Chapter 3

. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

I think it's amazing, if not magical, that our perspectives differ from one lens to another. In science, clouds are those condensed water droplets formed in the atmosphere that sometimes indicate a weather pattern. In literature, clouds can indicate a transient change in one's life, oftentimes used as being consumed by an emotion, and sometimes it is simply used for its relationship with divinity. You can also compare it to how a single living person can contain a lot of perceptions inside them.

Yet, today, the clouds are my fate's compass towards Kiran. Habang lalong  gumagabi ay lalong kumakapal ang mga ulap na tila ba sinasadyang takpan ang liwanag.

Napanguso ako dahil curious talaga ako kung bakit Shih Tzu. Is it because of my tangled hair? I usually don't comb my hair that much or use a straightener because my hair is naturally wavy. Mahirap i-maintain ang straight na buhok. Kanina ko pa hinahawakan ang buhok ko dahil sa nabasa mula sa papel ko.

Sinilip ko si Kiran at pinaglalaruan n'ya lang yung tainga n'ya. I wanted to ask him about it but I was too shy. Curious lang talaga ako kung bakit sa aso n'ya ako kinumpara.

"Tara na, uwi na tayo," anyaya ni Jakob habang unti-unting naguunat, I guess he was looking forward to go home. "Rush hour na mamaya. Unahan na natin sila habang may mga jeep pa."

Nauna akong tumayo saka sumunod na ang ilan sa kanila. Only Kiran remained seated, he looked like he was hesitating if he wanted to go home already. Para bang kung may oras pa na p'wede siyang tumambay lang dito ay ilalaan n'ya ang natitirang oras sa loob ng school kaysa sa bahay n'ya.

I wonder why?

"Masarap pa naman ulam namin mamaya, paksiw!" Ngisi ni Jakob at isinukbit ang bag sa kan'yang balikat.

Ruby groaned as she looked at Mineth. "Samahan mo muna ako sa karinderya! Walang pagkain sa dorm."

Oh, that's right. Naka-dorm din si Ruby. Pareho kaming may dorm lang dito sa Maynila pero hindi kami pareho ng units. Medyo mas malayo sa akin dahil mas mahal ang mga dorms o bed space malapit sa eskwelahan. I don't mind the commute since it's only a 30-minute drive. Maaga rin naman ako kumilos sa umaga at hindi rin naman ako uwing-uwi sa gabi.

"Ang tanda-tanda mo na eh, papasubo ka pa ba?" Mineth countered back.

I pouted as soon as the idea registered in my head. Hindi pa ako kumakain. Maybe I'll buy some bread in a nearby bakery. Bukas pa naman yata iyon hanggang mamaya. Kung sasama kasi ako kay Ruby, medyo mas malayo ang pagitan naming dalawa. I could buy convenience store food but my money is a bit tight already. P'wede sigurong cup noodles na lang din? Iniisip ko pa.

"Nash? Tiga-saan ka?" tanong ni Diether na agad na lumapit sa akin.

I was taken aback but I quickly composed a smile on my lips. "Malapit lang po ako rito. Isang sakay lang ng jeep. Bakit?"

"Hatid na kita? I have a car," Diether smiled then wiggled his keys in the air. "Sayang din kasi kung wala akong ihahatid."

Oh.

Napaisip ako kung p'wede ba ang isang private vehicle papunta sa dorm kung saan ako umuupa. Makipot kasi ang daan at halos mga motor lang ang nakakadaan doon sa amin. Patago kasi itong dorm na ito kaya rin mas mura ang ibinigay sa akin na renta.

"I'm okay," usal ko at ngumiti. "Nakakahiya rin dahil abala pa. Thank you, Diether. Ingat ka po sa pag-uwi."

"I insist," Diether said. "Ayokong uuwi ka ng ganitong oras. Saka, babae ka pa naman."

Ruby and Mineth stared daggers at him. They were obviously offended because Ruby crossed her arms across her chest.

"So, ano kami? Lalaki?" Ruby asked in a masculine voice.

"Tanginang 'to," mahinhin na sabi Mineth at naging blangko ang mukha. "Mukha ba akong may etits sa noo?"

