Dr. Shepherd came out of the room, causing us to pay our attention to him.

"I'm sorry, we tried our best, but your mum is brain dead. That means her body, with her organs are still working. We ask you if you could think about donating them. I'll give you time to think about it. I know it's hard but it's the best solution", he said.

Brendon just calmed down a bit and looked at the doctor with wide eyes.

"Her organs? And what about the funeral? How are we supposed to see her the last time without her eyes or organs?", he said shocked.

"Sir, please think of the possibilities to help someone with that. She can save a kids life with that, or someone in your age. Someone who's also a mum, or a dad", Dr. Shepherd explained, causing Brendon to nod.

"But who's the oldest? Simon is gone", James asked, "who has to sign the papers?"

"Probably you, james", Jess answered, "you're five minutes older than me."

"Oh, alright, I never thought I would do this, but ok", he said obviously nervous,"ill sign the papers."

"You will?", Katie asked.

"Haven't you heard what the doctor said? Mum probably wanted to help someone else wth her organs. She was always big hearted", James replied.

"That's true", Katie said sobbing, "you're right, we should do it."

"Does Simon knows about it?", Brendon asked.

"I'm gonna call him", Jess said, already typing something on her phone.

"Were am I supposed to live now?", Brendon asked, "And Katie?"

"Do you have your grandparents", I asked, "maybe with them?"

"Yeah, but just my grandmother, I think that would work. She's gonna be here in a few minutes", he answered.

"I think I should go", I said.

"I think it's better for the family if you go, but I want you to stay, you're the only reason I didn't compleatly freak out", he said, "But I understand why. Please go when my grandma is here."

"Ok, bren", I said hugging him.

His grandma came after five minutes. Her eyes puffy and red. I didn't know this woman but I wanted to start crying again. Her little daughter just died.

"Bye ryan", Brendon mumbled.

"Bye Brendon, call me if you need me and please take care of you", I said.

He smiled and walked to his grandma hugging her tight.

I went out of the building and was immediately greeted by the pitch black night. It was colder than before, but the air was still dry.

Now I broke down in front of the hospital. The tears were streaming down my face and I hugged myself to make me smaller. What is this horror trip? My boyfriend just lost his mum, and what can I do? This was too much.

"Is everything ok with you, sir?", I heard a female voice next to me, causing me to flinch aside.

I looked up wiping my tears away, seeing a a black haired woman sitting in one of the benches. She also was  doctor, according to her clothes.

"Yeah, it just-", I said, hearing my own voice cracking.

"Come sit down. I'm lexie", the woman said, smiling.

I did as she said and sat down next to her.

"So, do you wanna talk about it? It will help", she asked.

"I don't know you", I chuckled.

"And? I'm lexie grey, now you know me", she said smiling.

"Do you know Meredith grey?", I asked.

"Oh, yeah, she's my sister", she said, " How do you know her?"

"Because of Cristina. She's one of my best friends."

"Really? Cristina? I thought she doesn't like people", lexie chuckled.

"At first she also hated me. But I don't know, we come along pretty good", I said.

"That's good", she said.

Silence came over us. This conversation calmed me down, even though we didn't talk about what happened.

"Are you feeling better now?", she asked.

"Yeah, thank you", I said.

"No problem. I have to go now, and see my patient. Take care of yourself -", She said, making a pause at my name.

"Ryan",  I said smiling.

"Ok, Take care if yourself, ryan", she said before walking away.

I took a deep breath and began to walk through the darkness. I didn't want to be driven by Susan or Spencer. I wanted to enjoy the time alone, eventhough it was quiet dangerous and scary walking around in a dark, unknown city. The only thing lightning up my way were the lanterns and the bright capital letters of several shops.

It had something comfortable, I saw people walking with friends around, or couples going on their date. I think I was the only sad person here. Music was silently playing in the distance.

I checked my phone and noticed the missed calls by my friends. It were around 20 from Susan and Spencer. I checked if one from Brendon was under them, but when I saw nothing I packed my phone away. I didn't want to talk now. Susan and Spencer would come and find me and would worry too much.

