"You ready ryan?"

"Not really, can you guys wait downstairs?"

Spencer, Gerard and Mikey went outside leaving me alone in my room. I couldn't decide if I should wear a black button up shirt or a red t-shirt with a black blazer. I mean I'm not going to a funeral so the red  shirt would be better, but I dont know if a blazer would be too much. It's just a party.

I sighed and grabbed the red shirt and the blazer and dressed up. Then I did my hair and put on some eyeliner.

I walked downstairs finding the guys already standing in the living room.

"Finally! Come on, we're already late", Spencer said groaning.

We walked to breezy because we still didn't have a car.

"Didn't she said that this is going to be a small party with just a few friends?", Gerard asked looking at her house.

"Yeah, that's what she said", I said shocked at the sight of the people dancing and drinking outside of her house. The music was loud, I barely understood my own words.

"Well, I don't wanna know what's a big party for her", Mikey said.

"Oh, thank god, you guys are here! I've got a problem!"

We turned around seeing Breezy standing next to us. She looked shocked and a bit tipsy.

"Breezy, why are here so many people?", I asked.

"Well, this is the problem. I just invited a few people, like I told you, but the problem is this people invited more and they also invited their friends, and - I think you get what I mean", she rambled.

"Oh, you need help?", Spencer asked.

"No, I mean yes, not really. Can you guys just look a little bit around if something escalates?"

"Sure."

"Thanks!", she said, "I'll go to my other friends now. Enjoy yourselves!"

"Then let's party! I'll go and find frank, and the rest", Gerard said already disappearing in the crowd. Mike followed him leaving Spencer and me standing here alone.

"I think she's right, we should enjoy ourselves. Want a drink?", Spencer asked.

"You know that we're 17", I said.

"I know, but one drink won't hurt, right?"

I looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"No, I'll pass."

"Ok, I'll be at the bar, or wherever I can find the drinks here", he said rolling his eyes before walking away.

"Spencer, don't get too drunk", I said after him, but I think he didn't heard me.

Now I just stood there in front of students dancing, drinking, talking and laughing. A blonde girl came over to me laying her arm slowly over my shoulders. She just had a short skirt and a bra on and her breath smelled like alcohol.

"Ohhhhh, honey. You wanna dance? I can dance what ever you want me to dance....", she said obviously drunk, her face just a few inches away from my face.

"No, thanks."

"Come onnnnn! Let's find a room", she said coming closer to me.

"No, thanks", I said louder this time trying to pull her off me.

She just sighed and walked tipsy away. Tipsy isn't the right word for this, no, she couldn't even walk straight anymore. I watched her go. Maybe I should give her my blazer. I mean, she was so drunk, she couldn't control her body anymore.

"Hey, wait!", I yelled running to her.

She turned around nearly falling but I held her.

"Is everything ok?", I asked serious.
It was 10 pm, she shouldn't be drunk at this time, maybe something happened.

"Yeahhh, why?"

"You want my blazer?", I asked.

"Noooo, thanksss."

"But it's cold."

She gulped and looked at me.

"Yeah, a little bit."

I just nod and gave her my blazer.

"Let's go to a room, ok?", I asked her hoping she wouldn't think I want to fuck her there.

She just nod and followed me. I didn't know why I did this but I had this feeling that she needed someone. Someone to talk to. Because nobody drinks that much at that time. I didn't know what the guys were thinking just seeing her like this.

She reminded me of someone, but I didn't know who it was. Her face, I knew her from somewhere.

"Hey ryan! You're also at the party?"

Brendon smiled in front of me.
He had a black button up shirt and black skinny jeans on that fit his legs perfectly.
Damn, he looked gorgeous tonight.

"Oh, yeah."

"Who is this?", he asked pointing at the girl next to me.

"Uhm, honestly I don't know."

"Wow, I didn't know you were one of these guys", he said with a disappointed tone.

"No! No, no, no. I'm not one of these guys. Uhm, I just found her with just a bra and a skirt here and it's cold and I wanted to talk to her", I said. I think if I would hear myself talking right now I wouldn't believe myself to be honest.

"For sure, you wanted to 'talk'", he said sarcastically.

"No, believe me, I would never sleep with her! It's not what you think. You can come with us, if you want."

"No, I dont really wanna be there when you..., you know", he said.

I rolled my eyes and sighed: "Brendon, I just want to give her something normal to wear and she doesn't look like she's alright, you wanna help me with that and stop assuming I'm going to sleep with her?", I asked seriously.

