Upon seeing him, my wolf comes to full attention. I'd experienced an odd sense of self developing since the creation of our child. My body had changed, and my wolf had fulfilled some sort of purpose deep inside its programming that had proven once and for all that, it and Alpha were destined for each other. While I appreciated the sense of direction from the beast, the unhinged obsession that came with it was a beast all of its own. 

While this wasn't the unbridled desire I'd felt at the beginning of our endeavor, it was a yearning to be close to him that made even existing uncomfortable at times. It was beyond a husband missing his spouse, it was beyond even the bond I'd felt with him when we shared a lifeline. I felt as if I was hollow, a slat was taken out of the basin of my lifeblood, draining frustratingly slow, the torturous trickle of the urge to be near him. 

I knew, beyond loving him, that this was why it would be easy for me to forgive the man who had taken away our future. We were bound, beyond our severed tethers and beyond all our shared pain and trauma, our wolves had finally decided they were one and the same. It was bond he'd spoken of briefly, we'd touched on it in my times of clarity, but never before had it been like this.

Seeing him was as if someone had opened the windows and let in the light. It was as if my lungs could finally get a full breath of air, my body felt immediately lighter, my fingers ached to feel him, and my wolf clawed at the cage separating us.  

His own expression shifted, and for a brief moment in time, he'd allowed himself to feel relief that I'd asked him to stay. Beyond my need for him was the deep urge to please him, to show him that I'd been dutiful while he'd been gone and that I'd not strayed from our mission. I wanted him to be pleased with me, to acknowledge that I could handle his absence and do it well.

Yet the mortal side balked, I was still in so much pain, my surgery sight had hardly healed, and my body still felt hollow and foreign, a husk of failure. How could I dare think such things when my child was no longer living? How could I find any sort of pleasure or joy when I had lost something so dear to me?

A knowing glance clouds his expression and he holds his hand out to me, "You might know magic, but this would be my area of expertise. You're in pain, if you need to satisfy the beast, you can come to me. I won't read into it, love, I know how it feels."

Reluctantly, I stiffened, pursing my lips in defiance that I needed to 'hit' of my Alpha male to hold me over. 

My wolf betrays me, whining, reaching through the steel barrier of my mind to make contact. 

"No strings attached, I won't touch you. It'll make it easier." Verando offers, changing his posture from inviting to surrender, holding both palms outward to show he meant me no harm. I check that his gloves are on, raking my eyes over every inch of him.

As if I would expect him to pull one over on me or to touch me against my will. It was something I loved so dearly about him, my consent was his priority, and he'd never lay a hand on me if he thought I didn't wish it. He was mine as much as I was his, there was a level of trust built between us that even the most gut-wrenching mistakes couldn't erase. 

Before I knew it, my feet were moving, and I hit his chest so hard with my body that we both audibly grunted from the impact. Verando felt like stone, his body cold and hard, making me shudder at something so alien under my fingertips. Yet, the scent of him was so uniquely Verando that it instantly hit me like a dose of morphine to my senses. 

I bury my nose unashamedly into his chest, inhaling slowly as I savor every ounce of him. My arms wrapped around his waist, I cling to him, knotting my hands in the back of his vest as my wolf drinks him in. If I had a tail it'd be wagging, my body practically shudders from the impulse. I nuzzle my cheek into the broad chest, seeking out the heartbeat that now belonged in my necklace, holding him that much tighter at the reminder of how much he was sacrificing for us.

As quickly as it started, I forced it to stop, taking one step back from him to put a tolerable amount of distance between us. He'd kept his word, he hadn't touched me, though I could see by the expression he tried so hard to guard, that he'd desperately wanted to. 

Before I can string together the words to ask him, Verando's expression softens and he lowers his hands to rest at his sides. "Our wolves had produced a child, if you thought they were obsessed with each other before, now they're practically inseparable. The desire to be together, to protect one another, is akin to an addiction."

I can't help but swallow at the way he drinks me in, those intense yet light eyes boring into me in a way that makes me want to lean into him and be devoured. "Obsessed is a good way to put it," I grumble, running a hand through my hair to ward off the wolf's incessant nagging to close the gap between us. "So you're saying this doesn't get any better? I'm going to go through this, all over again, every time we're apart?"

Curling the corner of his mouth into a small smile once more, he seems to be enjoying the closeness himself, I note the minute relaxation of his shoulders and the way the tension had eased out of his neck and jaw. "'Fraid not, darling. It's a lifelong affliction."

Lifting my hand to observe my palm, the band around my ring finger, and the various scars from a lifetime of torment, I cautiously offer it to him. "Here, I know you want to touch me. Also, you sure have a funny way of showing that you're obsessed with me. You've been gone for days." I point out timidly, turning my expression towards the yard, not willing to admit weakness and yet, wanting to point out that I was disappointed he'd not come on his own. 