I couldn't wait to go home now, but I also couldn't leave. Weird, right?
Why does this have to be so complicated?

I sighed and walked to my house slowly.

I waited at the bus station for a bus to come and sat down on the bench. I was the only one waiting. The bus came after five minutes

I stepped inside the vehicle and bought a ticket. I sat down on the seat in the back to have a clear mind from everything. I saw a woman with blonde hair reaching her shoulders and really pale skin. She had thin lips and a squarish face. She wore a black leather jacket and I think a blue t-shirt with black skinny jeans.

I don't know why, but my interest grew to know this person.
The thing that surprised me was that she was dressed up modern, her hair, make up, nearly everything.

I think she noticed I stared, because she looked me straight in the eyes with narrowed eyes.

"Are you alright sir?", the woman asked me.

I nodded and looked out of the window. I know, it's unfriendly Not to respond, but I didn't wanna talk at all. She probably saw my red and puffy eyes.

The but came to a stop and I stood up, the woman did the same. Don't tell me she follows me. Or maybe she also has to get out of the bus now.

Or maybe I'm just becoming paranoid.

I stepped out of the bus and looked at the unknown woman, she gave me a small smile and walked away.

Weird.

I shook my head and walked towards my house. It was late and nearly no one was outside anymore. I began to feel anxious. Wheat if something happens to me? No one could hear me or help me, no, I would be alone here and would have to wait until the sun rises.

I walked to the front door and knocked.

The door was immediately opened  by Susan.

"Oh my god, Ryan!", she yelled hugging me tight, "you're alive!"

"Why shouldn't I?", I asked her hugging back.

"We called you several times and you didn't respond! It's in the middle of the night and we were sick of worry!", she yelled at me.

"I'm sorry", I mumbled.

"Ryan, what happened?", she asked me concerned.

I didn't even know I was holding this back, but my knees became week and I buried my face in my hands crying. Susan held me before I could fall on the floor.

"Hey, what ever happened, try to calm down", she told me, but it didn't help. I just wanted to go home and cuddle up in my bed. I wished I never met Brendon and his family. I wished I could just have my normal and boring live back with my parents, that are still mad at me. I wish I could turn back time and forget about everything here. But I couldn't.

This was too much for my nerves and heart, both were slowly starting to go weak.

Was this mental breakdown? A panic attack? I don't know, but I think I'm loosing my mind. I'm going nuts.

"Ryan!", Susan yelled at me, "calm down and tell me what happened!"

I tried to, but I couldn't. Maybe I was also broken, but why? Grace wasn't even my mother and I just knew Brendon for a few months. I shouldn't be that sad. Maybe just because I know I can't help.

"Ok, Ryan, breath in", Susan said, "and breath out. Slowly."

I tried to follow her instructions but my breathing was shaking. I continued and I slowly calmed down.

"Good, now sit down and we'll talk, ok?", she suggested and I nod.

I sat down on the couch, where Spencer already sat with worried eyes. He probably watched what happened.

"So what happened, Ryan?", Susan asked calmly.

"Brendons mum, she died", I said, barely hearable but I they understood according to their shocked expression.

"What?!", Susan asked.

"When I was at the family dinner everything went well, but then she started coughing blood and we drove to a hospital were she was operated. She was ok after that but Cristina told me, she will be brain dead, and that's what happened. She died today", I told them.

Nobody said anything, they just stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry ryan", Spencer mumbled.

"How's Brendon doing?", Susan asked.

"I thought you hated him", I chuckled.

"That doesn't change the fact that his mum died and that he's your boyfriend", she said, " So how is he doing?"

"Not so good. He cried and yelled and it broke my heart, he was so broken and lost. He really loved his mother", I told them having the image of Brendon crying in my arms right in front of my eyes.

"I feel sorry for you, but it will be over in nine months, don't forget that", Susan said.

"Could you please stop with that? I don't wanna think of the nine months, I wanna enjoy this time here, I thought it's going to be with Brendon and new friends, experience, but no! What's happening? That's a nightmare and I still don't wanna wake up! And its just because of brendon, because I would still go through this and suffer, just to be with him", I told her.

