Darius coming to me wasn't something I'd considered; I thought I'd had more time. Racking my brain, my hand slides up to wrap around the pendant hanging from my neck, it was tempting to call him, Verando had much more lax opinions on the subject, he felt we should be entirely honest. 

 How much had we told him about his creation? 

He had never really questioned his relationship to us. I looked enough like him, and our family was very diverse, so I figured it wouldn't come up until he was much older.

But, looking back, there were elves among us who had a much different ear shape than he did. The regret of mutilating him weighed heavily on my shoulders, but it had been the best way to protect him in a dying world. 

Would he ever forgive us?  What we had done was permanent, he'd never be able to go back from the choices we'd made to alter his appearance.  

Stroking Xavier's smokey hair, I hesitate, wondering if there is a possible path that wouldn't push him further away. "What do you think you are?" I ask quietly.

Darius picks at the edges of his sandwich, kicking his feet quietly. "Something bad," he says, his voice careful in a surprising way for someone so young. Wisdom beyond his years and lifetimes danced in his head like a whisp of a dream, we talked so little about what went on behind the dark pools that seemed to watch everything. "Something nobody wants to talk about."

Darius's somber voice reminded me of Verando's. Where Verando had done the majority of his raising in those first six months, he'd taken to adopting some of the 'English' accent points his father figure used.

My heart catches in my throat, and I struggle not to coddle the light-haired boy. Heavy dark eyes refused to lift, staring at the bread as he tore off the crusts. Tiny, awkward fingers had left behind their youthful, stubby nature and were becoming longer and leaner. Olive-toned skin, resembling my complexion, played on the intense corn silk blond his hair had evolved into over the years.

How could he think such a thing?  It was my fault, I needed to fix this.

I swallow back my pride and hesitation, conforming my face into something calm that wouldn't frighten or worry him even more. "Darius, you're not-" I run a hand through my hair, holding the course strands between my fingers with the shallow grip of desperation. "These are adult issues and you're just a child, Darius. We are only trying to allow you to live a normal life."

Darius almost flinches, his eyes narrowing for just a moment. "I'm not normal. I don't go to school, I don't get to do anything. Npbody likes me."

"Dare, why would you say that?"

The young boy takes a bite from his sandwich, glancing at me timidly, an inmate accepting his sentence. "Nobody comes over anymore. Daddy is upset with me." He explains through a mouthful, "Uncle Stef doesn't watch us since I went into the lake. Was it because I used my magic? I promise I won't do it again-"

His eyes brim with tears and I struggle to hold it together for both of my children. Xaiver was so oblivious, glancing back and forth between us like a proper spectator. "This has nothing to do with you or anything that happened at the lake." I explained, pursing my lips, acknowledging that this wasn't necessarily true, either. 

Could I really continue to lie to him? 

"I would never want you to not use your magic." I insist on him, my voice low, gentle. "Darius I'm so amazed of what potential you've shown. I was.. much older.. when I realized I could cast ice. You're a very special boy, which means that..." I consider my words, thinking back to my own childhood, memories long since fogged over with trauma, chaos and a lifetime worth of experience. 

I knew I was different, I supposed, when I noticed nobody else had my hair color. My parents never informed me that my bloodline and ability would force me to go to a school that could very well kill me, not until I was already doomed to go. But would it have made a difference in how badly it hurt to be cast aside? 

"Your Uncle Stef, and Legardo, Adriam.... Victor.. Pascal." I attempt, lining up my section of people who had been absent the last two weeks. "They are not equipped to help you through this time in your life. Stefan is only a strigoi, which means his magic is limited and your brother is a handful on his own. We have to keep you with people who know how to help you, until we have a grasp on just how much magic you have."

After what I'd done with the deeds coupled with Verando's new position, we would be forced to become more detached from that side of our lives. Our family couldn't be as heavily involved as before, not if we wanted to protect them and ourselves.It was time to take back our children, for our time with Darius would be shorter than I ever wished to rationalize. 

I had so little time to prepare him and I had been avoiding it. 

"I miss them, Tata." Darius points out, threatening a pout, reminding me how young he was. "Can't we just see them?"

Xaiver sticks his tongue out, coated in peanut butter. "Bad," he tells his brother with a snide grin. I flick him on the back of the head, earning a growl of protest. It never ceases to amaze me how much more difficult Xavier is than Darius, how the young boy can turn a meaningful conversation into an open stage for his personal humor. 

"Alright, brat. It's time for a nap. Hold on, Darius. Let me put your brother down." Once more, the unicorn was pushed to the side; being the more amenable brother, it was easier to cater to Xaiver first.

Why did this child have to have the worst combination of both of his spitfire parents?

I quietly wish for Marisol's mercy, who I'm sure is giggling at the thought of me dealing with the wild little boy. The tangled half-curls threatened to require a haircut, yet neither of us was willing to be near him with scissors. 

