I wake in the morning when I can feel fingers threading through my hair and soft lips tracing my face. I think it must be a dream. I was supposed to kill Asteria last night, but instead, I can feel her all around me. One of her arms cradles me to her side. Her soft hair tickles my nose. Her knees brush against my own.

When I finally will myself to open my eyes, I find Asteria lying beside me, her hair illuminated in the morning sunlight.

"Good morning," she whispers. She leans forward to kiss me, and I meet her lips eagerly, so thankful that I did not go through with my plans last night. I am not sure I could have ever willed myself to wake again if Asteria's blood stained my hands.

"Did you sleep well the rest of the night?" Asteria asks.

"Yes," I say. It is then I become keenly aware that I have hidden the knife under Asteria's rug. My eyes dare to glance on the other side of me, but I keep them locked on Asteria. While I decided to spare Asteria's life, Zofia is still dead, and they will continue to search for the one responsible in the meantime.

Asteria slowly uncurls her arms from me, and I sprawl out on my back. I stretch my arms upward and let out a large yawn. My gaze becomes fixated on the slanted ceiling of Asteria's bedchamber, and I allow my thoughts to wander once more.

I cannot kill Asteria. I will not kill Asteria. That decision is final. She means too much to me, and though I realistically know our time together will be limited, I cannot deny myself this happiness for the time being. That means, of course, I will not be in Magewell to follow through with my mother's plans.

I fold my arms over my chest, allowing that reality to sink in. It should not bother me, and yet, I feel my throat grow chalky with sadness regardless. All my life, I have wanted to make my mother proud, to follow through with this plan of hers, and to bring honor to my nation. I will no longer play a part in that. In fact, I am sure if my mother or Kiana were to see me now, they would disown me as a traitor.

But I will not stop their plans. It is too late now, and even I admit that I do not want Magnuvia to maintain its corrupt rule forever. I turn my head to glance at Asteria. I want to protect her. Though I may have not been able to kill her, my mother will still send someone after her even if King Ruben and Prince Stephan are killed.

I decide that right now, my only priority is to protect Asteria. To keep her alive. Whatever else happens with Zofia's death, my mother's assassination plot, will be something that matters later.

"What are you thinking about?" Asteria asks, clearly noticing my contemplative stare.

"Asteria, if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" I ask.

Asteria seems puzzled. "That's...quite difficult to think about. I was not expecting such a question. Though...I suppose it would be nice to see your home country of Landiani. You have told me so much about it. It seems like a beautiful place from the stories you have told me."

I hum in agreement.

"What is this about?" Asteria asks.

I bite my bottom lip. "You and I both know that Esterpool will not be safe forever—"

"I have told you already that if I am brought to Gracesard Isle, so be it. But I will not give you up—"

"This isn't just about your father," I argue. "What about Zofia? Are you not worried by her murder? Who's to say whoever targeted her was not trying to target you? I worry that you are not safe here. Nor myself."

Asteria scoots closer to me and kisses me. Though I grasp onto the hem of her nightgown and kiss her with no less affection than normal, even I know that she is merely trying to distract my panicked thoughts. As our lips part, she strokes her hand against my cheek.

"We are safe here, Fe. The royal guard will protect me," Asteria promises. "And they will protect you as well."

I am dissatisfied by this answer. "We still do not know who killed Zofia. It could be a member of the guard for all we know."

"I trust the guard with my life. You should place more faith in them, too," Asteria says.

I hate that she is choosing now, of all times, to be stubborn. The assassination is days away. If my mother and sister are successful, Asteria will no doubt be their next target when they realize I failed to kill her myself. I want to open my mouth and scream at Asteria that to remain here will be a death sentence. For myself, it will no doubt be one, too. I will either be discovered for Zofia's murder, for being a part of my mother's murderous plan, or...for my feelings for Asteria.

"Didn't you say yourself how confined you felt here? We can do it. We can leave," I tell Asteria with urgency. "We can have our own little home in Landiani, right by the beach, and we can watch the sunset every night. I can buy you fresh fruit from the market and we can wade in the surf and you can meet all my friends. We could be happy." The words sound like a distant dream when they leave my mouth. I know that they could never be true, but I have to try. I have to protect Asteria with all my might.

