Verando was not there when I awoke in the morning, though I didn't expect him to be. He had stayed with me until I'd fallen asleep, much as I'd hoped for this to all be a dream when I'd awaken. He'd left the button-up with me, and I took a slow inhale of it before pulling it on and slipping into some jeans. 

My body ached, an empty vacant feeling that I couldn't explain since losing our child. Moments like this were difficult, I struggled not to break down, lock myself away, and shatter under the weight of what I'd lost. Every time my hand touched my stomach, it was another reminder, of something forbidden that I'd never even deserved. 

I hear the flutter of someone downstairs, pulling myself together as I scrub my hand through my hair and make my way down while fastening the buttons on my borrowed shirt. It almost felt wasteful to wear it, but I missed him dearly now that I'd seen him again. 

Hesitating, I spot Stefan in the kitchen, noting that my children were already up and playing on the back screened porch. "Did.." I pause, pursing my lips, before crossing my arms over my chest and knowing all too well that he and Verando had spoken. "Is this an apology?"

"Honey, it's not like I had sex with him." Stefan sighed, his long black hair pulled back into a loose braid, his clothes loose and flowing. 

"You were mentally intimate with him." I accuse, tonguing my cheek in frustration before moving to get myself some coffee and a biscuit. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Stefan considers this, quietly wiping the counter as he cleans up from breakfast. "Mentally intimate." He muses, repeating the words with a mild amount of interest before exhaling to place the rag back on the hook and dust his satin hands off, the pale skin almost ghostly against the depth of the deep greens in the marble counter. "You have plenty going on without worrying about something as trivial as aiding your husband in magic."

I flinch, resisting the urge to lash out, my hormones were still out of whack. My body becomes stiff and Stefan waits patiently, refusing to acknowledge what wasn't my true self. He knew me too well to think I was a jealous wench obsessing over my husband's time. 

"When you don't tell me, it makes me worry that something is going on." I admit, "I don't know what to think when I'm the last to know."

Nodding, the strigoi seems to accept that. "I can see that, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It wasn't my intention to keep it from you, I just didn't bring it up. I wasn't sure it was going to work or help, and he seemed uncomfortable with it. But, we are making progress, and I think he's almost ready to hand him back over to you."

I choke on my coffee. "Me?" I demand, bewildered. "You saw what little I accomplished. He destroyed our house."

"He's frightened, just like we all were when we realized our body was no longer our own. Don't you remember how hard it was to come into your new role as a lycan? As an Alpha?" The blood-red eyes skirt over me, Stefan had an incredible way of making all those around him feel at ease. The genuine nature of his tone, the lack of any hint of malicious intent, Stefan could be catty but mostly he was just kind. 

Thinking back on those dark days felt like a nightmare, for six months I wasn't myself, and for longer than that I struggled and clawed to finally get some sort of peace in this body. My wolf whimpers in the background, making me shudder, knowing it was missing my other half. Even the 'heat' cycle I'd gone through was intense, something stronger than I'd ever experienced. 

"He's so dangerous, Stef." I exhale, touching my stomach, feeling the agony of that admittance all over again. "This feels so far beyond anything I've ever dealt with and now I'm supposed to train a unicorn? Darrius has so many questions and how am I supposed to-" I cut myself off with a shakey sigh and the Strigoi skirts across the room to wrap his arms around me tightly. "I feel like everyone is avoiding me, like nobody knows what to say, or how to acknowledge what's happened... I want to talk about it but talking about it feels like driving a stake through my heart."

"I know I've left you alone. I always forget you're strong but you also need support. I shouldn't have-"

I cut him off, shaking my head as I hugged the icy body. "Please don't blame yourself, Randy needed you. I'm as fine as I can be, I just want everyone to acknowledge that I lost something. That it was real, because it feels like it was all make-believe and I'm a lunatic for thinking it had happened."

The admittance feels childish, like a toddler complaining that their toy was the wrong color. I should be grateful I'd had the opportunity, no other man beyond the gods was as lucky as I was to bear a child. Perhaps that was my fault, flying too close to the sun, wanting to have it all, and not understanding just how fragile that was. 

