Eat Food, Drink, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or I'll stop drinking and driving and gambling all my money away

"So," Chrollo, unlike Hisoka, had surprisingly allowed you to pull away from him, probably to give you a false sense of freedom, "You'll tell me everything that went on between you and Hisoka."

"Yes." You nodded, stepping away from him as you fixed your clothes.

"And in exchange, you want me to allow you to complete the Hunter exam."

It was a statement, not a question. But you nodded anyways.

He was slipping up. If his goal was to manipulate you without you knowing, make you think you had complete control over your choices, he was failing.

'Allow you to complete the Hunter exam.' Was a dead give away. But you didn't mind.

That just means he's underestimating you. He thinks you're incapable of noticing manipulation. You can work with that.

"Deal," He dusted off his pants as he stood up, "however.."

It could never just be that easy, could it.

"If you get injured, in any way, I have every right to step in."

You bit back your instinctual urge to disagree. To make sure you got your way, and that he couldn't stop you.

Long term, it'd be better to play dumb. Compliant.

Not that hard. Only have to fool the smartest person you know, who has far more physical power and resources than you do.

How difficult could it be?

"Fine. Only if I get injured."

—

You clearly hated yourself. You must've.

Otherwise you never would've made that stupid deal. Stupid, stupid deal.

'Don't get injured' in the very last phase of the exam. Where everyone could taste victory. Of course they'd have more drive than ever.

And you not only had to win, you couldn't get a single scratch on you.

You could feel Chrollo's eyes on you, watching your every move. Waiting for you to slip up. You're sure whatever plan he had was banking on it.

"Fucking hell kid, keep up!" Someone shouted, grabbing your arm and pulling you behind a wall. Bullets flying where you had been standing just seconds earlier.

The round was fifteen versus fifteen. Randomly selected. One side wins and gets licenses. The other loses.

A rather small arena was provided, compared to how many people there were. It was kind of like laser tag. But with real bullets. And real guns. And no cool lasers.

At this point you had lost count of how many people were out on either side. All you knew was that you were alive, and it had to stay that way.

"Are you deaf or something? I asked if you had any bullets left, I'm o-"

As the bullets stopped flying by, you peeked around the wall. Two enemies in sight. Mindlessly, you shot. Not skilled enough with a gun to aim, you just kept shooting until your ammo was gone.

It only dawned on you two minutes later, halfway across the arena, that you had killed two people.

—

"Blue team wins, as no red members remain. With three forfeits, and twelve deaths!"

It was the green-bean looking thing from the start of the exam. The one who handed out badges. Far too cheerful for the event at play.

"The winners are, as listed, Applicant eighty-two, Y/n L/n. Applicant two-hundred and three..."

The announcement faded away, as you stared at the wall. All you knew was that far less than fifteen names were listed. Eight, at the most. The rest dead, or hopefully cowardly enough to have surrendered.

"I didn't think you had it in you, dear-"

"Shut the fuck up." You hissed, turning to face him. The rise and fall of your chest visible as you took deep, shaky breaths.

Chrollo just laughed, grabbing your blood covered hand in his. Kissing it softly. Staring up at you like nothing was wrong.

Everything was wrong.

This was supposed to be an eliminate half the applicants only. Almost all the phases were eliminate-half events. This was supposed to-

In the end, there were five victors. Yourself included. Seven injured, and luckily forfeited. Alive, even if failed.

"Do you want to shower? Wash the blood off?" He offered, moving your hand up to rest against his cheek. Blood now coating his skin.

How could he not care that there was another person's blood on him. The sight of the red, the deceiving warmth it gave off as it stuck to your hand. It made you want to puke.

"I could grab your license for you, while you wash off-"

"If you ever fucking touch my license, I'll rip out your heart and shove down your throat, Lucilfer."

"Shh, shh.." His thumb traced circles on the back of your hand, like he was trying to console you. Like he had the right. "License first, bath after? I'll get you clean clothes."

You should be glad he wasn't offended by your outburst. Appalled at your nerve to threaten him.

You couldn't care less right now.

