Much as I was tempted by the man, engaging with him didn't feel right. My body was still healing, I couldn't let go enough to consider having a reunion with him while he was under the influence and potentially not of his own doing. However, knowing Verando and Stefan, there was more to the situation than what was laid out for me.

I'd gotten to kiss him again and that was plenty for me, it had to be for I couldn't consider the alternative.

Not now, not yet. I'd seen behind the veil too many times, I'd met a younger version of himself, and I knew this version of him as well. I wasn't dealing with a carefree soul interested in partaking in the pleasures of the flesh. 

"You don't have to put on this act for me, Randy," I tell him gently, carefully slipping my body off of him to rest my feet on the ground. Before his lips can part I wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek into the void where his heart should be. "Is it helping?" My voice is low, small, practically just a whisper. 

Shutting my eyes, I hold onto him more firmly, pleased with the fact that his body holds his own against mine once more. I feel him steady, and eventually, those strong arms encircle me and hold me impossibly tight as he buries his nose in my hair. "Yeah."

His somber tone told me how embarrassing that was for him, how he wished that he wasn't so weak as to jump to drugs in a moment of desperation. But, the lives we lived were very different from mortal ones, and while I wasn't in any way condoning his actions, I understood where they came from. 

"Can you hold me?" I manage.

I opted to lay with him in the bed, instead, running him through the Romanian words we had practiced in a life that felt so far away from here. It was an odd sensation, I'd not often been around people who couldn't sleep, and while his body seemed like it wanted to, he was unable to shut off.

The desperation must have been mounting for him to consider taking a drug he knew he'd had past issues with. While his breathing was steady, and his body entwined with mine, his eyes shut, I could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was still very much awake. 

"Did you have to take opium?" I sigh, trailing my finger over his nose as I remain cradled in his arms. I count the buttons of his shirt and marvel at the structure of his collarbone peaking through the open front. 

 Sedation might have been a better option, though I suppose the fear would then be that Fenrir would use it as a way to escape. More than anything, I wished he'd talked to me about it, though we weren't necessarily on good terms for such a conversation. We couldn't both be broken at the same time.

"It was the only thing I could think of that I knew my response to." Verando admits, "I'm a lousy drunk, this seemed safer in a way." Exhaling, he pulls me that much closer, where I'd asked for him to hold me, now I wonder if I'm the one keeping him together. "Today has been dreadful, Nic."

"Are you sore?" I ask, considering the repercussions of being on a train that had derailed. I'm not sure I could have stomached sitting there for such a thing, waiting for the inevitable, even if I knew I was going to survive. 

"No. I feel really good, actually. Better than a creature such as me deserves, truly. Mostly I thought of you to pass the time, trains and what have you, so slow compared to modern transportation." 

Tracing my fingers over his back, I marvel at the plains of muscle. "Magic is much like a drug, that's why we call it using. The more you use, the more used to it you become, and the more you're able to use. You have to flex it, exhaust it, like a muscle." I spread out my fingers, he smelt of all things Verando, delicious enough to make my mouth water. I'd missed this, even if it were fleeting, even if we weren't fixed, I missed him desperately. 

"What're we going to do with you?" I muse gently, smirking at a protective rumble in his chest. 

"Well, you've already denied one of my requests." The accusation makes me chuckle, I note a slight hint of clarity in his voice, checking the clock and seeing we'd been up here for almost an hour and a half.

"Are you sobering up?" I ask hopefully, earning a rough exhale in exchange.

"Unfortunately. I'm tired, and not quite as filtered as I'd like to be, but I'm more so buzzed than off of my rocker. Nothing sobers a man up like lessons in Romanian.. what an odd suggestion. The wolf is burning through the drug pretty fast and truthfully, I took very little."

Irritated I flick him on the nose, he clicks his teeth in protest, as if he'd dare to bite my finger.

"You get a pass this time because today really sucked, and I know you, and I know you would never do something like that lightly. I'm not an idiot and I can tell when Steffan is covering for you, so tell your new best friend to be honest." I command of him, grasping his face, I'd throttle him if I thought I could take him. "Do you have any idea what you just put me through throwing yourself at me like that?"