Taking my hand in his gloved palm, he brings my fingers up to his lips only to divert and skirt his nose over my wrist. "I told you to call me. I imagined you were devastated, that the last thing you'd want is to see me."

"I needed you. I.. need.. you." I remind him shortly, moving to yank my hand away only for him to tighten his grip just long enough to warn me with his eyes. I obediently leave my hand in his possession, my wolf shivering under my skin with delight. "Just because I tell you to go... I'll never truly want you to go. I know it's not fair to make you guess, it doesn't make sense, but... I'm never going to stop wanting you. I need you to not give up on me."

The way the full lips part, I feel his breath against my skin, I worry for just a moment that he'll bite me as his teeth nearly drag over my skin only for him to stop and release my wrist. "You've always been foolish, clinging to someone who nearly ends your life time and time again. Competent as you are, you just about ran out of luck this time. I never forgive myself if I'd killed you, realizing that I could have.. that I almost..." 

Gritting his teeth, frustrated with himself, I almost take a step back as the grass around him starts to die, and yet I push back with my ability. 

Death and Creation, in a sense. It stops the onset, refusing to allow the life to be drained from the blades of grass until he could reel it back in. While I couldn't give life to what had died, I could guard my own blades and keep them flourishing until the hum of death had receded. 

"You think a little magic trick could kill me so easily? Do you not know me?" I demand, keeping the slightest bit of warmth in my voice. Though, I'm well aware that my death was not the only thing he'd been speaking of. He had tried to go in our child's place, and I had yet to even address it. "We will have time to sort through all of this. Right now, what I asked, was if you'd join us for dinner. The boys miss you, I miss you, and I'd really like to believe that you miss me, too."

It'd been nearing a week and yet, the children were already getting antsy that we'd be leaving once again. No matter how often I told them I would stay behind, the fear remained. We'd left them too often, they were already scorned and bitter by our constant absence. Our boys no longer believed the promise that their daddy would return quickly or that I wouldn't run to him. 

This time, I had to tell the truth. I couldn't chase him, not if I wanted to keep this part of our family united. "Please?" I add softly, touching his arm, and searching those light eyes. 

"Can you ever forgive me? Nic, don't invite me back to this home if you'll hate me for the rest of my days. Give me the peace to be shunned rather than force me to witness what I've lost. It doesn't have to be forced, you don't have to do this for them, for the wolf, I'll come if that is what's needed to keep your wolf comfortable but-"

I cut him off by gripping his vest, fisting my hand in his tie to pull him closer to my level, "Mr.Mercer, I fully intend to find it within me to forgive you. I have sobbed, screamed, cursed, and pleaded, yet the thing that remains untouched is how desperately I love you. I'm not okay, none of us are.. but I intend to be okay once more and I'd truly love for you to be there when that happens. I need you as my best friend, my partner, my husband... surely that's good enough?"

The emotion was raw, leaving scorched earth across my mental state and yet, it felt good to get it off my chest. I was so angry with him, so hurt by our circumstances, but nothing would stop me from loving him. "For better or for worse." I remind him shortly. 

I worry he might kiss me, yet he doesn't, straightening with a nod to intentionally keep his distance as if reading my concern. My wolf almost threatens to be disappointed, but I crush down those emotions for I'm not sure I could even spare the mental space to think about what it'd feel like to experience attraction again. My body felt dead, limp, and lifeless inside, a barren wasteland that had failed to thrive. 

Verando's hand carefully collects my cheek, slipping to brush a few stray strands of my thick locks behind my ear. "You're so beautiful when you're in the depths of negotiations." The smooth exhale of his voice forces the smallest smile onto my lips. I allowed myself to lean into that familiar palm, even if it was covered in the leather glove. "I'll be whatever you need me to be, darling. Any and all of it."

 With an air of hesitation, he sniffs once, wrinkling his nose as his attention turns to the dishes on the garden table. "Dare I ask if you've been sampling women? Should I be concerned that your tastes have broadened?"

It would bring a laugh if I wasn't hemorrhaging emotion. Collecting the plates, I gesture for him to lead the way to the house and he quickly moves to open the door for me. Always the gentleman, we'd been together so long, and still little things about him surprised me. His height always being one of them, "I had a lunch party, someone has to campaign in this family. The community hates us, or at least seems to. We're two foreign men, one of whom keeps buying up family businesses without introducing himself. Some might say it was a bit rude." I raise an eyebrow at him as he pulls his lips into a thin line of suspicion. 

"We're not supposed to be involved in politics." Verando's voice is short, and hard. 

I'd roll my eyes if my children weren't making a beeline for us. "Mr. Mercer, since when do either of us follow the rules? I'm not entertaining politics, I'm simply getting to know our community and making sure my family is safe to thrive here, without worrying about an angry mob on our doorstep."

