Adele Black: The End

Everybody's Waiting For You to Breakdown

I shot up with a scream and a gasp, my breathing uneven. I glanced around the room, and realized that I was in some sort of hospital. I looked at my hands and saw that I had an IV in me, as well as some other lines.

I screamed again. "Help! Somebody help!"

"Adele! Adele!" I felt somebody put their hands on me and try to bring me into a hug.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, ripping their arms away and pushing them back. I heard a thud, and looked and saw Ron on his butt on the floor. "Oh Gods, Ron, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, I shouldn't have done that."

I frowned and looked at the set of empty chairs by my bed. "Did Fred not come?"

Ron laughed. "Far from it. He's been at your bedside the entire time. We had to drag him to take a shower, because he smelled absolutely rancid. He was stinking up the entire place, and your doctor said that was unacceptable, and I agree."

I glanced around the room and saw that Achilles was snoozing in his basket, which was sitting on top of the table next to the bed I was in.

"Ron, where am I?" I asked.

"You're at St. Mungo's. When we found you, Harry went through your bag and stuffed your mouth with ambrosia. Then he gave you some nectar. You woke up for a minute when he did that, but when he was done you passed out again," he said.

"Teddy... he... he didn't see them, right?" I softly asked.

Ron shook his head. "Nobody came to pick Teddy up, so after a little bit Harry dropped Teddy at mum's and then the two of us went over to Andromeda's."

"And that's when you found me," I said, sinking back down into the bed. "Are they..."

I couldn't even finish the sentence, but Ron knew what I meant. He gloomily nodded. I felt empty; I wanted to cry, but it was like I had no tears left.

"And Narcissa?" I asked, emotionless.

"She's... she's dead too."

I sat silent for a moment. "Is there any good news you can give me?"

Ron paused. "Well, the day after the... whole thing... happened, Percy and Audrey got hitched. Of course, we didn't know they had gotten hitched until later, and they didn't know about what happened until a few days ago. You've been out for a week and a half."

And the day before two people make a vow a child of the Gods shall see the flame.

"Ron... does Draco hate me?"

Ron shook his head. "Far from it. He visited you, you know. Said he was sorry he got so mad about you splinching off his eyebrow, and that he'd continue to work the case, even if it was without you. He doesn't blame you at all."

I nodded. "I'm... I'm tired. Do you think you could leave me alone for a little bit? Just... just so I can sleep? I would like to be alone."

Ron hesitated before nodding. "Alright, but I'll let the Healers know that you woke up."

I nodded in and understanding and watched him leave the room, my eyes vacant. Once I heard the door click, I collapsed back into the pillow and began to sob. I eventually cried myself to sleep.

A scream rang in my ears and I shot up in bed before realizing that the voice was my own. I felt like I wasn't getting enough air in, so I kept gasping, hoping it would be enough.

"Miss Black, you're alright," a soothing voice said. I looked around for it, but the room was dark and a bit difficult for me to see.

"No, they're dead and they're gone and—"

The voice, who I figured must have belonged to a Healer, told me to take deep breaths, but I couldn't. I felt them come closer to me, and in my panic, I pushed them away like I had done to Ron previously.

"Get away from me!" I screamed. "Help! Somebody help! FRED! Somebody!"

"We need to sedate her," another voice said.

"No, don't touch me!" I yelled.

"Okay, I've got it—"

It was black again.

I woke up with a gasp, my eyes staring at the ceiling. It was silent and dark. I turned my head and saw Fred lightly dozing in the chair next to me.

"Fred," I whispered loudly. "Fred."

He jumped awake, and turned towards me. Relief showered his face, and he scooted his chair closer to me.

"Adele," he breathed. His hand reached out, as if he wanted to take mine, but thought better than it.

"Fred," I replied. I took his hand in mine and squeezed them tight. "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought... I thought... I thought I was going to die, and the last thing I thought was how I'd never get to see you again."

