I haven't eaten or slept so I guess you don't have to either ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: did finally get paid. Chose not to shop for groceries. Instead bought $100 worth of hxh stuff (I have trading cards now)

You hadn't even realized you had fallen asleep until you woke up. Groaning as you slowly sat up, bringing your hand up to block the sun from your eyes.

That was the one issue with having so many windows. As great as the view was, you literally could not escape the light.

Well, you could think of more issues, but eight am was not the time to be making a pro and cons list about windows.

Looking away from the windows, you noticed Hisoka wasn't in the room.

Considering it was Hisoka, and he was always incredibly touchy, this was rather strange.

Slipping out of the bed, you made your way out of the bedroom, into the living area. Blinking as you saw Hisoka cooking.

A mass murderer doing something so.. docile, #housewife core, #NaraSmith, #Traditional family, was ..off putting.

"Good morning ♡" He purred, suddenly appearing right next to you, laughing as you flinched back.

You just grumbled and looked away, "Too early, 'soka."

"You'll get used to it," He assured, dragging you back into his arms, his fingers trailing along your spine, "now, would you like some breakfast? ♧"

"I don't trust your cooking," You grumbled, slumping into his chest, "you probably added sugar and spice and evil mice."

"Remarkable rhyming skills," He kissed your forehead before pulling away. Heading back towards the kitchen, "I'm sure you're almost at kindergarten level. ♤"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Only if you watch ♡"

You had to admit that the impeccable timing was kind of funny.

But it was Hisoka. And he's always wrong. And not ever funny.

Following him, you leaned against his side. Burying your face in the fabric of his shirt.

Before he could comment on your change of behavior, which may be specifically to annoy lucy-whatever the rest of their username is, you asked.

Update: Lucy(?? I don't remember their name) is my spouse now?? I think we've been married before and divorced and now we're remarried??

Guys please don't judge my memory issues I have completely healthy marriages.

"What're you making?"

"Chocolate strawberry crepes ♡" His free hand moved to the back of your head. Fingers intertwining with your hair as he kept your head pressed against him.

The food of choice may be because it's the only breakfast food thing the author knows how to cook. Besides potatoes.

Also the author is broke and really wants food rn. (Their parents don't buy vegetables or fruits half the time, so they have to buy their own groceries.)

"Of course you have a sweet tooth," You grumbled, glancing up at him before demanding "Make me eight."

"You don't need that many ♡"

"Hisokaaaaaaa," You whined, mostly to see if it'd work. Hisoka was a wild card. And you needed to figure him out eventually.

"Three. ♡"

"Eight."

"Two ♡"

"Eighteen."

"None? ♤"

You considered lowering your request. Maybe to five. Or fifty two.

But you know what they say. Never back down, never what?

"Eight."

"None it is then ♢"

"Eight."

He just twirled your hair between his fingers. In an attempt to ignore your requests.

—

In the end, you only got three. Four if you count the amount you stole from Hisoka.

Would you've eaten eight? Probably not.

Does that stop you from wanting eight? No.

If only Hisoka wasn't such a dictator.

"Are you done stealing my food? ♡"

"I have no income, I'm stealing your food every day until I leave." Sitting beside him, you considered attacking him. For no particular reason, except entertainment.

Since he so kindly had not turned you in yet, though, you decided against it. For now.

"Leaving isn't an option, dear," He corrected, pulling you into his lap, arm looping around your waist, "I'll teach you everything you want, but you won't be leaving my side ♢"

You frowned, any hint of amusement leaving your face, "I don't like being held captive, Morow. I've made that clear."

"But you don't want to leave, do you? ♡" He brought your hand up to his lips. Kissing the back of it softly, "You wouldn't have come if you had any plan of leaving ♡"

"Morow."

"Ah-ah-ah," He tsked, his grip on you tightening, "I much prefer my first name,
love ♡"

"I much prefer you shut up." You grumbled turning away from him, pulling your hand away from his, sounding out each syllable as you grumblingly added "Hi-so-ka."

"I could care less as to how you say it, dear," He purred, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, a grin on his face, "You're welcome to misbehave as much as you'd like ♧"

"Unless it's saying your last name?" Rolling your eyes, you just leaned away from him. His hand still around your waist.

