(This chapter has a TW)

(Nic's POV)

I allowed Adriam to guide me into his home, the air was still but still held the familiar scents of flowers, candles, and essential oils that were so uniquely Adriam. A warm home, smaller, more compact much like our previous one before we'd purchased this farm. It would make sense, they were used to a more humble living though Victor looked entirely out of place with his size and the low ceilings.

My body was still shakey, cold and yet burning up all at the same time, my wolf paces frantically in my mind as if it were still looking for a place to escape. We had come so close, by the hand of a man who I loved more than life itself, yet he was out of control, and for the first time in longer than I could remember, I was afraid of him. 

Truly, deathly, afraid of him. 

Adriam departs to the kitchen, grabbing me a glass of water and putting it firmly in my hands. "Please drink, you're shaking like a leaf. I'm going to make you some tea with some cream and sugar, you need to get something in your system."

Tiberius looks much like a ghost as he sits down quietly on the couch, I wrap my arms around in an attempt to ground even though my skin feels as if it wants to crawl off my body. The wolf is loud, so painfully loud, whimpering over and over again. 

"Are you alright?" Adriam touches me, shocking me out of my trance-like state, I realize I hadn't even answered him.

"Oh, yes, I'm just... the wolf is still having a hard time coming down. He wanted out there so much sooner than I allowed us to leave, I should have just listened, I feel like a damned idiot thinking that I could control-"

Him.. Verando. Gods, Verando. 

Looking at the door, I feel the pain of regret. I'd left him there, in that destroyed house, with nothing. Would he even be there when I went back, would he even want me anymore after I'd walked out on him? But how much more could I be expected to endure tonight, how much longer could I hang on to this image that he was going to magically be able to do this with no slip-ups? 

A perfectionist was who he was, who were all used to him being, and with this, he was failing so miserably. It was almost like he wasn't even trying, as if he wished to fail as some sort of slight on being forced to use magic. I damn myself for thinking that way, knowing it was unfair.

Yet, he was terrifying. This was more concentrated magic than any one of us had dealt with. While we'd all had our fair share of deadly people, most combat came with an understanding of a fighting chance. A touch from Verando, at the wrong moment, was entirely final.

It was confirmed tonight. He'd kill us all without even meaning to. If Anubis hadn't come- I shook my head and held back the desperation to scream out. Anubis has my death in his palm, did Verando understand the severity of this consequence? 

 To watch his body be thrown about like a rag doll, to see the psychosis and how far he'd sunk into the depths of this new life, it was sobering. It wasn't often anyone saw my warlord bested, but to see him completely demolished was horrific. These Gods were becoming things that were beyond a menace, beyond a minor annoyance, they were real creatures with unbelievable power and now my husband was serving one.

I could lose him. 

Or worse, he could lose me. Our children would have no hope if I were gone, not with his current level of fallout. Without me, he would disappear under the veil and the pressure of that reality felt like the weight of the sun bearing down on my neck, pushing me lower and lower until I feared I'd been crushed by it. 

How did one deal with depression? Deal with someone who was so broken, so unhopeful for their own future and success? I could feel the spike of anger as I tightened my grip on the cup, shutting my eyes for a moment as I felt Victor stoke the fireplace with fresh wood, the blaze warming my skin where I'd been so chilled. 

Why couldn't he just get over it? Why couldn't he just be happy? Why wasn't I enough?

The glass shattered in my hand, making them all jump in surprise as I carefully took a step back and allowed the shards to fall from my hand. 

"Jesus, Nic!" Adriam rushes to me with a dish rag, taking my palm and carefully blotting away at the small cuts from the glass. "Take it easy on my cups, honey. You still haven't learned about your strength?"

I hadn't meant to break the cup, but I was overwhelmed. "Adam..." I ask quietly, gaining the focus of the caramel eyes as he searches my face. "Is he ever going to get any better?"

Wide-eyed, the man takes a slow exhale, completely caught off guard as he guides me over to a chair to sit down. Gesturing to Victor to fetch my tea, he sits on the footstool before me with a frown, folding his hands in his lap. "What do you mean by better?"

"He's so damned sad... all the time." The sharp inhale shuts off the attempt at a sob, I was so sick of crying, I wouldn't cry over this any longer. "Why isn't it enough, Adam? Why aren't we, his family, enough? It's like he's not even trying, self-sabotaging even, I don't care at this point if it has to be with someone else or with nobody, I'm so broken by seeing him so miserable. We talked about this at length and Adam, what am I supposed to do? How can I fix this?"

It all pours out, like word vomit, I couldn't stop it or control it and my body shuddered with the realization that being his rock was taking a toll on me, too. "We've come 400 years into the future, why can't we fix him?"