"You know that could never work," Asteria murmurs. "I may not be in line to the throne, but I could not just walk away from the country like that." She sits up, clearly bothered by my comments, and hugs her arms to her body. "I do not agree with my father and brother, but I cannot simply abandon them. Besides, I don't think I could leave Alba either."

"I just want to protect you," I say sadly.

There is a glimmer of sadness in Asteria's eyes. "You have made me happy. That is enough," she says. "Is there something else you aren't telling me, Fe?"

That I was sent on a secret mission to act as your maid and conspire against you in order to lead to the death of the royal family, but instead I fell in love with you, questioned my ideals, and now only want to keep you alive? Those are the words I would like to say, but instead, I merely open my mouth, unable to will anything to come out. I trust Asteria, and I love her deeply, but even I am not foolish enough to think that she would still want to be with me if my true identity were revealed. At that point, I truly would have nothing anymore.

Asteria lets out a sigh. "It's about time to dress me, don't you think?"

"Asteria," I say.

"Fe, I think you're being paranoid," Asteria responds. "I am sorry if you do not like hearing me say that, but everything you said cannot realistically happen. You know that, right?"

"Yes," I murmur, now sitting up as well.

Asteria wraps her arms around mine. I bury my head into the crook of her neck and hold her tightly.

"I love you. Do not ever think that I don't," Asteria murmurs against me.

"I love you, too," I say somberly.

"The guards will keep me safe. For now, we need to act like everything is normal," Asteria says. "Which starts with dressing me for the day."

I comply, but her words still bother me. Everything may be normal in Asteria's mind, but I know the storm that is to erupt in only a few days. Still, it is clear our conversation has ended for the time being, so I dress Asteria in a light pink gown that accentuates the natural blush in her cheeks.

"Shall we head to breakfast, then?" Asteria asks.

I nod and accompany her. She keeps the conversation light and trivial, and I try to focus on her words and the taste of the food over any lingering thoughts in my mind, but I mainly sit in my own disappointment. My first approach to protect Asteria did not work. Who else can I recruit, what else can I do, to guarantee her safety?

After breakfast concludes, Asteria and I part ways, and I begin my chores for the day. It is hard to dust and clean when I am still heavily aware that the knife I almost killed Asteria with the night before lies underneath her rug. In solitude, I consult Asteria's schedule. I curse her for not having much today, but I know that she usually likes to take her lunch outside. However, if she spots me, she will no doubt want to enjoy her midday meal together.

I briefly abandon my dusting duties and hide in the privacy of my bedroom, keeping my ear pressed to my door. Silence greets me for a long while, until, eventually, I hear the sound of footsteps, and a few minutes later, I can hear Asteria's voice and Maria's as they walk down the hallway together. Their voices fade slowly, but I count to one hundred in my head before I gather the courage to open my bedroom door.

The hallway is empty, devoid of any guards. I creep slowly down the hall and shakily fumble with my keys when I come to Asteria's door. Eventually, I successfully unlock her door and quickly slip inside. Not wanting to spend much time lingering in Asteria's bedchambers, I quickly head toward her bed and confront the rug holding my secret.

My heart pounds excessively, and fear overtakes me. What if the knife is gone?

I lift the rug slowly, relieved to see the silver glint of metal. Quickly, I retrieve the knife and shove it in my pocket. I exit her bedroom just as quickly as I entered and return to my own room, where I temporarily return the knife back into its hiding place for now.

I will eventually need to dispose of it. That is certain. How I will do so, however, is a mystery to me, when the estate is now heavily guarded and everyone is under suspicion.

I sigh and leave my room, returning to dusting the vases on the first floor of the estate. It cannot be more than an hour before I am interrupted by the greeting of my friend.

"Fe!" Maria calls. Her salutations lack the warmth they normally do. When I turn, there is fear reflected in her eyes

"Maria?" I lower the feather duster in my hand.

"Are you busy right now? Can you manage a small break? I am overwhelmed and need someone to talk to," she says.

"Yes. I suppose I can," I say. Alba may complain about dust later, but I do not think anyone is going to die if I remove myself from my post for a few moments. "Where would you like to talk?" I ask.

"Can we speak in your room?" Maria asks. "I do not want the other maids to overhear."

