Unedited
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I think I fucked up.

What am I doing wrong? I never meant for him to outburst that way, I never meant for anything to happen at all. I mean, we were just getting lunch. How ordinary can this be? Was there a reason for him to confess feelings?

Maybe it's my fault. What did I do to make him feel this way? I don't even know. I don't understand anything, and most likely ruined any chance of friendship we had.

Eren's giving me the cold shoulder. I'm slightly irritated by this because I'm usually the one to do that. He won't talk to me, look at me, or even mention my name. I've become an empty space in his life, and for the first time I'm actually depressed by this.

I never thought I'd hate being ignored by Eren. All my life I wanted him to vanish. I wanted nothing to do with him, after all he was the one who pushed away first. But now, looking at the reality of what being absent from his life feels like, I want him back.

I want to hear his stupid jokes and his pet names. I want to be called short, be teased by my turtlenecks, I want him to harass me with dumb questions and brag about the things he's done.

I want Eren back. I want his stupidity, his goofiness, his everything. I want him to be a friend again.

My heart feels like it has a tear. It can be sewn, but only by the person who had torn it. I need Eren to sew my torn heart, or I'll feel guilty for who knows how long.

What I do know is that this guilt isn't letting me sleep again. I can't work without the thought of Eren lurking inside my head.

I can't take it much longer. I want Eren to speak to me again, but I can't just tell him that. I can't tell him that I miss him. That'll be weak of me. I can never admit to that weakness.

* * *

Here we go again, but this time the roles have switched. Eren's the one avoiding me, and I hate every moment of it.

For once I'm the one trying to crack jokes, and I'm terrible. I'd make comedians everywhere feel ashamed and sorry for me. I can't even make a knock knock joke without messing up, and that's the oldest joke in the book. I even tented one from the library.

Speaking of books, I should head to the library before class starts. There's never a bad time to go, since it's open all hours of the day.

I get dressed in casual attire and slip on a jacket, a new addition to my routine. Usually I'd just wear a sweater, but these past few days have been chilly. Sina is on higher ground, so it's colder than other places. Being on higher grounds we're expecting to see our first snow before November ends.

Unlike most people, I actually dread the winter. I enjoy the weather to a certain extent, but I can't stand the holidays. Maybe not the holiday, maybe just my birthday.

People would think I'd love having my birthday on Christmas because I get more gifts. Well, they're wrong. I don't get more gifts, I actually get less gifts since most money is spent on others. I say having my birthday on Christmas day is by far the worst and most ironic thing to ever happen to me, but I don't say that.

I rub the back of my neck once I exit the dorm, the ache that had been bothering me all morning was probably caused from crouching over the desks for too long.

Leaving the dorm I don't notice the larger body in front of me. The two of us collide and I immediately am taken back a few steps.

"Hey, watch-" the body says, but they cut their own sentence off.

I look up to see Eren's teal eyes in a darker hue. They weren't bright, the blue faded into a somewhat darker shade of green. They looked angry, or maybe sad. I couldn't tell the difference.

"Eren... look I'm-"

"Move out of my way," he interrupts as he pushes past me and into the room.

"Ere–"

The door slams before I can even say his name, and part of me breaks inside.

* * *

"Hey, Levi," Isabel greats with a smile.

"Izzy, can we talk?"

Her smile slowly curves downward, her eyes filling with concern. She looks around the empty library before nodding. She takes her keys and locks the front desk. She walks ahead of me, signaling me to follow with a twitch of her finger. I don't hesitate to follow Isabel to the back rooms where we had first spoken.

Once entering, she waits for me to have a seat before closing the soundproof glass door. She walks around the table and sits in her usually chair, arms crossed and sitting upon the table. She tilts her head, giving me a weak smile.

"What happened now?" She asks almost painfully.

"It's about Eren, he won't talk to me. I try and tell him I'm sorry–"

"Sorry for what?" She interrupts.

"For confessing."

"Feelings?"

I forgot that I hadn't told her yet. We've only been back for a few days, and December was just around the corner. I haven't had the time to get out really. Now that I think of it, this is my first time in the library since I've been back. Oh, how I missed the smell.

"Eren sort of confessed his feelings for me," I pause, taking in a painful breath, "and... I sort of acted like a jerk? I don't know, I didn't even understand what he was trying to tell me until he walked out of the shop."

"Oh, so he did end up telling you," she says with a nod, sinking back into her seat.

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't it obvious? You can see it in his eyes, Levi. Eren likes you, a lot."

I shake my head, leaning forward to run a hand through my raven hair. I look up at her, wiping my hair back and tossing an arm out.

"You're one to talk, you analyze people for a living!" I exclaim.

"True, but everyone knew this already. He won't stop talking about you, mainly when you're not around. Haven't you noticed at all?"

"No," I confess.

"Levi, listen," she paused to lean forward, her hands folded and placed upon the table once more, "you like him too. I can see it, there's something there, but you're just too stubborn to admit it."

"I'm not–"

"Listen to me, Levi, hear me out. Since you've started talking to me, it's always been about Eren. The causes of your frustration, anger, and worry have all revolved around Eren. You're here right now because Eren isn't speaking to you, am I correct?"

"Yes, but–"

"I'm not finished," she interrupts me once more. I heave a sigh, shaking my head before giving her lily full attention.

"Levi," she behind again, "you may not see it right away, but you like Eren. You might even love him, but you're stuck in the past. You're mind doesn't see the Eren that everyone else sees because you're still seeing him as a child. You don't see the efforts he has, or the patience he goes through for you. You don't see how much he wants to impress you, to make you proud of him. Levi, Eren wants you to be his friend, even more than a friend, but you're too blind to see that."

I'm speechless.

She's right, not entirely correct, but pretty damn close.