"Gods, I thought I lost you," Fred sniffled. "I... you looked so pale. You looked like you were going to... I couldn't bare the thought of loosing you."

I brought my hand up to cup his cheek, careful not to get the lines that I was hooked up to tangled as I did so. "Fred, you'll never, ever lose me."

Fred held my hand that cupped his cheek. "I'll be with you every step of the way."

We rested like that for a moment, lost in our own little world. However, the moment was interrupted by the door opening.

"Miss Black, it's good to see you awake. You gave us quite a scare. Fortunately, with some good rest and a series of potions in your system, we were able to nurse you back. You did wake up a few times with a panic attack, and we did have to sedate you one of those times. Barring any sudden unforeseen complications, we should be able to discharge you within a few hours," said a Healer. Her skin was olive and her hair was dyed purple.

"Can I go now? I don't like hospitals all that much."

I fiddled with my hands. The Healer, whose name I didn't catch nor care to, sighed but smiled nonetheless. "Yes, you may. There's a set of clothes out for you on the chair that were brought to you."

"Thanks," I said, ripping the tubes out of my hand and getting out of the bed. I wobbled as I stood before I managed to steady myself and get the clothes on under my hospital dressing gown. The Healer kindly turned away as I did so.

"Miss Black, you've been through an awful ordeal. We provide therapy here, and if you ever need somebody to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact us."

I nodded and grabbed Achilles and cuddled him. He squealed in happiness, and I wished I was able to feel as happy as he felt.

The next few weeks were a blur of nightmares and panic attacks. The weather got warmer as the days stretched into May, but it felt colder to me. Physically, I was hardly left alone. Emotionally, I felt like I was the only person left alive on a vast stretch of land.

I managed to convince Fred, Harry, Ron and the rest of the Weasley's that I needed time to myself. It took tons of convincing, but they agreed to give me one day alone. I told them that Hermione and Ginny were graduating Hogwarts, and that they needed to be there.

I spent most of the day in bed, Achilles cuddling into my side. I felt hallow and empty, because Teddy Lupin was an orphan. Because Draco lost his mother. Because four people died and I lived. Because I was weak and didn't fight back. Because they couldn't even give Remus, Tonks and Andromeda an open-casket because their faces were too messed up. Because they didn't have noses or mouths.

I flinched at every little noise I heard besides the squeals that Achilles would make. I only let Fred touch me. I couldn't let Harry give me a hug because then I would taint him and then he would hug Teddy and taint Teddy.

Teddy. Sweet little Teddy Lupin. He was only a few weeks into being one year old and he had lost his parents and his grandmother. I was aware that Harry was receiving tons of help from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, because suddenly he was in charge of a baby full-time.

I had spent my weeks like I was a ghost. I felt awful that Hermione and Ginny would be returning to the shadow of the girl they once knew. But that girl wouldn't ever return. At least, she wouldn't return for a while, and probably not fully.

Suddenly, I felt determined to do something.

"Stay here, Achilles, I'll be back," I whispered to Achilles. Achilles somehow managed to nod, and I took a breath.

I slithered down the stairs and shimmied out to the small backyard where there was a small and ancient looking shed. I ripped the door open and grabbed out a sledgehammer and an axe. I ran back into the house with the two weapons in my hand. I set them down on the table in the living room and went over to the CD player that was in the room. I flipped through the album of CDs available before finally finding one that Harry had gotten me for Christmas. I inserted the Paramore album Riot! into the played and selected track 6 and put it so it would just play that song on replay.

I grabbed the sledgehammer and gripped it tightly in my hands and made my way to the fireplace.

Oh what a shame we all became
Such fragile, broken things
A memory remains
Just a tiny spark

I slammed the sledgehammer into the pot of Floo Powder on the mantle, letting it crack open and letting the powder fly out and smudge across my face and the carpet.