"Randy said it was a boy?" Stefan asks gently, making me smile against his shirt. I had a good friend, a lifelong friend, in this man. 

"Yes. He took him to the afterlife himself."

"That's pretty special," Stefan comments, brushing a few strands of my hair back into place.

Was it? 

I struggle to see it that way, but I suppose to go any sort of place as an essence with your father might be the best of all options."He offered to take the child's place." I sigh, slipping out of the man's grasp to wipe at my eyes.  

"Does that surprise you?"

Not in the least, I think to myself. While I know it was to protect me, it often felt like another attempt to get out of this life. My husband's depression was always rearing its head in the least opportune times. Despite years of trying to fix him, there had been little we could do to annihilate it. 

"Do you think I can do this?" I ask finally, leaning back against the counter as I gather up my coffee once more and take another timid sip. "Help train Death? To train the next Unicorn? These are heavy players and I'm just a solomonari, I'm not a man of god or a creature of honest means, I've done some pretty terrible things." Staring into the depths of the black coffee, the whole situation felt beyond hopeless. I'd trained people, sure, and I'd felt very confident until I'd been thrown back on my ass and bitten by the viper of humility. 

"You've gotten thrown off the ethereal horse, as it were. It's time to saddle up and get back on, if you'll excuse the metaphor in terms of a unicorn. Nic, I struggle to think of anyone better for this task because I know, above all else, you will do the right thing. I think it's alright to make mistakes, but then you have to give space for those mistakes to become successes. You and I are magical beings, we understand how dangerous our craft is, and we can't fault others for having a higher risk versus reward. "

Stefan could be quite insightful, I narrowed my eyes at him knowingly, he'd been preparing this speech for me. Seeing my expression, he smirks, shrugging. "I don't sleep, it's given me a lot of time to prepare."

"You're impossible," I grumble, though he'd successfully lightened my mood, only to glance at the calendar and note the date. "Today is the day he has to perform, isn't it?"

Stefan follows my gaze, exhaling as he fiddles with the end of his braid. "I believe so, today is the day the train is supposed to derail." 

A million different thoughts run through my mind, I shiver at the image of him sitting on the train, knowing what would happen, and then going through the crash while waiting for the mountain of souls to take to the underworld for processing. Events such as these were the whole reason Anubis needed Death to return, too many unaccounted-for accidents allowed people like the Sirens to sweep in and gather souls with foul intentions. 

It was for everyone's betterment that Verando did this, it didn't make it any easier to envision. "Verando told me that for Bastet to stay on earth, we would need to trade human years in exchange for her vessel's time. She can't keep killing people. He's going to have to find a human who wants to make a deal, exchanging years for a favor, I would assume?"

Stefan moves to turn on the TV in the den, we can see it from the kitchen and still keep an eye on the children. He puts on the news, we would at least know when the story broke. 

"That could be a lucrative business for a man well versed in mafia tactics." Stefan muses, my face must be horrified for he shrugs off my disgust with a look of indifference. "People make deals all the time Nic, for immortality, money, sex, fame, any sort of deal.. why not in the form of years? Seems like it could be a pretty clean exchange until it comes time to collect, yet it's not like you can run from Death."

This seems to intrigue the Strigoi, making him tap his nails casually as he mulls this over. 

"It would put a massive target on his back if he got in with the wrong people. I've seen how humans handle debt, when that number is called, they will surely make another deal to cancel out the first and then who fills that spot? That sounds like playing with fire." I snap, disbelieving that such a kind man could even consider such a thing. 

Despite my distaste, Stefan seems convinced. He glances around as if making sure Legardo or Tonic won't come waltzing in. "Listen, the book has loopholes and Anubis is now on the ropes with his deal being broken... this is a good opportunity to gain back some real power. I wouldn't snuff your nose at it, Nic. There is nothing wrong with being a well-connected man and you have both reaped the benefits of your reputation."

