Play the song later. It will make everything a bit sadder

I laid in my bed with open eyes, waiting for the alarm to finally ring. I didn't sleep well this night, I barely got any sleep.

Today was Grace funeral.

Brendon pleased me to go with him, I couldn't say no.
So now I laid here, sunken in my thoughts.

Ring.

Ring.

I finally heard the annoying noises of the alarm and stretched out my left hand to shut it down.
I closed my eyes for a second before sitting up straight.

I didn't want to stand up, I wanted to sleep the whole day, the whole week, my whole life.

Come on, Ryan. Put yourself together, do it for your boyfriend, he deserves someone holding him. I groaned silently and stood up, already walking to the bathroom.
It was 9 am and everyone else was still asleep. Susan stayed up yesterday too long and she usually sleeps till the evening. Spencer probably wasn't sleeping, or maybe he was. I don't really care.

I saw my reflection in the white framed mirror and sighed. I had bags under my eyes and my hair was messy. You saw by my face that I didn't sleep well at all.

I quickly washed my hair, brushed my teeth and put a black blazer over a black shirt and black jeans on.

I felt nervous, I never was at a funeral before. What if I do something wrong? What if the family doesn't want me there? And what would they think of brendon and me?

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I immediately answered the phone call when I noticed the caller ID.

"Hey, babe, how are you?", I asked softly.

"Could be better", he chuckled sadly on the other side of the phone, "I just wanted to hear your voice and tell you that I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Ok, bren", I said, "it's gonna be ok."

"If you say so", he mumbled, "anyway, I'll see you in ten minutes. Bye, Ry."

With that he hung up. He sounded really sad and done on the phone. Let's just hope He won't complete break down.

I went to the kitchen to grab something to eat when I heard footsteps coming from above. It was probably Spencer, he never sleeps long.

But to my surprise it was Susan.

She was still in her sleeping clothes and she looked tired as hell.

"Mornin'", she mumbled standing next to me.

"Good morning. How comes that you are up this early?", I asked chuckling.

"I don't know", she said, "the funeral is today, huh?"

"Yes, it is", I shortly said.

"You nervous?", she asked sipping the coffee in her cup.

"Of course I am, who wouldn't be?"

She smiled slightly and shrugged.

"Will Brendon pick you up?", she asked sipping her coffee.

"In about five minutes he will", I answered, "where's Spencer?"

"He told me he wanted to take a walk early, he will be home in an hour."

I nod slowly and pressed my lips together.
The doorbell rang causing me to flinch slightly.

"That's probably brendon", I said already making my way to the door. I opened it and found, like I said, Brendon behind it. He had red and puffy eyes, eventhough he smiled.

"Hey, bren", I said wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Hey, ry", he said against my chest.

"Did you eat something today?", I asked.

"No, I'm not hungry", he answered.

"I understand, but you have to eat something. I don't want you to pass out there."

"I won't, I'm not that weak", he answered.

"I never said you are, because you're defniatly not, but you'll feel better when you are something."

"Ok", he mumbled, letting go of me to step inside my house with me.

Brendon had a black suit and a black button up shirt on, it suited him well.

"Hi, brendon", Susan greeted him, raising her cup of coffee.

"Hey, susan", he mumbled back. I gave him an apple, which he took.

"Thanks", he said.

Brendon looked slightly pale, like every colour showing happiness in him was gone and I couldn't stand the sight. I loved the Brendon whos eyes shone brighter than the sun and whos laugh was the happiest thing on the entire world- wait. I loved the Brendon whos eyes were bright. Do I love him? I don't know him that long, so no, I think? But it was right somehow, the word 'love'. It fitted perfectly.

I slightly shook my head, wanting my thoughts to stop. Not now, not on this day, I thought.

"Everything alright?", Susan asked me laying a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah", I whispered looking at the clock on the wall, realising it was time to go.

"We have to go, brendon", I softly told him, hugging him from the side.

"Already?", he asked, chuckling slightly, causing me to nod.