I give it all my oxygen
To let the flames begin
So let the flames begin
Oh, glory
Oh, glory

I then took the axe and swung it at the wooden mantle, cutting it in half and then cutting it into further tiny pieces.

This is how we'll dance when
When they try to take us down
This is what we'll be, oh glory

I grabbed the sledgehammer and began to absolutely demolish the fireplace. There was no stone left unturned, so to say. I slammed and slammed more and more until there wasn't anything left of a fireplace to break.

The rest of the song was drowned out as I found myself picking up the axe again and ramming it into the table, splintering it and causing wood to chip off. A wood splinter got itself stuck in my hand, but I quickly pulled it out without so much of a whimper. I traded my axe for the sledgehammer once more and then took out the vintage lamp that looked like it belonged to the 1930s that sat on an end table.

I wasn't sure how long I spent destroying random objects that were replaceable. I remembered throwing the sledgehammer at the wall with a scream, I remembered throwing the axe at a door, where it stayed put for the remainder of my outburst, and I remembered screaming at the top of my lungs, the pitch so high that I wouldn't be surprised if I had deafened somebody.

Then I just remember collapsing against an unbroken wall in absolute exhaustion. My body gave out into sobs that wrecked my body. I panicked and hyperventilated, my vision foggy. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I began to claw at my neck, much like they had done before they died. I felt stinging as my nails made scratches that broke the skin, but like with the splinter, I didn't care.

I felt like the world was caving in around me. I brought my knees up and hugged them close to my chest and put my head down. My body rocked back and forth as my sobs settled down into whimpers.

I closed my eyes and quickly reopened them, because all I saw was their faces. Their panicked eyes, the flat plane where their noses and mouths once were. Them clawing at their necks.

All I saw when I closed my eyes was either that or fire.

Fire.

Suddenly I got up and turned off the CD player. I then stalked into the kitchen. I shakily opened drawer after drawer and searched for the lighters. Once I found them I used my strength to break them in half like they were a pencil.

I glanced up at the chandelier that held candles above the table in the kitchen. I quickly raced back to the living room for the sledgehammer. When I returned, I climbed onto the table and with a scream I swung at the chain that connected the chandelier to the ceiling. The chain wouldn't budge, so I then moved my sights to the individual candle holders on it. I swung and swung and swung, each one paired with a scream of anger. I hopped off the table in time for the chandelier to fall to the table with a crash, the only remnant of it being the chain attached to the ceiling. It swung back and forth.

I made my way back to the living room and grabbed my wand from the floor.

"Accio candles," I said.

All of a sudden, all of the candles in the house came floating towards me. They landed on the ground and there was about 70 or so in a pile.

I got rid of the lighters. I got rid of the fire source. Now I just had to get rid of the candles that helped sustain a flame's life.

I went over to the door where the axe was stuck and pulled it out. I stomped back to the pile of candles and swung at them, hacking each and every one of them to bits. Once the last one was hacked up, I dropped the axe to the ground and let it clang against the wooden floor.

I took a moment to look around the living room. The room looked like a bomb had been detonated in it. I found myself smiling  in pure shock, and hoarse laughs began to shoot out of my mouth. I stood there, just laughing, before the laughing turned into sobs and I once against collapsed against the wall in complete exhaustion.

I'm not sure how long it took me to do all that. I sat silently, long after my tears had stopped and the tracks on my face had dried up.

"Hold on," I heard Harry's voice through the fireplace, "I can't get through, it's blocked. I think we're all going to have to appearate to Grimmuald before we meet the others at the Burrow."

I didn't even bother to make myself look presentable. My hair was a mess, my face was blotchy and red. The numbness I had been feeling for the past few weeks seemed to have worn off though, and that was always a good sign.

I heard three loud pops from the kitchen.

"Harry, Ron, do you think somebody broke in?"

That would be Hermione. She must have seen the stage of the kitchen and assumed the worst.

