.two.

-

"When we return to our real home, let's promise to stay together forever."

-

Jinki had spent the majority of his life bedridden due to his poor health, and it always gave him the thought that he would most likely die young. His aunt Soon Deok, who he fondly referred to as eomma for the lack of one of his own, always told him not to dwell too much on his misfortunes. But to enjoy every moment whether he were laying in his bed of out in the wilderness with the rest of his siblings. For Jinki, it was always something difficult to do when he'd see the others--Eunbi, Eunji, Ara, and Soohyun--being able to spend time outside, while he could not.

The slightest breeze could send him back to his bed with a cold for about a week.

The only one who always remained by his side was Heiran. If Jinki could not go outside, she would not go either. Instead, they remained indoors and played with the wooden toys Han would make for them. He always felt bad, and felt as though he were holding her back. But in the back of his mind he was also always grateful to have someone to talk to.

He remembered one instance when he was seven years old. Eunji was only four, and their eldest sibling Soohyun was already nine. They had been living in the forest for four years then, Eunji's entire life. It was the only world he had ever known and he felt for her. She was only a child who had no memories of their parents. She had no memories of their home back in Goryeo, and she had no memories of ever living anywhere else. Even Jinki remembered their parents, as he was three when it all happened. 

His youngest sister had been getting ready for bed. 

In the first four years, Han had expanded the tree house for them to have four bedrooms. The twins Soohyun and Eunbi shared one room. Eunji, Heiran, and Ara shared a room. Han and Soon Deok had a bedroom of their own. Jinki had a room all to himself, which always made him feel isolated and lonely. Heiran had begged and even cried because she wanted to share a bedroom with him. But Han and Soon Deok declined, only because they were all still children and they didn't want the others catching an illness because Jinki had it. 

But Jinki will never forget what he heard his youngest sister say that night. He had been looking for Heiran, since the two of them always played games before bed, when he stopped in the doorway to their bedroom. The room had three little beds with mattresses made from cloth bought in the village and filled up with leaves. "Eomma, how come Jinki's sick again? What's wrong with him?" The little girl wondered aloud. No one had seen Jinki yet, and he stood back so as not to be seen. The moment he heard his name, he seemed to freeze.

Soon Deok bit down on her lip nervously as she contemplated which was the best way to explain it to a child. "Jinki is special, dear. That's why he requires special care. But he's still your brother, and he's still our family."

The little girl still didn't seem to understand. 

Soon Deok always felt a sense of sadness and nostalgia whenever she looked at little Eunji. She had her sister's eyes, the exact same look Hak Soon had whenever she was curious about something. She was her mother's exact image, as anyone would put it, her mother's daughter. Just like Soohyun was the exact image of Eun. As he got older, he seemed to look more and more like his father. The only difference was that Soo was beginning to grow much taller than she remembered Eun to be. But he was just as handsome, and Han thought so too. 

The next words that left his little sister's lips made Jinki's own lips quiver with sentiment. Her words sent a prick in his chest. "Soohyun is big and strong, and he takes care of me. Jinki can never come outside and play. I don't think I like oppa Jinki very much. Why can't he be like Soohyun? I prefer oppa Soohyun." She was only a child, and he knew he shouldn't take her seriously. But that didn't stop her words from hurting his feelings. 

Heiran quickly scolded her from her place in her own bed, coming to Jinki's defense in a flash. "Don't say those things about him. He wants to be healthy too. Its not his fault he's always sick." 

Though she was only six years old, her words were wise, and they made Jinki's heart swell with pride at the fact that she was standing up for him. Soon Deok also came to his aide with a sigh, even if they didn't know he was standing out on the balcony of their small bedroom. "Your brother needs a lot of care and affection. He has enough with his poor health for us to throw burdens like this on him. You should love him just as much as you love Soohyun and your other siblings. Jinki has nothing but love for all of you as well." But the damage had been done. Eunji had made up her four year old mind about Soohyun, and that was also the moment when Jinki started feeling a strong resentment towards his older brother.

From then on, it was like everything Soohyun did seemed to bother Jinki.

Soohyun was better than him when they did their lessons. Soohyun was growing bigger and stronger each day. Soohyun was smart, handsome, healthy. That was what irked Jinki the most. That on top of all the blessings he had going for him, Soohyun was also healthy while Jinki spent about half of his life bedridden. He always cursed the skies for having done this to him. Why had he been born so weak? 

Jinki returned to his bedroom without being seen and hid under the covers to cry. Soon Deok had come in to check on him, and tuck him in for the night. When she saw his tear soaked face and reddened eyes, she asked him what was wrong. She asked if he was in any pain, but he would not speak to her. He did not want to tell her that he had heard everything and that his feelings were hurt. He merely hugged her good night and hid under the covers once more. 

