"Jinyoung-ah!" Jaebeom screams, eyes wide in shock, head turning from one side to the other looking for the other man but the rooftop is empty. "Park Jinyoung!"

His heart rate picks up as he realises the younger man isn't around. It wasn't his intention for things to turn out like this, he was caught up in thought, one moment he was just considering everything which is already so hard when he's so tired and sleep deprived, and the next second Jinyoung isn't there anymore.

"Aish, why are you so impatient!" He complains, rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. "Couldn't you give me a little bit more time?"

Exhausted to no end but defeated, Jaebeom pushes himself to walk away from the rooftop although he has no clear aim of where he's going, he's just moving, his thoughts consumed by Park Jinyoung. Although he knows he still has deep and strong feelings for Jinyoung, it's not in Jaebeom to just blindly follow his heart and choose without thinking of repercussions. He isn't a romanticist like Jackson who would choose Mark over everything. Jaebeom has to think carefully before making a decision and romantic love is something he's never experienced before, something that never had much importance to him. It's the first time he's actually had real feelings for someone so he's inexperienced. It doesn't help that the situation he's in is so impossible and confusing, with their lives so tangled it seems destiny.

You might be fated or something worthy of a drama, Jaebeom remembers Jackson saying, and the many other times he teased him about being fated to Jinyoung and whatnot. Now that he thinks about it he cannot help snort in the middle of the street, looking like a weirdo.

Well, it seems Jackson was right because their lives are so tangled and twisted, from the accident to Jaebeom being the only one who can see Jinyoung, and how it seems Jinyoung is only real when he's around the older. Doesn't it seem like they are actually fated?

It's both a funny and overwhelming thought.

Couldn't we have met some other way if we were fated? Jaebeom thinks, wishing he would've met Jinyoung in just a normal setting, slowly fall for each other like Mark and Jackson did, without so much life and death issues.

But as he thinks about that he realises maybe he wouldn't have given Jinyoung a second glance, he would've stayed away from a weirdo like him. It was because Jinyoung keep popping out of nowhere around him, it was because he was vulnerable, alone, and in need of someone who could hold him and put him back together like Jinyoung did that he opened up and unavoidably fell for Jinyoung.

Fated.

And it seems fate is laughing in his face because when Jaebeom realises where his feet have taken him, he's at one of the bridges that cross the Han River. He laughs, humourlessly and tired because isn't there where he met Jinyoung?

"Fine, I'll accept it's fate but I'll never tell Jackson," Jaebeom mumbles to himself, chuckling lightly.

He takes a deep breath and takes a step forward but as soon as he does that he spots a slim frame by the rail. His heart stops as he sees the person trying to climb it, his mind only thinks of Jinyoung and a scream gets stuck in his through, his whole body freezing. As the person succeeds at sitting on the rail he realises a dress flips with the wind and long hair dances around the head of a young girl, slim and fragile to the point it seems the wind will take her away.

As Jaebeom realises it isn't Jinyoung and just another person his body reacts and he sprints forward just as the girl puts her feet at the other side of the rail, hands still holding her but body leaning forward, ready to jump.

Jaebeom is far away so he runs and screams: "STOP!"

But Seoul is loud even, especially during the day; the buses, the cars, trains and everything else is louder than his voice, muffling his screams and making it all futile. He stills screams as he runs with everything he has, but he doesn't even get closer when he girl lets go of the rail, her body falling forward and into the dark and seemingly still waters of the Han.

"NO!" Jaebeom screams, immediately looking over the rail to see how the body slams the water in what looks so painful, like falling on concrete. He's breathing hard and his head spinning, his whole body shaking as he grabs the rail, watching how the water wraps around the body and swallows it completely. "No..." he breathes out, shaking more violently as he realises he just saw someone kill themselves. "No..."

He doesn't realise how tears well up in his eyes until he cannot see anymore, everything is blurry and his heart is aching, seeing Jinyoung doing the same. He hurts so much at the idea of being too late, Jinyoung disappearing like the girl in the water. The thought barely crosses his mind and he starts crying, his body collapsing and he doesn't know what he's doing anymore.

He hears sirens blasting and from the spaces between the rail he can see a boat approaching at full speed to where the girl jumped. Soon someone dives from the boat and while Jaebeom cries, hopelessly and uselessly, the girl is rescued. He cannot hear what they are saying, but he can see the diver giving the girl CPR with the expertise of someone who does that all the time, and like that the young female finally reacts. Someone else offers a blanket and the diver covers the girl in it, keeping her sitting and rubbing his hands on her arms. Jaebeom sees everything from the distance, realising they saved the girl and he didn't do anything to help.

Nothing at all.

As the boat navigates away, probably to shore where they'll take the girl to the hospital, Jaebeom is consumed by a sense of hopelessness and fear. He can only think of Jinyoung and the possibility of losing him forever. Just like he couldn't get to the girl in time, he didn't answer Jinyoung when he was waiting for that one answer that would push him to fight to wake up, to stay. If Jaebeom had been a bit faster, a bit braver what would have Jinyoung done? Is Jaebeom too late?

