Unedited
* * *

I feel a heavy arm wrapped around my waist, and a strong scent of alcohol. The smell wasn't exactly pleasant, nor was the arm that appears to be male for the muscular appearance. It takes me only a few moments to process the situation, my eyes still resting.  I can feel my body tense, realizing the possibilities that I may have slept with someone.

I open my eyes slowly to see a blank wall, the sunlight peeking through the dorm room. I glance up to see my my poster that reads 'Got Book?' and realize that I am in my room. That's one worry out the window.

I slowly look down to see my body still fully clothed and still under the weight of an arm. I sigh in relief, knowing that I was still fully dressed before beginning to question why there was an arm around my waist.

Was it Farlan? I remember him carrying me to a room last night. Maybe, just maybe.

I manage to turn my head far enough to see locks of brown, a darker brown than Farlan's. I instantly fluster, turning my head back, realizing now whose arm it actually was.

It was somewhat comforting, being in Eren's arms, but i couldn't help but feel embarrassed for being in such an awkward position. A part of me wanted to stay tangled in the bed sheets, but I also didn't want Eren to think that acting this was was acceptable.

With wide eyes and a quick bearing heart I crazily jerk away from Eren. I am flustered, embarrassed, and ashamed. How long had we been lying together? Did I say anything I wasn't supposed to?

An awful pain surges through my temples. I grasp the sides of my head with both hands and let out a painful yelp, never before feeling such a migraine. Eren's eyes flutter open to see me in an awkward position, my body only rocks back and forth. With a tired voice he asks what's wrong and I don't respond at first. Eren catches on before i could explain my migraine and he bursts into an annoying laughter.

"Shit, Levi, stop crying like a baby, it's just a hangover."

"But I didn't–"

"You drank more than my mom on weekends," Eren cuts me off in a flat tone.

"Carla drinks?" It was hard to believe Mrs. Yeager would be that much of an alcoholic, I've never seen her drunk before. Then again, I don't live with her.

I flop to my side and whine, Eren lazily rolling his eyes I'm annoyance to my childish state. I really wasn't used to this feeling, migraines were common but to have it irk me this harsh was unreal. Eren eventually gets fed up with my whining and shakes his head.

"Never mind, let me get you an aspirin," Eren says as he slides out of bed.

I rub my temples as I force myself into a seated position, watching Eren stroll to his nightstand to retrieve a bottle of pills. By this time I remember that we had been sleeping in the same bed.

"Eren, why did we sleep together? I mean, not the sex kind of sleep but–"

"I felt like it," he interrupts.

I rub my temples in both annoyance and pain. Was he really going to act like this again? He's got a lot of nerve trying to slide into a relationship this way. Not that we are in a relationship, he hasn't asked.

Not that I'd accept or anything

"Here, I couldn't find aspirin but I have this," says Eren as he hands me a small pill and a bottle of water.

"What's this?" I ask. I examine the small pill before realizing it was ibuprofen. I look up at him before popping the pill into my mouth and swallowing it down with water.

"Just take it, it's not like I'm drugging you for sex. If I wanted to I could've just slid in last night when you finished your performance."

I spit out my drink, almost choking on the liquid. Eren jumps away, avoiding the odds of getting wet. I wipe my bottom lip while coughing repeatedly.

"W-what?" I manage to blurt between coughs.

"Don't you remember singing in front of everyone?"

I couldn't speak, instead I just cough while shaking my head in disbelief. There was no way I'd do something so reckless and stupid as that!

"I have pictures," he says nonchalantly as he takes out his cell phone.

You have got to be kidding me.

Eren sits at the edge of the bed and scrolls through his phone. I couldn't help but noseley look over his shoulder as he did so. The first thing I noticed was his background. I always imagined it to be a picture of some half-naked woman in a car, or a really ripped man on the beach acting all sexy, but no.

It's a picture of us.

The picture wasn't recent and if wasn't taken with the phone. The picture was of a photograph of Eren and I as children. It couldn't be more than twelve years ago, and I can tell this by the quality of the photograph that it was taken by a digital camera—a very popular item when we were children—since cell phones didn't have cameras already built in at the time.