"I'm sorry but it's true! And you just talk about Brendon! Not everything is about him. I understand that you're in love, but you're blind! I miss my cousin to hang out with. We were inseparable! Now it's just Spencer and me. Cristina already left, and I won't let you go too!", she said loudly.

"Why is everything so complicated?! I finally found someone I really like! Can't you be happy for me?", I asked her.

"Open your fucking eyes! You can't be together with him! You will never see him again in nine months, so try to concentrate on the people that won't leave!", she yelled before walking up to her room.

I was angry, sad and shattered.

"She says it like I doesn't know that, but what can I do, when my heart wants to suffer?", I asked Spencer, well more myself.

"Goodnight, Ryan, you need some sleep", Spencer said before walking away with his lips pressed together.

I sighed and laid back on the couch.

Yeah, maybe I needed some rest.

****

I felt something tap against my side. I groaned and turned around, still with my eyes closed.

"Ryan, You need to wake up", someone whispered next to me.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw Spencer sitting next to me on the couch. Did I sleep here? I didn't even notice.
What happened yesterday again?

Oh, right.

"Morning", Spencer greeted me, "how are you?"

"My head hurts a bit but I'm alright", I answered sitting up, "What time is it?"

"It's 1 pm", Spencer answered.

"Really? Did I sleep that long?!"

"You had a hard day, it's understandable. And Brendon called-

"Is he alright? Does he need me?", I interrupted Spencer, "Sorry Spence."

"He said that he just wanted to talk to you and that you should call him back when you're awake", Spencer told me.

I immediately searched for my phone on the table, but Spencer shook his head.

"Not now, you need to be fully awake first, I made breakfast by the way, you can call him after breakfast", he said.

"Thanks", I mumbled, "what's with Susan?"

"She's still pissed off", Spencer said, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes, it's understandable. I'm also mad at you, but you need to be there for Brendon now, so it's ok. But you have to talk to her."

"Yeah, I will", I answered.

"And put on some new clothes, you're still in your old ones", he said pointing at my outfit I still had on from yesterday, "here, a t-shirt and sweatpants."

I took the clothes and started dressing myself up while Spencer walked into the kitchen.

I joined Spencer in the kitchen when he put a few pancakes on a plate that he handed me.

"Pancakes?", I asked him with a grin.

"Yup, I thought that would be good for you now", he said smiling back. Just now I realised I haven't seen him smile in a while, "You know I make the best pancakes."

"That's true", I chuckled, "doesn't Susan eat?"

"I already gave her her pancakes, give her some time", he said sitting down on the table with me.

The silence between us became awkward so Spencer turned the radio on. Old music was playing and I tried to focus on that.

"What are you planning to do now?", Spencer asked me.

"What do you mean?", I asked him.

"The thing with Brendon, are you going to tell him, or act like it's nothing."

"How am I supposed to tell him? He won't believe me, and I think now isn't the right time, you know? He needs to calm down and I need to be there for him, that's what a boyfriend does", I said.

"Understandable, but one day you have to."

"I know Spencer. But I'll wait", I told him, "these pancakes are really good, spence."

"Thank you, it's the recipe of my mum, you know the ones my mum used to bake", he explained smiling.

I furrowed my eyebrows and said: "I don't remember them."

"Oh."

"I think I'm going to Brendon now", I mumbled.

"Yeah, you should do that", Spencer said," you can call me if you need Anything."

"Sure. Thanks for the breakfast."

"No problem, Ry", he said giving me a bright smile, "And don't worry too much about him, he'll get over it."

"Maybe", I whispered, waving goodbye before walking out of the house.

I took a deep breath of fresh air. I felt the oxygen filling my lungs and slowly leaving them again. It helped me to clear my mind.
I heard a few kids laughing and playing with each other, causing me to smile.

Maybe there isn't just bad out there.

*****

Sorry, that this took so long, but school is already killing me, so it probably will take a bit till the next chapter comes out

<3