Chapter 14 :" Dear Princess"
Dedicated to everyone who wanted to know Sanskar POV .
Dear Princess,
When you asked me if I adopted you because of your mother , I was hurt and shocked .As it never crossed my mind that you might feel that way . And when you asked me if I felt guilty because of my uncle actions towards you , I realized that I need to let you know how I felt when I first met you.
When your mother first told me that she had a daguhter who died, i felt her pain and loss and when she found out you were alive , I was happy for her . I knew how much she suffered thinking you were dead and I loved her enough to realize that you being alive would mean the world to her . But it never crossed my mind at the point that you will become a part of my life as well because i was still a stranger to your mother ,Princess. We happen to marry because of circumstances not love.
Then she showed me your picture and all I saw was how you looked like her . It had been the first moment ,you became real to me . The little girl clutching the worn out doll tucked my heart and i really want to find you and bring you back to your mother . Even then, i never thought about us ,Princess .As it never crossed my mind.
I kept visiting all the Orphanages around in search of you, all i knew had been that you were growing up in one and since i had no other source that your picture, i visited all the Orphanages in person and looking at all the kids made me wonder about you, not all places were good as your Orphanage, some of them were too shabby that several kids were cramped in an small room
It was meeting this kids that made me wonder about you, if you were living in a good place or if you were cramped in a small room. And at that point of time, all i could do for those kids were monetary , i tried to give as much as i can to all those orphanages i visited because i cared about the kids, but with you i wanted to do more .
At the moment I didn't think I wasn't together with your mom , all I knew was when we brought you home you would not lack of anything . So I built you, your very own room . As I carefully picked each item for your new room , I hoped to see your smile when you stepped into it . When the room finally began to shape into yours ,I was slowly accepting beginning to think about meeting you, being part of your life.
Even then I didn't realize how much I would come to love you as my daughter , each day I would search for a nearby orphanage , each time i left home disappointed with the fact i was unable to find you . Two weeks had passed and yet I wasnt able to find you , the thought I might not be able to had began to take root in my brain and I began to worry .
Yes I was worried about your mom but I was worried about you as well , just like a father who waits ten months to hold his child , I waited for over two weeks to get the chance to meet you and each passing day felt like a month . All those searching and wondering about you, made me think about you all the time and anticipate the first time we will meet
I couldn't give up , not until I found you and two and half weeks have been gone by then , it was only then I shared about you with Laksh uncle who told me about his father charitable donation to your orphanage .
That's when I knew , the years you were estranged from your mom was because of my uncle greed , you asked me if I pitied you princess, what I felt for my uncle at the revelation was fury and anger at him, if he had been alive I would have probably taken it out on him .
Because in those two weeks ,you have become a part of my heart and I wanted to hurt anyone who caused you pain , but I didn't pity you princess never that .
So when I visited your orphanage that day , I was nervous because for the first time I was confident about meeting you . Do you know what I noticed when I entered the orphanage, the kindness that was shown in Savitri Patel face , and it felt like a huge burden I carried had been gone that atleast you life wasnt miserable .
In my quest to find you , I have seen many types of orphanage . And only very few were done with kindness and love . I cared so deeply about you that I wanted you to live in one such orphanage .
And when she told me there is no one else , that was when I realized the possibility that you might be lost to us . I thought in those two weeks you were adopted because no other explanation came to mind .
A part of me realized I failed your mother by not finding you , a part of me wanted to go back and demand who adopted you , so I can find a way to get you back but most importantly what I felt was pain to know I lost you .
That was the moment I realized even without seeing you. I began to love you as my daughter . No Parents sees a child till it was born but they grew to love them when they were still in the womb . That was the only way I could explain my love for you .
In the three weeks I waited to meet you , I had slowly but surely accepted you as my daughter only the agonizing truth that you were lost which brought the crushing heartbreak made me realize how much my heart was already involved .
I still remember walking out in a daze , only to hear Latha warden voice bringing me to a halt and I still remember her words where she said there is one more child left . And when she went to bring you to meet, i was nervous because I wanted you to like me and I would have been satisfied if you didn't hate me on sight .