"Now now," He moved his hand to the back of your neck. Holding you in place as he nuzzled back into you, "that's simply bad manners ♤"

"You're too touchy."

"And you miss being held ♢"

The bastard, always wrong, never funny clown man had a point. And god you hated him for it.

Slowly moving your hand to his hair, you let him nuzzle into you, just sighing "I do, truly, hate you."

"Do you?♡"

You tried not to react to the question. Only tensing up slightly.

Did you hate him? Did you hate any of them? You were supposed to. They killed people, kidnapped you, saw you as an object for entertainment.

Hell, Illumi actively tortured you.

Compared to any 'crazy boyfriend' story you've ever heard, they were the worst of the worst.

And yet, hate still felt like too strong of a word.

It had taken you too long to even consider answering now. And Hisoka looked rather smug, even as he cuddled against you like a needy cat.

"..What's the four principles?" You asked awkwardly, knowing the topic of Nen needed to come up sooner than later. And he wouldn't bring it up himself until necessary.

"Mmh.. later, dear ♡" He hummed against your skin, pulling you closer. As if he needed to be pressed up against you at all times.

"Hisoka, this is literally the only reason I'm here," You pulled away slightly, though you're sure he could've stopped you if he wanted to.

"What do I get from this, my dearest? ♧" Hisoka tilted his head, his fingers gently kneading into the back of your neck, massaging it, "I don't work for free ♧"

You were hoping he asked that, actually. Anything but that playful act he puts on would help you figure him out, "What do you want from me?"

—

Within a week of your living arrangement with Hisoka, you had learned three fundamental things.

One, he required almost constant physical touch. Especially in public.

Two, he'd only teach you things when it was convenient or entertaining for him.

And three, he had a sweet tooth. The only time you are anything that wasn't 90% sugar was when you went out to eat. Most likely because he loved using money.

For quite awhile you had wondered who was the richest. Illumi felt like a safe bet, considering his occupation. But you had no idea how much went to him, and how much went to his family.

Chrollo stole only the highest valued items. So you assumed he was also up there.

And, before actually meeting Hisoka, you thought he was rich as well.

And he was. By normal standards, he was very, very far from broke.

But he never stopped spending money. If he got it, it was used. Instantly.

"What's on your mind, sweetheart? ♡" He asked, wrapping his arms around you from behind, causing you to jump.

When you tilted your head back to glare at him, he just grinned "Don't sneak up on me, Hiso."

"Ah, you know I didn't mean to ♧" He purred, a complete and utter lie, his fingers rubbing your hip lightly, "I just want to know what has your attention, is that so bad? ♡"

"If you must know, it's your poor money management skills."

"You're too used to Chrollo and Illumi," He laughed, kissing the top of your head softly, "I find it dreadfully boring to not spend the money I rightfully earned ♡"

"Rightfully is a strong word."

"I can't see why you complain, darling ♡" Burying his face into the crook of your neck, he let out a satisfied hum, "I've spent hundreds of thousands on you, and you've only been here a week ♢"

It was a fair point. After you escaped Illumi, you had practically nothing. All your cash going to flight tickets.

Hisoka had very quickly solved that issue. As skeptical as you were about going shopping, or being in public in general, he had insisted. Buying you anything you so much as looked at for more than two seconds.

You're starting to suspect it was just so he'd have another reason to spend money, though.

"Whatever, teach me more Nen things."

He just laughed, humming as he dragged you towards the kitchen.

Word Count: 1693

Fun Facts:

• Y/n being confused about their relationship with the trio part 1‼️‼️ (Hisoka abusing that part 1‼️)

• Hisoka has probably never had someone this invested in figuring him out before. And he definitely can tell that's what Y/n's doing. So I assume that's part of the fun for him.

• Hisoka Headcanons !!
• Incredibly clingy, both to make others uncomfortable and just because he enjoys it
•CANNOT, for the life of him, save money. 2 billion spent in a day. Give this man enough money to rule a nation, it's gone by the end of the day
•Literally only does things for entertainment. Not entertaining, not getting done. Doesn't matter if it needs to be done, lil bro will not waste his time
•Secretly likes children. But very secretly. Like he wouldn't moan their name mid fight. Or anything like that.
•Only eats/drinks sweet things. Could not imagine him liking sour things. Spicy maybe, but not sour.
•Probably can't say no to any sexual propositions