Bumunghalit ng tawa si Jakob at Ruby. Mineth has always been frank despite her elegant demeanor. Mukha siyang tiga-kumbento pero yung bibig n'ya ay tiga-kanto; that's how Ruby explained it to me before.

"Uh," I tried to laugh it off. "Okay na po talaga ako. Sanay din ako sa byaheng jeep lang. Nahihilo ako sa mga sasakyan eh."

I half-lied. Ang totoo n'yan ay depende ang hilo ko sa air-freshener na ginagamit sa kotse. Sometimes, I could even get a mild migraine from it. I'm okay with lavender but most scents would make me feel like someone is choking me.

"Sayang naman, Nash," Diether pouted his lips. "I was looking forward to having more time with you eh."

"May next time pa naman po," I chuckled lightly. "Please, ingat kayo sa daan."

"Can I at least add you on Facebook?" tanong ni Diether.

"Ah, Athanacia Samonte," I told him my name on FB. "Naka-lock po ang profile ko pero yung bunny po na avatar yung account ko."

"Noted," Diether smiled then looked on his phone. Agad na tumungo ang cellphone ko kaya naman napatingin ako rito. He added me right away.

I clicked 'accept' on his friend request.

"Ingat ka, Nash," Diether smiled then licked his lower lip. "May magmamahal pa sa 'yo."

"Ah, thank you. . ."

"Pero sure ka ba? Ayaw mo talaga?" Diether leaned towards me which made me take a few steps back. Nasagi ko tuloy si Kiran. I was about to say sorry but our gazes met and he didn't look like he was happy. Nakakunot ang noo n'ya habang may sarkastikong ngisi sa kan'yang labi.

"Ikamamatay ko na kakornihan mo, tumigil ka na," Kiran hissed then threw a menacing glare at him. "Ayaw nga n'ya 'di ba? Can you take a hint? Hindi na siya kumportable kakatanong mo eh."

"Chill, I was just asking," tawa ni Diether. "Hindi naman minamasama ni Nash eh. I'm just trying to do her a favor. Ayoko lang nauuwi siya nang mag-isa."

"Hindi ka ba nakikinig sa kan'ya? Kakasabi lang n'ya na mas sanay s'yang mag-isa," Kiran sniggered, a tinge of annoyance passing through his eyes, he slowly stood and got his phone from the table. It made me glance at him and my mouth went agape.

Na-badtrip yata siya. Pero hindi iyon ang tumatak sa akin. He remembered that small detail, huh? Iyong sinabi ko sa kan'ya kanina? Na mas sanay akong mag-isa?

No one noticed it. . .well, I was wrong because he did. It was as if he was keeping tabs of what I said. Pakiramdam ko ay lalong lumalim ang inaalagaan kong paghanga sa kan'ya.

I appreciate that. All my life, I believed no one wanted to listen to me but he memorized what I just said. It meant a lot. Sumilay ang isang ngiti sa aking labi.

"Uwi na ako," masungit na sambit ni Kiran. He didn't even look at us. Tuloy-tuloy lang siyang umalis. I could only look at him from afar as he went away.

"Grabe, he's hot then he's cold," sabi ni Ruby at nagkibit ng balikat. "Halatang galawang mixed-signals."

"Yummy," Mineth monotonously commented, then pretended she bit something on air. Parang may kinagatan siyang burger sa hangin.

Napailing na lang ako. I looked at them for the last time today and decided to bid my goodbyes. I once again declined Diether's invitation to his car. Ang isa pa, hindi naman kami super close ni Diether. Nakakahiya kung makikisabay ako nang hindi man lang nagbibigay ng pang-gasolina n'ya.

Pumunta na ako sa loading zone ng mga jeepney. Ibang daan kasi ang dadaanan ni Ruby at Mineth kaya naman nauna na ako sa klase. It was real when I told them that I was usually alone. Hindi na bago sa akin ang mabilis makasakay dahil isa lang naman ako, hindi ko iniisip kung makakasabay ba ang kasama ko.

