PART TWENTY SEVEN

                                    ❝I don't want a better man, I want you to be better.❞

I couldn't breathe. My lungs were on fire again. My head was pounding. Jack was shitfaced. He had me up against the wall again. I was grabbing for my stomach. Trying to protect her. He bashed my head against the cupboard above me. It was then, that I saw the knife on the kitchen counter. I grabbed for it. Suddenly finding the strength to shove him away. I held the knife in front of him, 

"Stay the fuck away from me." I said and he started backing up. I felt tears rolling down my face. He put his hands to his sides.

"Shit, shit shit." he said. He reached for me. I jabbed the knife in his face.

"Kaitlyn. Fuck, I didn't mean too. Is she okay?" There were tears in his eyes. He made a gesture at my stomach. Even more swollen now.  That's when I lost it. 

"Is SHE okay?" "IS SHE OKAY? WHAT ABOUT ME YOU FUCKING PEICE OF SHIT EXCUSE OF A FUCKING BOYFRIEND." I shouted, stabbing the knife towards him. It was then I knew. I needed to leave. For my daughter, for my sake. I spun around racing for the door. Jack followed me. 

"Kaitlyn, katie don't leave. Please, I'm sorry. I need you." I opened the door grabbing my phone from the entry table.  I was halfway out the door.  Jack grabbed my hand. 

"Kaitlyn I love you." He said, staring me in the eyes. I yanked my hand from his. 

"I'm not fucking coming back." I said, calmly. Before slamming the door. I practically ran down the stairs of the complex. I could hear my sneakers slapping the pavement. It felt like I ran for miles. Running from Jack, running from the apartment I shared with him. Running from the knife I'd used to protect myself from him. I swung the door to the 7-11. Walking to the coolers I grabbed an entire six pack. I needed a fucking drink. I set the pack on the counter.

The cashier gave me a look, I slammed a 20 on the counter and grabbed the pack before he could ask me for an id. I sat down in the alley. As I opened the can I placed a hand on my stomach. 

"Sorry kiddo, daddy's mad and momma's drunk. I'm sorry I can't keep you safe from me." I whispered to her. Because I couldn't. 

I chugged, didn't bother to sip. I pulled the pack of cigarettes from my pocket, lighting one I took a long drag. I sighed. I was five more beers deep by the time I layed down against the concrete. I'd be lucky if I didn't wake up with blood all over my pants and the remnants of my daughter on the cement. 

It was freezing three hours later, when I woke up with my head pounding. I puked. I dragged myself off the alley floor and let my uneasy feet guide me over unstable ground. I was walking to the only place I knew I could still go. Or at least give a shot.

---------------------------------------

When I showed up to Leo's, I was freezing cold, crying and completely and utterly drunk. He swung the door open and at the sight of me he immediately wrapped his arms around me and pulled me inside.

"Kaitlyn, hey hey what happened?" He asked, holding me in his strong arms. I sank into him. I felt so heavy. So fucking heavy, like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Leo kissed me on the forehead, holding me against him. He laid me down on the couch. 

"I- I didn't know where to go, Jack got mad and he, he hit me, and I'm, I'm drunk." I said. He nodded, not saying anything for a minute then he asked:

"Jack hit you?" I nodded, still crying. My two day old mascara streaked down my face. It was then that I realized, Leo didn't know I was pregnant. I'd worn baggy shirts to work, and my bump hadn't been that big.

"Oh, and I'm pregnant." I said, as calmly as I could. I was hurting. My baby was probably hurting. I hurt her, because Jack hurt me. Leo looked down at my stomach. His eyes widened. 

"Oh shit, it's not mine right?" He asked. Probably referring to when I'd fucked him in the dish pit. Come to think of it, I'd fucked a lot of guys there. I smiled never the less.

"No, she's Jack's."

"She?" 

I nodded.

"Evelyn." I said smiling at him. He gave me a soft smile. I loved that smile. Meeting his eyes, I found myself back in the memories I used to have with him. Back when he used to look at me like the world stopped spinning. I laid my head in his lap. He stroked my hair gently. Looking at my face. I knew it was probably bruised and bloody. He looked sad, I knew he felt horrible, not for himself but for me. For my baby, for Jack. I rolled onto my side closing my eyes. 

I let my mind wander, wondering what Summer would say, what my parents would say. I curled into Leo's chest just then. 

"Leo?" I whispered. He nodded.

"Can I stay for a while?" 

He smiled at me. The same smile I fell in love with. That was my smile, because he was still looking at me, drunk in his lap, with a black eye and choke marks around neck, he was still looking at me like the world topped spinning. Because for this one moment, it did. That's when I felt it.

"Holy shit." I murmured, placing a hand on my stomach. She kicked, my daughter kicked for the first time. That's when I lost it even more, I started sobbing. Leo held me in his arms tight. Like he was going to save me. The only saving I needed was from myself though.