Important Author's Note: Hey guys. I just want you to know that this chapter is pretty long and will be split in half. Both parts will be going up at the same time, so make sure you don't skip the first half by accident. Also, please excuse my terrible editing. I did this half asleep, but I also was stubborn and wanted to post it already. 

Enjoy!

P.S. Added dedications now 'cause I was too tired to do so last night. Dedicated to FantasyNovelist for all his awesome support. He also has his own fantasy series going on if you want to check it out. ^^

30.

Therapy - Part I

She looked different now. Her hair wasn’t silver and long anymore. It was a warming auburn and pulled up in a messy bun. The purple in her irises was now a dull green, but everything else was the same. Her cute nose and round cheeks were familiar as were the natural curls found at the edge of her lips.

Cerus smiled.

The nervous look in Lina’s eyes wavered and she shifted the boy from one arm to the other.

Flow, he thought as he studied the child’s chubby face. His hair was a platinum blond, skin pale. Cerus was a little sad he could not see the boy’s true eye color.

 He looked down at the seated Lina. “It looks like we’re alone now.”

She gazed up at him and he felt his breath catch in his throat. Despite the changes, it was still her face.

Lina smiled. “This one doesn’t mind.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t mind.”

He crouched in front of her. Cerus wanted to place a hand on her arm but wasn’t sure if he should. “Are you feeling okay?”

She hugged Flow tighter. “It’s just the memories. This one—I had so many lives, but two stand out the most.”

 Cerus looked at her. He didn’t like the melancholy in her voice.

“Do you want to hold him?”

He froze. “Flow?”

“Yes. This one doesn’t know his name, but I feel it’s Flow. It is.”

“His name?”

She giggled. It sounded the same like all her other ones. “Of course. His real name couldn’t have been Flow.”

Cerus placed a hand on the boy’s head. His huge palm fit him like an oversized hat. He half expected him to wake up but he didn’t.

“So does Cerus want to carry him?” she asked.

“I…he’s so tiny.”

“He’s always been tiny.”

“Yeah, but…”

I didn’t know he used to be a human.

She lifted the boy towards him. Cerus hesitated, but Lina's nod pushed his anxiety away. The child appeared even smaller nestled in his muscular forearm—Cerus only needed one arm to hold him. Flow felt warm but Cerus noticed he wasn’t breathing.

He couldn’t believe this was the same entity he would Fuse with. This was the little pup that gnawed on his fingers and chased the scent of flowers. The Spirit Cerus had saved, the Spirit that strived to become stronger for him, was this little boy he held in his arm.

“Put him here,” Lina said.

Cerus looked up to see she had created a makeshift mattress out of her hole–ridden apron. He could see her white button up shirt had the same amount of countless holes on it. They were little ovals, similar to stab wounds. He recalled one of the stories that Ram told him: the tale of the young woman that had been killed. Cerus now knew how she had been killed.   

“Lina,” he said, clutching Flow as if he could give him strength.

He didn’t continue but instead fell to a knee to secure his balance and leaned over to place Flow on Lina’s apron.

“This—I used to be called Erin. It’s the name that stands out most. The name I had when I died like this.” Lina placed a hand over her shirt.

He gave a silent wince. There was no blood on her, but it wasn’t hard imagining what happened. “Do you want me to call you Erin?”

She smiled. “This one is Lina.”

He returned the smile and sat in front of her.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’m not Lina. I mean, this one is Lina. I have memories of Lina. Memories of you and Master and Master—Mundus’ other friends. A lot of me is Lina, but also not. I may not be who you think I am.” She shook her head.

He frowned. “You shouldn’t be sorry, Lina. I like being with you. I don’t care about all that.”

And he didn’t. The Lina he loved was in there and was part of her, so that meant he would love her all the same, but he didn’t dare tell her that.

She glanced at him only to look at her hands. “I also remember all my emotions.”

He felt his face flush.

Lina placed her palms on the ground by her sides and leaned forward on them towards Cerus. “I like you.”

After stammering out a few incoherent words, Cerus got his blush under control but his heart was still beating in his throat. “Really?” He grinned.

She smiled and nodded and for a moment Cerus thought he saw the flash of her silver locks swaying with the moment.

“A lot,” she said.

“I like you a lot too, Lina.”

Her smiled widened, then faltered. “But don’t kiss me.”

“Why not?” He sulked. That was exactly what he was about to do.

“I won’t remember it. I want to remember it. As soon as we get out of here, you can.”

Cerus laughed. “Okay.”

“Good. This one wants it, so don’t forget.”

“I won’t but”—he studied her adorable features—“can I at least hold you?”