Caught off guard, it was obvious he hadn't really considered his prior actions and I was almost endeared to the man by the color rushing to his cheeks. "Right.." He mumbles, embarrassed, as he moves to slip away from me. My hands move without my permission, refusing to let him go, clinging to his shirt and fisting in his back as my leg hooks behind his knee.

"Threesomes, hmm?" 

The recant of his escapades makes him nearly dissolve before my eyes, he pinches the bridge of his nose in horror and looks as if he wishes he'd opted for more desperate measures. 

"For the love of the gods, Nic..." Verando murmurs, shaking his head in exasperation. "My kingdom for a realm to remove the last few hours, gods, I'm impossible when I'm otherwise influenced. Since when were so jealous of a past life? Since when did you care if I was friends with Steffan? I thought you encouraged that?"

While I appreciated being able to torture him, my sadistic nature ended with his clear embarrassment. That was plenty of punishment for me, the man didn't deserve the full scale of my revenge just yet. "Since you started going to him with your training. It's not often I get to help you in this way, is it wrong for me to want to be the hero?"

Pulling his lips into a thin line, Verando exhales slowly, scanning my gaze as I peer up at him. He was unimpressed with such a flat answer, but I could offer him a little more valiant of an explanation. I was jealous, I understood teaching each other was a hard ask, but I felt we had hardly given it a try.

"Do you ever wish you'd met me when you were younger?" I muse, curling a lock of his hair with my finger to carefully put it back into place.

"I did, if you recall, though you have erased most of that memory. You quite enjoyed my younger self, pitiful though he was. No, I don't think I could have appreciated you at that time of my life, let alone joined you in bed. Promiscuous though I was, I was so vehemently against men with Caspian hot on my heels. Besides, we might have ruined each other, you were quite cheeky."

"You don't think I could have persuaded you all over again?" I question, making him flush all over again as he slips out of my grasp to grumble about my audacity. I watch him move to the edge of the bed to stand, stretching, admiring every inch of the glorious body before me only hidden by thin layers of soft clothes. "Am I missing out on something? Is it a secret fetish of yours to share me with another man?"

The grinding of his teeth is audible, those startling icy eyes meet me for a moment that's pure violence and I spy Alpha behind the distaste of that gaze. "Absolutely not." 

I could practically hear them both, making my heart race in my chest as I pressed my thighs together in response to my warlord's threat. 

Grasping my ankle, he yanks me down the bed, I audibly gasp as he forces my legs apart to climb my body, a predator stalking his prey.

"You're mine. Only mine. I think I could allow you to leave me, for that I could understand, but another man joining your bed would be out of the question. I'm depraved beyond all reason, love, and I'd slaughter any being who dared cross that threshold with the intent to have you." His hand wraps around my throat for only a moment, bending to kiss me though chaste for the threats he was offering.

Wide-eyed, I swallow with a nod, not allowing myself to spiral into what his words did to me.

Any other man would be marked as a lunatic for such a phrase, meanwhile, my wolf rejoiced and happily bowed down to such terms.

"That's a good boy." Verando smirks, brushing his nose against mine. "Interesting that it takes inebriation to bring the wolf back to the surface. I've felt so out of touch with Alpha since he sided with Fenrir, this is a refreshing reaction, it feels more.. human."

I shiver beneath him, wedged between my legs, even though he was talking about our wolves and his intention was entirely focused on the task of demanding my submission, my body still reacted in the most mortal of ways. It was my turn to flush, I glanced away awkwardly, refusing to acknowledge the way my own beast clawed at the gates of my mind. 

I'd missed him, missed this, desperately.

"Your wolf seems happy with my proclamation." Verando muses, dipping down to drag his nose over my neck in a slow, long pass that sends a chill up my spine. "You smell incredible." 

"Were you worried you wouldn't be a lycan anymore?"

"Becoming Death? Absolutely. Fenrir has put a wedge between me and Alpha, but there is one thing that keeps Alpha on my side and that's you. Much as I might claim I'd like to give it up, it's who I am. Being able to love you this way is a curse and a blessing, I'll never forgive myself for what I've done but I'm grateful that my world starts and ends with you. It's better than any drug, I'm completely obsessed." 

Kissing my neck, I lightly curl my arms around him, knotting in the hair at the nape of his neck as I swallow back the emotions of a past self.

