One morning, Luz was standing in front of a glass tank where she kept the Echo Mouse that ate Philip's diary. Spoiler alert, she was doing it all morning. "Oh, little echo mouse. You ate the diary that can get us home." Luz sighed. "Can't you cough up a teeny bit?" "Just squeeze it out." King suggested, squeezing Francois tight. "Maybe you just need to be patient." I said. "Shit like that takes time." "Please tell me your secrets." Luz begged. "Hey, knuckleheads. You're gonna be late for school." Eda greeted. "Ready to go, Mom." I said, putting on my sneakers as Luz continued staring at the mouse. "Alright, I guess you won't be getting a magic staff with Peter and the rest of your classmates." Luz quickly got dressed in her uniform and dashed to the door. "Come on, Clawthornes, let's fly!" Luz shouted. "There we go." Eda said. "Luz, I know you're my best friend, but you scare the shit out of me sometimes." I confessed.

All the students who were getting a palisman were told to meet on the Grudgby field. "Hello, my precious Willow tree." I greeted my girlfriend with a kiss. "Hi, Peter. Hey Luz." Willow replied. "Hey, Willow. Shouldn't Amity be here?" Luz asked. "Oh, sorry, Luz." Willow said. "I heard from Alexa that she stayed home today." "Wait. Didn't you tell me she dyed her hair purple, Luz?" I asked. "Oh, that actually makes sense." Luz sighed, disappointed. "Good tidings on this momentous day." Principal Bump greeted. "You're all about to receive your witches' staffs and, more importantly, meet your palisman. This is a crucial step in your magical development. Palismen are lifelong partners. They can become both your good friends, and a powerful tool. In my case..." Turns out that thing on Bump's head was his palisman. He also had a shit ton of hair. "Holy Titan!" Luz gasped. "Frewin here helps me see." Principal Bump explains. "Now, traditionally, young witches carve their staffs from the branch of an old Palistrom tree." Eda added. "But sadly, Palistrom trees are becoming more rare. And those that remain are being guarded covetously." Bump said. "That's why I've teamed up with Bumpipoo." Eda explains. "Never call me that." He grunted. "To bring you..." Eda added. All of a sudden, The Bat Queen came down to the field. "Palisman adoption day!" She announced. I also might've forgotten she was a palisman. "These little ones have not had homes in many years. They want to feel a connection. Kneel and state your deepest wish, and your like-minded partner will find you." "Ugh! I want my own palisman, not some trashy hand-me-down." Boscha complained. "Your loss. I want to be strong and wise to protect everyone I love. And if anyone gets in my way, they'll feel the sting of defeat." Willow said, making a connection with a bee palisman. "Tender yet tenacious." The Bat Queen said. "Clover gives her support." "Oh my gosh!" Willow gasped. "I'm gonna take such good care of you." "Outta my way!" Boscha snapped. "I wanna play professional Grudgby!" "A competitive spirit. Maya will be thrilled." The Bat Queen chuckled as a crab palisman was bonded with Boscha. "Okay, this is pretty cool." Boscha said.

As the other students got their palismen, the only ones left were me and Luz. "I want to be a witch!" Luz exclaimed, but nothing happened. "Uh, probably just takes a little longer since I'm human, right?" "Palismen bond through emotion." The Bat Queen explains. "I do not sense any conviction from you." "That's impossible!" Luz gasped. "I'm Luz. I'm chock-full of conviction!" "Wait! Does that mean it might not work for me?" I asked. "There are many kinds of witches." Principal Bump explains. "What do you plan to accomplish with your magic?" "Oh, uh, get home to my mom?" Luz asked herself. "Find my dad and beat the shit out of my uncle." I replied. "Would you still train to be a witch in the human realm?" Gus asked. "Can you even do magic there?" Boscha sneered. "Can you ever leave us the hell alone?!" I snapped at Boscha, but I still thought about her words. Glyphs don't work in the human realm. Luz can't cast a spell circle. Maybe I'm more of a human than a witch. Maybe my powers are weaker at home. "Huh, I guess I never thought that far ahead." Luz sighed. "Kids, you okay?" Eda asked. Luz and I were sweating with embarrassment.