Her eyes lit up and she nodded. Once more, Cerus felt like her silver locks were dancing with the motion. He plucked her from the floor and sat her on his lap. Her arms went around his neck and her head settled below his collar bone.

“Make sure we don’t ever go away from you,” Lina said into his chest.

A wave of dread washed over him. Lina had the Dark Blood power in her. If she were to ever return to the realm after death, she would disappear. In order to “live”, she had to stay a Spirit forever.

Cerus looked to his side to see Flow next to them. He held the boy’s tiny hand between his finger and thumb. His other hand gripped Lina’s waist.

We, he repeated Lina’s word to himself.

He didn’t care that they were Spirits. Lina and Flow were his loved ones, and he was going to protect them.

~*~*~

Erian tucked Mundus’ coat around Azul tighter. Her head was on his lap where he raked back her blue hair with his claws. Her braid was shorter now. It was the length he remembered her having it. Even her skin was back to its lightly tanned glow. Her eyes were closed, but he hoped those were also back to normal.

“Ya already know she’s not gonna wake up.”

Erian didn’t look up when Gahn spoke. He had heard the softness in the Teleporter’s voice, but he still felt the anger bubble up inside him. He clawed Azul’s skull too hard. Her skin caught in his nails and he hated himself more than Gahn at that moment. When he saw there was no blood when there should have been, Erian felt relieved only for sadness to push it away.

Gahn sighed. His footsteps were heard as he paced around.

Erian hadn’t spoken since these damn walls had enclosed him with that abhorrent, self–centered annoyance.

Encased with Azul as well.

Silence answered him and it cast emptiness in him. Even though Azul was physically in front of him, her voice could not be heard.

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere soon,” Gahn said.

Erian faced him. “Will you not silence yourself?”

He turned, arms crossed. “It’s not like ya doing anything to help.”

“You insinuate speaking will aid our situation.” 

“Ya don’t know if it won’t.”

Erian scowled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Gahn rolled his eyes. “Ya creepy glare won’t work on me.”

“Of course not. Nothing fazes one so cold.”

Erian could tell he caught the deeper meaning of his words. Gahn shot him a glower of his own. His arms came to his sides bearing fists and it looked like he wanted to say something but chose not to. Erian welcomed the silence and turned back to Azul.

“Damn it,” Gahn muttered. “It’s not like I wanted to do it.”

No. He would not relive it. Erian brushed a stray hair from Azul cheek and caressed it. She was right here now.

“I’m sorry.”

Erian looked up to see the idiot gazing down at them. “It does not alter the reality of it.”

Gahn’s face scrunched up like he was in pain. “But I really am sorry.”

The Seer returned his gaze to Azul. As much as he hated the demon that stood before him, he could not deny the sincerity in his voice.

“I do believe you,” he told Gahn, “but as said before, it does not alter the reality of it.”

~*~*~

Gahn was about to say something to Erian but the wall next to him grabbed him with white fingers. It pulled and pushed until he went through it and arrived in another room. It was identical to the one he had been in with Erian—small with white walls and ceiling—except this time, there was only one person there.

She turned around and her orange eyes pierced through him. “Gahn,” her red lips said as she walked up to him.

Shit.

He flashed her a smile. “Radi. What ya doing here all alone?”

“I was not alone. Mundus departed a few moments ago.”

That was enough to wipe his grin but she grew one.

“It was a jest,” she said.

“Yeah. I’m sure. Is that why the floor’s so sticky? How many times did ya two do it to get it like that?”

She rolled her beautiful eyes. “Immature as always.”

It wasn’t good having her this close. At least last time he talked to her he was too beat up to give into any of his temptation of touching her, but this time… He shook his head. It didn’t help she liked to lean on her right hip when she stood.

Gahn pushed his hair back with one hand. The damn strands wouldn’t stay behind his ears. Even as he combed them back, they would escape between his fingers and drape over his face.

“Ya did this to me!” he complained.

She shot him a look that said he was crazy. “Of what do you speak?”

“This!” He tucked his hair back with exaggeration.

She smiled. “I am not to blame for your decision to teleport into my flames.”

“Ya weren’t moving and I was getting bored. What did ya expect me to do?”

“For you to simply stand there. Speak to me. Perhaps leave. It does not matter now. You leapt at me. My intentions were not to kill you, as I mentioned.”

He snorted. “Ya sure fooled me.”

She tossed her hair behind her shoulder. “You are not difficult to fool.”

“Woman! Ya need to quit ya—”

Radi closed the gap between them and Gahn felt the soft press of her lips on his. The familiarity of them caused him to close his eyes. There were memories within her taste and he wishes those flashing images in his mind were their true reality instead of what they had now.

