It was Saturday morning and I wanted to explore the city a little bit just to know where everything is.
The rest of us wanted to relax on the weekend so I had to go alone, but that didn't bother me at all, because I like to have a little bit time just for myself.

The weather was slightly cold but warm enough to wear a t-shirt with just a trenchcoat.
The normal weather for march.

"Ok... where to go first?", I whispered to myself.

I started walking not knowing where to go but my feed just brought me through the city.
I came to the park again I woke up at not wanting to be there now. I saw nothing really special just a few shops and diners.

It was really relaxing to be alone and explore an unknown city for me. I had time to sort my thought so I zoned out thinking about my parents.

What would they think about me now? And where are they now? At home? Do they miss me? So many questions were running wild in my mind and I had no answer to one of them. I wish I could see them and talk to them again.
Hold them again.
Hug them again.

And I don't know if I will ever again.

I felt a hot tear falling out of my eye leaving a wet line on my cheek.
I didn't care to wipe it away so I just locked my eyes on the ground not wanting anyone to see me crying eventhough here would be nobody who would care about me crying.

My feed brought me in front of a shop and I risked a look at it.

Colors - find your inner artist

Not a very original titel but it piqued my interest so I wiped the tears away that already dried.

I heard a small bell ring when I opened the door what gave me a vintage feeling. Immediately I noticed the smell of rose Parfum my grandmother used to wear. The shop was very small but really cushy. A women, maybe 60 years old, who smiled at me, stood by one of the shelves. She was probably the owner of the shop what made sense. The interior design looked like it was from a 50s movie.

I just smiled back and made my way over to the shelves where I saw the colored pencils laying.
It was really quiet except for the music I heard playing. It was the Beatles so I silently hummed along to the song.
I think I was the only costumer here except for an elder man who just bought a few acrylic paint tubes before walking out of the shop.

"Can I help you with anything?"

The women I saw before stood right next to me and I had no clue how she was so fast here. She grinned and looked at my face waiting for an answer.

"No, thank you. I just wanted to look for a few pencils", I answered trying to hold the eye contact to be respectful but I failed after two seconds.

"Ok, if you need my help just ask me", she said so I looked up again and couldn't find her. She was nowhere to be seen what made me kinda nervous.

I heard the bell rang again so I looked at the door seeing a girl with brown hair walking in.
I knew her. It was Breezy from my music class.

"Grandma? Are you here?", she asked walking further into the shop.
It looked like she was searching for her obviously grandmother and when her eyes fell on me I looked away fast.

"Hey! Ryan, right?", she said walking over to me, "have you seen my grandmother? She is the owner of this shop."

"I saw her here but I don't know where she is now", I said looking through the different colored pencils.

"Yes... she can dissappear very fast", she said scratching her neck, "you draw?"

I looked up finding her pointing to the pencils in my hand.

"Uhm, yeah. But not that much. It's just a hobby."

"I think it's pretty cool. I always wanted to draw, because the mother of my grandmother opened this shop and since then we own it, but my mother didn't want to work here so my grandmother still owns this shop. I still don't know if I will continue this tradition, but I don't think so. But who else will take care of this place?", she rambled without making any breaks, "uhm, sorry, I think I'm rambling, just tell me when I'm talking to much, because I often don't even realise it. Even when I was a kid I couldn't - oh! There's grandma! Bye, Ryan, I hope I'll see you in school!"

Without anything else said she waved her hand and went to her grandmother who was scribbling something on a piece of paper.

I took a look at the pencils in my hand and realised that I have all of these pencils in my new room, but I think it would be a little bit rude not to buy anything so I took the five pencils and went to the cash register to pay.

"Very beautiful colors, young man!", the elder lady said.

I bought them and said good bye before walking out of the shop.

I became hungry so I decided to look for a diner or something similar to eat.
McDonald's would also be nice.
I wished I brought my sketchbook with me so I could sit down somewhere and write some new lyrics or draw. I heard the bell rang again so I turned around seeing Breezy walking out with an envelope in her hand.

"Hey, Ryan!", she said like she hadn't seen me like two minutes before.

"Hey, Breezy."

"What are your plans for today?", she asked standing next to me.

"Uhm, I wanted to eat something now", I said really not knowing what to answer. This girl is so talkative.

"I also wanted to eat something. I'm really hungry! But can we first go to the post office?", she asked holding the envelope high.