The photograph was of Eren holding a blue ribbon, sitting perfectly still upon a piano bench, I at his side with a bright smile. I can't remember the last time I smiled like that, let alone the last time I remember taking a picture with Eren, especially this one. I have no memory of this scene, or that of Eren playing piano. It was locked away with the rest of my childhood, along with any school memories that I dread to even call upon.

I didn't say anything, I just acted as if I hadn't seen anything at all. I cross my legs and pull the covers over them so it wasn't so awkward to be waiting to see the supposed pictures of me performing. I rest my head on my arm that is popped upon my leg, my head pains still there but less unbearable than before. It feels like Eren was taking his time, which annoys me, making me impatient.

While waiting I noticed that I was still in last night's outfit. I smell awful, like cigarettes and alcohol mixed with a musty scent like month-old gym clothes that haven't been washed. I disgust myself.

Eren eventually startles me by bouncing backwards. He almost tramples over me, but I take a good swing to his head, giving him a small bump that was hidden under his dark locks. He whimpers in pain and I only laugh.

"And you call me a crybaby," I tease before Eren grumpily sits by my side.

He shows me a few pictures of myself with some type of clothing around my face. It made me look tacky and dorky, but after seeing a video of myself singing a familiar song I immediately remember the night. It came to me in a series of photographs and small clips. I feel ashamed of myself now, knowing that I had ruined my body by intoxicating it with vile fluids of alcohol.

"My reputation is ruined," I cry before slamming my head into a pillow.

"What reputation? You barely have friends."

"Shut up! You can barely handle a relationship," I muffle angrily from the pillow.

"What does that have to do with anything? Jesus, Eren, you're terrible with comebacks."

I slam the pillow against his face and he falls back. "I said shut up!"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, calm down," he says in a pained voice as he rubs the side of his head.

"And how do I do that?"

"Well, whenever I'm hot headed I go to the music room. Speaking of that, why don't you come down," he suggests as he crawls out I bed.

I give him a blank stare. "Why should I?"

"It'll calm you down, and you can hear me play. Didn't your mom ask me to play for you?"

"She suggested it, it's not like I have to listen to you play," I scoff.

"But do you want me to?"

Did I? I don't know. There were voices in my head that whispered to me, demanding that I say yes, but also a voice that demanded to shut down the question. However, the quiet whispers made me think of all the things possible if I did.

I would finally know how Eren plays, that's one.

I would finally see where the music room was, that's two.

I would spend alone time with wren, that's– wait. Why would I want that?

"Hello?" Eren calls, waving a hand in my face to catch my attention that seems to he lost in thought.

"Huh?"

"I said, do you want to hear me play?"

"Yes," I tell him, the whispers winning the argument.

"Cool, just take a shower before we go. You stink."

* * *

"Jesus, it's colder today than it was yesterday," Eren complains as he layers himself with an extra coat over his sweater

"It's practically winter, Eren. All we need is snow," I tell him with a flat tone.

I snug a beanie over my head, my hair still slightly damp from my shower. Eren says I look silly since I have two layers of clothing as well as a jacket. I send him a glower before flicking his forehead in annoyance.

"Watch it, when you catch a cold don't come crying to me," I retort.

Eren rolls his eyes and begins to make his way towards Music Hall (the name of the building, at least, that's what Eren says).

I follow behind him, my hands stuffed inside the open pockets of my jacket. On the way there Eren rambles about the beauty of the hall, to which I lazily listen to, not caring much.

I used to love music, almost as much as I love reading. I played violin growing up, especially as a kid. When I was around six I won an award at my first recital for most improved. I never intended to receive anything, I thought I was average but this one violinist from our town had noticed me and took matters into his own hands to train me. Little did he know that my newfound 'fame' would lead to endless years of harassment in primary school. It's not like I hate it now, I just don't enjoy it because of what put me through.