His arms came up, but he didn’t know what to do with them. It would be so simple to wrap them around her and keep her close to him. He knew that was exactly what he wanted to do.

Gahn pushed her away.

She stepped back, allowing him the space he requested with his gesture. He was sure he saw the hurt on her face but he chose not to acknowledge it.

“I do not understand your refusal to believe me,” Radi said and crossed her arms, leaning on her hip again.

“‘Cause ya crazy, woman!” Gahn threw his arms up.

She scowled.

“Besides. Ya know very well why. Ya can’t come back and kiss me when ya know what ya did.”

Her face fell and she lost all her ferocity. “I simply desired for us to be together.”

“What ya did definitely did not  reflect that.”

“I wished for us to rule together. For you and I to live being served instead of serving.”

Gahn stared at her. “Ya just wanted to be queen. I had no place in ya plan.”

Radi pursed her lips and her orange painted claws cut into his arm. He jerked away from her and rubbed the area she swiped at him. No blood was drawn but it stung. Were non–Magika bodies really this fragile?

“What ya do that for?” he snarled at Radi.

“For being an idiot!” she answered just as fiercely. 

“Ya the one clawing at me!”

“For your stupidity!”

“That makes no sense!”

The two stood still, glaring at each other. It didn’t help that all Gahn wanted to do was pull her closer to him and kiss her again. Maybe make the floor sticky.

“I truly wished for us to be together,” she said. “I still do.”

“No, ya didn’t and no ya don’t,” he answered.

“I desired the Dark Blood power for us—”

“For us to what? Die forever? Ya heard what happens when ya get that power.”

She was quiet, but Gahn could still see the resolve in her eyes. She didn’t care about the consequences. For her, it was worth the power. It always had been.

“Ya say ya want to be with me?”

She glanced to the side and nodded. Gahn was surprised at the red that graced her cheeks. He didn’t let it deter him though. 

“Well I say look where ya are,” he said. “I don’t see ya with me.”

Radi’s glower burned like the fire she controlled. “Well I do not see you with me either.”

It dawned on Gahn and he laughed. His hair curtained his entire face and he could hear his piercings jingling on his ears. When he combed his hair back with his claws to see Radi’s face, he expected it to be confused or at least angry. Instead, the most sincere and genuine smile graced her lips. Gahn was the one that gave her a puzzled look.

“It was nice to hear you laugh,” she said, her head tilting as if she was reaching for a memory.

He felt like he could see exactly what reminiscence it was, but he shook his head. “This was doomed from the start. We were both taught to hold our masters above all.”

Radi lost her smile. “Such is why we should step up as the succeeding king and queen. It is how we can be together and not worry about such matters.”

His grin was sad. “I can ask ya to join me just like ya can ask me to join ya, but we both know the answer. Whether ya want to succeed her or not, ya love ya psycho lady queen as much as I love my Master Auronmar and as long as they are throwing rocks at each other, we won’t be together very long.”

 Gahn saw how much she wanted to deny what he said. Her jaw was set and her eyes screamed at him. When she sighed, it all melted away.

“I know that,” she said and bowed her head to look at the floor.

Stands of flame colored hair slipped over her shoulders. Gahn pushed the locks behind her ears and held her face between his hands. He felt his palms wetting.

“I know ya did,” he said and kissed her forehead.     

~*~*~

The two stared at each other, arms crossed. Both stood rigid and had their chins slightly tucked to their chest, enough to enhance their glares. At least that’s how Mundus felt it was. It disturbed him how much his brother looked like him. The only difference was his eyes. Verden had their father’s eyes. Mundus shook his head, wondering if that’s how he would have looked had he been born with those same blue–grey orbs.

Verden lifted an eyebrow. “Thinking about all the idiotic things you’ve done?”

Mundus released a growl in his exhale. “I merely pity you for your unfortunate eye color.”

He scowled. “I didn’t choose to have it.”

“You are aware they are our father’s eyes?”  

“I don’t care much for that.” His arms tightened together.

Mundus chuckled. “I must admit my astonishment to learn you harbor no love for our dear father. It is he that champions the mortals you also strive to protect.”

“Champions?” Verden scoffed. “Such colorful language. Your mother must be proud.”

“Our mother.”

His arms came down and his pose relaxed. “How quickly you believed it. Just because Reyna was the one that said we were brothers, you took it as the truth without question.”

He didn’t know why his words surprised him despite the logic he saw in them, but he remember the sincere and almost alarmed expression on Reyna’s face when she pleaded Verden not to use his Magika to alter his memories. He also recalled the red gleam in Verden’s eyes, the mark of Dark Blood power. The same glower that could be found in his own eyes. 

