Jacob didn't notice for an embarrassing amount of time. It's not like he didn't pay attention to his spouse, no! He loved looking at Adam and observing him at any given opportunity.

But he still didn't notice until he climbed on top of him to politely ask for some time in the bedroom. He was midway down to kiss him before he reeled back and Adam started to laugh. "Notice anything different?"

"Just a wee tish," He muttered in awe. "Do they hurt?"

"I take pain meds every few hours." Adam grabbed the hand hovering curiously and gently brushed his fingers over his eyebrow piercing. "Do you like it?"

"You're so handsome." His eyes went to the other one that he definitely should have noticed. "Did the lip piercing hurt?"

Adam moved his tongue to readjust the hoop and nodded seriously. "This one hurt like a bitch. It still hurts occasionally."

Jacob grinned. "I love them, you're so handsome and alt and goth. I just love it." They met in a more tentative kiss than normal, he was afraid to hurt him. "Does it bother it to kiss?"

Adam smiled weakly against his lips. "I think you need to kiss me again, just to make sure."

He paused instead and stared into his eyes. Maybe it wasn't technically self harm, but maybe the painful piercings were another way to reroute painful emotions. "Talk to me. I know today is a very stressful day. I feel it too."

He pulled Adam into his chest and kissed along his forehead. "If they elect him my entire transition is coming to a screeching halt. It was so easy to pretend it wouldn't happen, but he's winning even now."

Jacob nodded, his own heart pounding at that news. "We can leave. If we wake up tomorrow or the next day or overmorrow and he's won, we'll pack our shit and move to Canada, okay? This doesn't have to be the end."

Adam grabbed at him desperately. "I'm so anxious, please stay close. I don't wanna run, Jacob. I wanna stay and fight but if we can avoid a war I'd much rather just stay here and do this with you."

Jacob rubbed his thumbs against the side of his neck to relax the muscles there. "Adam, you've already fought this battle. It's not up to us, we don't have enough influence or power." He tilted his head up and blinked away his tears. "I don't want to lose you to a protest gone wrong, or a riot, or a sudden gunshot just because you're trans. I can't lose you before 86."

Adam nosed his way in for a few barely there kisses. "Can you take tomorrow off work? I'm scared to be alone. I wanna cuddle and relax."

Jacob picked him up when he felt him shaking. His voice was starting to get so faint he could barely hear him. "Come to bed, luv."

As soon as he set him down Adam went pale and limp. He stared up at the ceiling for a long while with Jacob stroking his cheek, and then started bawling. "Oh God, Jacob. I'm so scared!" He crawled onto his lap and sobbed until his lungs felt like they were inverting themselves. "What am I going to do when they take away my testosterone? And all these people in early transition that are gonna have to stop with so little progress, all these kids who'll never get to transition the way they want to. And all these deaths that are about to happen when he wins. I've seen so many deciding to just end it if he wins, Jacob!"

He listened to his sorrows and collected a single thought, one single thing to say that he meant with all of his soul when Adam finally caught his breath. "Then we will fight."

Adam kissed his neck tiredly. "I don't want you to have to fight."

"I'm gay, my silence will not save me," He replied coolly. "We're in this together. And if you want to stay to fight then so will I. We go down together."

Their next kiss turned into a thousand more.

*

They didn't sleep, they watched the polls rise and with every state that turned red, Adam actually got calmer.

Jacob nudged him at midnight and he turned to look at him. "Where do you wanna move?"

To his utter surprise he shrugged. "Back to New York, or we can stay here in Pennsylvania. Philly isn't that far away, I'm surprisingly a city boy."

Suspicious, Jacob leaned over to nip at him. "Are you okay?"

"I just realized I pass," He stated simply, then formulated what he wanted to say as tactfully as possible. "The LGBTQ community has a big problem with anti-masculine anything, and transmasc erasure. They've abandoned us and the more I think about it the more I think I ultimately as a trans man owe them absolutely nothing; not my allegiance or my voice or my life. All those things belong to you, Jacob. I hold you above everything else. I will come when I'm called, but for now I can blend in. I'll fight for my brothers, and that's it." He intertwined their hands and kissed the back of Jacob's. "We die together, at 86, minutes apart no matter what."

For a moment, Jacob was speechless. He'd never felt Adam's touch this passionately, his gaze was so steady and relaxed. He was looking at him like he loved him more than anything in the world just like he essentially just said he did. His knee jerk reaction to abandoning their peers was doused when realizing he truly never had seen any transmasc love from the queer community, and who was he to tell Adam he was wrong?

He leaned over and kissed him as romantically as possible. "Then that's what we'll do."

Adam snorted and pecked him again. "I love you. I love us and I wanna stay alive with you as long as possible."