"I would've been alerted if there was a break in," Harry said. "Come on, Adele's probably upstairs. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

The three of them began to make their way through the kitchen and into the living room to get to the stairs before stopping. Somebody gasped, and I wasn't sure who.

I suddenly stood up and turned to face them. Once my eyes caught look of Hermione's shocked face and her heartbroken look at the sight of me, I felt my shoulders shake as I began to cry again.

Hermione ran forward and caught me before I collapsed onto my knees. She wrapped her arms around me and I leaned my head into her shoulder and cried. I cried and cried and cried.

"I'm so sorry," I sniffled.

"Adele, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me," Hermione said back to me sternly. "What happened wasn't your fault. It'll never be your fault."

"B-b-but if I h-h-hadn't g-g-g-gone to their house they'd b-b-be fine!" I stuttered.

"Narcissa would've gone there anyways. She was there to see her sister, and it just happened to be that you were there," Hermione comforted me.

"It's not my fault?" I questioned her in disbelief.

"No, it's not. I would never lie to you Adele. Everything is going to be okay. It might take some time, but everything will work out," she said as she rubbed my back.

We stayed in that position for a few more moments until my breathing evened out. I pulled away from her and stood up; Hermione followed suit.

"Why don't you show me Achilles? Ron and Harry told me he's very cute," Hermione suggested.

"Yeah, okay," I said, feeling considerably lighter than before.

"Are you going to be coming to the Burrow with us?" She asked.

I thought about it and nodded. "I think I'd like to," I softly responded.

The two of us slowly made our way up the stairs. Once we got to the door of my room I turned to Hermione.

"Hermione? Thank you for being my best friend," I told her sincerely.

"Thank you for being mine as well," she said with a smile.

I didn't feel as cold anymore. I knew I'd be alright— it would take a while to get there, but I knew it would happen.

It had to.

I didn't manage to get to the Burrow that day. When I got into my room I had another panic attack and couldn't do it, so instead I sat on my bed with Achilles and Hermione stayed with me whilst everybody else celebrated her and Ginny's graduation. I tried to get her to go and to not let my issues ruin her day, but she didn't budge. Selfishly, I was grateful for that.

At night I still saw their faces, but not as much as I used to. At the urging of Hermione, Ginny and Fred, I went to talk to a therapist at St. Mungo's about my issues.

I had unraveled to my therapist an entire lifetime of trauma after accidentally mentioning who my mother was, but I was grateful that he promised to never mention it to anybody else.

I was currently sitting in his office at the moment, my fingers fidgeting. Fred was waiting out in the waiting room. I got tired after the sessions I had, which were about three times a week.

"I just feel like they're abandoning me," I blurted out.

"Who?" My therapist pried. He was a man that looked to be around 50 or so. His hair was salt and pepper colored and it cut to just above his shoulders. His eyes were a dark hazel color and his skin was olive. He was a kind and compassionate man, but he also wasn't afraid to be blunt with me. I appreciated that. His name was Brett Michaels.

"Harry, Ron and Hermione," I explained. "They've... they've all left Grimmuald Place. I told them that I was happy for them— and I am, don't get me wrong— and I helped them with the move, and I put on a front, and I feel like everybody's waiting for me to breakdown."

"Is there any specific reason that they're moving out?" Healer Michaels said.

I nodded. "Harry moved into a townhome on the outskirts of London. Teddy's with him, and Ginny's going to live there too when she's not in Holyhead. Ron and Hermione got an apartment that's closer to the Ministry. I don't blame them for moving. I haven't been the best roommate lately, and Teddy should grow up in an environment that doesn't have some unstable woman who destroyed the fireplace. Oh, speaking of Teddy, I changed his pull-ups the other day! I even fed him some peas too."

Michaels smiled at me. "It's great that you're making strides with Teddy. Adele, that means that Harry didn't move out because of you. He trusted you to change his pull-up and feed him. Harry moved out because it was time for him to spread his wings and leave the nest. Hermione and Ron too. There comes a time where we all have to leave and move on. That doesn't mean that they won't visit you, and that doesn't mean that they're going to cut you out of their lives."