I'd always wanted to be loved, and in my lifetime, men were not forthcoming with such things. Despite often wondering if romance was dead in our lives or not getting the typical experience a wife or husband might encounter, to be loved so endlessly was more than I could have ever asked for.

"You're quite poetic for someone who has tortured and maimed people." I manage, hiding from him as I toy with the chain around his neck. The bruising is upsetting, proving Fenrir was always behind the veil, always trying to get out. "It never ceases to catch me off guard that you'll say things so openly. That you'll admit your servitude when I've seen just how.. masculine.. you are."

A small smile curls onto his full lips, "What is masculinity other than being open about such things? Though, if you'd like me to treat you like a ruffian, I suppose I could accommodate." 

Rolling my eyes in his patented eye roll, I poke his dimple and buck my hips to get him off of me. "You're sobering up. Get up."

Sliding off my body, he stands to stretch once more, I shudder at how his body pops and creaks with the movement. Even remade, it couldn't repair all of the damage done to the lycan lord. Smacking his ass, I roll to the other side of the bed and opt to get up as nonchalantly as I can manage.

"Are you upset with me for taking the opium?" He asks, almost timid, as he moves to put on a pair of jeans. The jeans would indicate he was staying home, at least for a short amount of time. 

Seeing the expression on my face must have prompted him to evaluate the hopefulness behind gaze. 

 "Anubis has been hunting for me, I can feel it, but I think the opium had muddied my trail. I need to discuss with him what happens now that our deal has loopholes and I need to bring up the tour, Tibierus has a whole event planned and I've been told my presence has been requested."

Right.

He didn't belong to me entirely anymore.

Just like that, the mood falls and I wrap my arms around myself as I remember that he would very rarely have time to share moments like this with us. "How long?" I ask softly, trying not to stiffen as he approaches, pressing the back of my hand to his navel to keep him a few inches from me while I process the reality of what he is telling me. 

It didn't end with the work of acting as Death. He needed to go back on tour, and this time, I wouldn't be able to come with him. 

"2 months. I've spoken to him about a reduced schedule but I've been out of the public too long. Longer trips mean longer spans of being home." Verando uses his Alpha expression on me and I can't help but wish to see beyond that mask, to delve into how he felt about leaving us, yet I could feel the silent communication between his wolf and my own. 

The pain in my chest, the shredding of my subconscious as my insides ignite into an inferno that threatened to consume me. My wolf didn't want him to leave and neither did I. 

Verando grips my hip, pulling me to him as he captures my chin between his thumb and index finger. "You're driving me insane with that."

Uncertain, I take quiet inventory of my body, I'd thought I'd been hiding my inner turmoil pretty well? 

Exhaling through his teeth, he slips his hand from my chin to cup my face. "You're scent, your body, everything beacons me to stay. It's quite potent, especially because I haven't felt that from you since I've become... this.."

"So you'll quit your job and become a housewife?" I ask, bleakly, leaning into his palm. 

"In a heartbeat, darling." We both know the reality of that suggestion. Our lives would be very different, to different, and we couldn't afford to disappear just yet. Not with the school still pending, not with the contacts we had, and certainly not with the damage he inflicted on our home. "It's just good to feel this again. I've been so worried that it was over, wondering how you'd ever want me again-"

I stop him with a hard glare, nipping his palm. "I'm going to come back, I will always come back. Despite your vices, you're stuck with me, Mr.Mercer. It'd be way too expensive to divorce me, the paperwork would be astronomical and I would make your life hell so don't even try." Waving him off, I cross my arms over my chest with a stubborn air that cracks his careful facade. 

It starts with a scoff that ends with a true laugh as he wraps his arm around me and kisses the top of my head. "Small but mighty." Verando teases, causing me to elbow him. "I've got to find Anubis."

Nodding, I adjust the hem of his pants, fiddling with his belt, "Dinner is at 6:30, I expect you to be home just before then to help me with the children."

Glancing at the clock, seeing that my time frame was less than two hours, Verando gauges my expression and reluctantly nods once in return. "Yes, Your Majesty."

With a softer grin, I smooth out his shirt over his broad chest, as if somehow putting him back into order. "Don't be late." I manage, stretching up on my toes and pulling him down to me to kiss him.