I nod and we both went to the door, opening it. We said goodbye to Susan and sat down in brendons car. I insisted to drive, Brendon didn't seem to be here with his thoughts. The whole drive was silent, no music was playing and no one said anything. Brendon just stared on the road in front of him, not showing any feelings. Like a doll or a marionette.

We came to the church, already seeing a few black dressed people outside the building holding each other crying.

The motor under us stopped vibrating and complete silence filled the car.

I took a look next to me, seeing Brendon who's eyes were locked on his hands, which were folded in his lap.

I laid my hand on his shoulder, causing his head to lift up. Tears were welling up in his big, brown and puppy eyes.

"It's time, brendon", I said softly leaving a small kiss on his forehead.

"I know", he sniffled, "thanks for being here with me."

I smiled at him as a response and Brendon took a deep breath before opening the door, stepping out of the car with me.

The cold and freezy wind was the first thing I noticed while stepping out. It was summer, but this day was extremely cold.
It was like the sky was also sad about the fact that a wonderful human being like his mother had to die.

I laid my arms around brendons shoulder and walked with him to a familiar group of people.

A woman with dark hair turned around with a handkerchief in her hand, her eyes immediatly falling on Brendon next to me.

"Oh, c'mere!", Jess sobbed motioning Brendon to hug her.

Next to Jess stood James and Simon. Katie came with their grandmother, they both were just coming out of their car.

Katie hugged James and Simon, then Jess and Brendon. It broke my heart seeing a whole family being that heartbroken and lost.

"Hey, ryan", Katie sobbed, hugging me to my surprise. It was a tight hug the tiny person gave me. I hugged back, causing her to bury her face in my chest even more.

She let go of me and gave me a weak smile before everyone walked inside the building. Brendon also talked to a few unknown people, probably a few of his aunts and uncles.

We all sat down on the bench in the front. I sat next to Brendon and Katie.

Everyone was still talking, crying, sobbing and I even heard little baby scream in the distance. Everything went silent when the priest came, starting to talk. I didn't really listen to what he said, I kept my attention on Brendon next to me, who was holding my hand.
His eyes shone because of the tears welling up in them, and his face told me he tried everything to hold them back, so I slightly squeezed his hand, causing him to look at me. I mouthed an 'its alright', causing him to smile and wipe the tears away.

Play the song NOW. It's lay me down by Sam Smith, it takes a few seconds for the song to actually start, so don't wonder :)

The coffin was right in front of us. Many flowers were on it, mostly roses.

The priest stopped talking and music started playing. Everyone stood up and black dressed men grabbed the coffin to bring it to its grave.

A tear was running down my face, I couldn't hold it back anymore.

We followed the black dressed man the whole way. Leaves were rustling and birds singing. Everything here seemed so cold lifeless, even the flowers.

We all stopped when we all arrived at the grave. The coffin was brought into the big hole in the ground.

Some pople were saying something as a way to say goodbye, but we stayed quiet. Katie was crying next her grandma, and Jess hugged James tight. A women, probably Simon's girlfriend, held him in her arms. And Brendon. Brendon stood next to me, my arm around him. His look was focussed on the coffin.

A bowl of flowers stood in front of the grave. Person after person started to pick one and throwing it into the hole.
Some broke down, some said something not hearable, and some just walked silently back.

Now it was brendons turn. He looked scared, when he turned to me.

I gave him a smile and nod to the bowl. He took a deep breath and started walking. I don't wanna know what he was thinking in that moment. I just wished I could help him somehow, but I'm powerless.

He picked a white rose and held the tiny flower close to him, saying something, but not throwing it away. He held the flower still close to him, like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

Then he completely broke down, he fell on his knees, his face buried in his hands, crying. Or more yelling? I didn't know it.

I quickly ran to him, kneeling down next to him, putting an arm around him.

"I don't wanna let go", he sobbed against my shoulder.

"I know Brendon, I know. It will take a while to move on, but you will. It will hurt, but you can't be happy without hurt and sadness. You're mother will always be here", I said laying my hand over his chest, "she'll never leave you. You keep her in your heart."