Even during the initial days of my search for you , I knew the best course of direction was to adopt you quickly before Siddharth dad finds out . But it was supposed to be just a legal document intially ,so that your mother can have you back but when the moment came though, adopting you meant more than before , i did want to be your father even when it seemed impossible back then .
And I had started to read books on being an adoptive parent ,at first it was to help your mother make an connection with you but over time , it was about us . The books talked about taking your time with the kids ,getting to know them first , talking with them and finally being prepared to deal with their distance . The books talked a great deal about how the kids may be emotionally distant at first . It talked about how to bridge the gap and make them know they were loved and so on
I thought it would help me interact with you. But I was worried more so because until that moment I haven't thought about your reaction to seeing me , I always envisioned seeing you but never your reaction because i feared what if i failed.
All my carefully prepared words failed me at the moment as I waited nervously for you. A part of me wanted to call your mom to come as I believed she might make a better impression than me but I promised myself I will never put her through disappointment before finding you , it was the reason I undertook the search alone .
I didn't even know how I looked , did I look scary with my unshaven beard I didn't know until i heard your footsteps . I tried to mask my fear as I turned to look for you and there you were in the pink dress looking lovely and in my mind there was just one thought that is your daughter .
You smiled at me princess and I knew you will rule my heart forever . And my face broke into a smile without fear because I was willing to wait however long for you to accept me as part of your life .
Each of your words to me that day sliced a part of my heart and when I asked if you would come to live with us , I was so nervous till you nodded your head , and you asked me if I will be your dad i was thrilled beyond measure .
And your hesitation when I told you I will come later made me want to take you home right the very moment princess without a care about anything else but I didn't want any legal proceedings standing in the way .
The whole week I wanted to visit you ,just to assure you I haven't forgotten you not for a moment but I wanted the next time when I see you to be a time where I could take you home ,hence I waited and used all the time to finalize the adoption
The moment I told your mom about you , I still remember the happiness that radiated in her face , but my happiness depended on her answer , when I told her we were gonna adopt you together , she was surprised or shocked I didn't know .
Your mother trust with men were shattered in the past and I asked her to trust me with you , I was prepared to convince her however long it takes because I knew you were the most important person in her life at the moment just like mine .
Her acceptance not only filled me with happiness at the prospect of adopting you as my daughter but I was surprised to realize your mother trusted me and for the first time since she walked away I felt confident of us being a family .
The ten minutes I spent with you were ingrained in my mind but I was worried you might have forgotten me , so I was completely taken back when you rushed into my arms and the realization you waited for me brought the truth that I was responsible for your happiness .
I know your mother reaction to you brought confusion at first and I realized it was my fault for not letting your mom prepare herself but princess nothing made me happier than seeing you both together.
I was prepared for your distance , I was prepared to win you over and give you all the time you need to accept both of us as your parents , what I was not prepared for how easily you loved me .
I didn't have to do anything to earn your love , you gave it so freely from the moment I saw you . Each time you called me dad I felt like I can conquer the world .I felt so lucky that you accepted me without doubts or hesitation .
The trust you showered on me and your mom was so precious princess . And I thought it was a miracle that we didn't face any hurdles when it comes to your acceptance of us .
Until the day when you asked me why I adopted you , the first spark of doubt made me stumble , The distance that grew between us made me scared .
I wanted to talk to you , tell you that you were loved princess but I didn't know how to express myself so that I could take away your fear . And it wasn't easy for me to see your tears and walk away but I feared if I spoke up , I will lose you completely .
And the reason I never called you princess was because the moment I did , I might lose the control I had on my emotions . I didn't know what I wrote so far but this is me and my thoughts.
Just know princess you were loved beyond measure and I am so lucky to have you as my daughter . "
Lavanya saw that her tears have made their mark on the letter , she quickly tried to save the words from the destruction of her tears . She held the letter for a long awhile before folding it and placing it in her safe .
She knew her father words will be read and reread for a long time . And she also know it was her who was lucky to have him as her father .
P.S : " That it for now .Let me know your thoughts and feedback. Hit the votes if you liked it "
Love
Juanita Reid
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