The blaring lights of red and green dots made me a bit dizzy. Ang mga pulang ilaw mula sa tail lights ng mga sasakyan ay hindi rin nakatulong dahil lalong nanglabo ang mga mata ko. Medyo traffic kasi dahil mukhang inabutan pa rin pala kami ng rush hour.

My stomach grumbled, making me feel embarrassed for a sudden. Mabuti na lang na uwing-uwi na rin ang mga nandito kaya hindi na nila napansin. Some of them have families to go to. . .whereas the only thing that would welcome me is the empty bunk bed in my dorm. Wala pa kasi akong kasama sa kwarto na iyon.

Ang sabi kasi nila ay may babaeng namatay doon. It took days before her body was discovered because she was naturally timid. Akala nila ay nagmumukmok lang siya dahil nabalitaan nilang hindi siya nakapasa sa isang board exam.

Overwhelmed by pressure that no one would be waiting for her to go out of her room; she ended her life without even giving her last goodbyes.

No one wants to take the slots specifically on her bed. Pakiramdam ko tuloy may room mate ako kahit wala naman. Mabuti na nga lang na hindi yata siya iyakin dahil wala naman akong naririnig na umiiyak sa gabi.

I am. . .actually curious about her. How she looked, what was her course, and what led her to her decision. Kinakabahan nga ang homeowner sa akin dahil ako lang yung tenant na hindi kinikilabutan sa nangyari.

On the contrary, sana nga multuhin n'ya ako. I want to know her story.

I want to know her deep sentiments about why she chose to end it all and what was going through her mind as she took the pen and stabbed it to herself.

Kahit sa mga horror movies, mas gugustuhin ko manood ng mga storyang tungkol sa mga multong hindi mapatahimik kaysa sa puno ng mga jumpscares. I want to know how deep their grievances are that it made them stay in their own form of hell.

My line of thoughts got disrupted when a barker yelled my route. Napanguso lang ako nang may linya na agad ng mga tao na umabang dito. Ang bilis naman nilang makakita ng jeep. Samantalang ako ay hahabulin pa ang unahan ng jeep para makita ang ruta nito.

"Nacia." Someone called my name so I looked back to where the voice came from.

Agad na nanglaki ang mga mata ko nang makita si Kiran. May hawak siyang maliit na paperbag at mukhang may laman na pagkain.

"Toasted siopao," abot n'ya sa akin. I had to look up because he was so tall. Halos hanggang dibdib n'ya lang ako. Mula rito ay naamoy ko ang pang-lalaki n'yang amoy, a mixture of being smoky with sweetness on it. Nakakapang-adik na malambing ang amoy n'ya sa ilong.

"T-thank you!" I uttered then extended my hand to grab the paper bag. "Nag-abala ka pa."

"Nabusog lang ako," he said then his forehead knotted. "Sobra lang 'yan."

"Oh," I looked at it and saw that there was bottled water as well inside the paper bag. Hindi pa naman bawas yung tubig?

Tumikhim siya.

"Wala ka talagang kasabay?" tanong n'ya sa mas mahinahon na tono.

Akala ko kasi ay palagi siyang galit. My tongue glides on my lower lip. Kanina kasi ay puno siya ng pagsusungit kaya naman hindi ko inakalang mahinahon din pala siyang kausap.

"W-wala," I said. "Malapit lang naman ako."

"Okay," he looked away. Napansin ko na mukhang tinitingnan n'ya ang mga paparating na jeep. "Anong sinasakyan mo?"

"Na route po ba?" I asked. Sinabi ko agad sa kan'ya nang itanong n'ya iyon.

"Ayaw mo ba talaga sumabay sa kotse?" tanong ni Kiran habang nakapamulsa. "Baka late ka maka-uwi."

"Uh, okay lang po ako," I answered him timidly. "Nahihilo po kasi talaga ako sa byahe dahil sa amoy."

"Saang amoy ka nahihilo?" he asked.

"Sa lahat," I confessed then gaze at him. "Pero lavender ang medyo na-to-tolerate ng ilong ko."

"Ah, lavender," he nodded as if he was taking notes. "Nakakahilo nga sa sasakyan ni Diether."

"Hindi pa po ako nakakasakay roon."