Brendon looked up, his eyes watery and streams of tears dried on his cheeks. His nose was red and trembling slightly, because he was still shaking.
He nod and slowly stood up with me.

"Can you throw it with me?", he slowly asked me.

I hesitated at first, but his puppy eyes told me to do it. I couldn't say no, so I grabbed a red rose and held it to myself. Should I think something now, like the thought will go with the rose? I didn't know...

Brendon already held the rose away from his chest, over the hole, I did the same. He took a look at me and I smiled softly, causing him to nod. He took a deep breath and threw the rose with me on the coffin.

His chest began to tremble again, so I hugged him tight. Then we walked away from the coffin and when we were away from the crowd, Brendon started to run away. I didn't know where, so I followed him quickly. He ran to the other side of the graveyard, where a forest was. Without hesitating he ran right into the dark forest and I followed him.

I heard the sticks break on the ground and brendons steps echoing through th forest, causing the birds to quickly fly away.

"Brendon! Why are you running?", I asked, slowly getting out of breath.

He didn't answer but finally came to a stop when he stood next to a tree. It was a normal tree, a tree like every other one. I didn't know why he especially stopped here.

"Brendon, why are we here?", I asked breathing heavily, when I finally came to him.

He didn't answer again he just leaned against the tree and sat down on the ground looking at the grass beneath him.

"Bren, please answer me!", I told him but he just motioned to the free place next to him, showing me to sit down.
I did as he said and for a moment everything we heard were the birds singing and the wind blowing through the forest. Sun was shining from above and it was a nice sight. Not one of these creepy and scary forest, no it was alive here, with warm colors and fresh, green leaves.

"We used to play in this forest when we were younger, Micheal, Katie and me. And one time mother came with us and we did a picnic here on the ground. She brought marmalade, bread, orange juice and many more things. Jess, James and Simon joined us after a while. We did this on every Saturday. Micheal died a year after that. The last meeting we did was the Saturday after Micheal death. I never saw this tree again, because I didn't want to think of this again. But only now I realise how much I missed this place", he explained looking at a tiny brown bird.

I grabbed his hand, causing him to look up at me.

"Ryan?", Brendon asked slowly, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure", I simply said giving him a soft smile.

"Did you ever love someone except someone from your family?", he asked.

"Uh", I made, scratching the back of my neck.

"I mean, how can you know if you truly love someone?"

"I don't know, I think you just feel it deep inside of you, because there isn't an answer to this question. I also don't know it", I explained.

"I understand", he slowly said.

"Why? Did you ever love someone not from your family?"

"No I didn't, but I think I do now", he said looking me straight in the eyes.

"Uhm", I made, my heart began to beat faster and faster. I didn't know how to respond, how did he mean it?

"No need to be nervous, I just want to let you know that...", he said leaning on my shoulder, "that I think I love you."

"Really?", I asked smiling bright.

"Yeah, You don't have to say the same thing, but I wanna let you know I love you, ryan", he said, cuddling up by my side.

I laid my arms around him and whispered: "I love you too."

We sat there in silence before we heard footsteps coming closer to us. I narrowed my eyes, wondering who this person was.

"I knew we would find you here", Katie said smiling when she saw Brendon in my arms.

Jess, James, Simon and his girlfriend followed Katie. All of them sat down in a circle.

"I really missed this place", Simon said.

"Really? I thought you hate sitting on dirty grounds", James chuckled earning a kick in his side from Simon. The rest of us laughed.

"You know what I mean", Simon said.

"Is there one day where you won't be teasing each other?", Jess asked chuckling while rolling her eyes.

"I think everyone of us knows the answer", Brendon chuckled.

We talked a lot and it was a good feeling. They had each other and that's what made me happy. And Brendon smiled and laughed. His family was there for him.

And every one here said goodbye and let slowly go.

****

Woah. I don't know what I think of this chapter.

Do you think it's good?

I had struggles writing it, because i don't really know how funerals in America are. So I'm sorry if I got something wrong, but I kinda wrote it how it was here, or how I know how funerals work.

<3