I am stuck in the past, all my life I've lived in his shadow. I was never popular, and I envied Eren for that, and no matter how many times I tell myself not to care I end up falling head over heels. Maybe I did like him, but I'm not for sure. A part of me says that it's true, but my other half says it's just a silly emotion masking the jealousy and frustration of our past, as if liking him would be an excuse.

"Isabel, what am I supposed to do?"

"Talk to him," she says simply.

"How, he won't even look at me."

"Then text him."

"I don't have his number," I tell her.

"I'll give it to you," she replies with a smile as she takes out her cellphone.

"How do you have Eren's number?"

"You're not the only person I talk to, Levi."

She gives me Eren's number and gives me a few tips of advice for when I text him. She explains that I shouldn't sound as if I was being forced to write, that I should let the apology flow naturally and that I should write from the heart, not by what I think a character I'm a book would say.

"Hey, it's getting late. I should head to class," I tell her.

"Alright, I'm not going to be here tonight since there's this party going on at Rose."

I'm already hallways to the exit when she mentions Rose, another university in Trost. "A party?"

"Yeah, almost everyone is going. I'm going with Farlan because he was invited."

I shake my head, not amused. "Alright then, I'll see you tomorrow then."

She waves goodbye and I head for class. It didn't occurs to me until I was down the steps of the library that I failed to mention that night where Eren had come to me with bruises.

But that was a story that wasn't meant to be told.

* * *

"Oi, Levi!" Yells Hanji as I enter the class.

I don't bother looking in their direction, a few people already staring. This had become a routine, yet some people were still annoyed by Hanji's outbursts.

"Can you be any louder?" I hiss as I take my seat beside her and Armin.

"Sorry, I'm just a little excited," she admits.

I roll my eyes and greet Armin who sits behind us.  He waves a small hello before continuing to scribble upon the desk, most likely an assignment that's due. Hanji behind to ramble about something I've already heard of before mentioning a party that Erwin had invited her to.

"Is it the same party that Isabel and Farlan are going to? At Rose?" I ask with a slightly raised brow.

"Yeah! Don't you know? It's apparently hard to get into, you have to know someone in the circle, and Erwin is a student and is also hosting it with some other guy," Hanji explains.

I only nod, still not understanding the whole thing. Maybe because I've never been invited to a party. I wasn't very popular in school, and if there was ever a party only Farlan would be the one to go. He'd take a few pictures, a girl here and there then ask me to pick him up, and on the ride home he'd report the details to me. So technically I've never experienced one firsthand, and from Farlan's explanations they seem wild. Though books describe them differently.

Hanji continues to ramble about how she's so excited to go with Erwin. Even Armin joined in, setting down his assignment to comment about how he planned to go with Annie. When the conversation from the three of us converged to only Hanji and Armin I sink in my seat and watch the professor stroll into the classroom in his usual attire.

I begin to ignore the two next to me, as well as the professor. Despite his baldness and wrinkling face, he no longer interests me. I can't grip onto the subject, not when my mind is drifting into different thoughts. What do all these thoughts have in common?

Eren.

I take out my cell and scroll through my contact list. There aren't many people. I have maybe three main contacts: Farlan, Mom, and Isabel. Surprisingly enough, I don't even text them very often. I much rather speak in person, or even over a call. There are times where I forget I have a phone, since I don't use it very often. Music, books, and stupid games are what I use it for the most, and recently I haven't been using it at all. Heck, the last time I texted someone was before Thanksgiving break.

My phone is, what teens would say, 'dryer than a desert'. Maybe they don't say that anymore, what do I know I'm practically twenty. In don't spend my time on the internet looking up people that sing about sweaters, or about anacondas.

Let alone do I ever use social media. I've tried this thing called Twitter once, but I used to to follow my favorite authors. It died along with the rest of my teenage years, my time online is not necessary, and I don't even have the time.

So here I am, staring at my newest contact. I haven't even saved it as an official contact yet, there's only a number with the same area code as me and a picture of tacos.

I hesitate to type, my thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Hanji seems to note my hesitation and leans over my shoulder.

"What's wrong? Cat got your thumb?" She snorts.

"Haha, very funny. No, I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"Nunya."

She raises a brow. Oh, not this again. "Nunya?"

"Nunya damn business." There I go again, being funny.

"Jeez, someone's grumpy," she says in defense as she returns her attention to the professor.

I look down again, my bottom lip being nibbled on unconsciously. I knew what I wanted to say, but how do I say it? The questions of 'how' mixed with 'what if's hover over me with a heavy weight of worry.

"Just write what you feel," Isabel's words echoed.

What I feel...

Levi: Hey, don't bother asking who it is because by the time you finish this text you'll know who I am. Look, Eren, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so stubborn back at the shop and I shouldn't have been so absent minded when you told me how you felt. I can't focus, heck I'm not even paying attention to Professor Pixis' lecture right now. I can't seem to sleep, even though that's always been a problem of mine. I just– I miss you okay? I miss your stupid jokes and when you call me short and everything else. I'm sorry for being such an ass. Please, Eren. Please forgive me, I can't stand you being mad at me. I miss you.

Send.

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Author's Note:

Hey guys, I'm sorry for taking so long to update ^~^

Admit it will his 1k reads soon and I'm freaking out, like I'm so happy >.< oh my I can't even explain it!

I'm not the best writer, but I appreciate everyone that says they like my trash. I'm so honored that you take time out of your life to read/comment/vote on my book. Thank you for being so awesome ^~^!!

I've already planned chapters 11-20 and I must say it will be very interesting. I hope you guys like them :3

Vote, comment, do whatever you want because I'm not gonna force you ^.^

Until next time my awesome amigos~

2,558 words