When I got home from work, I was amused to find Andy with several wads of tissue by him on the couch. I was also relieved to find he was the same size and hadn't grown any further. "Did you jerk off while I was out?"

He turned pink, looking guilty. "I'm so sorry, am I not supposed to?" I shook my head, laughing.

"It's fine, so long as you don't make a mess, you silly goofball!" Andy stood up, still naked, and came after me as I went down the hall. Where was I going to find him some clothes?

"It isn't the same when you're not there, doing it with me, (Y/N), it doesn't feel as good. I was experimenting to see if coming to orgasm would make me grow more, make me human, and it did nothing! I was so disappointed, I don't know if I ever want to come there again, (Y/N)."

Poor guy, he was so sweet. "Well, Andy, if you don't want to masturbate, you never have to, ok? Just don't mind me when I do, alright? I get sexually frustrated, I do it every, I dunno, 2 or 3 days or so, I guess. You don't need to watch-"

Andy blurted, "-But I loved watching! I loved touching!" I could see he was starting to get excited, and frankly, so was I. I was still feeling a little weird about last night, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I needed to shut this down quickly.

"We'll see. Tell me about what you found on the internet today." I smiled at Andy, who ran his hand through his hair (I wondered why it was that it would part for him, but it was solid when I touched it?), before talking to me about hand-egg, jackal penguins, and asking how people who were damned could still play music on the terrestrial plane. Oh man... Oh man... The reality of educating a miniature, magical, stone man (that was intent on becoming my personal Andy Biersack, no less) on the ways of the world began to sink in a little. How could I comfort him when he failed?

Then, the unbidden thought: What the fuck would I do if Andy succeeded? Birth certificate, social security number, passport, how could...? Nah! I mean, sure, the whole situation was weird, but that was too far-fetched.