Mind reading or what I prefer to call it -thanks to JK. Rowling- Legilimency. An art that would have changed the world.

The number of times I've wished to possess this ability is almost embarrassing to even mention, mostly because I had an obsession with trying to find out and understand the chain of thoughts, and the way great scientists -particularly, Einstein, Hawking, and Tesla- think and analyze things in their heads. However, once again I'm wishing I had this capability only to see what on earth was going on inside Theodor's head before showing up here.

I texted him, requested him not to show up. I literally begged him! And now he's here.

I shoot up from my chair, startling Arianna and Dylan. Adrien follows my gaze and at once knows on who my eyes are fixed on and only raises his eyebrows, a corner of his mouth slightly turns upwards.

"Is something wrong?" Arianna slowly asks.

I shake my head, stepping around the table, and walk towards Theodor.

I hope he has a valid explanation for this.

He spots me, a grin forms on his face.

"Eleanor!" He starts as a way of greeting when I get close enough to him.

He opens his arms to hug me, but I take a step back and look at him sternly. His smile falters.

Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I demand, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he answers, the ghost of his smile still lingering on his face. "I was expecting a warmer greeting though," he pointedly adds.

I roll my eyes and set on glaring at him. "I told you not to show up."

"And I told you I will. I have to make sure of your well being." He shoots back.

"I don't need you to watch after me," I sternly tell him.

He narrows his eyes, then shifts his weight from one leg to the other. After an interminable pause, he softly speaks, "You're my little sister,"

"I'm an adult!" I snap, pointing my index finger at him.

Although saying it this way makes me feel anything but an adult. I face away from him.

He heaves a sigh, "So where are your newfound friends?" he inquires.

I glance up at him as his eyes wander around the lobby.

"I want to meet them first and then I'll go to our uncle." He states, in a tone that leaves no room for argument.

"What did you want to prove?" I ask exasperatedly.

"We will not talk about it here," he flatly states and walks ahead, forcing me to follow him.

"From the courtroom, I went straight to the airport to get here. But instead of being happy that your brother gives a damn, you treat me this way," he asserts with a hint of annoyance and disappointment.

What did he expect! That I'd be jumping up and down, grateful that he showed up after sending him countless texts pleading him not to come? Or did he expect me to welcome him with a red carpet and give him the award of the best brother of the year?

I face away, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

This isn't fair. This is beyond humiliating. He's embarrassing me.

We approach our table; Adrien, Arianna, and Dylan stand up from their chairs to greet Theo.

After greeting and shaking hands with three of them, Theo peers at Adrien.

"I saw you... two years ago, correct?" Theodor inquires.

Adrien's eyes widen, his eyebrows shooting up for a moment before he nods yes.

A satisfied smile makes its way to Theo's face and looks at me before continuing, "I got lost on Stanford's campus, he gave me the directions to your dorm."

I arch an eyebrow at him and roll my eyes. So what?

With defiance, he sighs and faces Adrien, "Sorry to intrude your..." his voice trails down as he takes in our table with the half-empty cups of coffee, "breakfast, but I have to talk to you," he claims at last.

"Theodor!" I snap at him.

He has no right to show up here and act as an overprotective brother and ruin my one chance at trying to be normal and live.

This time, he rolls his eyes, "Though, I first need to meet my uncle, afterward I'll come..." He surveys our surroundings with uncertainty.

"I'll be right here," Adrien says with a smile.

He acknowledges with a grateful nod. "So I'll see you in minutes," Theodor states.

"How long will you be staying?" Arianna asks, surprising Theo and me.

I look closer at her and catch that she's biting the corner of her bottom lip, her eyes round and shining with hope.

With hesitation he replies, "Not much,"

"We're leaving tonight," I tell him.

I hope he gets the point I'm implying on. If he had shown up twelve hours later, we were gone.

"You can join us, we would love to have you," Arianna offers with a beam.

I hold my tongue to not blurt out that I wouldn't. In fact, I can't wait for him to leave.

"That's very nice, I-" he starts.

"He has pressing work waiting in New York for him," I interject, glancing at Arianna. I fix my stare on Theodor, I try to sound quizzical, "You're leaving tonight," but to my disdain it turns to a statement.

"Yes, my flight is tonight," he glares at me and I hold his glare with same intensity.

Finally, he gives up, shaking his head. That's when I notice Adrien is struggling to hide his smile by looking anywhere but us.

Arianna stares at Theodor with her head tilted to the side, her entire attention focused on him. Dylan is the only one who is watching between Theo and me with curiosity.

"See you in a few minutes, I guess," he repeats himself.

Before he finishes his sentence, I walk away, making Theodor hurry behind me.

"Did you seriously had to do that there?" he asks with visible irritation as we make our way to the elevator.

"Did you seriously had to come here?" I fire back.

He huffs, "I rode a ten hours' flight to get here and check up on you," he begins.

I interrupt him by snapping, "Did I ask you?"

"As your brother, I had to be sure who you're traveling partners!" He defends.

"I told you with whom I'm traveling! Unless you didn't believe me, which makes me a liar in your point of view, giving me more reasons to be mad at you," I argue as we stop in front of the elevator.