"Death shouldn't deal in years, Stefan!" I find myself almost shouting, making Darrius glance up but I force a smile and he goes back to playing with their trucks. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. "Out of all the people to suggest such a thing.. is this what he was thinking? Is this his idea?"

"No. I just came up with it after what you said, but Nic, we need to consider this very thoroughly. A mother could give up years to save her dying child! A man could give up years to bring wealth to his family, and those years could be given to people who need them. It would be an incredibly powerful position-"

My eyes narrow, and my coffee mug pops and shatters in my hand, spraying glass and coffee all over the tile. "Are you even Stefan? How could you suggest this?"

"How could you say that?" The strigoi looks taken aback, placing his hand on his chest as if I'd somehow struck him. "Nic, I love you, I love this family, and I will do anything to protect this family. I'm not suggesting we use it to gain financially or in foul means, but to hold people accountable when they desire a trade might be something to look into. Think about the men who are constantly against you politically! Think about the agents and bounty hunters who harm and maim magic users, there is a lot of power to be had and everyone has something they want-"

The longer he speaks, the more I want to escape from him, and finally, he purses his lips. 

"You're right." He finally admits as I bend to start mopping up the mess with a rag. 

"Stefan, promise me you won't say this to him," I whisper, keeping my voice impossibly low as he bends to help me clean up the glass. "Promise me you won't put this idea in his head, because... there is no coming back from what you're suggesting. Death is not a business opportunity."

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Stefan's blood-red gaze meets my own and we're at odds with each other. He felt I was squandering this opportunity, I felt it was a short step into total madness to consider it. 

"He's a very smart man, Nic. He's going to figure it out on his own, with or without my help. Those years have to come from somewhere, which means someone is going to want something in exchange." Stefan points out, keeping his voice steady and even. "When word gets out that years can be traded, we won't have to give him the idea. It's going to come naturally to anyone who needs something, who has a problem only an all-powerful being can fix." 

I lower myself onto my hands and knees, before sliding down to sit on my hip and staring at the tile. Damn it... 

Damn it all. 

"Then I'll tell him to call the deal with Bastet off." I snap, sharply, only to flinch as the cuff begins to burn and the woman appears before me as if she were an apparition. 

"Are you sure about that?" She demands, making Stefan and I sling ourselves backward. I snarl and Stefan hisses, I scramble to my feet and urge the strigoi to get behind me. "You want to call it off?"

"I... I'm not sure if I can allow people to start this process, to trade years for your vessel."

She was already in a new one, though this woman looked in much better repair than the last, fresher and fuller, not already in a state of decay. "I think it's a brilliant idea, Death has never been so bold and I'd say it's about time. A deal with a horseman would be the deal of a lifetime, just as you made a deal with me and Tyr, and Anubis... should I go on?"

Her words cut me, it was true, we were already making deals beyond deals, agreeing to things just to keep escaping the inevitable. 

Bastet almost purrs, marveling at her new skin. "Nic, I'm going to be honest with you, this has been so much more fun than purgatory. I'd really like it if you didn't call this deal off, I'm giving you, technically... two.. children since you lost the first one to the underworld."

"You mean my first child is dead." I snap, gritting my teeth, feeling Stefan's hand on my arm to steady me. 

The lioness smirks, tapping her lip lightly with her elongated nail yet she says nothing, only offering a shrug. "Whatever you say, Nicolas. The reality is, that deals are deals, and I'd like you to think very strongly on this because once I go back to purgatory, there is no way that Seth or Anubis will ever let me back out. I'm not sure there's another Goddess of Fertility that will give a man a gift like this. Surely not your unicorn. If your hell-hound husband catches me, I will be gone forever."

"Nic." Stefan pleads.

"I.." What could I say? How could I ever accept such terms?

"It's all consensual. Isn't that very important to you?" She purrs. 

I grit my teeth, shaking my head, "It's not. It's people at the end of their rope, offering something they don't truly understand."

"If every God felt that way, you'd be dead and so would your champion. I'm only asking you to offer the same gift that was given to you to others. The same gift Whitewind gave to you when Verando traded immortality for your life."