This was several years ago and my skills are rusty. Eren knew I played well only because Carla had gone to every recital and every competition I've been in, as well as my mother. She even rooted to me louder than my own mother, which is embarrassing.

"And here she is," Eren interrupts my thoughts as he pushes the large wooden doors of The Hall.

We had managed to maze through the building to the main hall where a large piano was centered upon a stage. The room wasn't a room at all once we stepped inside; it was more of a theater room that stretched far larger than I could imagine. The venue was stretched into a half dome shape with three rising levels–with equally decorated seats as the main level–that branched off at our sides as we were swallowed deeper into the room.

It was as if I were entering during the renaissance era for the walls were draped with rich velvet and the curtain stage in a deep crimson. The drapes were embedded with rich shades of gold that embroidered the dark colored walls. As for for carpeting, it was a dark shade of an eggplant, yet it was such a deep color that it appeared black.

I noticed these things, staring in awe, my mouth slightly ajar. My head continues to whirl in several directions as my eyes adjusted to the beauty of The Hall.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Eren interrupts my gazing once we climb a short set of stairs to the stage.

I only look at him with dazed eyes, nodding slowly. This makes him chuckle as he runs a hand along the sides of the black grand piano. Under stage lights the instrument glistened a dark beauty of its own. Again, I gaze.

Eren removes his jackets, leaving behind his black T-shirt with the initials NN written in white. From afar, Eren looks like some punk kid that had no talent at all. His slightly sagged, ripped skinny jeans and dark beanie didn't help his cause. I watch him toss his clothing into a pile at the foot of the grand piano, and u follow the same instructions.

"Wait until you hear how she plays," say Eren as he pulls out the long, black bench to sit upon. "Come sit next to me, the vibrations are just amazing."

As the echo of Eren's voice fades, I hesitantly made my way towards the bench. I take small steps, my heart racing rapidly against my thin sweater vest.

Why was I heating up this way? Was it the resemblance if stages that I once performed on? Maybe the way Eren had demanded me so effortlessly, and I obeyed.

Was i curious of his playing? Yes, very much so, actually.

What supposed talents did Eren hide from me, and what secrets had he kept?

I ask myself these questions as I shakily sat beside him. Eren smiles brightly, excitement surging through him like the high of a drug. He had been waiting so long to bring me here. He wanted to bring me to this place he had been disappearing to when I wasn't around, a place where he felt at home.

It was the look in his eyes that calmed me. The specks of blue and green that I stared deeply into as Eren gave me a cheeky smile, thanking me for following along. He introduces the song he was about to play, and mimics the sound of a roaring audience with fake cheers. I only snort, my eyes falling upon the row of keys before me.

Eren let his hands hover over the white and black keys, his heart racing faster than mine as he took a deep breath and began playing the first note.

https://youtu.be/TbXLFwv3NRU

[ play song before continuing, I tried making the text match up o-o ]

It was this first note that made my heart sink, as if I had been waiting for it. My heart thumps at a quicker pace once more, but my expressions still calm. At first, I wasn't interested. I only listened to the sounds and vibrations, focusing on the quality, not the song itself.

But then, the music changed. It began picking up speed to a beautiful sound of melodies I have only heard on records. My head tilts to the side as I felt my soul leave me with all hopes and dreams blossoming into a memory of a forgotten childhood. I felt weightless as the song slowed down once more, the notes tugging at these memories. Then slowly, as if I were slipping into a dream, they began to play.

* * *

Lost. That's what I was.

I was lost in the ocean of memories, my body swiftly floating in no particular direction. I couldn't tell whether or not I was awake, or asleep, but Eren's song continued to play in this oblivion.

The sun above me began to shine a blinding light that forced me to squint. I reach upwards in attempt to shield myself, but that had slowly faded into my first locked memory.

A hand reaching out for a smaller Eren was blurring my vision. When a small hand reached for my own, the world around me clears up to a rainy spring day. This day wasn't a day I would normally remember, but yet here I am, lifting a sobbing Eren from a puddle.

