I sat in the backseat of Lin's car, he was driving and Vanessa was in the passenger seat. I was somewhat curled up, I had my legs curled underneath me, I didn't care if it was unsafe. I just didn't care anymore

A cop car was following us home, they still needed to talk to Lin, but, he had convinced the officer they could do that at home, and had also convinced him that they could talk to me later.

I had fallen abnormally quiet. I wasn't crying, and I wasn't talking, for once in my life, I was accepting what was going on around me. Accepting what had become my life. The car stopped in front of Lin's apartment, and I got out, swinging on the backpack. As soon as I got the backpack on, Lin slid it off my shoulders.

"It's okay, I got it." He said, and I looked up to see him swing it on. "You don't have to do anything ever again." He wrapped his arm around my waist, and started walking over to the elevator. We made it up to our apartment, and Lin unlocked the door, "Niñita, can you go lay down? I have to talk with the cop for just a couple minutes. I'll be in soon." He hugged me, and I smiled my response and made my way back to my bedroom, where I laid down on top of my bed.

I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation, until I couldn't keep my eyes open or mind running and I fell asleep.

•••

"Wake up, sweetie wake up. It's morning!" I felt a hand on my waist, shaking me, I woke up, and my mind immediately went to Luke, I quickly flipped over.

"Please don't!" I held my hands in front of my face. I slowly lowered them when I realized I was in my own bed, and I had just yelled at Lin, not Luke. "I'm sorry." I said quietly, turning back over.

"No, it's okay, it's okay," he said, "just," he put his hand on my shoulder and turned me back over. "Talk to us." He said, to no response from me. "Okay." He sighed, "come here." He picked me up in a hug, then slipped his arms under my knees, and lifted me up.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, as he walked over to my door, and down the hallway. "I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

"What?" He asked, walking into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry." I repeated softly.

"Sorry for what?" He asked, setting me down on the counter, and opening the fridge

"I'm sorry I'm anorexic. I'm sorry I'm awkward. I'm sorry I'm an accident waiting to happen. I'm sorry I'm depressed. I'm sorry I hate myself. I'm sorry I'm suicidal." I was yelling. I shouldn't be yelling.

"Shh." He said, closing the fridge, "I'm sorry too." He said, and I looked back at him confused.

"Sorry for what?" I asked.

"I'm sorry you're anorexic, I'm sorry you're depressed, I'm sorry you're suicidal." He said.

"But that's not your fault." I said.

"And it's yours?" He asked, "listen, anorexia, that's not just not wanting to eat, that's an eating disorder, it's not your fault, it's not something you can easily control." He said, "depression is a mental illness, that's not your fault. None of this is your fault." He picked me up off of the counter, and took my hand, leading me into the living room.

"Okay." I whispered.

"Now, what happened sweetheart?" He asked, sitting down.

"It's a long story." I said, sitting down as well.

"We have all day." He said, and I mentally groaned.

"Okay, well, um, Luke woke me up." I started, "and, um, he, um, said that he, that they were, I, I don't want to talk about it!" I said, breaking down.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" He asked, his hand on my shoulder.

"No." I whispered, and he pulled me into him. "When will Vanessa be home?" I asked, "where is she?"

"She's picking up Seb from my parents." He said, "she'll be home in a few minutes."

"I just want to forget about everything." I choked out, finally beginning to cry.

"I know, I know." He said, hugging me into him. "I know, I'm just glad you're safe."

"But for how long?" I asked.

"Forever. I'm never leaving you alone. We'll figure out something with school soon, but for now, you're just going to come with me to rehearsal Monday, I'll call your teachers, ask to pick up your work, for like the next week."

"I'm not going to school?" I asked.

"We might transfer you." He shrugged.

"To where?" I asked

"My old school, Hunter."

"Okay." I smiled a little.

"So you'd be alright with that?" He asked, and I nodded, "either way, we're going to make sure that you're safe. Even if that means you have to be with someone always, but I swear, no one is ever going to touch you again, I promise." Right as he said that, the door opened with Vanessa, Seb and Lin's parents.

"Oh! You're up!" I heard Vanessa say as she walked in. "You're still in your clothes from yesterday." She noted, and I looked down at the black sweatshirt and jean shorts. "Never mind that." She said, and came over to the couch, hugging me, then sitting next to me.

"How are you doing kid?" Luis, Lin's dad, asked.

"I'm alright." I smiled.

"We were terrified when your mom called, I'm so glad you're safe."  Lin's mom, leaned over, enveloping me in a hug.

"We were talking about going to lunch? Does that sound okay?" Luis asked, and I smiled.

"Yeah, can I shower first?" I asked, realizing the last time I showered was Thursday night, and it was Sunday.

"Of course kiddo." Lin said, and I got up.

"Give me like, a half hour." I said, going towards the bathroom.

"Why that long?"

"I have too much hair." I replied. I mean, I do. It goes down almost to my waist, and was thick. To clarify this is not a 'blessing' do not say I'm blessed, I'm cursed.

Once in the bathroom, I stood staring at myself in the mirror. I saw my obnoxiously large chest, that made me look fat in pretty much any dress or shirt. I saw my chubby face, and fat hips. I hated all of it. I tried to wipe all of this from my mind, and got in the shower.

After I got out of the shower, I was blow drying my hair when I noticed the bruises on my stomach, I saw them, and they reminded me of the hate Luke has for me, and Ryan has for me. Then my mind drifted to the hate I have for me. I turned off the hairdryer and waited for it to cool down, as my hair was dry. Once the hairdryer was cool, I picked it up, and hit it against my hip.

I continuously smashed the hairdryer against my hip, until it was a bright red, starting to develop into a bruise. It hurt, but I was more concerned with the fact that it was starting to develop as a big purple bruise. Reminding me that I hated myself.

•••

All five of us got out of the car, at this little restaurant in the Upper East Side. We were getting out of the car, when someone put their hand on my shoulder. Panic set in my heart, I guess I was just on edge.

"Hi, can we talk to you about the rumors that you attempted suicide?" Before I could even turn around Lin responded.

"No." I heard him behind me, he put his hand on my back, and started to walk inside the restaurant.

"Can you at least confirm the rumors?"

"No comment." I heard him answer for me.

"Let her answer!" They yelled.

"She's just a kid. She's only 15, let her live." He somewhat pushed me in front of him, as we walked in front of the restaurant.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"No problem Niñita." He smiled back.

"Lin, you know that's not a real word right?" Luis asked.

"Yeah." He shrugged.

"He makes up a lot of words." Vanessa said.

"Like Mung." Lin giggled.

"That's not a thing!" Vanessa protested.

•••

IM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY. IM SO SO SORRY. I WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER UP LATER TONIGHT PLEASE DONT EAT ME

Thanks for reading!

- Abi