He just looked at me for a few seconds before saying anything.

"Yeah, sure", he finally said.

We walked to a room upstairs. It was obviously a bedroom, maybe Breezys.

"So, what was your plan again?", Brendon asked looking at the girl I held. She could barley walk up her so I laid her on the bed.

I didn't know what to do now.

"what's your name?", I asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Eliza", the girl said looking around the corner. Her eyes became watery.

"Eliza, is everything ok?", Brendon asked sitting down next to me.

"No", she cried now burying her face in her hands.

I looked to brendon who also seemed not to know what to do now.

"Uhm, what happened?", I asked after she calmed down a bit.

"My boyfriend. He cheated on me with my best friend and now she's pregnant", she sobbed.

Well, now it was kinda awkward, but at least I was right that she wasn't ok.

"And then I was drinking, hoping to forget everything, but it made everything worse. I thought that some guy would like me then", she cried.

To my surprise Brendon sat down next to her hugging her: "it's going to be alright, he was an ass, you know? You need to rest Eliza, and dont waste yourself like this for guys, you're more worthy than this."

She just nod and laid down closing her eyes. After a few minutes Brendon looked up seeing right into my eyes.

"Well this was awkward", he said, "was this your first party?"

"I mean, not really, but the party's I went to weren't that big."

"Do you always care that much about these kind of girls? You know that they're on every party, the girls getting drunk and flirting to guys just to be fucked. Why did you care?", he asked narrowing his eyes, "I never saw someone caring about this."

I shrugged my shoulders and put the blanket over eliza.

"I don't know. She didn't seem to be alright", I simply said taking my blazer slowly off her. I mean, I couldn't just let it stay here.

Brendon nod: "well, this was very nice of you, I think most guys would have done different things with her. Sad actually."

It was quiet. Nobody said anything we just looked across the room, sometimes making eye contact, we immediately broke again.

"Thanks for doing this", he said quietly.

"What?"

"I have two sisters, one is older than me, the other one younger. If they would ever be in that situation I whish someone like you would also be there. I mean, most guys have different thoughts when they see a barely dressed and drunk girl", he said nearly whispering.

I didn't know how to answer to this so I just nod and played with the hem of my shirt.

"Do you have siblings?", he asked.

"No, I'm an only child", I said.

"I have four siblings. Two brothers and two sisters."

"Really? That's a pretty big family right?", I said chuckling.

"Yeah it is. My family is damn big. Like a mafia to be honest. I have tons of cousins, aunts and uncles", he explained smiling.

"Wow. I wish my family is that big. It's probably never becoming boring, right?"

"Actually, I never see them. They're across the world. Some of them are in canada, Germany, Italy and even Russia. It's just my mom, my siblings and me", he said lowering his head again.

"Oh, well at least you have them", I mumbled.

"What's with your family?", he asked.

"My family? Uhm, I just have my mum, dad, susan, and my two aunts", I said and gulped.

"You don't like talking about your parents, right?", he said looking at me with his sweet eyes. His eyes were warm and soft like I could tell him everything.

"The last time I saw them, we ended in a huge fight. It's actually a really dumb fight, because there's nothing to argue about, but my parents think different."

"Oh. What happened? You know you can tell me everything", Brendon said sitting now closer to me.

"It's... nevermind."

"Ryan, please tell me what happened."

I gulped. Should I tell him, what we argued about? It was the fact that I'm attracted to boys. Should he know? Why do I feel so nervous? It's not like he would make fun of it, right? Or that he wouldn't want to hang out with my anymore. There's nothing to worry about but I felt my hands beginning to sweat. My mind told me different things than my body did.

"Ryan, you ok?", he asked now making my eyes fly over to his face seeing him with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah, I am", I said making a pause, "my parents found out I'm gay. They don't understand why, so they're arguing with me. My dad is disappointed of me and mum just wants everything to be like it was before I became older. But I can't do anything about it. I mean I didn't choose to like guys. It just happens, and even if you try to forget it, even if you think it's just a phase, or that it's not true, that you are attracted to girls. Nothing will change the fact what I love. And even if Iwould want to change that.
Love is not a choice, Brendon."

I felt something warm against my cheek to I looked over to Brendon who wiped with his thumb a tear away, that was rolling down my face.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up", he whispered.

"It's ok, really", I said feeling another tear escaping my eyes.

