While I walked to brendons house I thought of something.

What if he wasn't home?

I sighed and pulled my phone out to call him. I heard the ringing coming out of the phone.

"Hello?", a deep voice said, more asking, on the other line.

"Hi Bren, mind if I come over?", I asked him, trying to sound a bit happier.

"Uh, not now, I'm sorry, but I'll be home in one hour, I'm at my grandma's house", he said, "Please come over in an hour, I would like to see you."

"Ok, I'll be there in an hour", I told him, "bye, bren."

"Bye, ry."

With that he hung up and I packed the phone back with my lips pressed together.
Great, and what am I doing now?

I should've thought of that before, because now I'm standing in the warm breeze outside like an idiot.
I sighed and searched for a bench to sit down, but not to my pleasure I didn't find one. I really didn't want to go home yet, not just Susan needed time.

I also did.

So I stood there trying to enjoy the weather And the rustling sound of fresh green leaves in the trees.

The next thing I felt was something being bumbed into my shoulder. I immediately took my eyes off the tree and looked beside me.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there", a tall boy said. And with tall I meant really tall.

I had to lift my head to look in his face.

"It's ok, I didn't see you either", I told him trying to smile.

"I'm dallon by the way", he said holding his hand out.

"Ryan", I shortly answered taking his hand.

"I'm sorry, but I'm new here. Could you please show me where I can find the bellá café or something like that?", he asked me.

I still had one hour left and he seemed like a nice guy who just needed my help, so why not?

"Of course, come and follow me", I said already walking forward.

"So Ryan, what school do you go to?", he asked me while we walked.

"Palo verde high school, but I'm just an exchange student", I told him.

"Really? Tomorrow is my first day there, it would be nice if you could show me around or something like this", he asked me smiling.

"Uhm, maybe, I don't know if I can go to school tomorrow", I said, because I don't think Brendon will come, and I'll definitely stay with him.

"Alright, are the students nice there?", he asked me looking nervous, eventhough I couldn't quiet understand it. Everyone should let him be, just because of his height. I don't think Anderson or the rest would harm him.

"I don't think you should worry about them, they are really nice", I said.

"Good", he said.

The way felt a little bit shorter, probably because I had company but it was silent. And for the first time I wanted breezy to be there, just because she would tell me everything about her life or the newest things. After a time I really listened to her and I really have to apologise. It's nice listening to her, just not the whole time. I just think that-

"Can we go to the artist shop first?", dallon asked next to me with wide eyes pointing at the old artist shop breezys grandmother works at.

"Sure", I said. We stepped inside the building and heard the little bell ring above us when we opened the door.

The old perfume scent was still in the air. Music from the 50s was playing in the background and I have to admit, I really liked it here.

"Oh, hi Ryan! What are you doing here? We just got a few more new pencils, maybe you should take a look at them. And we got new-", Breezy stopped talking when her eyes landed on the giraffe next to me.

"Uhm, who's that?", she asked quietly.

"Oh, that's dallon, he's new here", I answered.

When the tall boy finally turned his head in breezys direction he smiled.

Oh damn, this is awkward.

"Hey, breezy! I have an idea. What if you show dallon around tomorrow at school? I don't know if I can and I think you can keep good company!", I suggested, already knowing what was going on. Dallon obviously liked breezy, and breezy also had something for this boy.

"Yeah, that would be great!", dallon said sounding excited.

I took a look at my watch and gulped, we walked over half an hour so I had to get to Brendon as soon as possible.

"Uhm, what about breezy shows you where the cafe is, because I gotta go, it's important", I said, pointing at the clock above the door.

"Sure Ryan!", breezy said fast,"i mean, that's a good idea."

"Yeah, and thanks Ryan, maybe I'll see you in school", dallon said not even looking at me, just at breezy.

"No problem, ok, bye", I said waving my hand before walking out of the shop. I started walking a bit faster than normal. I didn't want to be too late at his.

When I already saw his house in the distance I noticed, that no car stood before it. Not even brendons, meaning he isn't here yet.

