived together for weeks and I still don't know what it is you do for fun when you're not working," Normani said.

Arabella shrugged, "I don't do much outside of work. I mean I sometimes join my colleagues for a few beers down at the pub a block away from the parlour some nights but either than that, I keep to myself."

"You were always such an antisocial type," Normani said, "some things never change. My life's pretty much the same though. Anika is still my only real friend in this city."

"But you're far from having boring life. You're living the dream yeah? A young successful dancer in the Big Apple."

Arabella's eyes were twinkling. Normani remembered nights spent with them wrapped in tender embraces, her eyes shining with pride and love as her fingers traced her bare arms.

"I guess as far as the experience I'm gaining all of this is invaluable but its hard not to feel like I've fallen behind. There are so many things I wish I could've achieved at this point, I dunno, let me stop complaining."

"Hey, remember that everyone moves at their own pace, the place for you is where you're at. Art takes time. I've watched videos of you on YouTube recently and you get better and better each time I see you. You've got this presence that you radiate when you hit a dance floor and not just anyone can do that and if you still have room to grow, man, I'm going to be a force to be reckoned with when you're older. Trust the process."

Arabella was the only person who knew how to settle her soul the way she did. She always knew what to say and although her advice was somewhat generic, the sincerity in her voice carried her through. Normani didn't understand how after all this time, Arabella still knew her soul the way she did.

"Thank you, Arabella," she all but whispered. She caught the tear that had formed in the corner of her eye before it trailed down. Feeling a bit too vulnerable, she stood up and poured herself another glass of wine.

"I'm really glad you're finally working the job you want," Normani said.

"Thank you," Arabella replied and Normani watched as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"It took a lot of work but I'm finally where I want to be and I'm happy."

"How did your parents finally agree to it?" Normani asked. Arabella had been stuck studying civil engineering when they met because it was what her parents, more specifically her father wanted.

"They didn't. We uh, actually, they're not my parents anymore, we had an uh... falling out and told me I was a disgrace of a human being, condemned me to eternal hell and I left," she said with a shrug.

Normani was instantly moved by the words and she peered over at her ex and now-roommate with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry... what happened?"

"I came out to them. Papa didn't like it very much. I should be glad he didn't beat the shit out of me with the way he was so angry. You know what he's like. And Mama... Mama was sad but I think if she was given the chance she'd probably try to understand after a while. But you know how it works in my household, she has to follow Papa's lead because he's the head and she's the skinny little neck."

"I'm so sorry Arabella," Normani replied.

"Don't be sorry. It was going to happen at some point you know? I couldn't take it anymore. But I'm happier now, lonely, but happy. I'm doing my own thing and seeing how my own life goes."

"Are you still in contact with them?"

"No."

"I that why you needed to move in here?"

"Yeah..." Arabella replied, "part of it. I was in Bogotá this whole time and the US is the only other place that I had a visa for, you know. Faye was the only one who was out here and who could help."

An understanding washed over Normani and all of the apprehension she'd felt about having her ex under her roof melted away.

Now all that was left was curiosity. She glanced over at her Colombian roommate and saw the morose expression that morphed onto her face, and she felt deep pity for the girl.

"I think that's enough talking for one night. I think I'm ready for bed now," Arabella said and stood up with her empty plate, "goodnight, Normani."

"Goodnight," Normani murmured back to her ex-girlfriend's retreating steps.

×

In the eleven weeks Normani had returned to Abuja, her ordinary routine of school, work and dance had lulled her into a dead, safe routine. It gave her the liberty to not overthink the things that had to do with her ex.

She was trying her best to somewhat move on and after the talk with Arabella she felt the sobering effects of a bigger picture being put together – she wasn't sure what it meant in its entirety but she knew that she was nearing the end of a chapter of her life story and moving onto a new one.

It was during such an ordinary day that it happened, like a scripted romcom, Normani and Peaches had been in the shopping district after an intense rehearsal and Peaches had gone straight to the nearest Popeyes to eat her weight in chicken wings and strips.

Normani had tagged along with the intent to keep her friend company, she didn't enjoy takeout as much anymore because the homemade vegetarian meals Arabella had taken to making for the both of them every night were delicious, wholesome, fulfilling and cost-savvy.

After Peaches had ordered her mountain of food, they walked to the subway so Normani could get the train that would get her home.

Normani was playfully chastising her friend for her poor dietary choices when she saw someone who she swore up and down was Keith Ikande. He walked a few paces ahead of her in an impeccable suit and beside him was a woman with braids that looked a lot like Josephine Ladipo.

She couldn't keep her eyes off of them. They walked quite closely to each other without touching at a leisurely pace. They turned into a boutique of sorts and when Peaches and Normani neared the store, she could see their faces through the window and something in her chest squeezed with discomfort when she realised that yes, it was them.

Josephine was fixing his tie, her long manicured nails roamed around his broad shoulders while he just watched with an amused smile.

She was glad to leave that wretched place once she and Peaches passed that block and after a while, finally made it to the subway.

She said a hurried, distracted goodbye to her friend dressed in bright colours and embarked on the train. Here she was left alone with her thoughts and they were anything but pleasant.

She'd been right in her speculations all along. It hadn't taken long for Keith to move on with that woman at all. He looked happy, as he should be – because he was Keith Ikande and he'd had a life of greatness mapped out for him and she had just been the collateral damage that didn't quite fit the overall image.

His world would never fall apart on account of something as silly as a partner, much especially her. To him, romantic partners had little to do with romance or love as she'd been taught to believe. For men like him, raised the way they had, it was about strategics and functional planning.

