C H A P T E R  T W E N T Y - F I V E
 

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Normani could feel the chill of the air around her settle in her uncovered fingertips as she trudged through the leaf-covered pavement. Her suitcase rattled behind her as she pulled it along. She came to a stop in front of the familiar entrance of the sub shop she and Anika had frequented for years now and entered.

She found Anika at their usual table with two sandwiches in front of her. Her best friend saw her as soon as she approached the table and she stood to greet her.

"Hey," Anika said and wrapped her arms around her. Their hug was long and spoke of all the time they'd spent apart and how much they'd missed each other. Anika kissed her cheek, "I've missed you."

"Likewise," Normani replied with a tired smile.

"Let me help you with your bag," she said and grabbed the handle. She folded the handle in and tucked the suitcase under the table while Normani sat down.

"Thanks for ordering for me," she said.

"I would've gotten you a coffee too but I didn't want you to get it cold."

"I think I'll forgo coffee for today anyway," Normani replied.

She watched Anika sit down. A waitress came and took Normani's drink order of fresh orange juice and returned with it five minutes later. Anika let a few minutes pass in silence as Normani took the first taste of her food.

"How have you been holding up?" Anika asked, cupping her mug with both hands and training her dark eyes onto her best friend. Normani sighed and her eyes darted the window outside, then down to her food and back up to her best friend again.

Anika could see the torment in her eyes, the pure exhaustion. She saw also how blood shot the area surrounding her pupils were and how swollen her tear ducts were.

Normani had probably cried herself to sleep the previous night and on her fight back from Houston that morning too.

"What can I say?" Normani replied and sighed. It seemed to come from the deepest depths of her soul.

"I think spending the past five days with Mama really helped. Mothers are really wise, they know how to deal with these things. We don't give them enough credit."

"Well, they've seen and gone through all of this before, we forget we aren't the first people to have our hearts broken. What does Mama Drea think about all of this?" Anika asked gently.

"She's real sorry I had to go through all of that but she thinks that our relationship isn't entirely doomed. Keith and I could still work it out, but only if its something I really want. She liked him a lot, she and Dad."

"What do you want, Mani?"

Normani's eyes filled with tears and she shook her head and with a broken voice she said, "I miss him so much, Nika you don't understand. In Nigeria I was so mad at him, I wanted nothing to do with him, it was easy to walk away then yet now – now I never imagined I'd ever want someone so terribly."

Anika reached for her hand and clasped it tight.

"I can imagine, I'm so sorry. Has he tried to reach out to you?"

Normani nodded and reached for a napkin to dab at the corners of her eyes.

"Yeah, during the first few days but I wouldn't respond to his texts. But I do this horrible thing where I stalk his Facebook at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping and I saw that he landed in New York two days ago."

"If he asks to see you, will you let him?"

"No, I can't let him break my resolve."

"Babe, you know that I love you so much and I will support you in whatever you decide to do, but I have to ask; if he's willing to fix the shit he fucked up and is willing to stand up to his parents to fix his relationship, don't you think it's worth a shot?"

"Nika, if that was possible, I'd take him back in a heartbeat and put this entire ordeal behind me but I know it's not that simple. To anyone outside of the situation I may seem like I'm overreacting but I cannot put into words the things that I saw when we were in Abuja. His parents had his life set up from him from the day that he was born. The catch isn't that he isn't aware of this – he is perfectly knowledgeable. I think a part of him resents them for dictating his every move but a bigger part of him is comfortable in his position.

He enjoys being the golden son, he loves informatics, he enjoys the proximity to his father's estate, he loves proving himself to them. The woman who wants to be with him would have to accept and subscribe to that reality because he would rather die than give that life of comfort up."

"I'm not going to lie, I was really upset when you video called me about that dinner you had with that horrid family."

"You don't know the half of it," Normani said and couldn't stop the warm flow of tears that rushed down her face, "he let them tear me to pieces while he watched on. I tried so hard to make excuses for him afterwards. I thought that him taking me to Lagos for that luxury weekend was an acknowledgement of his wrongdoing but the more I looked into it, the more painful it became to realise that him showering me with material goods was his way of covering a bullet wound with a band-aid. He was far more concerned with pacifying me than standing up to his parents and that shit hurt."