I sighed and stood still in front of the entrance.

I hope he's alright, I doubt it, but still.

"Hey ry", a weak voice said behind me. I turned around seeing Brendon with puffy and red eyes behind me with a small smile.

"Hi, babe", I greeted him pulling him into a hug.

He put his strong arms around my tiny waist and pulled me closer to him. He took a deep breath, as if he wanted to smell my scent.

"Brendon sweety, who is that? A friend of yours?", a female voice asked,  causing Brendon to immediately pull away.

"Oh, yeah, that's Ryan, grandma", he said pointing at me nervously.

"It's nice to meet you Ryan!", the elder woman, brendons grandmother, said shaking my hand, "I'm brendons grandma, but you can call me Margaret."

"Nice to meet you Margaret", I said shaking her hand back.

She had short grey hair and a gray summer dress on. She seemed to be a little bit overwhelmed, and out of her mind. I don't blame her.

Katie got out of brendons car with her headphones in her ears. She had a hoodie on, which was probably oversized.

"Hey ryan", she mumbled, before walking past me to the front door before I could even respond.

"Hi katie", I said, but she didn't turn around.

"Don't mind her. She's just sad and needs to be alone", Brendon whispered next to me.

Margaret opened the door and let everyone of us in. Brendon looked the whole time on the ground, he even nearly tripped over the stairs.

Everything in this house was the same as yesterday when we had dinner. My throat tightened and it became hard to breath. Brendons eyes began to glim, but he tried to hold his tears back.

The food was still on the big brown table.

"Lets clean this up first", Margaret told us, already putting the salad bowl into the kitchen.

I wanted to take the plates, but when I reached graces place i gulped. The napkin she coughed in had blood on it, that's why she probably went to the kitchen. I shook my head and put the napkin on the plate and went to the next place.

The only thing you could hear were the clicking sounds of the dishes while stacking them.

Brendon was sniffling next to me, causing me to pay my attention to him.
He tried his best not to cry, but his chest was shaking while breathing.

"Brendon, c'mere", I mumbled wrapping my arms around him. He buried his head in my chest and started to cry loudly.
I laid my chin on his head and saw Margaret who watched Brendon, nearly crying by herself.

"Let me take him", she told me, pointing at Brendon. I didn't want to let go of him, but I did. Margaret pulled my boyfriend now into a hug. He hesitated first but hugged his grandma back.

I think I should gave them a bit time for themselves so I walked into the kitchen finding Katie in it, still with her headphones in.

"She doesn't know you two are together", she said, pulling one headphone out of her ear while I was washing the dishes.

"Uh?", I made not knowing how to answer.

"Brendon doesn't want to shock her, so don't act surprised when you're just a 'friend' around her", she said taking the wet dishes to dry them.

"Oh, ok, good to know", I answered.

It was silent again, but Katie didn't put her headphones back in her ears.

"Do you believe in God?", she asked out of nowhere after a short time.

"What?", I asked surprised by her question.

"Do you believe in God. In heaven, in angels", she said looking me straight into the eyes.

"I don't know actually, I don't believe in the bible, but I think that there is a place like heaven or a god", I told her. Actually I didn't believe I god, but o think I knew why Katie asked me this, "do you?"

"Maybe. I mean, my whole life I was taught in school or outside  there is a god and heaven and hell, but I never really believed it. Now I'm not sure, I mean, in a situation like this I kinda start believing that mum is now in heaven and watches us as an angel above the clouds. Or maybe that's just hoping. I always thought it was stupid to believe in things like that, but now I really realise why people need a religion, or something they believe in. If we wouldn't have that, we would probably go insane, even if it's something different you believe in like music or family, love, god or many gods... I would like to believe that my mum is in a better place now", she answered.

Slightly impressed I just nod and said: "I didn't know her that long, but she was one of the nicest human beings I met in my life. And I believe she's in a better place right now."

"Thanks ryan", she answered sniffling.

"Why?"