Still, you just nodded. Forcefully pulling your hand away as you mindlessly followed the other applicants- or, well, Hunters now.

Trying to hide the way your hands trembled at your sides. Or how your eyes wouldn't seem to focus throughout the Chairman's whole speech.

You were surprised you managed to leave the room, and get to a provided bedroom without collapsing. Slipping into the burning hot bath. Gagging as the water slowly turned red as you scraped the blood from your arms.

—

"Is that better?" Chrollo asked, as you tugged the sweater over your head. Blood free. Unlike the clothes abandoned on the bathroom floor.

It wasn't better. People were still dead because of you.

At the same time, it was better. The visual reminder was gone. All that was left was the raw, stinging skin from your bath.

And the bandages, from where you had clawed your skin off. Chrollo wasn't pleased at that one, but he didn't say anything. Much to your relief.

Instead of responding, you slumped into his chest. Arms wrapping around him. Nails digging into his back.

"I killed them." You murmured weakly. As if saying it aloud was what actually, finally made it true. An admittance to the world.

"I know baby, it was captivating to watch." He rubbed your back, his free hand playing with your hair. Kissing your forehead, "But that's not what you want to hear right now, is it?"

It wasn't that much of a question. He knew exactly how you felt about the matter.

"I killed them." You repeated, voice hoarse. Throat dry, tears welling up in your eyes as you buried your face in his chest. Talking as if he didn't understand.

He did understand. Entirely. He didn't care. He didn't have the capability to.

"I know baby, I know," he shushed you. Slowly guiding you back towards a bed. Lying you on his chest.

You didn't mind as much this time.

"They didn't matter, baby," He mumbled, not a care in the world, "I told you you weren't made for this exam. I warned you."

You almost wish you'd listened to him.

Almost.

"They did matter," You hissed, clawing at his back as you choked back a sob, not sure if you were trying to convince him, or yourself "they did."

"Oh, baby."

"Shut up, shut up-" You interrupted, swallowing dry, choking back tears as you suddenly pulled away, sitting up, "Shut up- they mattered- and they're dead-"

"Sweetheart, please," Chrollo sat up too, a soft look in his eyes. Fake as ever, you could tell. You knew him. "Please, I just want to help. I can make it better, if you just listen-"

"Go fuck yourself." Wiping your tears away, you scrambled off the bed. Hurriedly shutting yourself into the bathroom. Locking the door.

It wouldn't stop him. If he wanted to get in, he could. But it made your point clear.

You made a point not to look at the pile of blood-soaked clothes on the floor.

He was frustrated, you could tell. That you got a license. That he couldn't take it away and still manipulate you the way he wanted to.

You refusing to listen to him now only made it worse. If you were in a better state of mind, you'd fake falling for it. Make him think you believed his every word.

Instead, you curled up into a ball and sobbed on the bathroom floor. Your throat dry, almost burning as you choked back sobs.

All for a stupid plastic card.

Word Count: 1672

Fun Facts:

• It's not stated, but if you think about it, why would Y/n have blood on them in a shooting battle? They actually were attempting to save someone as they bled to death because of them!! Yippee!!!

• Last chapter was fluff—Mostly for ChrolloOnTopOfMe—so now we have angst? Anger? Idk. First time really trying either, let me know if u have anyways to improve it(kinda wanted to delete this chapter😓)

• You might ask why Y/n was so shooken up, since they killed people in the third phase while they were examiner. The major difference is that those all were remote, not personal. And easy to play off as Hisoka's doing. He was the one who really led them into the traps. Y/n just laid out the path.
Another difference is that, at this point, they're actively going against Chrollo, not the other applicants. Meaning they probably saw the others as teammates, even while on opposite sides of the battlefield. Plus, only 30 applicants is a lot more personal than 100+

I could give you a very long in depth explanation of their emotions, but I think that sums it up enough ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(I'm obsessed with Y/n's inner workings rn, and legit will not stop thinking about everything.)

Anyways, some art that I did!!

Not fond of the eyes, but that was mostly for practice so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