Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or- nvm I know you're all ignoring this anyways🤕 (disrespectful😒)

Whores, Doors, and Nonbinary floors groupchat
0 online

Y/n is now online

Y/n
Howdy pardners

Y/n
Pardners???

Y/n
:(

Y/n
I am boreddd

Y/n
>:(

Y/n
Bullying, harassment

Y/n
Hear ye hear ye??

Y/n
:(

Y/n
Chrollieee

Y/n
I'm going to have sex with Hisoka

Y/n
..?

Y/n
FGCYGGCHVHVHHHVHVH

Y/n
How do you all not even react to that😔

Y/n
Shalnark??

Y/n
Feican or wtv ur name was??

Y/n
Toucan maybe??

Y/n
Fei Fei

Y/n
Pls guys

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️ is now online

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Unlike you, we have more important
things to do

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️ is now offline

Y/n
:(

Y/n
U clearly weren't busy enough to not
text

Y/n
😖😖😖😖😖

Y/n
Y'know what? Fine:(

You are now private chatting
Illumeow⚫️-⚫️

Y/n
Pardnerrrr

Y/n
Guess who remembered they could text
one on one<3

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I will block you

Y/n
No you won't

Y/n
I'm too amazing for that

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
You are an idiot.

Y/n
Nuh-uh

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I am not going to argue with someone
so childish

Y/n
:(

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
You can use your words.

Y/n
What u got against emoticons😖😖

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Emotions.

Y/n
Fair point, emotions suck

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Pleased to hear you agree, now leave me
alone

Y/n
No<3

Y/n
What are you even busy doing, anyways?

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I was attempting to sleep, but you have
so kindly put a stop to that

Y/n
Yw😘😘

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I never thanked you.

Y/n
But u wanted to🥰🥰

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I did not, actually

Y/n
U did💞💞

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
You are so confidently incorrect

Y/n
Always am😋

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Your excessive usage of emojis is starting
to become an eyesore

Y/n
💞💞💞💞💞💞🐑🐑🌸💓🌸💖💗💗💖💞💓💞💞💘🌺💝🌷💄💄🐷🎀🧞‍♀️👚👛👚🩷👛🩷🎟️🦩⚪️🦴⚪️❔❔🥡▫️▫️🏳️◻️⬜️◻️🔳🔳◽️🔳🛡️◽️❕❕❕❕❕🐩🐻‍❄️🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Y/n
Did that hurt ur eyes🥺

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
It burns.

Y/n
I can really sense the emotion there

Y/n
💞

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
You could have gone without the emoji

Y/n
I disagree

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
That's a big word for you

Y/n
8 letters bby💃🕺

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Yes, very impressive

Y/n
So you're... proud of me?????

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Furthest thing from it

Y/n
Dang😔✊

Y/n
Where'd u learn to speak all fancy tho, like
is there a class

Y/n
Did u, Chrollo, and Hisoka meet at a
seminar for fancy speak

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
It was a "being better than everyone"
seminar

Y/n
Wait really

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
No.

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
That was a joke

Y/n
IGGUYFFYFYHVVUBK

Y/n
U know how 2 joke??

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I do have the basic concept down, yes

Y/n
So fancy for normal conversation

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
12 letters, you're learning.

Y/n
Ty (autocorrect helped a little itty-bit)

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I assumed as much

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
And my speech patterns are not that "fancy"

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
This was simply the best the author could muster up as they are, in their core, an
imbecile

(Edit: does writing that count as self deprecation?)

Y/n
What?

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Do not question it

Y/n
I'm questioning

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Don't.

Y/n
How much u paying me??

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
All I would spare for someone like you
is pocket change

Y/n
Deal.

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I pray that you gain some dignity in the
near future

Y/n
Bby I work minimum wage, even just three pennies help😔✊

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Minimum wage?

Y/n
Yeah, the minimum my employers can
legally pay me per hr

Y/n
Since u probably didn't know u aristocrat bastard

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Do you know anything of the aristocracy,
or are you repeating what Chrollo called
me?

