Chapter 37: Ruins (Emma's POV)

"This a picture of you and Chloe?" I looked up at him in surprise. He nodded silently. "One of many," I stated. We just looked through so many of his pictures, even while packing, and I saw her in so many of them. I even remember asking him one time when I came here who she was. He never told me. 

"Yeah," he sighed, looking right at me. 

"Why didn't you tell me this was her?" I questioned. 

"I didn't even want you knowing she existed. That's the truth." At least he's being honest about it now. Better late than never. 

"What's her last name?" 

"Emma." 

"Only if you want to tell me." 

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Wade." 

"Wade? Chloe Wade? From preschool? She's that Chloe?" I stared at him in shock. He nodded softly. "Why has nobody told me that you dated Chloe Wade from preschool?" I laughed, "Where'd she go?" 

"I told you, remember? She left me." 

I picked up on the hints he was dropping, I knew he didn't want to talk about it. But it's about time, all right? I'm trying to keep my patience with him, I really am. But I'm getting frustrated now. "Okay, but where did she go?" I pressed further. He shot me a subtle glare but I simply lifted a brow at him. It takes two to tango, my love. 

"Now isn't the time, Emma." 

"Okay, look." I closed the album and tossed it in the box, sitting in front of him, crossing my legs. "I understand that there are things you aren't ready to talk about yet. For whatever reasons. Maybe you don't trust me that much, maybe it's a bad memory, maybe you're scared to tell me... my point is, you can't run forever. You'll reach the finish line eventually. I don't want to pressurize you into telling me things you're not willing to, but you should know... there's only so much longer I can wait, Nathan. 

Because your past is starting to feel like a secret. And it shouldn't be because I genuinely don't give one fuck about it. I don't care who you were or who she was or what mistakes you've made. I care about the version of you that I've got in front of me." That's about as simply as I can explain this to him and if he doesn't get it, we're gonna have a problem. 

"I'll tell you, I promised you that I would and I still mean that. I will, I swear. I just... I don't know how to do it. I want you to know but I don't know how to tell you but I also don't want you finding out from someone else. I hate to keep you waiting, just trust me. I'll tell you everything." 

I eyed him for a minute before sighing in defeat. "Okay, I believe you. I trust you, Nathan. But if you're not gonna tell me, just say it. I'll stop asking altogether." 

"No, I'll tell you. I promise." 

"Okay," I nodded. 

"Little by little. Starting when we get to your house. Right now." There was a change in him upon hearing what I said. It's like he finally realized that I'm losing patience and he's gonna have to open up to me a little if he wants to be with me. 

"Nathan, don't force yourself to-" 

"I'm not. I genuinely want you to know." 

Within 5 minutes, we cleaned up and left. He drove us back because he needed the car at mine for tomorrow anyway. My dad was taking a nap, he had been since I left and my mom was still at work. We quietly went up to my room and I shut the door behind me upon entering. We sat on my bed beside each other in pin-drop silence. Then he started telling me the story. 

"Do you remember what Chloe was like?" he asked. 

"Not really, all I remember is that we didn't get along. No offense but um, I hated her. She was the girl in school that always picked a fight with me," I answered. 

He smiled, glancing at me. "I remember," he nodded. He sighed, "She was really quiet. Really shy. Like the opposite of what you were," he chuckled. 

I smiled, staring at the light seeping in through the bottom of my door. 

"As we got older, she started opening up a little, coming out of her shell. Everyone thought it was great she was finally making friends and socializing. I think in late elementary school I became friends with her. Over the years, up until around freshman year, we were best friends. I was a little closer to her than I was to Brandon. He did not like her for that," he laughed. 

I watched him with a smile, liking that he was reminiscing good times. 