With a yawn, he kicks and squirms under his blankets, "No sleep!" He demands of me.

Rolling my eyes, I throw the blanket over his head and force his bear into his side. "Yes, sleep. You're a monster when you don't nap. Lord, you're like your father..."

"Not Daddy!" Xavier demands shortly, cuddling with his bear and sporting a professional pout as he furrows his brow. "Sleep with me?"

I needed to return to Darius as I struggled to resist the boy's Verando impression. Stroking his hair, I bent to kiss his cheek, and he pinched my nose. Exhaling, I swatted his hand away and squeezed his cheeks between my hands, fawning over the squishy baby fat of deliciously plump toddler cheeks.

Holding those warm, soft cheeks in my hands makes my heart throb. I brush my thumb over the slight cheekbone, looking into those stormy eyes that watch me with such a boyish nature. He looks so much like his father that it hurts; I feel the edge of emotion creeping into my throat.

Why must I torture myself with thoughts like these? 

Wondering what my son might have looked like, if Verando's genetics might have dominated mine, or if we could have both been represented. Every day, Xavier got older and fractured another splinter into my resolve, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could take this.

"Go to sleep."I exhale, kissing his forehead once more and brushing my nose against his, which makes him giggle.

Leaving the room before I can be coerced into another argument, I can't help but rest my hand on my stomach. In these quiet moments when I'm in between parenting and destroying the barrier my extended family had put between me and independence, I plead something within me to change.

Something. Anything. Any indication that I had back what I'd lost.

Yet, every passing day did little to convince me.

Maybe it was too late? 

Maybe I'd had my opportunity and lost it, or perhaps Bastet was too angry to help me anymore.

Resisting the urge to dwell, I sneak down the stairs, only to hesitate when I see the front door is open.

My feet move quicker than I can comprehend. Rushing through the door, I wheel around, desperately searching. "Darius!" I hiss, keeping my voice at the lowest level I can manage. 

My wolf pushes me to use my nose, and I force myself to go against my nature and take a slow inhale. This had been the hardest part of the transformation; these instincts were unnatural to me. 'Sniffing' the air felt ridiculous.

I questioned how any creature came up with the notion, yet in my desperation, I locked onto the faintest hint of magic, and my eyes quickly tracked the scent-marked impression of a child's footprints.

It was an exciting vision, one I hadn't experienced before. I could clearly see the footprints, yet I knew that to the naked eye, they would not be there. I raced across the front yard, thankful for the lack of tree cover, for I didn't go far before I spotted the boy sitting beneath one of the trees that started the path to the front gates of the driveway.

"Darius!" I resist the urge to explode, gathering him quickly in my arms. "By the gods, you silly boy, I could leave you for the wild animals to raise if I didn't love you so much. Why on earth would you leave?! I told you to wait and that I would be right back; why did you think it was a good idea to wander off outside?"

I was acting out of emotion, out of fear that I wouldn't find him in time and he'd be at the bottom of the lake. If something had happened to him... I shudder to think of where I would have gone, but I knew I'd never forgive myself. 

He's rigid, leaning away with a heavy frown before the heavy tears begin to roll down his cheeks. "I want to make Xavier go away," he admits quietly. "So I left. I need you, too, Tata. It's not fair." With a sniffle, he wipes at his nose and wraps his arms around my neck.

His human temperature collides with my warm body, making him feel nearly cool to the touch. I bury my nose in his hair as my wolf takes long, deep inhales to remind me that it is okay. That this brief moment of panic was caused by a boy wanting to distance himself, by a young socerer showing incredible control and leaving a situation. 

"When is Daddy coming home?"

I wish I knew; it felt like the answer grew more vague every day. Would he be home directly after the tour, or would there be more press conferences to make the transition seamless? With the school's creation ramping up, I'm sure he would be in and out tending to the various permits and roadblocks associated with it. 

All the while, when would there be time for us? Any of us? 

"Rosu says he misses Alpha." Darius rubs his nose, cuddling into my chest as I sit back onto my butt, wondering who exactly the child was talking about. 

"Rosu? That's a Romanian word; how do you know that?" I ask, curious if Verando had been attempting to teach them in an effort to build up good karma with me. It would be a sweet gesture, but considering his Romanian wasn't the best, I highly doubted it. 

He sits back, looking up at me as if I was the one who needed schooling. His little fingers touch my chest, "Rosu. He looks just like Alpha."

I cock my head to the side, putting my hand over the boys; it's as if my wolf was at full attention in the back of my mind. Did the beast have a name? 

Of course, I do, idiot. The creature answers back. 

"Darius, how did you know.. it's name..?"

Considering this, he touches the pendant for only a moment before quickly retracting as if somehow it repelled him. Too young to understand that he was not yet strong enough to wield it, he pops his finger into his mouth as if to soothe an ache. "I don't know. Sometimes, I just know the names of the animals."

