Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or else I make Hisoka the only love interest

Unknown Number has created a new Groupchat
Unknown Number has added Illumi, Chrollo, and Hisoka to the Groupchat
Unknown Number has changed their name to Yours Truly💅

Yours Truly💅
Welcome back to my YouTube channel
guys!!

3 people are now online

Illumi
Where are you.

Chrollo
Where have you been?

Hisoka
Welcome back💞💅

Yours Truly💅
Today I'm going to be showing you how
to run from dangerous serial killers

Yours Truly💅
(Don't try this at home)

Illumi
Y/n Zoldyck.

Chrollo
Y/n would-

Chrollo
Zoldyck? I swear dear if you married this
man.

Yours Truly💅
Step one(1):Tell them you love them

Hisoka
And step two?🥰

Yours Truly💅
No step two, they fall for that and u can
just leave

Yours Truly💅
Talking from experience

Hisoka
How cruel you've become~

Illumi
Tell me where you are and I'll lessen your punishment.

Yours Truly💅
For examples!! "You're so awkward, I love
you" tends to do wonders! Gaining trust instantly!!

Yours Truly💅
Always recommend to use physical affection against them(such as tracing tattoos on their back)🙏🙏

Yours Truly💅
they are unable to tell when they're being deceived🥰😘

Hisoka
Taking notes, love ♡

Chrollo
Y/n, tell me where you are and there won't
be a punishment. If Illumi finds you first
you will get hurt.

Illumi
I am their husband. I do as I please.

Yours Truly💅
And I did as I pleased🥰 by escaping the Zoldyck manor

Yours Truly💅
Really easily, too.

Illumi
I'll make sure you never do again. You
won't be leaving my sight ever again.

Yours Truly💅
How did you watch me escape from Chrollo, assist in it, kidnap me, then make the same mistake💀

Yours Truly💅
😭How can one be stronger, faster,
smarter, richer, more influential, and still
lose to me:/

Hisoka
🫢

Chrollo
You are signing your death certificate,
Y/n. If you want to stay safe I'd recommend sending me your location.

Yours Truly💅
Ur moms house

Yours Truly💅
Oh waittt

Yours Truly💅
You don't have a mom🤭

Hisoka
😧

Yours Truly💅
"Keep me safe" your troupe and Illumi
both tortured me:/

Yours Truly💅
You repeated each others mistakes
perfectly😭

Illumi
I tortured you for your safety.

Chrollo
Feitan wasn't aware of who you were. If
you had told him, that would've been a different story.

Yours Truly💅
Excuses go crazy rn

Yours Truly💅
Yeah only regret I have for leaving is not
saying bye to Killua, Kalluto, or Shal:/

Yours Truly💅
You all want a hint as to where I am though?

Chrollo
Yes

Illumi
The exact coordinates.

Hisoka
Please ♡

Yours Truly💅
Too bad🤢

Illumi
Y/n.

Chrollo
We're going to talk.

Yours Truly💅
Now let's share what we've learned!!

Yours Truly💅
What happens when you hurt me??

Hisoka
You act out ♧

Yours Truly💅
Gold Star 🌟🥰🥰

Yours Truly💅
Now let's all start over:0

Yours Truly💅
We all can chat peacefully while you get
over your weird obsessive behavior<3

Chrollo
Y/n, please-

Yours Truly💅
Remember that if I choose to surrender to Illumi you'll never get your hands on me
again, Lucilfer.

Yours Truly💅
And I doubt your father wants a war with the troupe, if I surrender to Chrollo, Illumi

Hisoka
Forgotten once more ♧

Yours Truly💅
Because you're a good boy who doesn't get
try to hurt me or kidnap me💞💞
snitching wasn't cool though

Hisoka
Oh I'll be such a good boy ♤

Chrollo
Hisoka I think you may want to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Yours Truly💅
He's the only one who is yet to hurt
me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chrollo
Don't even consider him an option.

Yours Truly💅
Not gonna be an issue, why would I ever
love any of you?

Illumi
You realize texts are traceable, yes?

Illumi
You can only be five days, assumedly without usage of an airship or train, away from Kukuroo mountain

Yours Truly💅
Yeah why don't you try and find me then?

Yours Truly💅
Check every building within a 120 hour
drive of your home

Illumi
Our home. You're a Zoldyck.

Yours Truly💅
Gonna get divorce legalized, and then change my name, social security number, birth certificate, go into witness protection.

Yours Truly💅
Then I'll get a job, change my appearance,
stop texting you, and you'll never find me

—

Shit talk Y/n? Groupchat

Chrollo is now online

Chrollo
I warned you all they were smarter than
they let on. Chapter 17.

Chrollo
You dismissed it. Just as a reminder, Illumi.

Two people are now online

Illumi
You failed to capture them as well, Lucilfer.

Illumi
Don't even try to rub it in

Illumi is now offline

Hisoka
They're all yours, not my issue ♤

—

Unnamed Groupchat

Illumi
Glad you're sharing your plans.

Hisoka
Not your brightest idea, though I respect
the confidence ♡

Chrollo
Still don't understand why you ran into
his hands

Yours Truly💅
I didn't run into anyone's hands

Yours Truly💅
He kidnapped me, just as you did

Chrollo
You will be far happier with me. Unlike
him, I have no plans of torturing you

Yours Truly💅
Yeah but you have plans of discarding me
when I become "unentertaining"

Yours Truly💅
No winning with either of you. So I'll find
a normal lover that's not a freak of nature ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Illumi
I'll kill anyone who lays their hands on
you. You're my spouse.

Yours Truly💅
Aww, but baby, I'll be good, I love you:(

Yours Truly💅
That's basically all it takes to manipulate
either of you just so you know

Illumi
Understand that you'll be punished severely
for this.

Chrollo
Manipulate me. Humiliate me as you
please. Just come back

Yours Truly💅
Not exactly convincing me to come back, Illu

Yours Truly💅
If I wasn't certain Chrollo will punish me
as well, I'd be in his arms right now

Hisoka
Would you? You seem to have an issue
with murderers ♡

Yours Truly💅
Yeah me and my filthy morals, hm?

Yours Truly💅
Can't believe I.. don't like people who have
no issue killing hundreds?? ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡° )

Chrollo
You'll warm up to it

Illumi
That will change.

Yours Truly💅
So alike yet so different.

Chrollo
He wants to torture you into submission,
I only want something to admire and
cherish

Yours Truly💅
"SomeTHING"

Illumi
He sees you as disposable. We are not the same.

Yours Truly💅
Illumi will you promise not to punish me if I return to the manor willingly and never try to run again and never leave your sight, I'll be good (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

Illumi
Oh?

Chrollo
Absolutely not

Illumi
That'd lighten your punishment
extremely, yes.

Yours Truly💅
Shame that's never gonna happen then😝

Hisoka
You're toying with their feelings, dear ♡

Yours Truly💅
Not my fault they're love sick.

Yours Truly💅
Why would they ever let themselves become this weak

Illumi
Everything you say is increasing the amount and extent of your torture.

Chrollo
I love you dearly, but please stop making
such remarks

Yours Truly💅
Aww? Too used to me lying and being all
lovey dovey? Too bad.

Word Count:

Fun Facts:

• ChrolloOnTopOfMe said they wanted chatfic parts, think this is what they meant🥰🥰

• Next chapter I'll show you all the trio's reactions irl, and then more text parts after that chapter

• Hisoka giving you away to Illumi for idk brownie points or something:💅
Hisoka a week-ish later when he finds out you not only escaped, but are confident enough to brag about in chat: 🥴 (bro gave you up, let you down, now wants to run around and hurt you)