All at once it was as if she'd stabbed me in the heart, I stagger backward to lean on the counter as I reel with disbelief that I had already benefitted from such a deal. Whitewind had offered the trade, it was something that existed beyond Stefan's theory. But.. was it right?

Stefan's eyes flick up and he touches my shoulder, guiding my gaze to the television as the derailed train pops up on the screen. 

The newscaster speaks in a somber tone, stating there was a failure on the track and the train had leaped off the path and into the drainage ditch alongside. They were so far out, in the depths of the mountain range, it'd taken hours for anyone to get to them. 

"Miraculously, there were two survivors. A mother and her five-year-old son."

The woman looks tired, their bodies battered and bruised, her arm wrapped and leg splinted while her child appeared bloodied but no worse for wear. 

"The mother sustained critical injuries but is projected to survive, the child was said to be entirely unharmed beyond a few minor cuts and bruises. I'd say that is a lucky boy, indeed. A true miracle. It's believed over one hundred passengers have perished and they are still uncovering bodies in the wreckage. A truly devastating day, made a tiny bit brighter. "

Stefan presses his lips into a thin line, glancing at me. "An unscathed child survivor?"

Bastet shrugs, "Sounds almost too good to be true... wasn't Death on that train?"

I don't want to believe the deal was already in the works. Wrapping my arms around myself, I just wanted her to leave, I wasn't ready to confront such a reality. Before the words can leave my lips, there's a brief moment, a split second where the world goes black and when I open my eyes my husband is there. 

Surprised, he glances from me to Stefan, then back to Bastet. "Waiting for your prize?" he scowls at her, making the lioness grin. His clothes are tatted and torn, his body smells heavily of smoke and oil from the wreckage. I note there seems to have been a small fire, yet he looked relatively unharmed. A living sculpture wearing the destroyed remains of a suit. 

"You'll learn one day how to protect your clothes, very unprofessional to show up in rags." She muses sweetly. "Do you have something for me, Death?"

Verando glances at me, exhaling slowly as he pulls his glove off. 

I quickly move to get in between them but Stefan grips my arm. "The deals been done, Nic." He pleads with me. I almost believed him to be evil, that he wanted to watch my husband's descent into depravity, but one look into his eyes told me that Stefan wanted me to have this baby just as badly as I did. 

Stefan and Adriam understood my pain, my deep obsession with having a tiny bundle to call my own, while Stefan never wanted a child he'd grown to adore my journey and to want the world for me. He wanted so desperately for me to be happy, I could never fault him for that. He and Verando had bonded over how much they loved me, though Stefan's was a love like a brother might love another. 

I'm uncertain what I was fighting for, and why I was resisting. Maybe I was just that selfish, or just that out of my mind?

"The terms?" I demand, making the woman roll her eyes. 

Verando shudders, the right side of his face returning to normal as his body almost seems to steam from the magical letdown. I know he's burning out, he's used to much and he was on the cusp of the edge of his capability. 

"20 years. The mother took 20 years off her life so that her child might live."

Bastet holds out her hand happily and smiles, "Deal."

I flinch, wanting to stall, "So how much time does she have left?" I demand, Verando flinches at the question. 

"Does it matter?" His voice is hard, strained. 

"No, it doesn't. Your deal is with me, now shake, damn it!" Bastet snarls, earning a flash of his teeth and a blaze of his light eyes in return. 

"Watch your mouth, cat. I have plenty of others who might appreciate the years." Verando seethes, causing the goddess to squirm uncomfortably. There would be no escaping him this time, she'd exposed herself and he would kill her before she could react if he so chose. She'd risked everything to make this deal, trusting that I had control of my husband, maybe now she realized that there was very little about him I controlled. 

"Not so fun now, is it?" I spit at the woman, Stefan squeezes my arm, encouraging me to hold my tongue. She had something I wanted, just as I now held her fate in my hands. 

