things move on lovingly:

the sun shines on my skin,

and i feel God in the deepest parts of me,

trembling in my bones

humming at the base of my brain.

He is here

i have asked him to be

desperately

and He has answered my call.

i walk with a calm i cannot remember

i speak with patience i cannot replicate

i feel my fingers tingle as the words flow from me;

He's opened me up

and now the river flows freely over my screen

over everything.

i fall asleep with a certainty that i have done something important.

i wake up feeling the same.

i hear Him, see Him, acknowledge Him.

my day falls into its usual routine

until i'm staring at myself in a dirty mirror

disappointment writhing within me

emptiness swallowing me whole.

self-destruction is a warm hand-

and i cannot let go.