Once he stands, he sniffles and releases my hand. Tears stream down his cheeks, and I only look at mine.

What's happening?

"Stop crying, you big crybaby," my younger self said.

I look up to see my childhood self standing where I had been, his hand still attached to Eren's own as he sobbed. Smaller Levi rolls his eyes before taking Eren to the curb, his hand still holding Eren's tightly. The children sat together, Eren holding on to my small body as I sang a melody so foreign to me, yet so familiar.

"Ah, ne pleure pas, il n'y a pas besoin
Je vais vous aider à sourire
Arrête de pleurer, mon doux bébé."

The words, so forgotten over the years and new to my memory. The smaller me looks down at Eren, wiping away his tears.

"Stop crying, it won't change anything if you don't stop," the younger me tell Eren.

I step forward, wanting to reach out to them, but I'm swept away to another memory; only this time, it is Eren who takes my hand.

We were in a locker room filled with a musty scent. We are older now, and I am found sobbing on the locker room floors, a hand of mine grasping Eren's own. I look up at him with swollen eyes.

"They beat you again, didn't they?" He asks with a squeak to his voice.

My younger self nods, looking down with fallen tears, embarrassed to be crying in front of an Eren he despises.

"Stop crying," Eren says, "you won't change anything if you don't stop."

And just as quickly as the memory appears, it fades into another. I can feel my cheeks heat, tears streaming from them as the memories of mine collect to a singular moment of realization.

The song Eren played was the same song I had once heard him play years ago, way before anything had happened. It was back when Eren had first played at the school's recital, Carla and mom were at my sides. My mother was happier than Carla, the woman's eyes were narrow and angry as she watched her son play the piano.

I was crying at this memory, my eyes glued to Eren who had seemed to move my younger self. I couldn't be older than six, maybe younger. I couldn't tell at this point, I could only see Eren's outline as my eyes blurred with tears.

I was moved, listening to this song. I don't know how it moved me, or how I was taken back so many years to forgotten memories that had been clouded by my envious hate towards Eren.

The thing is, I don't hate him.

All these years, I envied his popularity, his ego, his everything. I hated how he fit in so naturally, blending with the crowd. I hated how he didn't let me taste the sweet flavors of acceptance. All my life, I had lived in his shadows, wanting to he noticed by people. I had hated him because of my own selfishness, not once thinking about how he felt.

And here I am, the ocean drained down to the last drop as my head sunk low. My vision was still blurred as I stare down at my lap. Eren's song was ending now, and i was slipping back into reality.

I understand now...

Yes, I can see it now. I can see everything so clearly, though my vision itself was blurred. I can see how Eren was there, he always had been. I see what Isabel meant now, that my life had been revolving around Eren. And truth be told, it actually has. Everything I've done has been driven by Eren, or something of him.

I can feel something now, that sense of knowing and understanding of another person. I am no longer blinded by this envious hate, I haven't been for years. Yes, I was envious for a long time. I envied Eren for being so... him. I envied him for having everything handed down to him on silver platters while I worked so hard to get what I wanted. The thing is, the hate I thought I had was just selfishness.

I was selfless, angry at myself for not believing I was good enough, and I blamed it in Eren. Anger that boiled inside me for years, making my emotions harden to the point of insecurity and self pride. I didn't hate him, I hated myself for not being him.

I hated how I couldn't show people how I felt, I hated how I couldn't be accepted during my younger years. I hated how I couldn't admit to any of this.

"Levi?" Eren calls. I look up at him, realizing the song was long over now.

"Why are you crying?"

* * *

Author's Note:

ah, don't cry there is no need
i will help you smile
stop crying, my sweet baby

That's are the translation to the song I made up for them, great right? It's in French.

Anyways, I hope this chapter didn't seem off in any way. I kinda suck at flashbacks and stuff, and I tried to make it emotional. Hopefully it worked out well with the song o.O

Thank you so much for 1.3k reads guys! I am so happy :''''')

Vote, comment, do whatever ^.^

See you next time~

3,571 words