Later that night before bed, Luz was pacing around the room. "We stayed here because we wanted to learn magic, right?" Luz asked. "We wanted to be witches, like Eda and Azura! But what does that even mean?" "And I'm sure we've both read stories like this. The main character always has to return home." I added. "And, what, did either of us expect to be witches back in Connecticut?" "Yeah, I wouldn't want to be my palisman either." Luz said to the Echo Mouse. All of a sudden, a red bird came out of Luz's bag. "It's you!" Luz gasped. "Did you come here for one of us?" The bird chirped and wandered around. "Of course not." I sighed. "Let's take this little guy back to the nest."

Luz and I put on our cloaks and went back to the Grudgby field to return the bird palisman to the nest. However, the nest was protected by a force field. "How are we supposed to get through this?" Luz asked. "Beats me." I replied. The palisman rubs it's head against the force field, making it come down. "Palisman powers." I said. "Neat." Luz opened the door to see all the remaining Palismen. "Okay, I'm not sure about you, Peter, but I'm not leaving here until I figure out what my future is and one of you becomes my Palisman." Luz explains. "What if I use my powers to become a popular magician back in the human realm!" "I've seen your card tricks. That's not gonna work." I commented. "What if I stay on the Boiling Isles and become a rugged bounty hunter!" Luz gasped. "Nah, I'm too lovable." I immediately fell asleep after a while.

"Peter! We have a situation!" Luz shouted, waking me up. "Is Hooty dressing up like Lilith again?" I yawned. "Worse!" Luz explains, pointing at the ground. "I think we're being kidnapped." The Palismen shook in fear. "Don't worry. We'll figure this out." I reassured the Palismen. I followed Luz up to the ship. Controlling the ship was The Golden Guard, who was whistling a catchy tune. "Why, hello there, Golden Bastard." I whispered. "Ugh, him again." Luz groaned, blasting him overboard with a fire glyph. "He'll be fine." "Okay, how do we land this thing?" Luz wondered. "Oh, you just pull that cord over your head." I heard someone say. "Oh, thank..." Luz gasped. "Hi." The Golden Guard greeted, tying us up with his staff. "Hey!" I shouted. "Good to see you, too, humans." He said. "Why are you stealing Palismen, Golden Guard?" Luz asked. "Frankly, you should be more concerned about yourselves." The Golden Guard replied. "For the crime of rocketing me off my own ship, and calling me names, you'll be locked in the dingiest cell of the Conformatorium for the rest of your sad, little lives." "Whatever. We already broke out of there, like, twice." I scoffed. "Then, we'll just zap you to dust and throw you into the sea." The Golden Guard said. "That better? Good." "Say, how'd you get back on the ship so fast?" Luz asked, creating a glyph. "Staff." He replied. "Cool." Luz said as both of us stepped on the ice glyph, sending his staff to the skies. "No!" He shouted. "Humans, it'll take more than that to thwart my mission." All of a sudden, a large creature destroyed the sail of the ship, causing us to crash to the ground. "Shit!" I screamed.