"Huwag na rin," Kiran shrugged off. "Ang daldal n'ya, baka mabangga lang kayo dahil hindi siya makapag-focus mag-drive."

"Dahil sa kadaldalan n'ya?"

"Dahil sa tanga siya," he frankly said. "Kaya kitang daldalin sa byahe pero di tayo mababangga. Siya lang iyon."

"Masama pala talaga ugali mo po," I said absentmindedly. "Akala ko joke lang."

"What?" He chuckled which made my cheeks burn in heat. Ang gwapo n'ya tumawa.

"Sorry."

Kumunot ang noo n'ya. He raised an eyebrow then grinned. "Bakit ka nagso-sorry?"

Napayuko na lang ako. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Yung?"

"Yung sinabi ko. . ." I gulped down the bile on my throat. "It's rude."

"Hindi naman," tawa n'ya, his eyes turned to slits upon laughing. "You don't have to apologize for things that are not your fault."

"Okay, sorr—"

Nagtaas siya ng kilay. Umiwas ako ng tingin at napalanghap ng hangin. Ang gwapo n'ya talaga.

Tumango lang siya na para bang nanalo siya dahil wala akong naging imik. Sinilip na n'ya yung mga paparating na jeep. It took a few minutes before I was able to ride one. Lumingon ako kay Kiran at nakita kong inaabangan n'ya yung route ko.

Gusto ko sana tanungin kung saan siya bababa at baka p'wedeng sabay na lang kami. I don't mind waiting for two seats if it means I get to sit beside him and talk to him along the way. Kaso, pumaibabaw na naman ang hiya ko.

"Nacia, may jeep na," he said then I nodded.

I could feel the somersaulting of my insides because of the way he calls me. It was as if my name melts on his tongue, pakiramdam ko nililinis ng boses n'ya ang tainga ko sa sobrang hinahon.

Agad akong pumara sa jeep na paparating. Hinintay ni Kiran na makasakay ako sa harap. Humarap ako sa kan'ya at matagal na pinagmasdan ang kan'yang mukha. I am not sure when I will see him again. . .so I want to memorize his face.

"I-ingat ka," I said in a timid voice. I wanted to say more but I didn't want to overwhelm him.

"Ingat ka rin," he said in return. "Chat ka if naka-uwi ka na."

Humarurot na iyong jeep kaya naman hindi na ako nakasagot sa kan'ya. Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko habang yakap-yakap ko ang aking bag. My heart is hammering against my chest because of what he just told me.

Chat? C-chat!?

Gusto n'ya ako maging chat mates!? OMG.

My cheeks went crimson as the thought registered inside my brain. Saan ko siya sa ic-chat? Sa Facebook? Sa Instagram? Sa Youtube? Sa Twitter? Sa dating account n'ya sa FB na hindi na n'ya mabuksan kasi limot na n'ya Facebook  password n'ya? Saan?

I munched on the toasted siopao that Kiran gave me. Masarap ito dahil siksik sa laman at hindi sobrang tigas ng tinapay. Kinuha ko agad ang cellphone ko upang magtipa ng update para sa mga kaibigan ko.

Nacia:
Hello po. ^^
Nakauwi na ako!
Hoping ako na naka-uwi na rin kayo at ligtas. Eat na kayo ng dinner. 🤍

Ruby:
nakauwi na kami, baby cakes!
si mineth, wala na yan
nagbulakbol na naman

Mineth:
Pakyu po
nakauwi na rin ako
naabutan ka rush hour, nacia?

Nacia:
Yes. 😢
Pero okay naman. Sinamahan naman ako ni Kiran. Hehe
Sana lang naka-uwi rin siya agad kasi sobrang hirap makasakay ng jeep. 🙁

Ruby:
Makakasakay agad yon
May kotse yun eh

Nacia:
Naghintay din siya sa loading zone.
Pero may sasakyan siya? 😮😮😮

Ruby:
yeees pi
gara ng tsikot nun eh,
syadong high-end.

kaya idk bat sya nasa
lane ng mga jeep

unless, hinintay ka nya muna makasakay bago siya umuwi? 😋