Y/n
...nuh-uh

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Every time I start to believe there is a
sliver of hope for you, you go out of your
way to prove me wrong

Y/n
So basically what ur saying is that I'm
right, and ur wrong🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I have not seen those emojis before,
interesting

Y/n
They're new bby

Y/n
Wait why do you keep track of what emojis
I do and don't use🤨

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
The things you text are interesting to
say the least

Y/n
Awwwww

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
They would have gotten you enrolled
into a insane asylum in the 1900's

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Or trialed as a witch in the 1600's

Y/n
Less awwww

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
That was a compliment

Y/n
U like the mentally ill??🥹🥹

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
"Mental illness" is a way the government
shuns the non-cowards of today's society

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
The Hunter Association tries to counter
that by making murder legal, and starting manhunts

Y/n
Ur so strange I love it

Y/n
I'd let you hunt me, in the case of a
manhunt<33

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I could find you in less than fifteen
minutes.

Y/n
We both know I'd give u my location if u
asked for it

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Luckily, I have no desire to know your whereabouts

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Now, because you do graciously disrupted
my sleep, I will be going to take a bath

Y/n
I could be ur rubber duck yk

Y/n
4 ur bath

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Are you flirting with me?

Y/n
Is it working? (As a joke I swear)

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Not at all

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I have plenty of rubber ducks

Y/n
wait u actually usr rubber
ducksvuvuuvvhvhjv

Y/n
Illumi ur so fucking adorable

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Please never call me that

Y/n
Vuuvuccchvhhv I love ducks

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Noted

Y/n
Wdym noted🤨

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
It is self explanatory

Y/n
Y u noting down my interests??

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Future manipulation

Y/n
Lmao I love you so muvj

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
You do seem like you would have a
terrible taste in men

Y/n
Implying that u taste terrible,?

Y/n
That yoir a terible tasye I nean

Y/n
I jean

Y/n
Where Chrollo when u need him😭😭

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Do you mean implying that I wouldn't be a decent lover?

Y/n
Yes, that😭😭

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Yes, I would not make a good lover

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Not that you would ever get to learn that
personally, as you would never get a
chance at dating me

Y/n
Ouch😖

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
May I go bathe now?

Y/n
No stay with me💃🕺

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Talking to peasants makes me feel dirty,
so I will not be doing that

Y/n
U can feel??

Y/n
That sounds wrong wait

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
I will text you when I'm done with my
bath, Y/n

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️ is now offline

Y/n
Wait really:0

Y/n
Vvjvjchhchchcchcjvjjv

Y/n
Vjjgjgjf

Y/n
Implying that u enjoy talking to me??

Y/n
Illumi??

Y/n
Fine I'll wait 4 my answers:(

Y/n
But I will be getting them there answers,
even if I have to invade ur walls

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️ is now online

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️
Invasive species, my favorite

Illumeow⚫️-⚫️ is now offline

—

Illumi gave what could only barely count as a smile as he set his phone down on his bedside table. Enjoying the sound of the constant buzzing as Y/n kept spamming text messages.

Invade his walls, or house in general? It'd almost be fun to see them try.

They'd fail, of course. But they'd end up with some interesting plans. He's certain of it.

Of course, he'd have to kill them if they tried. His father would punish him if he believed Illumi was going soft. Getting Silva to allow him to keep Jinx, his cat, was hard enough. To keep a human? It would be near impossible.

Oh well.

Word Count: 1360

Fun Facts:

• Idk how this turned into all of them referring to the Reader as property to take/keep it whatever but ig that's what happens when you try to write mass murders as close to in character as possible

• Trying to decide if I'm making the Trio's speech too extra, or if I need to go google more elegant words for them to be usin'

• I've started adding in Irl parts, but I'm planning to stay with the mostly-texting theme for a while longer. When do you guys want actual meetups to happen, though?