“Your appearance is similar to my own,” Mundus blurted. He grimaced, knowing how pathetic his reason sounded.

Verden laughed, staccato and hard. “Are you that narcissistic? Well. You are shirtless at the moment.”

“Such was for—never mind.”

“That girl. I saw. How nice of you and how unlike you.”

Mundus thought he saw a waver in Verden’s mask of cold indifference. For some reason, it angered him. “You do not know of me. Brothers we may be, but other than such, we have sheltered no kinship nor memories. We are but strangers to one another.”

“I heard and saw enough from Reyna to know a bit about you,” Verden spat. This time Mundus saw the anger on his face and narrowed his eyes.

Mundus hated how Verden was taller than him; he had to look up to meet his vision, but he saw more than just the fury in his eyes. Verden had come to care for Reyna as well and not in the way he had originally suspected. She had become a sister to him as he had become a brother to her.

A brother.

“It does not matter,” Mundus said. He felt drained. “She has rejected my offer. She harbors no desire to be by my side. I do not understand—”

“You’re really moronic, Mundus,” Verden sighed. “I honestly think she would’ve returned to you if it hadn’t been for your own recklessness. Killing her home world? Almost killing her, herself? And you think a simple flower and declaration of love was going to solve all that?”

Mundus’ wrath boiled inside of him, but when he opened his mouth, the words that emerged were different than what he had planned to say. “I desired her to be by my side above all. I did not wish for her to die a mortal’s death. I wished for us to live together for longer than a simple few decades. My ambition for such was go great, it blinded me yet again.”

“Yeah. You obviously learned nothing from your encounter with Ayame.”

“Such as it was, I believed I had. My simple thoughts consisted of an existence where Reyna belong to me without the worry of anything else.”

Verden shrugged. “I can’t deny your feelings for her, but I can tell you that you fucked up.”

“How pleasant of you to say.”

He grinned. “Brotherly guidance.”

Mundus rolled his eyes.

“What will you do if we go back? You say you never really sided with your mother, hard as that was to believe, so I assume you won’t want to return to her and you are too prideful to return to your father.”

It bothered him how well he knew his train of thought. He turned away from Verden and focused on the wall, hoping he’d get the idea to remain quiet. He hadn’t.

“What did you even have planned if Reyna had said yes?” Verden asked.

These questions were irritating him, igniting his anger with each word. He whirled around to face his brother. “I do not know! I simply desire her to be with me!”

Verden’s surprise was subtle, but Mundus had caught it, and it made him feel like an idiot. He turned away from him again, angry at himself for having said what he did.

“Mundus.”

He hated the pity he heard in Verden’s voice.  

“What is it?” he snapped without facing him.

“You’re not alone.”

Mundus almost laughed. “Alone?”

“I know you don’t consider your family as one and the loyalty of your friends are a questionable issue in this civil war.”

It was irritating how much sense his words were making. The only thing that infuriated him more than that was how accurate Verden had been in his deductions involving his thoughts and emotions.

Mundus sighed through his teeth. “Of what do you speak?”

“Your father. Our father. I saw him not too long ago. He had been close to my house. I saw the longing in his eyes. He wanted to stay and talk to me. There was pain in him, I knew, but I turned him away.”

“Why did you not allow him to speak?”  

He shook his head. “What I want to say is that it’s obvious he cared about me. I think he believed me to have been dead, yet when he saw me, his face lit up and the only thing in the world he wanted to do was probably hug me, and this was for a son he hadn’t seen in who knows how long. He probably feels more towards you. If you were to show up to him, he would welcome you. He’s probably the only one that will.”

Mundus chuckled. “You obviously are not aware of our mother’s dangerous obsession with her children. Her welcome would be as accessible, albeit warming.”

Verden came up to Mundus and stood next to him, close enough for him to see him through the corner of his eye.

“What I want to say is that don’t think you’re alone,” Verden said.

“I never harbored such thoughts.” He assured him.

“You say that, but it’s written all over you. You were gone for so long, trapped in a realm that held you captive for centuries and when you returned, you found everything different. Your first lover had left you as has your other one. You find no solace with your mother nor within your friends that side with her and you feel your father doesn’t want you anymore. There is a sense you have nowhere to go.”

His neck snapped towards him and he met Verden’s cool gaze.

He even has father’s glower.

“Am I wrong, Mundus?” Verden asked.

For the first time, Mundus didn’t know what to say instead of choosing not to say anything. Mundus hated how right his words kept sounding. He hated how Verden knew more about him than he cared to know about himself. He hated how somehow he ended up with both Ayame and Reyna in his care, and he hated, most of all, how they both chose not to be in his.   