Victor slows as he approaches with my tea, the pair exchange an uncertain glance, and all at once I feel like I'm the one being unreasonable. I was talking to the wrong people, they loved him almost as much as I did, and they wouldn't turn on him to spare my feelings. Taking the cup, I shake my head at my foolishness but Adam places his hand carefully on my knee. 

"Listen. This is not your burden to bear, I know that you love him, and we love him, too. But you can't torture yourself thinking you are any part of the reason for what is wrong with him right now. Verando has been... sad... for as long as I've known him. None of us could have expected that this would happen and I know how disappointing and frustrating it is when he's having his feelings of anguish."

Adriam looks to Victor for help, who clears his throat as he kneels beside my chair. 

"Hard to believe but me, too, is sad at times. Medication, it does help some. Lot of loss in our time, trauma, slavery, loss, being man as I'm sure you know, is hard. Some take harder than others. Verando is just... more sensitive man. Takes things more to heart than most of us, holds onto them forever like carved from stone. But, this, too will pass." 

It was more than I'd probably ever heard Victor speak in one full sentence. Taking a small sip of my tea reminds me of my husband all over again for it was made 'properly'. I can't help but wish I hadn't left him behind. 

"How could I possibly have left him there? Why did I leave?"

I knew the answer already, yet I still struggled with the concept that I could pick this child, that I could pick myself, over him. The wolf resumes its symphony of whining, scratching at the cage to get out, and this time I know exactly what it wanted. The beast wanted to go back, it paced at its cage, desperate to return to him as I was even though I was bound and determined to run for my life not even an hour prior. 

"Your wolf's job is to protect you and this baby, but you are bonded to that man for life. Once the danger is alleviated, the wolf will want to return to where it belongs." Winking at Victor, Adriam stands with a yawn and a stretch, turning his attention to Tiberius. He makes his way over to inspect the Siren's arm, carefully turning it every which way to decipher if it needs medical assistance. 

"I don't know if I can go back to that. I've never come so close to dying before, I... Nic, I'm not sure I can help with this." He admits finally, his voice low, and small, his face so ghostly and eyes so wide that I worry he will freeze like that. "I don't want to die, not like this."

"See, some men just have more emotions." Victor winks at me, patting Tiberius roughly on the back. "Calm down, is not after you, just don't touch that one and have no problems. Keep Siren hands to self." Twiddling his fingers at the black-haired man, he moves back into the kitchen to begin cooking dinner while I slowly come to terms with exactly what had happened. 

This had not been a calculated attack against us, this had been retaliation for the death of our friends. It had been predictable in the sense that seeing it on the news prompted us to check in on him. What I had not expected was that Verando would arrive in full Death ensemble, ready to reap the lot of us if we stood in the way of his target. 

I had thought killing would be a harder task for him, even hoping that we'd been entirely wrong and somehow he couldn't mortally wound someone not on his list, only to find out Fenrir had had a field day exacting his revenge on every last hunter. 

He'd lashed out at us when we pushed him; when we kept getting in his way, surely that meant we could navigate this much more carefully next time. Away from the thought of my life being siphoned from my body, I could think more clearly. Perhaps it was time to discuss medication, though I wasn't sure about the dosage for a demigod or the bringer of souls to the underworld, it was worth an attempt to see if we could stop the escalation. 

Taking another sip of my tea, my stomach flips and I wrinkle my nose at the warm feeling climbing my throat. Quickly handing off my cup, I rush to the bathroom, hardly making it in time before I emptied the contents of my stomach. Maybe coming here wasn't the best idea, I was out of my comfort zone and lacked all of my favorite snacks. The thought crosses my mind over and over again, I should just go back, the wolf was too loud and too frantic. 

"Help."

The word shocks me. I blink rapidly, looking around the room, trying to decide where the sound had come from. 

"Help."

The voice didn't sound like Adriam, surely not Victor or Tiberius. "Ad-" I gag on a mouthful of fluid, only to look down and see my fingers tinted in red once more. The wolf threatens to rip through my body, I hold onto my sides with a cry of agony, attempting to pull myself back together. 

"Nic did you call-" His voice stops dead, smelling the blood no doubt as he appears in the room before I can blink. 

"Wolf." I plead, crying out against as I writhe against the creature gnawing at my bones. "Please, stop," I beg it, "Adriam, make it stop." 

The cool, soft hands touch my face, carefully gathering me up into his arms. "You need to calm down." I'm in and out of clarity, my body goes between agonizing throbs through my abdomen and horrific cracking of every bone in my body. I struggle to even remain still, the way my body struggles to keep its shape. "Victor get the car." 