"Do you think that was an intentional, calculated act on his side?"

"That doesn't matter because it will always be his method of fixing things whenever there'd be conflict and if I stay with him, it will never be over, Mrs Ikande made sure to let me know.

And I can't live like that Nika because what would happen when Keith and I had children? Do you think she wouldn't let her hatred for me pass onto them? I've seen what she does to the children of women that she hates, everything I learned about Ayoola was enough to scar me for life."

"Babe, you don't think mistreat your kids would she? They'd be Keith's too. She loves him, she'd have to be compelled to love them for his sake, no?"

"She ruined Ayoola's life and she knew he was Damola's daughter and she loves her husband," Normani replied as a countenance to the argument.

"This whole situation is a damn mess," Anika replied and rubbed her temples.

"So do you see the predicament I am in? I love that man and I know he loves me but our love will not save me from the misery that's sure to come. My mother and father didn't break their backs trying to give me the best future possible for me so sell myself into a life of straight up slavery.
I would be a slave to Keith's comfort and I'd be controlled through his parents too. How long do you think his parents would convince him or even manipulate him into forcing me into a life of house-wifery? They already think that I'm a harlot for dancing and Keith already believes that women with rich, hardworking husbands don't need to work. God forbid I resign myself to such a future."

"You've thought intricately about this huh?" Anika replied.

The conversation had sobered her up into a bleak, depressive state. Would Normani ever catch a break? She saw how broken her best friend was and she hated life for putting Normani through so much shit at such a short period of time.

They no longer talked about the damage Rayvon Parker had put her through back in high school, but Anika would never forget the shadow that would pass over her face every time Normani would talk about the things Rayvon would do to her after he learned that she was bisexual. One story in particular had haunted her for years:

When Anika and Normani were in junior year Anika had met a boy she really liked and was keen to go to second and possibly third base with. Normani was her sage because she and her boyfriend had been together for over a year and she'd had sex with him. Because of this Normani knew way more about sex and boys than Anika did. She'd wanted to absorb all that she could in preparation to whatever she and the boy would end up doing.

"He might be into kinky stuff so prepare for that," Normani had told her during a sleepover. They'd stolen a bottle of sweet red from Anika's parent's pantry they were sure they wouldn't miss and had finished half of the bottle. They were sitting so close together that their crossed legs were touching.

"Kinky stuff? Like what?" Anika whispered.

"Well," Normani had said, "Rayvon does this thing when I go down on him where he holds my head down and he pushes himself really roughly down my throat and he presses his fingers down until I start crying and I'm close to passing out. Then he pushes out in the last possible minute."

"What the fuck," Anika replied, horrified.

"He's into that and I mean he'd never really let me go unconscious."

"Do you like it?"

"Not really. It's uncomfortable but he doesn't do it for long."

"Mani,"Anika said.

"It's okay, really. It's not that big of a deal."

Once they'd polished off the rest of the bottle, Normani had cried herself to sleep in Anika's arms.  Because it wasn't okay and it was a big deal.

X O

Rayvon and Normani had dated from sophmore all the way through to senior year. After him there had been Arabella in freshman year of college.

She'd been faultless until she abruptly left her best friend with no adequate explanation. Now life had fucked her over with Keith Ikande. None of it was fair.

"Yeah, I have," Normani replied, "and it's just not worth it. It doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt like a mother fucker though."

"You know that I'll be here for you for whatever you need, you don't have to go through this alone."

"Yeah, I love you for that, but enough about me and my woes, how was your time with Faye?"

"We're good."

"How was Austin?"

Anika humoured Normani with her four-week summer. She told her about spending time with Faye's family, the cute dates they'd gone on and their five-day camping trip and the amazing outdoor sex they'd had.

"I'm so happy for you, do you know that? You deserve this, you and Faye. I hope you guys stay together forever."

Anika chuckled, "she makes me happy."

