TW: eating disorder, self deprecation

Remy's POV

I pull into my normal parking spot 10 minutes earlier than I normally do and leave the keys in the ignition so that the heat will stay on. It's probably not even that cold outside, but I feel cold, I feel empty. I feel numb almost. I crank the dial on the old stereo system in the car and allow the bass from Caring is Creepy to pulse through my body. I allow my head to fall back on the leather headrest and mumble along to the song. "I think I'll go home and mull this over, before I cram it down my throat..At long last it's crashed, it's colossal mass has broken up into bits in my moat." I don't even make it to the second verse before my head goes blank and my vision goes dark.

///

Someone knocks on the window of my car and a wave of panic rushes through my body as I shoot off of the headrest and look at the person. Everything in me relaxes as I look into a pair of dark hazel eyes with dark black eye shadow smeared underneath it. "Unlock your car and let me in, Roman kicked me out of his truck and I'm freezing out here." I smile and unlock my car, laughing as he runs around the front and climbs into the passenger seat. "Ya know, all I did was say that he has the hots for some guy on the football team and all the sudden I'm not allowed in his truck. What an a-"

"Language."

"Aaaaamazing brother, geez get your mind out of the gutter my dear." I blush at the nickname and turn the music down so I can hear his voice better. "Hey, I love that song you jerk."

"Well, I like you so you can get over it." Virgil blushes and I internally do a happy dance. I love making him feel loved.

"Shut up and kiss me ya dork." I lean forward and our lips are about to collide when someone opens the back door on my side and groans.

"Oh my god get a room you too," Joan groans as they close the door behind them and adjust their beanie. "Like seriously, I'm in here just trying to tell you that we're ditching the beginning of first period because we already bribed our English teacher to not mark us tardy as long as we bring her starbucks."

"Yeah, so book it to your place Rem," Talyn joins in as the other door opens and closes with a loud slam.

"One don't slam my doors please. Two, we can't go to my place my parents left this morning for a business trip." Talyn and Joan groan in sync and Virgil breaks out into contagious laughter.

"You guys are just gonna have to get over it and go to English," I remark as I turn off the car.

"Come on Rem," Virgil persuades as he leans across the glove box and moves a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. "If she's not gonna mark us late anyways, why not get the coffee and just take a break?" I roll my eyes and turn the car back on as cheers ring through the car.

But all I can think about is the coffee. Sure, it'll wake me up. But it's also full of empty calories. I pull out of my parking spot and faintly hear Virgil tell everyone to buckle up. I can tell that my phone has been replaced by Virgil's on the aux cord but all I can think about is that fact that I'm already gaining weight. As I pull out of the parking lot and back onto the highway, I glance over at Virgil who bopping his head back and forth to some song I haven't heard before (I later learned it was a from a play called 21 Chump Street) and rapping along.

Why is he even with you?

I drive silently and try to focus on the road.

Why would someone so perfect ever want to date someone so disgusting?

Focus on Virgil and the road. This doesn't matter right now. So I push back the thoughts by smiling and driving. Buying coffee and buying snacks at Walmart. Virgil and I counting down the hours until we were alone. 

///

"Heya Remy! We missed ya," Patton exclaims joyfully as he wraps his arms around my waist, he's too short to reach my shoulders. I hug him back and repress my nausea as I smell the hamburgers cooking in the kitchen.

"I missed you guys too. Where's Virgil at?" Patton giggled and motioned towards the top of the stairs where Roman and Virgil were playfully debating something.

"I personally think they're making a bet on what your favorite Disney movies is since we're gonna do movie night tonight." Movie night. That means more food. More empty calories. Don't throw up. Don't tell Patton. Don't. Eat.

"Sounds gre-"

"Remy! You like Lion King the most right," Roman shouts as he races down the stairs, Virgil right behind him. I shake my head in amusement and turn to Virgil (who looks extremely cute when he knows he's right).

"My favorite is definitely Lilo and Stitch." Roman gasps in mock pain and throws his hand over his heart.

"You have betrayed me Remy."

"And you owe me twenty bucks Romano. Anyways," Virgil steps closer to my and grabs my hand before softly whispering, "heya handsome."

He really must be blind.

"Wanna go do some homework in my room?" Roman makes a fake barfing sound and Virgil quickly spins around, letting go of my hand and shoving his shoulder playfully. "You're just jealous because you don't get to kiss a smoking hot dude like I do." I can feel my cheeks warm up and Roman giggles.

"Have fun lovebirds...but not too much fun." He takes my hand again and leads me to his room, where we take turns reading aloud from Romeo and Juliet in sarcastic, goofy voices. We do a little bit of cuddling between scenes, and I almost forgot about dinner completely until-

"Boys, time for dinner," Logan softly declared as he stood in the doorway of Virgil's room. "Also, hey Remy, I didn't see you when you came in."

"H-Hi Logan." Virgil glances over at me, eyebrows drawn together in concern before turning back to his Father.

"We'll be out in a minute..." The door closes and something tells me Virgil and Logan just made a silent agreement that something must be wrong. "Rem..What's wrong babe? You're shaking." I look down at my hands and realize my palms are sweaty and I am indeed, shaking. I also realize I can't breath.

"V-Virgil," I gasp as he wraps his arms around my torso protectively and begins to stroke my hair. "Virgil I-I can't e-e-eat. I..I can't." I feel tears running down my cheeks and make no attempt to stop them. "I can't."

"Why not Rem?" His voice is so calm, so reassuring. I could fall in love with his voice and his voice only. Right now, it's what I need to focus on to calm down. "Remy, please talk to me my love. You've always been there for me...Please let me do the same for you." I take a deep breath and bury my face further into his shoulder.

"I..I'm-" I let out another shaky sob and Virgil continues to lightly hush me. 

"Just let it out Remy."

"I'm fat."

....Silence. The sounds of my own sobs. The sound of someone else's sobs. The door opening Virgil holding onto me tighter and whispering that he loves me. Some one grabbing under my arms and pulling me up from the floor. Whispers about how light I am and how this can't be good. I open my eyes and see that Virgil is clinging to Patton, shoulders shaking as he mutters on and on about how he failed me. I close my eyes again and don't try to fight to stay awake. I'm tired anyways.

///

When I wake up, there are a pair of arms around my chest and a light to the side of me. I look up and see Patton asleep in a desk chair close by the bed and realize that the one holding me is Virgil. I roll onto my side and Virgil quickly opens his eyes.

"Heya handsome," he groans as he sits up and rubs the sleep from his face. "I uh..I'm.." He looks at the wall behind me and I notice that his eyes are filling with tears.

"Babe-"

"I should've noticed." I push myself up so I'm eyes level with Virgil and cup his cheek in my hand.

"Virgil...I'm not mad at you." He sniffles and kisses my cheek before leaning on my shoulder.

"What if I hadn't found out in time?" I shake my head and run his soft purple hair between my fingers.

"It doesn't matter right now." He sits up again and grabs both of my hands, then interlocks our pinkies.

"Listen Remy, I swear I am going to help you through this okay? You're not fat, not even when you were eating normally." I look down and feel tears spring into my eyes again.

"I-I'm sorry Virgil."

"Hey," he gently pulls my chin up so I'm looking at him again and wipes a tear from my cheek, "don't be sorry..Just get better...I love you so much Remy."

"I love you too Virgil."

AN: so i think that's all for that one but, yeah. ta daaa *jazz hands* stay safe y'all. each and everyone of you is so beautiful and once again if you're struggling reach out to someone you trust and if you can't, reach out to me and i will gladly try my best to help in anyway i can. you all are amazing and loved

-Talented_trash