Angela gasped for air as the pressure against her face was released, her arms falling down from pressing the pillow so hard against her head.

"Fuck!"

Angela screamed the second she realized her body wasn't going to listen to her commands. If only her body wouldn't fight so much against her will. Her body wanted to live, but she didn't.

"I can't do one thing right," Angela cried on her bed, now hugging the pillow that was just about to end her life a few seconds ago. "Fucking cluster fuck! Fuck!"

The tears were still rolling down the side of her face, clenching her jaw and hugging her pillow, Angela was a mess. Her chest was aching, her throat was chocking up, her body was slightly shaking, her mind was spiraling. Why couldn't she just die?

Why was it so hard to take your own life? Why was it so difficult to take that one step that splits you between life and death? It was so easy to wish death upon oneself, but to execute it? That was another story. Whether it's with pills, razor, gun, water, height, it didn't matter. It took so much courage for a person to take that one step, that step towards ending it all.

What was Angela missing? Or rather had too much of?

Empaty, maybe?

Angela knew her death would impact her family whether she'd want it or not. It was inevitable. Though Angela believed she was nothing but a burden to them, she still knew they loved her, at least to a point where her death would still be shocking in a way. Her parents have done nothing but supported her her whole life. They paid for her entire education even though she failed, they even bought her a grand piano which was worth more than a car.

But besides financially, they stayed by her side through it all when she let them. They didn't give up on her the first year she almost failed her studies, they continued to support her. With an ultimatom, though, for which she tried as much as she could. Second year went by okay, but the third year she failed again. And despite the ultimatum of her finishing her studies smoothly, her parents stood by her. Angry and disappointed, but they still offered her help when she came back completely broken over the fact that she failed to succeed.

Her parents were perfect in so many ways. They supported her when she decided to study music, saying they want her to learn and do what she loved the most. They drove her to every concert she had. They bought her all the equipment she needed. They gave her money when she asked. They rarely said no, only when it wasn't important.

Don't parents like them deserve a child who excelled in their life? A child who is happy, who finished their studies, found a steady job and a good partner. A child who is nothing but great, rarely having any problems, no need in aiding them financially. A child who is nothing but a ray of sunshine of their life. Right?

A perfect child like her sister.

But sadly she wasn't her sister. She wasn't the child who was good and had good grades. She wasn't the child who needed almost nothing for her studies in a financial way because she could pay it herself. She wasn't a child who finished her school in first try and proceeded to do some internships. She wasn't the child who bought a house and moved out, now planning a happy family in the big renovated house. She wasn't the child who made sure her every task was done and had so many hobbies she bately could keep up, but excelled in each. She just wasn't that child.

How could she throw away everything their parents and even her sister put into her? All the effort, the love and the patience. But at the same time, all the love, the patience, the effort. It was all for nothing. Angela did not at all turn out how she was supposed to. She was a burden. Always have been, always will be. So much money and time put in her, and yet nothing, completely nothing came out, besides enormous amount of guilt.

So she moved out, she went away from them, not asking for a thing. She didn't want anything anymore from them, knowing everything they give her, it all goes to waste. It is pointless. And now she was alone, in her small apartment and barely enough money to cover the rent. The small and shitty apartment was her safe space. That small kitchen was barely used, but the sofa which was also her bed was her home. She spent every minute there, not moving from it much, covered with a blanket and tea on the side most of the time.

Slowly, Angela could feel her tears slowing down, her body not shaking as much as before. Her chest still ached though, it was as if someone was squeezing it. Hard. But Angela was used to that feeling. It's a feeling she's known for years now, constantly hurting, constantly being hard to breathe.

After a while of just laying there, Angela slowly sat up, pushing the pillow on the side. Maybe it was time to take that Xanax her therapist kept talking about. She was supposed to take it before an attack happened, but she can never remember. Her mind is too occupied when she starts spiraling.

Sighing, Angela got up and walked over to her small kitchen, taking the bottle of Xanax. God, she hated it so much. She saw what it can do to a person and now they want her on it? Don't they know it can be very bad if not taken seriously? Shaking out a handful of pills, Angela stopped to look at them. Oh how tempting it was to just throw them all in her mouth and swallow them. She wished she could do that, she wished her arm would raise up and her hand would throw in the pills that so needed to disappear from her hand.

Her phone started ringing again.

Kaitlyn.

Angela glanced at her phone which was still laying on the bed then took one pill and slipped the others back inside the bottle.

Maybe not today, but...

Someday.

Just like before, Kaitlyn didn't stop calling until it reached the end. And Angela ignored it. Again. She plopped down on the sofa next to her phone and watched it ring. She didn't have any willpower to answer, to talk to her. What would she even say? What would they even talk about?

But Kaitlyn didn't stop. She called again, now being the third time she called that day. Why didn't she leave her alone? Angela's chest was still aching, her eyes were glossy and tired and her nose was all clogged up, and her head hurt to top it off. She was in no state to answer.

Fourth time now. Kaitlyn once again did not stop, calling once again until Angela groaned and reached for the phone. Hesitating before answering, she slowly put it up to her ear and stayed quiet, waiting for Kaitlyn to start speaking.

"Finally! God! How many times do I have to call?"

"Sorry."

Kaitlyn just chuckled at her answer, her normal cheerful self not thinking about the possible scenarios of what Angela was going through at that moment.

"So listen, there's this metal concert tonight and I was thinking you could come with me. I need somebody to hang with. So please?"

Angela stayed quiet after the question, thinking of every possible answer that would make her stay at home. She was in no shape at all to go out. She could say she's sick, or maybe she just got her periods. That works every time. But instead, all Angela could mutter was a simple "no."

Groaning at the answer, Kaitlyn shuffled around on the phone and then asked again.

"C'mon, please?"

"Ask your boyfriend."

"Ivan doesn't want to come along. C'mon, please? We will make a whole trip, I'll pick you up in half an hour, we'll go drive around and get some ice cream or something, then go to the show," Kaitlyn didn't stop pressuring Angela about it. She was like that. She called out of the blue for a party and did everything she could for you to come with. Though her timings couldn't be worse, to be honest.

Angela sighed, looking down at her legs that were bouncing. She didn't want to go. She loved hanging out with Kaitlyn, but only when she was okay, when she was not a mess.

"Fine."

Maybe Angela would need some time off, maybe some time with Kaitlyn would help her in a way. Maybe shutting off her head would help her. If she could do that.

"Okay great, thank you!" Kaitlyn squealed in the phone. "I'll be there in about 30 minutes. You'll be ready, right?"

"Right," Angela gave in, her hand gripping on the sofa. This was not how she wanted to spend her day at all.

"Good. I'll see you soon," Kaitlyn squealed excitedly once more before she hung up, leaving Angela alone once again.

Great, a concert.

Angela sat there on the sofe quietly for two more minutes, trying to gatger herself and get up, go to the wardrobe and get dressed. Instead, she went to the bathroom, splashing some water over her face. Refreshing. And it felt good on her swollen crying face.

Angela took hirt shirt and shorts off before stepping in the tub. She turned the water on and brought the showering handle on top of her, wetting her red colored hair that reached her shoulders. Her hair was thick so she needed to be a bit more patient when washing them. And soon she was out of the shower with only minutes away from Kaitlyn arriving.

Putting on a simple black crop shirt with long sleeves and black jeans, nothing too fancy and enough metal.

******

Hello everyone!

I hope you are enjoying my book so far.

What do you think? Will this concert end up being good or bad for Angela?

Don't forget to vote, comment and follow.

Thank you!