"2 days. She only had twenty years to offer, but I had to take all of her life in exchange for his. He was dead, it took a lot to bring him back and someone had to fill the ticket." Verando finally admits, frowning, that it devastated him just as much as it did for me. He knew exactly how he would respond in the same situation, but knowing the boy would lose his mother was beyond what felt fair. "Her husband was not on the train, the boy will still have a parent when this is all said and done."

"Such is the law of exchange," Bastet confirms the first glimpse of mortality in her playful golden eyes, causing her to glare at me as I gape at her. "I'm the Goddess of fertility, of women, I know a mother's love and I know exactly how that woman felt. She's my charge just as much as anyone else's, she will go beyond and wait in the gardens for her child, as it should be. She's a mother, she did what she was supposed to do. I'll gladly take her years, just as she readily gave them to me. Did she hesitate?" Bastet demands of my husband who returns her expression with a somber one.

Verando doesn't take long to consider this. "No. She was insistent."

"Make the deal and be done with this before your time runs out. You've just transported a hundred souls, you're depleted." She practically begs, holding out her hand once more. 

Without looking at me, Verando takes her hand. While we all seem to fear that it would simply kill her, instead she seems to almost tremble as if she'd been electrocuted. Her eyes temporarily roll back into her head, her knees threatening to buckle, before he finally releases her and takes a step back to rub his temple. 

Bastet drops to her knees, panting, in a heap before she glances up with a glare. "You only gave me one."

Verando's expression is unreadable, the room falls deathly silent as we stare at my warlord. This seems to amuse Stefan more than it does me, I'm left wondering how he could consider anything to do with our child a bargaining chip. "The deal is made, but not if you don't hold to your promise. I've already had one faulty deal and lost a child, I'm not fit to have another one. One year, when the child is born, you get the rest of the twenty. I'd like you to hang around and keep tabs on our investment, don't need you drifting off when we might need you."

Much as she might want to lash out at him, as she bares her teeth and clenches her fists, her eyes shimmer, and her body trembles, she knows when she's been outdone. The lioness slowly starts to chuckle as a smirk curls onto her lips, "So I have to trust you, but you don't trust me." She summarizes. 

"You catch on quickly." Verando shrugs one shoulder, I can sense the fatigue, I know he's on the edge of what he can take. "If nothing else, I'll see you in a years time, Bastet. I suggest you stick close by."

Quickly as she was here, she vanished, gone just as he'd appeared. Verando drops to the floor, Stefan and I race to get to him as he struggles to remain on his hands and knees. "Is he safe?" Stefan stops me, only for me to quickly scan over him with my palm. 

"I think he's entirely depleted. I can't sense anything."

"He's right here and totally conscious..." Verando grumbles,  "I'm exhausted, not deaf or dead. Bloody hell, I thought she'd never leave. Someone attend to the children, I don't want them to see me just yet, not like this-"

Without thinking, I stand, pulling him to his feet and slinging his arm over my shoulder but Stefan holds his hands out, giving me a warning glance. "I said he was almost ready for you but not yet. It's going to raise suspicion if I go out without you, you need to go to the children, I'll take care of Verando."

While my lips part and I tighten my hold on him possessively, my logical self knows that handing him over to Stefan would be correct. The scent of him masked with smoke and grit, the way his suit hangs over his body in tattered remains, I check over him in a sweeping glance and note that he looks entirely intact. My lips part, landing on his gaze, and acknowledge that he regards me just as I do for him. He was worried I was afraid of him again, yet fear was the farthest from my mind. 

"Nic-" He begins, yet I hear the distant shuffle of Darrius and Xavier running over the porch. 

"I've got him, Nic," Stefan promises, taking my warlord's arm carefully over his shoulder as his own hand rests on the man's side. My body is uncomfortable, watching the way Verando seems at ease with Stefan touching him. I'd almost rather him look as scalded as I did whenever a man touched me. The jealousy forms a lump in my throat and I hesitate, my wolf urges me to take over and yet the humanity in me acknowledges that this was for the best. My children needed me, and he needed me to give him a chance to recover. 

"I'll be up there when the children go down for a nap." I promise, leaving quickly to allow them to escape upstairs while I distract the boys.