"Where-" I can't even speak, the wolf tries to rip through me again while I curl into a ball of defeat. "Please. Please stop." I beg the beast who whines so sharply in my head I fear my eardrums might burst. I feel Adriam's hand cover my mouth, but I can't fathom why, I fight against his fingers as he shoves a pill down my throat while I attempt to keep anything down. 

"It's a suppressant. It's alright, just try and stay calm."

My body wants to betray it, I clamp my palm over my mouth as I try not to vomit again, Adriam leaves me for only a moment to get a cool rag. "Victor!" He shouts again, placing the rag over my forehead before lifting me carefully. 

How as someone so small, so strong?

"Shit." I hear Tiberius hiss, opening the door as the small man races me to the car. We collectively slide into the backseat as Victor throws the car into reverse. The rate at which we are accelerating makes me dizzy, I hide my eyes behind the towel as my body thrashes against the seat belt against my will. I feel it tear under my fingers, I feel the armrests snap in my hands, and finally, Adriam throws his arms around me once more to pin me down against his body. 

"It's alright, Nic. Your wolf just wants to get to Randy."

All of this because I missed my husband?

"Are we going back to the house?" I croak, coughing against my palm, fighting to keep the medicine down. He tightens his grip on me, and his hand grips my wrist, counting my pulse as Victor watches him in the rearview. 

"Heart rate is way too high. There is no celestial being keeping him alive, Victor. Get the ticket, I don't care." The car roars to life, flying through the back roads and slinging us from side to side in the back seat. My body trembles violently, but the wolf begins to slack off, lowering itself to hysterics but not attempting to use my body for purchase to pull itself out of the depths. 

I grip my stomach, crying out for a whole new reason as it feels like my insides are at war with my abdominals. 

Tiberius checks his phone, "We're only 5 minutes out, Adam."

"Why are we so far from my house?" I plead, the pain was indescribable. I'd been stabbed, shot, run through, trampled, bitten, and electrocuted, none of those things held a candle to the agony I was going through now. "Adam, why is the wolf doing this?"

Nobody was answering me, it was as if I didn't exist. My hand presses against the seat, gripping the fabric, shredding it as ice begins to spread across the seat from my palm. Tiberius curses, quickly yanking my hand away. 

"Cool the ice, Nic." He exhales, exasperated. 

My body was beyond my control, rejecting me, rejecting everything. My vision swept in and out of focus as I tried desperately to focus on one of the moving faces. 

"I'm bringing in one magic user, class 5, private room. Prep the OR, I need full rights. Yes. I don't care, just do it!" Adriam hangs up quickly, cursing a string of profanity as we sling down a side street and I spot the glimmering white sign overhead that reads Emergency. 

"Adam," I demand, gripping his shirt, and yanking him down towards me. "Adam, I need someone to talk to me. Please.. what is going on?"

We pull into the front of the hospital and the door swings open, my body feels as though it flies through the air as I'm put onto a stretcher and Adriam rushes into the hospital, disappearing to prep as two nurses race behind him. We're rushing down the hallway, I flinch as a needle presses into my arm and various straps begin to cover my body. 

"This is man? Why do the charts say-"

"We're told this is a class 5. It's Dr.Mont, we are not allowed to ask questions." The attending shoots back. I spy Tiberius's face through the haze, he rushes alongside the cart with a haunting expression. Something had gone wrong, once more my stomach flipped and I doubled over, snapping strapping meant to help secure me. 

My wolf wants out, fighting through the edges of the suppressant. "Baby. My baby. "

"We need to sedate him, if a lycan gets loose in this place he'll rip it apart!" The attending demands, I fight the various hands as the mask is forced over my nose. Tiberius is my protector, leaning over the stretcher as we're rushed into the room of bright lights. 

"Hey. Hey, calm down, I'm not going to let them do anything to you. But Nic, you've got to calm down." he tells me firmly, gripping my chin in his other hand, showing me clearly as he holds the mask away. "These doctors are trying to help you."

"Nobody is telling me anything." I accuse him, shaking beyond my control, my body covered in a thin layer of sweat. I flinch at the sting of some sort of liquid filling my IV, flashing my teeth before Tiberius can guide me back to him. "Tiberius.. please."

"We're not sure, Nic. We've got to get a good look at you before we know, you just need to calm down. You've lost some blood, Adriam is a worry wart, we just need to make sure you're both ok." His words are melodic, soft, so low I'm unsure if anyone else could hear them but me. 

"Don't put me to sleep, Tiberius. Both? Both of us?" I plead. 

"I need you to relax, Nic," he tells me again, his voice is so gentle, so sweet, and the humming resounding in my ears finally makes the wolf go quiet. 