"I had to see them in person," he claims with the usual stubbornness lacing his words.

"To scare them off with your law degree?" I shoot back.

The elevator's door opens and we step inside and I press the button that our uncle's room is on. The door closes with a ding sound.

"Do you know how many cases I've seen girls being harmed by the guys they trust?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm trying to be independent, if you let me," I harshly say.

"I'm trying to keep you safe,"

"Mom or dad never showed up to your trips to check who you're traveling with," I point out.

"Because I'm a guy and you're a girl... who has done nothing," Theodor says in a way that you tell someone the sun rises from east and sets in the west.

His words feel like razor shards being thrown at me. I push aside the feeling and mutter, "Stop being a sexist,"

"To assure my sister doesn't get hurt or raped is an act of sexism now?" he asks incredulously.

I huff and roll my eyes, "I told you I'm with Adrien Clark and his friend and cousin, you know him!"

We stride out of the elevator and make our way towards Uncle's room.

"Yes, I do," he replies after a moment of silence.

"And you do realize he wouldn't hurt or rape me," I say as a matter of fact.

He nods his head.

I halt and look at him, unable to stop my eyes from widening. "Why are you here?" I ask slowly.

"We'll talk about it later,"

***

I glance at my watch for what seems to be like the hundredth time.

It surprised Uncle to meet Theodor, happy but surprised. I can't help but imagine what he must have thought of this to himself. How pathetic of a niece he has, that can't survive the real world without her family for over a week.

There are girls who move out of their parents' house the moment they hit eighteen, and then there is me. Twenty-one years old, sitting on my bed in my hotel room, waiting for my older brother to talk 'man to man' with the guy I'm going to travel with.

The moment I stepped out of our uncle's room, Theo told me he wanted to talk alone with Adrien. I decided that it would be best if I stick to being mad at him rather than letting myself feel and think about other things.

Other things include how pathetic I must be. How embarrassing this entire situation is. How no one gives a flying shit about what I think.

I push my hand through my hair, tugging at the ends of it. I focus on my breathing, which only results in accidentally suffocating myself as I realize I can't properly breathe when I think about breathing. Constantly changing my sitting positions and even pacing up and down the room, waiting for the time to pass.

Eventually, I try to read, but that doesn't work out either. I can't focus on anything.

So I focus on staying mad at Theo.

I put the book aside and stare at the view outside of my window.

After a while, I hear the door open and shut. Theodor's footsteps follow as he makes his way from the door to my bed, where I'm sitting.

I look up at him blankly and push myself up. Crossing my arms in front of my chest I hold his gaze.

"I told him the things I had come to say," Theodor states. A beat later he walks to the sofas and takes off his coat, rolling up his sleeves.

He turns around and smiles at me.

I don't return the smile. Theodor sighs and walks towards me, stopping a few feet away.

"I'm trying to be a good brother," he exasperatedly says.

I blankly stare at him.

Oddly I don't feel mad him anymore, I'm just tired. Drained. It's not like he'll ever understand what I'm saying.

Let him live in the illusion of thinking what he's doing is the right thing.

A heavy silence falls over us. It's like Earth's gravity has multiplied by ten and it's pulling us down under this suffocating surface of silence, like a black hole consuming us.

"I told him about dad's rules, in case you forget to call mom or dad. I also told him you use pills and that you always forget that you run out of them, so he'll have an eye on that too," he says as he pushes both his hands into his jeans pockets.

My head snaps up, "Why would you tell him that?" I ask with disbelieve, arching my eyebrows.

"Someone needs to keep your pills in check," he flatly replies.

"What's that supposed to mean?" My voice rises.

"You know very well what that means," Theo pointedly says.

I scoff "I am not going to overdose if that's what you're saying."

Theodor narrows his eyes and tilts his head slightly to his left, "Oh really?"

This is crazy.

"Why on Earth would I ever overdose in our uncle's hotel and cause him all sorts of problems?" Incredulously I reply.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but the irony of this situation makes me laugh, "I'm not that inconsiderate, and it's not like I have enough pills to do it anyway," I add between my laughter.

Theodor narrows his eyes further, clearly not finding this as funny as I do. My laughter dies out as he glares at me.

"Is this funny to you?" he asks, his voice getting louder as he takes a step towards me. "This whole thing is really funny, isn't it?" he continues, his neck turning a shade of bright pink.

"Theodor," I sigh.

"Wondering if today is the day my sister decides to kill herself must be really amusing Eleanor, don't you think so?"

I stare at him, not knowing what to say to do that. Definitely pointing out that he's being dramatic and unreasonable are not the best choices.

When you're born you basically have no say in it, your parents decide to have a kid -or in some cases not- and then boom, you're here. Literally dragged here. The funny part of this whole situation is that the moment you're born, you basically lose every right to everything. You might have the illusion that you have the right to do this or that, but the truth is you don't. It's an illusion.

You presume, that this is your life and you have all the rights to do whatever the hell you want to do, including ending it. The part that no one talks about, but apparently is a very crucial rule is that, the moment you're born you automatically have a responsibility towards every living breathing thing that has interaction with you, and knows of your existence. Ironic. I didn't know of it and had to learn it the hard way.