I woke up to the sound of the bird palisman chirping. Turns out that he was setting us free. "My head." Luz groaned. "You alright, Peter?" "Surprisingly, I am." I replied. "I would've expected to at least have broken ribs after that fall." In the distance, we both heard The Golden Guard groaning in pain. All of a sudden, we overheard Kikimora talking with some of the Emperor's guards. "We've found the Palismen. They seem rattled but unharmed." One of the guards said. "Very good, Captain." Kikimora commented. "Return to the city and prepare them for travel." "Is it true, ma'am?" The Captain asked. "Is The Golden Guard really..." "This is all that remains." She replied, showing his mask. "Such a horrible accident. Probably caused by the incompetent pilot." "I'll alert the castle." The Captain said. "Scouts! To Latissa!" After the Captain left with the scouts, Kikimora blew a whistle to summon the creature that crashed The Golden Guard's ship. "Excellent work, my pet." She said. "Now, find the rest of him and have yourself a nice little snack. I'll call for you soon." "That rotten bitch!" I whispered. "I want to kick her ass so much." The palisman chirps at us, looking at The Golden Guard. "Don't worry. We won't leave him." Luz explains. I grabbed The Golden Guard's staff before we went to check on him. He wasn't who we thought he was. "This is the Golden Guard? He looks like he could be a student at Hexside." Luz said, slowly moving closer, to slap him in the face. "Wake up!" "What?" He asked. "You two!" "Shut the fuck up!" I shushed him. "Listen, you're a shitty person and we don't like you." "But Kikimora is trying to kill you, and unfortunately, we're too nice to let that happen!" Luz added as he licked her hand. "Well, I am, at least. Are you licking my hand?! We're trying to help you!" "Why should I believe you?" The Golden Guard asked. That's when Kikibitch's monster came looking for him. The Golden Guard took off his cape so we could all escape from the monster.

"Whew, man. Kikimora must hate you." I said as we followed The Golden Guard. "We haven't been outside Bonesborough that much." "Latissa is so cool!" Luz commented. "Hey! Where are you going? Hey, man. We just saved your life. The least you could do is tell us your name." He ran up to a base where the scouts were stationed. "Scouts! Direct me to your communications room." He ordered, showing the scouts his sigil. "I need to contact the castle immediately." "Cute. I didn't know kids your age were still into temporary tattoos." One of the scouts said. "Yeah. Show us your badge number." Another scout added. "I am your superior, and I can prove it!" The Golden Guard explains. "Staff." I put his staff behind my back to embarrass him. "Isn't it a little late for you kids to be outside?" The second scout asked. "Yeah. Go home before we call your parents." The first scout added. As the scouts left, The Golden Guard chased us down in fury throughout Latissa. Luckily, Luz and I made an escape into an alley. "Ice glyph!" We shouted, activating an ice glyph, while The Golden Guard was stuck on the ground still. "Come on, Golden Bastard." I taunted. "Don't you know any, like, levitation spells?" He looked away in embarrassment. "Are you powerless without this?" Luz asked. The Golden Guard made a huge leap to catch up to us. Luz started using his own weapon against him. "Back up, or else!" Luz shouted. "Or else, what? You gonna blast me to bits?" The Golden Guard asked. "Nah, you're too nice for that. Fly away? You know you can't do that either. 'Cause then, you'll be leaving behind your precious Palismen. You don't tend to think things through, do you, humans?" Suddenly, I noticed the monster interacting with Kikimora again. "God, what's she doing now?" I wondered. "So, Kikimora was after my catch." The Golden Guard said. "Seems like neither of us want her to win right now." Luz smirked. "So, let's work together to take back these Palismen." "Then what?" He asked. "You think I'll just let you walk away with them?" "Maybe you won't have a choice!" I shouted. "Luz and I, we're more formidable than you think." Luz was spinning the staff around, almost dropping it. "I doubt that, but, fine." The Golden Guard replied. "A truce till then." "Truce!" Luz exclaimed, holding out her hand along with me. Before he could shake on it, both of us pulled our hands back. "Too slow, Turtle Boy." I teased. "Ugh! Let's get this over with." The Golden Guard groaned.