We?

"Yeah, sure", I said not wanting to sound rude, but I still didn't understand why I had to go with her.

"Great!"

She started walking so I followed her.
The way to the office she talked without making any breaks. I even found myself zone out sometimes, but I think she didn't notice. To make her sure I still listened to her I just nod or smiled.
She gave the envelope away so she wanted to show me a café where we can sit and eat something. To be honest I wasn't so happy about this idea because I wanted to eat something and not drink coffee.
We sat down on a table for two and for the first time she was actually quiet.
She is a really nice and kind person, but I can't listen to her for to long.

"I heard you are in a music group with Urie, mh?", she asked after ordering a cheesecake and a coffee. I ordered the same knowing that I'll eat a pizza at home.

"Urie?", I asked.

"Yeah, Urie. The guy with the red glasses you sit next to in music", she explained to me.

"Is that Brendons last name?"

She simply nod taking a sip for her coffee that just came with the rest of the order.

"Yeah, I am in a group with him. Why?", I asked eating a piece of the cake.

"Just asking, he is a weird kind, you know?"

At first he was a little bit pissed off at us but he seems like a normal kid to me.

"Why?"

"He can't even sit still and have you seen his hair? This hairstyle is ridiculous! Haven't you heard the names other people call him? They don't call him that for nothing", she said like it was normal for her.

I didn't know why but my whole body tensed and I gritted my teeth but she didn't seem to notice.

"And someone heard him crying behind the school", she continued and I didn't know why it's a bad thing. Everyone cries sometimes and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Breeze hasn't said anything about me but I kinda felt offended by the things she said.

"Maybe he isn't that bad", I said looking at my cake. Suddenly I rally didn't want to eat it anymore so I just drank my coffee.

"I'm not saying he is a bad person. I'm just saying that he is, yeah different"

"Yeah, different", I mumbled biting my upper lip not wanting to go further into the topic.

We ate our cakes and Breezy started to talk again but this time I didn't even care to listen. I just paid attention on the words she said before.
Isn't it a little bit rough to say something like that about someone?

"You still here?", she asked me after 15 minutes of not noticing that I didn't even know what she was talking about.

"Just zoned out. I have to go. It was nice to eat with you", I said sitting up straighter.

"Really? Uhm, of course, it was really nice! We have to do this again some other time!", she said smiling but I heard a little bit disappointment in her voice.

The waiter came asking who's paying.

"I'm paying", I said giving him enough money before standing up.

"Uh, what a gentleman", Breezy said laying her hand on my shoulder.

I just nod wanting to go away.

"Was that a date?", she asked hopefully.

I bite my lip turning around to see her.

"I'm gay. This wasn't a date, we just ate something, nothing more", I said.

She looked shocked at me and opened her mouth to say something but closed it again.
She didn't say anything so I went out of the shop.

*****

"And she didn't say anything?", Spencer asked while we ate our pizza.

"No, she just stared at me in shock and then I walked away."

"What if she's going to tell everyone in school that you're gay?", Susan said.

"I don't care. She can tell everybody and I still wouldn't care. I'm not going to deny the truth", I said.

"But what if they're going to call you name or even bully you?", Gerard asked.

"That won't happen, believe me. And if somebody does something like that to me I can still go to all of you. I'm not going to be alone."

"We just don't wanna get you hurt. You have to be careful."

"I know", I sighed.

We all sat on our couch eating pizza and I told them about Breezy and what she said.

"Prepare yourself for tomorrow", Susan said before standing up to go to the kitchen.

I didn't know why they made such a drama about it. I just told her I am gay and if she's going to tell it everyone, I don't really care. It's not like they bully someone for being gay.
I had to think of Brendon and the boys who called him a fag.

Maybe I have to prepare myself for tomorrow.

******

I was nervous when I walked into the school. I waited for someone to call me names or insult me when I walked through the hallways.

But no one came.

I was relieved but also confused. Didn't she told everybody?

I had English with Jon, Ray, Josh and Frank so we walked to the class. They both didn't know about what breezy said and I didn't want to tell them because it's not their business.

"You ok?", Frank asked next to me looking slightly worried.

"Uh?"

"We called you like five times and you just zoned out", he said laying a hand on my shoulder.

"I...uhm... just was with my thoughts somewhere else", I said shaking my head.