"But then in freshman year, she changed. It wasn't good this time. She got her first boyfriend on the first day of freshman year. Freshmen date all the time but... I guess nobody thought she would. After her first break-up, she started catching feelings for me. She confessed really quickly, no hesitation," he shook his head, "A couple of days later, she asked me on a date to the movies. I said yes because," he shrugged, "She was a friend, I thought it would be okay." He fell silent. 

"Was it?" 

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, it was okay. After a couple of times where we hung out, just us two, she asked me to be her boyfriend. The picture," he glanced at me. "That was like... 3 months into our relationship." 

I nodded in understanding. 

"Around that time, she started hanging out with her cousin's friends. He was two years older than us so obviously, his friends were a little more fucked up than we were. She tried out her first cigarette at that party. I didn't even touch a beer. But she was chugging beers, downing at least 3 shots of tequila, vaping, trying out weed. She was far ahead of me and Brandon by miles." 

Sounds like she was on the path to ruin herself. I'm really trying not to be mean to her, even if it's just my thoughts. But come on! She's my boyfriend's ex, of course, I hate her. 

"By sophomore year, our relationship got pretty serious. I still don't know if I became so invested in it because I genuinely loved her." 

I felt my heart clench when he said he loved her. That hurt to hear. 

"Or because I felt obligated to be with her." 

It better be that second one. 

"Our relationship was serious, it was going further and so was her addiction for everything wrong. She was doing drugs too. And everyone that knew tried to stop her. Brandon, her cousin, his friends, me. But she wasn't one to listen. She told me she loved me one night. She was drunk. We were in the back of her cousin's car, he was driving us home from a party. And I remember not saying it back. I said it back after two weeks! She didn't even remember saying it to me though, she thought I was saying it first," he scoffed. 

I have all the more reason to hate her now. How convenient. 

"A few months after that, she was going harder on drugs and cigarettes than ever. I was getting annoyed, I was telling her I'll break up with her if she doesn't stop doing that shit. And then she broke up with me." 

"What?" I asked in shock. 

He nodded, "She broke up with me. And it left her in ruins more than it did me. I know now that I only cared because she was my friend and she was ruining her possible future with the things she was doing. I don't know if I ever loved her or even really cared," he groaned, running his fingers through his hair. 

What a bitch. Like I'm sorry but... what a fucking bitch. 

"She was ruining herself. I could see it happening. So, I... I apologized even though nothing was my fault and I got back with her." 

I shook my head, leaning it back, staring up at the ceiling. 

"I know," he mumbled. "I got back with her and then um- two weeks after that. There was this party, she was wasted and high, I was tipsy, it wasn't a good idea but something happened. I can't..." he trailed off. 

"It's okay, we can skip that bit for now," I said, locking my hand with his and giving it a squeeze. 

He glanced at me, shooting a small, sorry smile. "Then she left me." 

"Can you just tell me," I asked hesitantly, "Did you do something wrong?" 

He scoffed, "Yeah. I'm the one who fucked up this time around. I fucked up big and I fucked up bad. It was my fault." 

"Was it, Nathan?" I can read the look on his fucking face. He's guilty of something that may not have completely been his fault. Maybe it was, just not completely like he thinks. "Or is that what everyone had you believing?" 

His eyes snapped up mine. He looked at my lips, kissing me softly before pulling back, down at me. "No, Emma," he whispered, "This one was my fault. Really." 

I don't believe him but I nod anyway. I won't know until he tells me the whole story. 

"And what happened," he sighed, "This one left me in ruins." 

Oh. My. God. 

Oh. My. Fucking. God. 

I know this. He was tipsy, something happened, he was left in 'ruins.' 

I'm so dumb. I am so fucking stupid. 

Everyone knows he was in a car crash and he lost somebody, everyone knows he had Chloe as his ex-girlfriend. He won't tell me where she is now, just says 'she left me.'  

I am such a fool. 

She was in the car with him. 

During the crash. 

She is dead.

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Chapter 37

I feel like low-key everyone knew Chloe was dead but in case you didn't...

BOOM!

next chapter: unraveling