The Golden Guard snuck by the base to retrieve something, while Luz and I started to combine glyphs. "I've never seen magic like this." The Golden Guard commented once he returned. "What will it do?" "Well, we don't want to spook Kikimora's steed because it might drop the nest and hurt the Palismen." I explained. "So, using these fire and ice spells, we can command the glyphs to produce a thick mist!" "And the sleeping nettles?" He asked. "They're essential!" Luz replied. "Combined with the magical mist, it'll create..." "A sleep-inducing smoke, forcing Kikimora to land." The Golden Guard interrupted. "Oh, I read a similar spell in the book From Bones to Earth..." "A Study of Wild Magic!" I gasped. "My mom once pickpocketed the guy who wrote it." "Your mom?" He asked. "Eda the Owl Lady. I'm actually part witch, and part human." I explained. "I've never seen glyphs before, but it seems very similar to the elemental magic practiced in the Savaged Ages." The Golden Guard explains. "Really?" Luz asked. "Actually, not many people know this, but... No, this stuff is restricted for a reason." The Golden Guard said. "Should forget about it before you're hurt." "Uh-huh. Other than Lilith, we've never spoken to someone inside the Emperor's Coven." Luz explains. "What made you want to join?" "You were right before. I'm a powerless witch. A lot of my ancestors were." The Golden Guard replied. "I never thought I'd have a future in a world like this. But then, Belos found me and gave me a staff with artificial magic. Said the Titan had very big plans for me." "At least you have your future figured out now." I sighed. "At least you two can figure out your own." He said as the bird started pecking at him. "Stop! Get away from me!" "He's just being friendly." Luz reassured him. "I don't care!" The Golden Guard snapped. "These things are made from wild magic. It's dangerous." "And does he seem dangerous to you?" I asked as the monster began taking off with the nest. "Masks on." "Once they're surrounded by the smoke, we'll need to stay close to see where they land." Luz explains, handing The Golden Guard his staff. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Just take it!" I snapped. Luz activated the mist as we took off on the staff to follow Kikimora.

As we got closer, I started to notice Kikimora and her monster were starting to fall asleep. "I think it's working." The Golden Guard whispered. Luz and I both cast a light spell to reflect our shadows, distracting the monster as it landed. "The Palismen!" Luz gasped. "Hello, babies. You guys look so cold and scared. Here, make sure you share." Luz bundled up the Palismen with her cloak. "Now, stay in here, okay?" I asked. "We'll get you home safe and..." We turned around to see The Golden Guard with his staff charged as if nothing happened. "Well, fuck." "We didn't think this through. Again." Luz added. "So, you're really gonna do this? You're just gonna hand all of these innocent guys over to Belos?" "We know what he does with them." I continued. "We thought you might've been a good guy. But I guess that was just wishful thinking. You're not our friend. You're just The Golden Guard. The Golden Bastard." "My name is Hunter." He corrected, pulling down his mask. All of a sudden, Kikimora blasts a spell in The Golden Guard's, or Hunter's direction. "I can't tell who's there, but I know I got you!" Kikimora shouted, casting many spells. She sounded like my uncle whenever he was too drunk. Hunter used his staff to fight against her attacks. Kikimora dropped what looked like a bird call. "This is treason against a coven official!" While Hunter continued fighting with Kikimora, Luz and I snuck away with the Palismen.

After dropping off the Palismen at Hexside, we returned to The Owl House. "Everyone got one except for us, Mom." Luz said to a picture of her mom. "Maybe I wasn't meant to be here." All of a sudden, Eda and King came into our room with two logs of wood. "I thought I'd find you two here!" Eda exclaimed. "We could've used the door!" King shouted. "What the hell did you get into?" I asked. Eda tossed us each one of the logs. "Uh, how thoughtful?" "It's Palistrom Wood, ya ding dongs." Eda explains. "Now both of you can make your own Palisman!" "But, but how?" Luz asked. "Isn't this super rare?" "Let's just say that the Bonesborough Garden Club..." Eda began. "Was robbed. By us!" King finished. "Mom. I don't know what to say." Luz said. "Luckily I went to woodworking camp." I chuckled. "No pressure, but whenever you know what you want, we'll start carving." Eda replied. "If it's okay, I'd like some time to think." Luz said. "It's hard to picture my future without seeing my mom." "Eh, there's no rush." Eda explains. "Just know that whatever you need from us, we gotcha." "Thanks." We replied.