“If it makes you feel better, I will always see you as my brother.” Verden’s voice was steel, as it had been for their entire conversation, but Mundus heard the sincerity in it too.

His anger and jealously dispersed. If anything, Ayame and Reyna were taken care of by someone that would give up his life for them. Mundus grinned at him. Verden returned it, a mirror image of his own smirk. At least that’s how Mundus felt it was.  

~*~*~

White arms clawed at him from the wall in from of them. They grasped and tugged on his shirt and pants, pulling. He felt Mundus grip his arms but the bleached limbs were stronger and Verden was torn from his brother’s grasp. Darkness reigned for a moment before Verden was tossed into another room identical to the last. He was getting tired of all this shifting around.

“Verden.”

He turned around to see Ayame coming towards him, a warm smile on her face.

“I’m glad to see a familiar face,” she said. “I’ve been alone here. Have you seen any of the others?”

Verden fixed his collar and rerolled the sleeves of his button up shirt as he contemplated if he should tell her he saw Mundus. “I saw Michael, Diorela, and Anna in another room. They seemed fine,” he said instead. He wasn’t exactly lying.

She gave a single nod. “That’s good.”

He stared at her. “How are you feeling?”

Ayame smiled and shook her head. “I wasn’t very active in this reincarnation thing apparently. I only had two lives plus the one where I was your Spirit. I was Ayame and Sakuya and then I was Ayame again. A different Ayame I suppose. My memories are most vibrant from my mortal and Sprit form as Ayame.” She laughed. “Make no mistake that I’m Ayame. Death by Beauty.”

Verden smirked. “Yes, you are.”

Her grin widened and she walked closer to him. “So who else did you see?”

He stepped away from her and leaned on the wall, hoping it would swallow him again. “Who else did you see?”

“Like I said. I was alone. You’re the first.”

Verden gave a thoughtful hmm but said nothing else as he watched her take a spot next to him. She rested her hip on the wall, placing her weight on it as she faced him.

“So now what?” she asked.

“I’m not sure. All this room hopping is nonsense. I can’t tell when it’ll happen.”

Ayame shook her head and leaned closer to him. “Don’t lie. My memories of being with you are the most vibrant in my head. I know you can read into things and people quite quickly.”

 That’s what I’m trying to avoid because if I’m right about the rooms, then I’m right about you.

He shifted his eyes to look at her but kept his head straight. “Well it’s nice to know you remember so much about me.”

“It’d be hard not to.”

“I think the rooms are playing with our emotions,” he said, deciding to tell her what he thought. “They shift us around based on what we’re feeling whether we’re currently experiencing it or not. Strong feelings anchor themselves into us and are carried at all times inside of us.

“We’re being shuffled around to meet with people that give us those emotions. Whoever we wish to see most is shown to us first, but one person can’t be in two places at once. It all depends on who or what it is we want more.

“My main concern was if Anna, Diorela, and Michael were okay, and I was brought to them first. For some reason, I was brought to Mundus next and then to you.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh. So you saw Mundus.”

He turned to her. “Does that anger you?”

“No. He is no longer important to me. What we had”—she shook her head—“It should have been you. If it had been you, it would’ve been different.”

No.

“You don’t know that,” he said. “If I had been there, it would’ve been under different circumstances. We probably never would’ve met.”

“The presence and feeling of so much passage of time is in my memories,” she spoke, her voice quiet. “It all came rushing back at once. The time it took to fall in love, the time it took to kill, the time it took to die, the time it took to come back, and the time spent with you.

“And within it all was the time to heal. Whether we would have met or not back then, it doesn’t matter because time eventually did have us meet.”

He hadn’t noticed until he shifted his body to face her how close she had gotten to him. He looked down at her; she was so small and petite. He was accustomed to seeing her in her silky kimono. She looked odd dressed in what looked like shredded rags. One tear in her clothes, especially, revealed too much of her cleavage but her long black locks helped conceal most of the exposed, pale skin.

 “Verden,” she said.

No, you can’t say this. I can’t.

“Ayame, it was Mundus you loved. It was my brother that loved you,” he said.

“Loved.”

She pushed herself to her tiptoes and Verden felt the quick graze of her lips on his. He could tell from her ravenous expression if it hadn’t been for their huge height difference, the kiss would’ve been a lot more than a simple brushing of lips. He was dealing with Death by Beauty Ayame and Verden knew she was not afraid to expose herself emotionally or otherwise. 

“You probably already knew,” she said, “but I wanted to make sure.”