"Hey, it's ok", Brendon said putting his arms around me and holding me closer to him. He hugged me and stroked my hair. This was the moment were I couldn't held it anymore. I began to cry. I just cried. Cried over how everything is so unfair right now. My parents, that maybe I'll never see them again. Cried over what they would think of me now, if they're ok, If they even miss me. And I cried over the fact that I'll have to leave Brendon. I want nothing more than being home right now, but I would do anything to bring him with me.

"Better now?", He asked after I stopped crying.

"Yeah, thank you", I sobbed.

"No problem, Ryan", he said smiling at me.

"Please don't tell anyone", I said.

"I won't, believe me."

We sat there, me leaning against his shoulder and he playing with my hair. Maybe for 5 minutes, 10, or even half an hour. But it felt so good, having someone that holds you, eventhough you just told them something really personal.

"It's my mother", Brendon said breaking the silence.

"Uh?"

"The family member, I visited in the hospital. It's my mother."

"Oh, why?", I asked sitting up straight now.

"She has cancer. The doctors don't know if she'll survive it. It's an aggressive tumour. Now she goes to chemotherapy, but they said it barely changed anything", he said staring at the blanket.

"I'm so sorry brendon, I didn't know", I said hugging him.

"It's fine. I'm just worried, you know?", he said wiping his eyes.

"Yeah."

"I think Eliza fell asleep pretty fast, maybe we should dance?", he said after a few minutes.

"Sure."

We stood up and went to the party. Now the whole crowd was hella drunk. How long did we stay in this room?

"Ryannnnn! I was looking for you", Spencer greeted me. He had a glass with, I think, alcohol in his hand.

"Spencer, how much did you drink?", I asked looking worried and shocked at the glass he could barely hold straight.

"Just a little bittttt!", he said waving his hand in front of me, "I don't know what you're doing now but I'm daaaancing, babyyyyy!"

He put his hands in the air spilling the whole liquid in his glass out before walking to the dancefloor.

"Jesus, is he drunk", I whispered.

"I think we're the only sober ones here, right?", Brendon chuckled.

"I think so."

"It belongs to a party, you know, being drunk I think", he said, "that's what my brother said at least."

"I think you can also have fun without drinking", I said.

"Yeah, you're probably right, but a glass won't hurt right?", he asked smiling at me. More a smirk. Brendon smirked at me and it made my heart beat faster.

"Uh, yeah", was the only thing that came out of me.

We went to the drinks and saw saw a bowl with a liquor in it, I couldn't really recognise. Was is alcohol or just juice? According to the drunk kids here it was obviously both or just alcohol.

"Here", brendon said handing me a glass with the mysterious liquor in it. He also had one in his hand.

I sipped on the glass tasting the strong alcohol in it making me cough, causing brendon to laugh.

"Damn, that's much alcohol", I said with a raucous voice.

Brendon also took a sip, making grimaces.

"Woah", he said, his voice going deeper. His voice was rough after the liquor, deeper than it was before.

I took another sip. This time it wasn't that bad anymore, and the more I drank, the less I cared about the taste. The less I thought about other things and the less I could control about what I do.

I laid my arm around brendon, who stood next to the dancefloor talking to a few people.

"Heyyyy, Ryan", he giggled.

"What to dance, dance?", I asked smiling at him.

"Sureeeeee, I wanna dance", he said walking over to the dance floor with me.

I also saw other people dancing and laughing.

You know this feeling when you have a boundary in your mind, that shows you what to do, and when it's too much. This boundary stopped you from doing something stupid. It's really useful but sometime you just can't let go of your mind, eventhough it's the thing you want to do the most.

Now, I didn't feel this boundary anymore. It wasn't there, I couldn't even think straight anymore. Everything was so different, the way I saw things. It was so foggy, didn't had any control.

And then there was Brendon, the most beautiful guy I've ever seen, eventhough I couldn't even see clear anymore. His hair was messy but it fit him perfectly. His full lips turning into smiles Everytime I talk to him and his sparkling eyes, shining so bright, I never saw something that beautiful in my life before and I have the feeling I never will.

Maybe it was the alcohol that made my feed going over to Brendon, but I didnt care. The only thing I cared about was the guy dancing in front of me. The most gorgeous creature on this entire world. In the entire universe.

I laid my hands around his neck and smiled at him.
He smiled back at me, his eyes sparkling again. He bite his lip and it made my breath go away. Then there was this moment. It hit me. I didn't care what would happen.

The only thing I cared about were his lips that should be on mine.
So I did it. I leaned forward and put my lips clumsy on his. At first he just stood there not doing anything, but then he kissed back.

I never felt something like this before.

And I hoped it isn't the alcohol thinking now.

**********