Wide-eyed, I stare back at him, making him giggle as he mocks me, staring back with equal intensity. 

"Do you talk to animals?"

"You're so silly, Tata." He giggles, rubbing his free hand against his eyes. "No. Animals can't talk! But everything has a name. "

Darius was technically the spirit of the earth, so that would mean he could have some sort of connection to living creatures on this earth. Resisting the urge to pry into the mind of a six-year-old, I can only laugh it off, stunned that after all this time, the name was so simple and so easy. I curse the beast quietly, only for him to slam his cage door in my face. 

You could have asked, the creature snarls. 

I suppose, in a way, the wolf was a reflection of me. Logically, asking might have been the best first step. But considering the nature of lycans, it felt far-fetched. He was so powerful beyond anything Fergus ever alluded to, yet I suppose he was singularly responsible for keeping the planet alive. Stroking his hair back out of his face, I'm in awe of the boy. 

"So... you want to know what you are... Well... How about I tell you what I can? As you get older, I'll let you know more. It's a lot of responsibility, a job.. just like Daddy and me. Do you still want to hear it?"

Nodding enthusiastically, Darius squirms off my lap to sit cross-legged before me. Starry-eyed and completely engrossed, he hangs on to every word as if he hadn't wished annihilation on his brother moments ago. 

With a long, slow breath, I brush my fingers over the grass, "What do you feel when you touch the grass?"

"Prickly." Darius giggles, slamming his palms down on the ground with a grin and wrinkling his nose. 

"Beyond that." I insist, keeping my voice firm but kind. 

Slowly, his fingers close, gripping at the roots, but he stops before pulling a single strand. "Bright." he insists.

I could work with that: "The grass is alive, like the trees and the birds, the squirrels and those cows out there. They are connected by life. "

"Alive. Not dead." Darius nods, tilting his head and glancing over his shoulder as if wondering if I was suggesting he fit into these categories somehow. 

"You know I do magic, too, right? I'm a Solomonari.. and your Daddy helped me to become a lycan. So I was not born... a lycan."

"Oh.. so I'm a lycan?" Darius frowns, touching his chest then his face. "I'm going to turn into a woof!?"

With a chuckle, I shake my head, appreciating the boy's youth. "No. You're not a lycan. But you were born different, just as I was born different. No one in my family was a Solomonari either. You and I share many similarities; we both can feel the 'brightness' of the grass, and we can both control ice." Though my ability had wained and ebbed with the change, I was slowly regaining it, piece by piece."

"I'm a.. so.. sol-i-nari?" He crinkles his nose, testing the word. 

I considered my phrasing; that might be a quick way out, but I'd told myself I'd be truthful. "Darius, you are a lot like a Solomonari. You are correct in that you are not an elf, but Solomonaris have red hair, and you have almost white hair," I pointed out, brushing his bangs back out of his face. 

"You are something called...a celestial being," I tell him firmly, purposely dropping the unicorn from the phrasing. I had to be careful, it wasn't as if a six year old could be taught keep a secret. My heart pounded at the thought of him revealing this information to the wrong person, and to keep him safe meant giving him the proper terminology until he could be trusted with the exact wording. 

"A celery bean..." He repeats. 

With a laugh, I pull him into my lap, kissing the top of his head and squeezing him. 

"Sure. A celery bean." All he wanted was a name, a word to put to this strange existence. "Honey, my goal is that you will get to go to this school your Daddy is building and that you will get to live a life just like everyone else. But that means you'll have to be so careful, and we'll have to practice so hard to help you with your magic. Being a celestial being means... you could hurt someone very badly, Darius."

The little boy's breath catches, and I allow him to dwell on it, for the reality would be very dark if it went wrong. 

"You are not bad. You are good, so good. You are so light and sweet, so kind. But you're also very, very strong, more than me, maybe even more than your Daddy." I keep my voice lower, watching him hang on to every word as he covers his mouth in surprise. "Our family is not afraid of you; they love you so much, Dare. We have to make sure you are safe, and-" I sigh, feeling the wolf peer over my shoulder as the reality sets in that I was too afraid to let anyone else watch him. 

"You're going to have to give your Tata some time. I was so afraid I'd lost you, Dare; it's my fault that nobody is coming over. I'm not ready... I'm too scared."

"Tata." Darius sighs, almost sounding disappointed. "You don't have to be scared!"

Sticking out my tongue, I stood, dusting myself off. Little did he know just how terrified I was of the future and all its unknowns. "Come on, don't worry about me. Let's go back inside, and we can practice with your ice. I want you to show me how you froze that lake!"

This seems to bring him joy, and I can only hope that it's bought him a little more time with his childhood and will satisfy him for the next five years. That these awful questions could wait until he was just a bit older, when I might be more ready to share him.