This responsibility includes staying alive, because killing yourself is considered to be very selfish, and hurts everyone around the suffering individual.

No one cares about the person who is suffering, they say that the poor soul must stay alive so others around it won't feel sad and heartbroken. No one cares why the person wants to end it all, just the person is not allowed to end it. Very convenient for everyone other than the one who actually needs to get free of its situation.

I cross my arms in front of my chest and look out of the window.

"Do you know, can you even imagine, how it feels to constantly be worried if your sibling wants to kill itself or not? You don't! Because Avery and I are normal, unlike you," he rages on.

I want to point out, 'normal by his standards' but I hold my tongue, it would just make everything worse and what's the point of it anyway. It's not like it would change his mind.

Why does everyone think I need a constant reminder of not being normal?

"What's so wrong in trying to keep my sister alive? Am I the bad guy because I don't want you to die? Am I asking too much from you to just stay alive?" His hands are out of his pants' pockets at this point, waving around.

I glance at him, the vein on his forehead has popped out, as he breathes heavily.

I want to say yes, that he's asking for too much, and it just puts more pressure on me. I just want to be free. To not be constantly chained to a bunch of expectations that I have to try to reach to or uphold.

But I can't find the energy to put up an argument with him.

Correction, pointless argument.

"This," he waves his hand up and down in front of me, "is why I kept saying you shouldn't come here, but no one ever listens to me!" With frustration he pushes his hand through his hair, making it messier than it was before.

"You think I don't notice? Or I can't see?" he continues, pointing his hand at me, "that you have the same look on your face you had five days before pulling off that stupid stunt."

Theodor takes a step towards me, "Maybe Mom and Dad didn't notice or take it seriously, but I can't and will not ignore it. Not after almost losing you, I won't."

He locks his eyes with me, the determination behind it is impossible to ignore. I dig my thumbnail into the skin of my ring finger as I hold his gaze as the weight of it crushes me.

I try to push away all the emotions and thoughts. Being numb is better than being in agony.

I wish I could tell him how sorry I am for being his sister, that he has to put up with me. He deserves a better sister. Mom and Dad deserve a better daughter.

I wish I wasn't like this.

I try to not let his words hurt me, but it's getting impossible.

Not that I don't deserve to get hurt, after hurting everyone around me to this extent.

There are actions when you take them, you know there is no turning back from them. What I did almost five and a half years ago is one of them.

Which reminds me of, what doesn't kill you, makes you wish you were dead. I can't remember where I heard or read this, but it's pretty accurate.

No one in our house is allowed to talk about those days, just like the way you're not supposed to talk about doing heroin and your sex life in front of your parents. But I can still see the scar it has left behind. I can see it on their faces, in their eyes. It was like a powerful stroke of an ax to the base of our family's root.

There is nothing I can ever do to fix it. It's irreversible, ruined forever, by me.

I wish I hadn't done that. Not that I regret the actual action, no, I don't. I only regret not doing it properly. I wish I hadn't done that, so I could do it properly and ensure it has the outcome I want it to have.

But I guess it's too late for that now.

"You need help, Eleanor!" Theodor's voice booms through the room, drawing me out of my thoughts.

"I'm fine," I reply and take a step back.

He scoffs, "You call this fine?"

I look away again.

"You have to come back with me, and you have to start your treatment properly this time."

I look at him sharply, he's starting to annoy me. "I just got off my pills and therapy, plus my psychiatrist thinks that I'm perfectly fine."

He shakes his head and opens his mouth to say something, but before he gets the chance I add. "You think you know better than my psychiatrist? A person whose job is this? Or better than our dad?"

I walk around him and stand at the foot of the bed. He turns around, his green eyes ablaze.

"You think I'm stupid? You think I don't see?"

What's that supposed to mean? I look at him suspiciously, narrowing my eyes.

"You think you're the smartest person in the room? Well, I'm your older brother, and I know you,"

"What are you talking about?" I huff and roll my eyes, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"You were never treated, you've been lying to your psychiatrist, you lied to all those doctors back in the psych ward you were in for two weeks, just to get mom and dad off your back." He says in a matter of fact tone.

I force myself to fake a laugh, "You're delusional," and unfortunately right.

I wonder how he found out. I always made sure to delete my browsing history each time I searched anything related to this topic.

"Liar," he mutters and stands directly in front of me. "You just got worse," he accusingly says.

I try to act unaffected by the accusation in Theodor's tone, the hurt in his eyes.

Avoiding his gaze I say, "I'm fine, you're overthinking it."

"Yeah, right," he sarcastically says. Pointing at me he takes a step forward, "When you're done with this madness, you'll come back home and I'll make sure that mom and dad send you to a proper hospital and believe me, this time I won't let you trick everyone into thinking that you're treated."

+++

((I know, it needs to be shortened, I just need to figure out how XD  Also, because I'm a bit late with my schedule for this story, I think I'm first going to finish writing it and then do the whole editing (I guess, I'm still deciding.) Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you think about Theo? Is he right? Or are you on team El?))