"For being here for us. Especially for Brendon, the way you look at him, I can see that you care, eventhough I'm the youngest and still a teenager, I can see if someone's real or not. And you are. So thank you."

"Oh, uhm", I stumbled.

"It's ok, you don't have to respond, just be there for my brother and I'm happy, deal?", she asked me.

"Deal", I said, "it's really impressing how much you care about Brendon."

"He went through a bad time in his life, school wasn't a safe place for him, till he met Jon and the rest. And then the thing with Micheal. It breaks my heart too, seeing him like this, Ryan. I'm his little sister And he's my big brother. I love him, so I try my best to be also there for him, eventhough I really wanna punch his face sometimes when he's getting on my nerves", she chuckled at the last verse.

"Do you have siblings?", she asked me.

"No, I don't."

She nodded and dried the last plate I gave her.

"What are you talking about?", a familiar voice asked behind us, causing me to immediately turn around seeing Brendon with a few glasses in his hands.

"Just stuff", Katie mumbled, "I think I should go to grandma."

With that said Katie gave us one last smile before walking out of the room.

"Hey", I whispered giving him a small kiss on the lips, "how are you feeling?"

"Actually horrible", he chuckled with a sad smile.

"Wanna go out and eat something?", I asked him softly.

"Yeah, that would be great", he answered looking down.

"Café bellá?", I asked with a smirk.

"Of course."

*****

I didn't expect the walk to be different, but it was awkwardly quiet.
I wanted to talk so bad, but that would be selfish. Brendon obviously didn't want to talk about anything, what I can fully understand.

We sat down on our normal seats and ordered a green tea for Brendon and a coffee for me.

He was lost in his thoughts, just staring at his glass without even moving a muscle except his feed tapping on the floor. I'm used to it, it's weird to see him doing nearly nothing.

"The funeral is in two weeks", He said finally looking up right into my eyes, which were full of sorrow and sadness, "I want you to come if you want to."

"Really? I mean, I'm not really a part of this family and I didn't know her that well", I answered.

"Just for me, I don't wanna sound selfish, but I need you there. I don't know what I would do without you, I don't wanna sound cheesy, but it's true", He told me sipping his tea.

"Oh, of course I'll come", I told him, causing him to gave me a weak smile.

"Thanks, Ryan."

"Maybe we should talk about something different", I said.

"Yeah, probably", he chuckled.

"I think breezy has an eye on someone", I told him.

"What? Really? Who is it?", he asked.

"I met this guy today before we met and we went to this artist shop, where breezys grandma works and I think they both looked at each other like they just saw their soulmate. I swear, they fell for each other", I explained.

"That's good to hear, what's his name?", he asked.

"Dallon."

"Weekes?", he asked with wide eyes.

"I don't know, but he's tall like a giraffe", I laughed.

"Yeah! That's weekes! We were best friends in elementary school I never saw him since then because he moved away", He told me smiling.

"He said he goes to our school now. His first day is tomorrow", I told him.

"Really? It would be cool to see him again", he said looking down at his glass.

"Will you go to school tomorrow?", I asked him.

"No, I probably won't go the whole week. I need time for myself and I  need to be there for grandma and katie", he answered.

"Should I stay with you? I mean I could come everyday and we could do something together like watch a movie or something like this", I suggested.

"No, I don't want you to miss school just because of that", he said shaking his head.

"Nah, I won't miss anything, and I would like to spend time with you. I think I couldn't concentrate anyway in class", I told him, "so I don't care what you say, I'll come to you everyday like you did when I was in the hospital."

"Ok", he said smiling, "what about a sleepover tonight?"

"That's a great idea!", I said.

I looked into his eyes and for a short moment the sadness was gone and the happy and smiling Brendon I knew was sitting in front of me again, with his eyes shining like the sun.

I didn't want to know that I'll wake up one day knowing I'll never see his beautiful eyes again.

*****

I'm so sorry that this took so long. I'll try to find some time to write again, its just a little bit harder now  :)

<3