There was only one other person now who was considering when talking about my being. 

My world goes black, I float in purgatory for longer than I can remember. It was quiet, soft around the edges like a glamour as if this were all a dream. I don't get the restful quiet of falling into nothing, I'm trapped here, unable to move and unable to pace, I can only float and wait for them to allow me to resurface. 

In the distance I spy the rust-colored beast, sitting with its back to me. As consciously as I can, I float toward it, desperate to reach the only other part of me that might know what was happening. 

"Hey. Are you able to get out?" I demand the beast who stiffens at my voice. 

"You don't even know my name." The wolf snaps back in a harsh, vicious bark as it snaps its jaws at me. I can hardly manage to float out of the way, how come the wolf could stand but I could only float?

"You've never told me it!" I shoot back, flinching at the discomfort. 

"Gone." The wolf finally allows, glaring at the ground, ears flat back, tail tucked. 

"Gone? You're leaving?" I demand, pulling at my body, trying desperately to gain a sense of self back. 

"Gone." It repeats once more, as my eyes shoot open and I inhale sharply. Instinctively my hand tries to move but the weight is immense, it's as if my body is under hundreds of sandbags. I was convinced I'd done enough to sit up, and yet I hadn't even moved. 

"He's awake." I hear a gentle voice, recognizing that it's Adriam by the accent, my eyes struggle to focus until I see Verando standing with him. We're alone, entirely, just the three of us in the room. 

"Leave us." He tells the man softly, waiting for him to leave before carefully approaching me, his hands were folded as if he were holding something small, something that he couldn't let get away. Sitting in the chair beside my bed, I numbly searched for the controls before finding the button that would lift me into some sort of a sitting position yet the movement was excruciating. 

"Darling, please be careful." Verando's voice is gentle, but I notice he doesn't touch me. He wasn't wearing his gloves, his body was too still, I inhaled sharply as I pressed back into my bed. 

"Did I die?" I whisper, feeling the strangled sob coming up into my throat. 

Horrified, he shakes his head quickly. "No no, love, it's not that. I um..." Cursing under his breath, he takes a long and slow exhale as he attempts to form his thoughts. The look on his face, the crushing defeat coupled with the unrelenting sadness that clouded those light eyes. 

I could almost convince myself it was because he was upset with me, that he hadn't recovered from our near-death experience. 

"Baby, it's ok. I forgive you. If you're upset about early, it's going to be alright." I needed him closer, my wolf was begging, pleading for contact yet my body continued with the sharp, throbbing pain. Directly over my navel, deep into my core, the realization slowly began to creep into my body as he stayed so painfully silent. 

"Darling. Gods Nic... I'm so sorry." Verando finally allows, his voice barely above a whisper as he searches my face. 

I couldn't allow myself to believe that. I shake my head once, almost threatening to crack a smile. "It's.. it's fine, we're fine, right? Its all fine?" The moments tick away, and I see the threat of emotion clouding his expression, knowing he was just as broken as I was but there was no possible way he could know the pain I was feeling. The reality of what had happened, the sacrifice that I had lost. 

It would take a god to break Bastest's promise. Though the cuff was still intact, a god had interfered. A life could not be saved without a life in exchange. My life in exchange for my babies.

Even though Anubis held my death in his palm, someone had to fill the ticket Death had written the moment he touched me. To save me, he let go of the most precious thing in the world. 

Exhaling slowly, Verando lifts his hands, carefully unfolding them to show me the little flicker of light in his palm. "I'm so sorry, darling. I couldn't get him back. I've got to take him away now, but I wanted you to see him."

See him. But not touch him, not hold him, not fathom what could have existed in that little flickering flame. So playful and innocent, dancing around in its little containment circle, just as it might have done when it belonged to me. I can't help but sob, hysterically, uncontrollably sob. "You're Death. Just don't take him." I shout back at him, begging, pleading, looking for any sort of deal or loophole. 

But in the end, I knew which option I would have to choose. I would have to stay, I couldn't go in the child's place, it was not old enough to grow and survive without me. 

"I offered to go instead," he tells me gently. "But-" There was no need to explain, this was his punishment, that he would have to live with and that I would hold with me for the rest of my life. "Darling if there was any way I could take his place-"

I feel so sick, so tired. My body hurts, as if my very life had been stripped from my body, my wolf had fought so hard to protect that flickering little light. "Take him." I exhale. "Please. Just take him. I can't..."

Adriam peers back into the room and Verando reluctantly stands. "If.. you're ever ready for me to return to you, call me and I will come," he tells me softly. As if he had never been there, he vanishes without a trace, carrying my greatest treasure with him.