"Which is good. If anyone is to have a happy ending it should be you." There was no malice in her words, just an infinite sadness.

The meal finished and the girls left the shop.

"So, are we taking an uber back to the apartment?"

"No, I'll drive. I have Faye's car," Anika replied.

The weak sunlight that had gotten stronger and the chill had warded off as they manouvered their way to the parking lot.

As they drove, Anika hated herself for being so weak. She should've told Normani the truth while they were still at the restaurant but the words had failed her. She didn't have the heart to add more injury to her pain after all that she'd told her.

They reached the familiar surroundings of their apartment complex and Anika took Normani's luggage for her. Normani mounted the stairs first and Anika trailed closely behind like a dog with its tail between her legs.

Normani used her key to unlock the front door. She entered the apartment and was greeted by an immaculate apartment and the fresh scent of incense.

Anika placed her bags in the living room and stood awkwardly at the door frame.

"It feels so good to be home," Normani said to herself and went into the kitchen and opened her fridge. She was pleased to find it fully stocked but she raised her eyebrow at some of the things she saw in there.

Last she'd checked, Anika wasn't much of a health freak and some of the things she saw in there were definitely more suited for a vegetarian diet. But Normani wasn't one to judge her best friend's new choice of diet.

She walked back into the kitchen after she'd washed a few strawberries and had them in a bowl on her lap.

"Why are you standing at the doorway like that? It's weird, sit down."

"Mani, I need to talk to you about something."

"What is is it that can't have you sitting down?" Normani said and switched the TV on.

"I moved in with Faye."

Normani looked back at Anika, "really? When?"

"Over the summer."

"So, I'm going to have to look for a roommate then? To keep up with the rent?"

"Here's the thing, you already have a roommate."

"She's already moved in?"

"Yeah, her stuff's in my old room."

"So that's her stuff in the fridge and her incense?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't tell me this because?"

"Look, a lot happened while you were away and it just didn't seem right to do it over the phone. I wanted to do it in person."

Normani sighed.

"Well, where is she?"

"On her way."

"Do I have any choice on whether or not I want her to stay?" Normani asked. She suddenly felt really tired.

She'd looked forward to the familiarity of falling back into her old habits after so many weeks spent in a foreign land. With everything thrown off balance, the last thing she wanted to do was to have to aquaint herself with a stranger.

"If you decide you don't like co-habiting with her after a month then I'll help you find a new roommate, deal?"

"There's no other choice now is there?" Normani replied and sighed once more.

"Have you met her?"

"I know her quite well, actually."

"You got a lot of time to suss her out while I was away?"

"You know her too," Anika replied.

Normani racked through her memory for any girl that she and Anika knew previously and came up empty.

"Peaches?"

"God, no," Anika replied.

Normani's lips wobbled into a little smile. Some things would never change.

"I'm out of guesses."

"It's Arabella."

The world came to standstill.

Normani saw how serious her best friend looked and she started to shake her head, "what the fuck, Nika?"

"Hear me out okay?"

"No, dude. What the fuck?"

"She came to me okay, Faye told her about how I was looking for a roommate to take my place and she approached me. Of course I had my reservations, I didn't just let her in here like everything was okay. But Mani, she told me some shit and I just thought that it would be in your best interest to hear what she has to say."

"Why didn't I have a say in any of this? And why do you suddenly know what's best for me?"

"Because I know you and Arabella need closure and left to your own devices you'd have never have sought it. You probably hate me right now because I keep on dragging her into your life and it was shitty of me to wait so long to tell you, I'll admit. But look, I paid my share of the rent for the next two months so if you guys talk it out and you decide you really just can't, she'll leave. She knows the agreement."

The fight left Normani's body and she sagged against the couch. She suddenly got up and grabbed her suitcase and went into her room.

She laid down on her bed and waited until she heard Anika's retreating footsteps out of their once-shared apartment before she relaxed. With the next breath that she took came the tears, warm, silent and heavy.

She covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to stop the ugly sounds from coming out.

Why couldn't she seem to catch a break?

i'd love to hear all of your thoughts on this chapter.

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-dzangie 💛