My own words jolt me into remembering what Bastet had suggested about Anubis's protection. Before I can dare to part my lips, the children collide with their father, climbing his legs as Xavier demands to be lifted and Darrius recants just how many times I'd told him he must be patient for Verando's return. 

It softens my heart to see, just as it turns him into my Randy once more. Verando places Xavier on his hip, easily keeping up the conversation with Darrius's ranting as we enter the kitchen in time for Legardo to visibly pale. "Please tell me you're in control." The alpha look-alike demands, guarding his dinner from the murderous warlord. 

"Completely unpredictable," Verando reassures him dryly, kissing Xavier's cheek as he places the boy in a chair despite Xavier's protests. "Though I do believe you're safe for the time being, I've been using for days on end, I think I'm pretty depleted."

"I'll let Pascal know I don't want the girls coming over here, I'll just meet them at home," Legardo responds dismissively, leaving the kitchen to pull out his phone as I begin to place the boys' dinners on their plates. 

Where I can see he'd like to be offended, I lightly touch his back to prevent the scowl from following the man into the living space. "Stop." I exhale to him, calling him off the hunt for the man's apology. "We're all freaked out. Give everyone some grace."

Verando twitches in response, grace we did not afford him, but the circumstances seemed very different. We couldn't trust him, just as he couldn't predict his own actions. "Right." He grumbles in response, running his hand through Xavier's tangles as the boy babbles about his lasagna, chopping it up into haphazard bits while Darrius carefully carved out his battle tactics on how he'd eat the meal. 

"Are you leaving tonight?"  I keep my voice low, trying to keep it out of range of our children's ears. 

"I'm still figuring my list out, I'm sure there's plenty more for me to do." He sighs, gathering my plate to place it in my hands, a silent insistence that I do as I'd promised and eat something. Slipping away from us, my husband retreats to the fridge to pull out some of the various forms of donated blood. He'd been separated from his supply for some time, it would appear there were things Anubis's transition couldn't do for him and that was take away the hunger that Fenrir cursed him with. 

Darrius pokes quietly at his dinner, "Is Daddy leaving?"

"I'm not sure, honey. Daddy's a busy man." I tell him calmly, handing Xavier a napkin who immediately smacks it out of my hand with a growl of protest. Taking up all of my patience, I pick it up, offering it to the boy again only to jerk it upward as he moves to slap it. "Xavier, you're gross. You do it or I'll do it for you."

"I don't want him to leave." Darrius points out slowly. 

"Well, Darrius, sometimes we just have to accept facts as they are. Your Daddy can't help that he has to go sometimes." I shove the napkin into the toddler's face, smearing sauce off his mouth as he screams at me to leave him, pointing the fork like a weapon. 

"It's not fair! Daddy never stays with us." Darrius shouts back, I gape at the boy before sighing heavily at Xavier throwing the fork onto the table. 

"Xavier for the love..." I grumble, wiping the fork off and handing it back. "Honey, this isn't a topic for discussion. Is that how you want to spend the time he is home? Having a fit?"

Looking over my shoulder for help, all hope is lost when I see the man has commandeered the pan of lasagna, deciding he'd be better suited to eat it straight from the source with a fork rather them waste time with a second plate. Hesitating as he lifts the fork to his mouth, he catches me staring at him, and Darrius starts to giggle as the warlord clears his throat and places the pan back on the counter. 

"What? Yes, certainly..." Sensing that was not the answer I was looking for, he grabs a clean dish towel to wipe off his mouth and buy time. "I've got nothing. What's with the look?" Approaching, he captures the fork out of Xavier's hand before the child can throw it again, snagging the child up to tickle his neck with his stubble. "There's one crisis averted, now, what's all this then?"

"I don't want you to leave," Darrius tells him firmly. "I can't do any of the things other boys can do. I need you to teach me."

We exchanged glances, it was the first I'd heard of it. Xavier slings himself, nearly throwing himself out of the warlord's arms as the man carefully juggles the tornado toddler. "Well, darling, I'm sure your Tata can teach you plenty-"

"Boy things, Daddy. Uncle Addy says you used to build fires and sleep outside, I want to do those things."

I nearly spit out of my drink and choke on the audacity of that tyrant. While I know Verando is trying desperately not to laugh, the idea of me not being 'manly' in the eyes of our fresh five-year-old was something he found extremely amusing. "I'll have you both know, I've slept outside more times than I can count, I'm just not a heathen like your father is. Darrius why on earth do you need to build a fire anyway?"

The silence falls over the youth, he folds his hands in his lap with a sniffle, lower lip jutting out. I realize my failure and flinch at my shortcomings, he just wanted to do something relatable to the father figure that he had. Verando hands Xavier over, despite the boy's protests, and ruffles Darrius's hair. "I'm all yours for the evening, not the best weather for sleeping outside but I'm sure there's plenty we can do."