I think nervously of the knife in my drawer, but I nod and agree. We convene in the privacy of my bedroom, where Maria takes a seat at my desk, and I stand, leaning against my bedframe.

"What is the matter?" I ask when we are alone.

"Did you hear the news?" she asks.

I stiffen. "What news?"

"The investigation with the cook has led to nothing," Maria says.

"How did you hear this?"

"When I was with the princess, one of the guards relayed the information to her. I was within arm's length, so I heard everything," Maria explains.

"But he had a knife—"

Maria shakes her head. "But he had no motive, and his alibi has now been confirmed. Which means..." I can see her body shake with fear. "The killer is still out there, perhaps hiding in this estate. I am so frightened, Fe. I have considered writing home and asking if I can stay with my parents for a while, but I am afraid my position will be terminated, and I will be seen by a coward by everyone here, including the princess."

I frown, cursing my mother's actions for their extended harm.

"If that is what you want, I will support you," I say.

Tears well in Maria's eyes. "But I do not want to leave! My duty has always been to serve the princess."

"Then...listen what I have to say. I doubt that you would be the next target of the killer," I explain.

"But Zofia—"

"We do not know the motive for Zofia's death. But we also know that Zofia was killed outside of the estate. It is just as likely that someone in Esterpool was responsible for her death, not someone here," I explain. In a sense, this is true. My mother never stepped into the gates of the estate, and she never will again. Although, I cannot say the same for the accomplice in the crime.

"You must know we are well protected here," I say. "Security has increased. New guards from Magewell came just the other day. I think the best thing for all of us would be to not venture outside of the estate for now, which is a shame, for I truly enjoy my walks in town."

"Me too," Maria resplies sadly. "Perhaps I am overexaggerating."

In reality, her fears are completely valid with the limited information she has. My calm composure is nothing more than myself bearing the weight of Zofia's death.

"So, they will continue an investigation, then?" I ask.

"The guard did not say, but I imagine," Maria responds. "I sure hope they do. Whoever killed Zofia should be held responsible."

I nod quietly, now becoming more concerned than ever on how I will dispose of the knife, even though I wanted my main priority to be how I could protect Asteria from being assassinated.

"Fe?"

"Sorry. There is so much to think about," I say. This is the first truth I tell Maria.

"It seems so much is happening," Maria agrees. She sighs and rises from my seat. "I shall not keep you from your duties any longer. Thank you for listening. I appreciated our conversation."

"Of course. Stay well," I respond.

When the door shuts behind her, I turn and look at the knife in my drawer once more.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

That evening, I lay on my back and stare upward at the ceiling of Asteria's bedchamber. Asteria sleeps soundly, still draped across me after we shared another night of pleasure. Whereas she fell asleep quickly, I continue to lie awake. Asteria's warm breaths against my neck are comforting; a symbol that she is still alive and with me, but if I do not do something soon, that may no longer be a reality.

Asking her to run away did not work, but what will? If I tell her the truth, I am sure she will never want to see me again. Though...it might spare her life. And yet, I doubt Asteria would want to protect me like she has done in the past if she heard how much I have lied to her.

I wrap my arms around Asteria's body and hug her tightly to me, so much so that she begins to stir in my arms.

"Mm...Fe?" she murmurs.

"My apologies. I didn't mean to wake you," I say.

Asteria frowns up at me. "Have you been awake all this time?"

There is no use lying. "Yes."

Asteria slowly moves her body off of mine and sits up. "Are you still troubled from this morning?"

"Of course I am," I say, with more attitude than I intend to.

"Fe...you know I can't run," Asteria says.

"I know. That would not be like you at all," I say.

"I have told you again and again though that I will protect this happiness," she says, curling her fingers into mine. "Will you at least trust me in saying that?"

"I trust you," I tell her. I do trust her, but I know so much more about how endangered her life is than she does. I let out a sigh. "I love you," I say, worried there are only so many more times those words can leave my lips.

"I love you, too," Asteria responds. She leans down and kisses me, then settles into the covers with me again.

I wrap my arms around her body and hum a lullaby. Asteria slips back into sleep easily, but I remain humming until I finish the song. I glance down at the sleeping woman in my arms, dreading the day I will have to let go of her.