I shrugged. "I just... I can't help but think that it's because of me, even though I know it's not. It's... it's like I'm stuck in a snow globe watching everybody else move. I don't get to move, I never get to move even though I'm always running."

Michaels looked like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it when he realized I wanted to continue my train of thought.

"My entire life I've been running, but I haven't been moving," I began. "I've never gotten the chance to move on because I'm always running to some battle or running from some sort of monster. I've always been on the run, and all my friends here have too— but then Voldemort fell, and they didn't have to run anymore. I spend my days anxious for this prophecy to be over, only to know that whatever peace I may have won't last. It's like I'm running up a never ending hill and I'll never get to the top.

"And they get to go places outside of the wizard world and won't be attacked. They can go anywhere. I have to stay here or stay at Camp, because that's the only place I'm safe from the monsters. Whenever I'm outside of those bounds, it's like I'm always being watched. I'm always looking over my shoulder. I do that whenever I hear loud noises now, whenever I see anything resembling a flame... I can't have candles in the house, lighters, I destroyed a fucking fire place! I destroyed a fireplace! No wonder they left. Wizards use fire places to travel, and I've deprived them of a mode of transportation!"

"Adele, they didn't leave because of you," Michaels said forcefully.

"I know. My mind just tells me that. It's... kind of a mess in there. I... I haven't been sleeping well. The nightmares don't happen each night anymore. I can look at pictures of them without going into a panic attack. But..." I trailed off, beginning to nervously fiddle with the hair tie on my wrist.

"But...?" Michaels pressed.

"Fire. It's fire that I'm terrified of. Any flame. Flames from the stovetop. Flames underneath a cauldron. Candles. Campfires. Torches. Ash. Fireplaces. And I need to adapt my entire life around this fear. I'm probably going to re-model my home because of this. Re-do all the lights so that there's lightbulbs only. Replace the gas oven with an electric oven. Get rid of the fireplace. Fire. It's an element. But I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I don't get burned again," I said with determination.

The Healer nodded. "I'm going to prescribe you some anxiety medication. We'll see if this helps, and remember the breathing exercises we've gone over, and also grounding techniques. You're going to get through this, Adele."

I nodded. He scribbled out some prescription on a piece of parchment and handed it to me. "Here. Let's try with one pill in the morning, and see how it goes. You can drop it off at the pharmacy on the floor below this one. I'll see you at our next session in three days time."

"Yeah, see you then," I softly said as I stood up. I bid him farewell and then met Fred out in the waiting room. We traveled down to the floor below this one and dropped off the prescription.

The two of us sat there in silence for about 15 minutes. Fred held my hand and gave it comforting squeezes, and eventually my name was called and I got up to get the prescription. Once I had it, Fred took my hand and we apparated to Grimmuald Place.

"Thank you for today," I told Fred. I hugged him around the middle and rested my head on his chest. He played with the ends of my hair before wrapping his arms around me.

"Hey, it's us against the world, remember?" He softly told me. "You, me and Achilles."

"Yeah. You, me and Achilles," I softly echoed. "Us against the world."

Later that night, I passed each room that was now empty. The last of their things had been gathered up this afternoon.

The only items left in their rooms were furniture. Beds, nightstands, dressers— stuff that was already here.

Harry's room was missing his broom, his trunk, the picture of him and Ginny that sat on the nightstand. Ron's room was missing all the Chudley Cannons memorabilia. Hermione's room was missing all the books.

When I finally got to my room at the end of the hall, with Achilles on my shoulder, I got changed into my pajamas lethargically. I got Achilles settled into his basket and turned off the lights before getting into bed. I brought the blankets up to my chin and stared at nothing in the dark, trying to get used to the new sounds of silence that came with living alone.