"I know! C'mon, we have to go to our class!", he said tapping on my shoulder.
I walked after them into class trying to pay attention to class.

After englisch we went to the cafeteria meeting up with the rest of us.

"And?", Susan asked when she saw me ,"was everything ok?"

I nod sitting down next to her.

"Nothing happened. Nobody called me names. Everything went well, like I said."

"Maybe you're lucky and she hasn't told anybody yet", she said.

"Maybe."

We went quiet so we only heard the students talk and yell in the cafeteria.

"Do you know where Tyler is?", Josh asked looking around to find him. I realised that he wasn't sitting with us. Brendon also wasn't here.

"I don't know, but I have seen him today in the morning", Jon said.

"I'm going to look for him", Josh said standing up and want away.

"Brendon also isn't there?", Frank asked narrowing his eyes.

"Nope, I haven't seen him", Jon said.

"Mhhh... I'll go look after him", Frank said wanting to start up but I stopped him.

"Maybe I should go. I want to walk a little bit", I said remembering the day I saw him crying. Maybe it was his family again and frank doesn't know about it. I didn't know why I cared but I did so I smiled quickly walking away.

Frank looked at me with a confused face but he just nod sitting down again.

Breezy said they found him crying behind the school. Maybe I should go there first.

It was quiet outside just a few students were sitting together eating or playing football.
Good, I thought, nobody is going to interrupt us.

I walked behind the school wanting to see brendon behind it but the only thing I saw was a blank piece of paper flying in the wind.

I narrowed my eyes and went into the building again. Maybe the other guys were mean to him again? Maybe they are holding him away from us?
I saw many movies where someone was bullied and most of them were brutal or just horrible.

I ran trough the hallways hoping to find him somewhere. I didn't find him somewhere and I even searched at the boys toilets but he wasn't there.
Did he even came to school today?

I sighed deciding to go back to the other ones. I still was a little bit worried but I don't even know why. I mean, I don't really have something to do with him and he is not my friend or something like that but still, maybe some rude guys were doing something to him? You can never know.

And even if that would have been true, what would I have done?
I shook my head and walked back not wanting to run because I didn't want to look red and out of breath when I'm at the cafeteria.

When I entered it I wanted to sit down but stood still when I saw somebody sitting in front of me.

Brendon.

"Oh, hey ryan! Josh found Tyler and Brendon, they had five minutes longer", Frank said.

"Uhm, right", I mumbled sitting down on my seat not wanting to look up. Why did I care so much? Of course they could have been still in class or they could have went to the lockers.

I found myself looking up to see Brendon who was looking at me but when he saw me looking up, his eyes wandered down to his food.

Was he starring?

It doesn't even matter just eat your food.
I felt something nudge in my side so I turned my head to the side to see Spencer grinning at me with arisen eyebrows.

"Shut up", I whispered but couldn't help but smile.

"I didn't even said something", he said trying to hide a laugh.

******

I sat in music in a group with Spencer and Brendon. We still had to do something about our project so we said we will meet us at our house after school.
But for now we were here in music preparing the project.

"I have to pee", Spencer said smiling at me and I honestly had no idea why he smiled but I just narrowed my eyes at him but he just walked away.

"So... you were searching for me?", Brendon asked when Spencer went out of the room.
It was a quiet voice he spoke with and it made me kinda nervous.

But just a little bit.

"Yeah, because of the day where you - uhm, I mean at the hospital, I thought that you may need someone to talk to and you were always earlier than us in the cafeteria so maybe you just needed someone", I explained trying not to ramble.

"Uh, really? No, our teacher just had to let us sit in class for more five minutes. But uhm, thanks, I mean for caring", he said nearly in a whisper.

"No problem, like I said, If you wanna talk, I'm here. I know we may aren't very known to each other, but I mean we can change that, I mean maybe, uhm, we can meet each other after school but just if you want to. I'm not forcing you to do so", I said immediately regretting what I said.

"Yes", he said right after my idea, "I mean yes it would be nice, making new friends and everything."

"Good", I said.

"Good", he mumbled writing something on a piece of paper, but I had the feeling he just did that to distract himself, because he just drew lines with the pen.

He was tapping his feed against the floor again and his red glasses were nearly falling down his nose because he was looking down. Today he wore a blue t-shirt and black skinny jeans which suited him very well.

I didn't know why but I really looked forward to our meeting.

******