Would you miss me if I don't wake up? If I'm gone forever?

A hiccup escapes Jaebeom's lips as more tears fall from his eyes, he grips the bars of the rail as if clinging to life... to Jinyoung.

"So much, I'd miss you so much," he answers, too late, when Jinyoung isn't around, after he was swallowed by nothingness just like the girl was engulfed by the waters of the river bellow. "Don't leave," he whines, breaking down crying even more.

Time slips away as Jaebeom runs out of tears, as the cold starts to bite him and he feels pain. It's physical pain that overpowers the ache in his heart what awakes him from the slumber he's in. He blinks away the remaining tears and realises how the day's light is gone and sunset is almost over. He's spent almost all day just crying by the river. He's cold and so tired he can barely lift his own body. He needs the support from the rail to actually stand up and hold himself in place. He also needs a few more seconds to breathe in and out, putting his thoughts in orders.

As tired as he is, he's scared he'll be too late. He needs to answer Jinyoung, to tell him he's ready to leave everything behind and hold on to him. He needs to tell him clearly he doesn't blame the younger for the accident, he understands it wasn't his intention. Jaebeom needs to tell him he'd miss him too much and for no reason he can leave him.

Jaebeom needs to tell Jinyoung to wake up... to please wake up for him.

Slowly, dragging one feet after the other, he goes back from where he came, only one thought in his head: finding Jinyoung.

It's dark and late when Jaebeom is back at the hospital, he's shivering because he's cold and he can barely keep his eyes open, exhaustion trying to take him away. But he pushes himself, only stopping by one of the vending machines to get a warm can of hot chocolate just because it's the same type he once bought for Jinyoung one night. He wraps his hands around it, letting the warmth give him a bit of life before he opens it and takes a sip. It's the only food he's had in the whole day and his stomach growls louder than ever. Just because of that he gets something else, a snack he doesn't even pay attention to, and another can of hot chocolate he's determined to give to Jinyoung, so he keeps it in his pocket.

While he eats the piece of chocolate he bought, he heads to the lifts and waits until one comes to the ground level to get in and head to the thirteenth floor. The warm can in his hand is giving him a bit of life and more determination.

We are fated, he'll be there, Jaebeom repeats in his head like a mantra, trying to convince himself that it's not too late and Jinyoung is still somewhere around. He's scared but he's more hopeful, even if he's forcing himself to be like that. They've already gone through so much, can't they have a break? If Fate is playing with them, then Fate needs to be kind and give them the chance to talk properly.

The stairs to the rooftop are impossible for an exhausted Jaebeom and he doesn't even understand how they do it when patients come in helicopters going down those same stairs, but at the same time he cannot care enough to actually think how it happens. He only cares to make it to the rooftop and hopefully find Jinyoung there.

Jaebeom pushes the door and is once again in the biting cold wind of a winter night in Seoul. The can in his hand is empty but the one in his pocket is still radiating warmth and he holds onto that point to walk forward.

He looks around trying to find someone else and his knees almost give out in relief when he sees someone sitting on the ground, hugging his legs with his face hidden between his knees. Jaebeom knows it's Jinyoung, his heart recognises him first. The jet black hair, the slim frame and the melancholy that surrounds the younger. He smiles tiredly, shoving his right hand in the pocket of his long coat, wrapping his fingers around the warm can as he takes a step forward.

Jinyoung doesn't even react when Jaebeom is by his side, not until he calls the younger's name: "Jinyoungie."

The younger's head snaps, his eyes wide in shock to see Jaebeom there, smiling at him.

"Why are you here again?" Jinyoung accuses, his voice on edge and Jaebeom realises the other man looks incredibly sad and miserable, his eyes are bloodshot and dark with sorrow. It looks like Jinyoung has also been crying and he feels so incredibly guilty to think, maybe, it's because of him.

"I brought you this," Jaebeom says, taking the can out of his pocket and handing it out to Jinyoung.

"I don't drink or eat, I'm not alive," the younger replies bitterly but Jaebeom doesn't give up. He crouches down in front of Jinyoung and takes his hand to put the can in the younger's hand.

"You're still alive, even if it's in a coma," Jaebeom refutes, smiling kindly. "Don't say you're not alive."

"I might die for real soon, it's not like it matters," Jinyoung huffs, looking away and biting his lips together in a fine white line.

Jaebeom's heart breaks a bit more at that hopeless tone, at the resignation in Jinyoung's voice and the sadness in his eyes.

"It matters," Jaebeom says softly. "It matters to me."

Jinyoung's slowly turns to meet his eyes again, his eyes expectant and scared, Jaebeom can see that clearly.

"I came to give you the answer for the question you asked before. I'm sorry it took me a while, you impatient fool," Jaebeom laughs at the offended expression Jinyoung gives him. It works to distract the younger as he wraps both of his hands around Jinyoung's and the hot chocolate can. "I'd miss you so much if you disappear, so much I can't even fathom the idea, so please, don't you dare to give up and wake up, okay?"

∞

Sorry for the long wait, I was busy these past weeks and I don't want to let the story end. Still, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Bel, xx