He needed someone who'd be by his side to help him build his empire and bear him his pure Yoruban sons that would carry out the legacy. It would've been laughable if he hadn't ended up with Josephine Ladipo, actually.

But Normani wouldn't gloat in the victory of her sharp intuition because her heart was poisoned with bitterness for herself and her life – how nothing had ever worked out for her, how she was always the loose end that had to be cut because she didn't fit the overall picture, first with Arabella and now Keith.

She felt sullen and downtrodden when she let herself into the apartment. She didn't have the strength to cry, it felt as though all of the water in her body had frozen over.

She sat on the couch closest to the door, numb and despondent and unaware of her surroundings. She had no idea how much time had passed that she'd sat there but she felt a bit startled when she heard Arabella closeby.

"Hi, I didn't hear you come in," she said.

Normani's eyes wandered over to her ex. She was dressed comfortably in sweatpants and a sweater, with her hair tied in a loose ponytail and cute fuzzy socks protecting her feet from the cold. She looked to be at home.

Home.

That was what their relationship was supposed to have been like – but she'd left, she'd left.

Normani felt her lashes flutter and her chest tightened. Arabella was talking but she couldn't hear her in the din that had assaulted her mind.

It felt as though she'd gone underwater and all around her waves were crashing and she was lost in the middle of it all.

"I made chow-mein and replaced the chicken with more veggies, it sounds boring but it's actually really good and-"

"Arabella, why wasn't I enough for you?"

Normani's voice was hollow, brittle. She didn't see the way her ex girlfriend froze out of shock for a few seconds, eyes widened and heart beating erratically, pumping blood into her ears.

She knew they needed to have this talk, hell, she'd been anticipating it but she then realised that she wasn't quite ready for it and probably never would. She took tentative steps towards the living room and sat across from Normani.

"You were never not enough for me, Normani, you were everything and more."

"Then why'd you leave me?" she asked. She hated herself for the vulnerability that crept into her voice. "Were you not happy? Did I not make you happy?" the damn had burst and everything she'd been holding in finally came out and she couldn't stop it even if she tried.

"I thought that... you and I would withstand the test of time, that we'd have the greatest love story of all time. I wanted to be your wife and I couldn't envision a future without you but then you left, you left and you didn't even tell me why."

"Normani," Arabella groaned and before she knew it, she was all around her. Her hands were on top of hers, her hair tickled her shoulder, her voice was closer than her next breath.

"My time with you was the happiest period of my life. I was deliriously happy with you, you made me feel like the world was in the palm of my hands. Our love was phenomenal, I've never known anything like it and probably won't ever find it in my lifetime again."

"Why'd you throw it all away then?" Normani asked and the first tear finally ran down her cheek, warm and repentant.

"Because I thought that I wasn't good enough for you. When I used to think about my future, all I saw was just an empty wasteland filled with rubble and you were the star in my sky, the only good thing in my fucked up life and you didn't deserve to be dragged down with me."

"You don't get to decide what I deserve and don't deserve. You don't get to make these choices for me that I have no say in, then you up and leave and fuck off from my life like I never meant shit to you. Do you know what your leaving did to me? Do you have the slightest idea?"

"No, I didn't at the time because I was being selfish and stupid and I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I know an apology won't fix any of the turmoil that I put you through but I wanted you to know. I'll never do that to you ever again."

Normani found herself folded in Arabella's arms and she was holding her as the tears came. But she was too tired to sob so held on as her chest heaved slightly and the silent tears ran down her face. Arabella was warm and familiar and some part inside of her began to feel healed. This was the closure she'd needed.

When the last of her tears dried long after, she'd stayed in Arabella's embrace for a long time, revelling in the soft timber of her voice as she sang a lullaby in Spanish.

That came to a stop. It all came together slowly yet as naturally as a flower blooming in spring time. Normani's hand went into Arabella's hair and then the Colombian bombshell was leaning down to meet her lips in the sweetest of kisses.

For a moment, Normani felt as though she was melting. She'd forgotten what kissing Arabella had been like – forgotten that her lips had always felt like the youngest and purest water lily against her lips.

For every kiss they shared, something inside of her was put back together. Then Arabella had put her on her back and she was on the carpet, very close to the coffee table and Arabella was hovering above her, kissing her exposed collarbones.

"Normani?" Arabella whispered, "are you sure about this?"

"Yes," Normani replied, "yes." She couldn't put to words how everything inside of her needed this, needed her. It went far beyond lust, far beyond the need to be self-destructive as a way to numb the pain. The parched parts of her inner being called out for the woman she'd once loved with everything inside of her, and perhaps would always love in a way that would transcend words.

She felt Arabella pulling her body up, gathering her into her arms like the most precious bouquet of wildflowers. And then she was being lifted and kissed at the same time. Arabella was leading their bodies to her bedroom and Normani held on tighter to her, kissed her deeper.

When she was deposited on the bed and in the most gentle of storms their clothes came off, Normani's soul sang in relief. She knew that when the morning came, there would be a lot of things she'd have to sort out but for now she wanted nothing else than to enjoy sweet surrender of their lovemaking.

Although she hadn't been with her this intimately in a long time, her body had not forgotten her. It never would, because she was the love of her life and she had gone places that no one had ever ventured. With all that had happened that year, this was what she needed and she refused to overthink it.

hiii loves. let me just say that getting this chapter to you guys was almost mission impossible. along with my physical health taking a turn i did not expect + exams and this weird mental block i had with writing this, there was just a lot going on.

but i am so grateful for your patience! we're almost at the end of this story loves, how are you all feeling right now?

thank you for your phenomenal support guys.

-dzangie💛