It was until about an hour later that he heard noises coming from his balcony outside. He peered out from under the covers to see Heiran tiptoeing into the room. It was the middle of the night and everyone was asleep by then. But the six year old recently had a habit of sneaking into Jinki's room at night to spend time with him. In the mornings when Soon Deok would wake them for breakfast and then their daily lessons, she would most often find her eldest daughter cuddled up to her cousin's side. She also noticed how Jinki seemed to sleep more soundly and comfortably when she was by his side.

Jinki's eyes were wet with tears still, and even in the dim moonlight, she could see his glassy eyes.

"Why are you crying?" The little girl pouted upon seeing how down he was. 

She stood in the doorway for a moment, but then she stepped inside and shut the door to prevent a draft from coming in. From an early age she had learned to take care of Jinki and she she knew exactly how to prevent him from getting sick. Whenever he was allowed to go outside, she was the first one to insist he bundle up in at least five layers of clothes. Jinki was especially difficult in the summer, since he didn't want to wear so many layers of clothes.

In a weepy voice, he immediately started spilling his emotions out to her. "Because I'm tired of spending all day in my bed. I want to go outside and play like Soohyun and the others can."

Even at her young age, she was wise beyond her years. She always knew exactly what to say to cheer him up. 

"Don't you like when we play here though?" She pointed out, reminding him of all the things they could do indoors too. Heiran always tried her best to keep him entertained, so that he wouldn't yearn to go outside so much. "We cane make forts, play castle, or play with the blocks appa made for us."

He sniffled at her words, relaxing a bit as he thought about it. While the others were outside and Han was teaching them how to make snow forts, Jinki and Heiran had stayed in gathering all the blankets and pillows in the tree house and they used them to make a fort. Jinki remembered the look on the others' face as they looked on with jealousy when Heiran said it was a special fort for just the two of them. He remembered playing with the blocks Han made for them. Then he remembered playing castle with Heiran. 

Jinki always dreamt of being king. 

"You would be my only queen." He'd say to her. 

Heiran would always giggle and make him promise not to change her for anyone else. Jinki swore that he would never, not just because there really weren't any other people around, but because she was the only person he could ever picture by his side. But those were just the dreams of a child that had no basis, or so they thought. It never crossed their mind that in reality, Jinki and his siblings were actually heirs to the throne of Goryeo, so were Heiran and her sister. 

Ten years after that memory, the two teenagers had pulled away from their kiss feeling flustered. 

Heiran looked away, her face red with a shy blush. Jinki only looked at her nervously, biting his lip in worry that he had stepped way out of line. But he just couldn't help himself. He didn't know what love was, but he knew enough to be able to tell that what he felt for her was something special. She had always been by his side, and he wanted no one else by his side. He needed no one else as long as he had Heiran.

She was his only queen.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just--" He blurted out an apology to her when the silence between them grew too long. He stopped himself, knowing he could not really come up with an excuse. He had none. He wanted to kiss her and he went for it. He was only relieved that she didn't seem to recoil away from him. That had to be a good sign. 

She turned towards him slowly, her hand touching her lips in a daze. Shaking her head, she said to him, "Don't apologize. I've seen eomma and appa do this a lot. Eomma says its called a kiss. She says its something that happens between two people who love each other."

"Love..." Jinki repeated the word slowly.

It sounded foreign in his tongue. They didn't know a lot about the outside world. But Soon Deok did her best to teach them. She had explained that love was a strong feeling between people who cared about each other. She also explained that there were two kinds of love--the kind between family, and the kind between two people who really cared about each other. What Jinki felt for Heiran was like the latter. It was much more than just a familial love that he felt for her. 

He wanted to be with her for eternity, and take care of her. 

"If this is what love is..." She paused with a shaky breath. "I love you, Jinki."

"I have always loved you, Heiran." He replied with a bit of relief. He was a bit surprised with himself at how much honesty he found in that statement. 

He had been thinking about it for a while already. Pondering whether what he felt for her could be considered love. It seemed like the same thing that his parents had, or that his aunt and uncle had. A feeling that made him want to do anything and everything for her. It made him want to give her the entire world and put it at her feet.

There was now a warm smile spread across her lips as she said, "When we return to our real home, let's promise to stay together forever."

Jinki nodded his head in agreement. "I would like that."

-

another little update for you all.

im going to sleep now because im working at 8am tomorrow. that sounds early, but its kinda late for me. i always work at 4,5, or 6am. when i cant work at those times, it puts me in a bad mood during work. 

but i will try my best to endure it. 

i have a ton of stuff planned for this story. so please stay tuned guys. i think you will like it. i will keep adding childhood memories and flashbacks. but jinki always had a tough life.

thank you for reading!

-clary