By now, the fact his mind is frequently consumed by Jinyoung doesn't surprise Jaebeom anymore. He's gotten used to randomly thinking of the younger when he's doing something else, wondering what his friend is doing at the moment, if Jinyoung also thinks of him as often as he does. He does keep quiet about that, just to save himself the endless teasing from his friends.

Jinyoung makes it to his thoughts even when he's focusing on his studies again. As Jaebeom's mother is doing increasingly better, he can actually worry about university, working hard to catch up with everyone else. He'd been attending to most of his lectures but all that time he was mostly warming a chair instead of learning. Now he's had to ask for help to his classmates, study three times harder just so he can pass his courses instead of falling and getting behind.

His friends are helping him, like Youngjae bringing him coffee when he locks himself in the library to study. Mark and Jackson make sure to drag him out of the library for proper food instead of just coffee and bread. His mother also watches him fondly when he's studying by her side at the hospital, asking him questions so he can verbalise what he's learning. And by the end of the day, he meets Jinyoung who sits by his side, watching him going over his notes, reading theory and watching other photographer's work as he tries to get inspired. Jinyoung listens fascinated as Jaebeom explains how to use his camera, or patiently when he complains about not having a clue what to make his final project about, what story to tell.

By now, Jinyoung is as constant in his life as his mother and friends. However, Jinyoung is also the most unsettling presence. It's not only that it seems Jinyoung only exists when he's next to Jaebeom, not doing anything else during the day. No, that's not the most unsettling thing about Jinyoung but how changing he is. He never looks the same two times, and sometimes he looks so different as if he was another person, another version of himself, but it's always just him, knowing everything they always talk about, continuing their conversations, always worrying about his mother's health.

One day, Jinyoung shows up bright and joyful, as if life was the most wonderful thing. He jokes, laughs out loud, teases Jaebeom endlessly and never stops smiling. Seeing Jinyoung like that makes Jaebeom's heart soar with delight because it doesn't seem like he could lose his friend the next day. When Jinyoung looks like that, Jaebeom can't stop staring, loving the deep crinkles at the corner of his eyes, a sight of a happy smile and many years doing that. Jaebeom particularly loves the way the corner of Jinyoung's mouth curl in a wide smile, showing all his teeth and making him look young because he just seems so full of life.

Happy Jinyoung's is Jaebeom's favourite.

But on the next day, Jinyoung comes looking younger, so much younger but only on the exterior. His eyes, those deep brown eyes, look way much older, carrying all the burdens from the world. His expression is exhausted, worn out and painted with despair. He barely talks and hides under the long fringe, his hair much longer than it should be after just one day. Jinyoung's smiles on that particular day are sad, fake and borderline hypocritical. Seeing Jinyoung like that makes Jaebeom so anxious because it gives him the impression Jinyoung won't show up the next day as he looks as someone who has already given up. When Jaebeom sees him like that, he ends up holding on to his friend a lot more, as if like that he could stop him from doing something crazy. He makes Jinyoung rest on his shoulder or his lap, soothing him with soft and tender caresses, playing with his jet black hair.

"You hair grows abnormally fast," Jaebeom points out, his notes aside and Jinyoung on his lap, his own fingers playing with the long strands. His hair can almost cover completely the big ears Jaebeom is already so fond of.

"Hmmm..." Jinyoung mutters, per usual, not giving a clear answer to such harmless comment.

"How often do you need to get it cut?" Jaebeom continues because it really makes him curious. One Day Jinyoung's hair can be really short, as if he had had a buzzcut not long ago, but a few days later he looks as if he hasn't got a haircut in months.

"I don't know. Somedays is shorter, somedays is longer. I don't care about that," Jinyoung mutters. "It's just hair and it still grows even when we're dead. All my organs can stop, but my hair still grows. Isn't that creepy?"

"I like it when it's long," Jaebeom decides to comment instead of stating a morbid opinion about post-mortem events. "It suits you better."

"Just for that I should keep it buzzed the whole time," Jinyoung rebukes but Jaebeom can hear the teasing tone so he just chuckles.

"You are the only person I know whose hair grows crazily fast."

"I'm unique in so many way you can't imagine. You'll never meet anyone like me again." Once again, there's that teasing tone that makes Jaebeom laugh just as he feels a tug in his chest. Jinyoung is indeed a unique person, especially for him, but he's not talking about that.

Jaebeom doesn't say he also doesn't want to meet anyone like Jinyoung again, he just wants his young friend by his side indefinitely. He doesn't want a replacement.

It's the fact he doesn't want Jinyoung to disappear from his life and how anxious he feels every time he notices how different his friend looks that motivates Jaebeom to take pictures of Jinyoung. He remembers the first time he took a picture of him, unconscious, without thinking, just because he was struck with the ethereal image of the younger against the sunset. Oddly, when Jaebeom looks for that picture on his phone, he can't find it. There are many of sunsets, but none of those has Jinyoung in the frame.

His favourite camera is his film camera, he carries it almost everywhere. He uses that one normally for personal interest, photographing what he loves or what he deeply cares about, especially people that mean the world to him. Jaebeom particularly likes to take pictures of them when they are unaware he's watching them through the viewfinder. For Jaebeom, spontaneous and natural pictures are more meaningful, they capture the true essence of the moment.

Following that ideology, he normally takes a picture of Jinyoung when he's not looking. Leaning against the rail, watching the sunset, or people watching, humming to himself, or with his eyes closed and facing the cold wind of the end of November, embracing the cold weather even when he's dressing so lightly. Jaebeom always ends up putting his own scarf around the younger's neck to protect him somehow.

Jaebeom has lost many scarfs already.

Seriously, most of the time it's like Jinyoung is unaware of the weather, dressing either too lightly when temperatures get closer to zero Celsius degrees; or too warmly when the sun actually keeps you warm and a thick long coat isn't necessary. It's as if Jinyoung exists unconcerned about the seasons and disregarding the weather forecast.

It's a miracle Jinyoung doesn't get sick. That's why Jaebeom tries to keep him warm when it's too cold and his friend isn't prepared.

When Jinyoung looks so out of place, dressed as if it was a spring day when it's almost winter, Jaebeom always makes sure to capture the image in a photograph. The dichotomy is immensely beautiful and attractive for him to miss.

Jinyoung is unaware of all the pictures Jaebeom has taken of him, and a part of him feels guilty for not having consent, and for that reason he hasn't developed those pictures yet. He has that gut feeling that one day Jinyoung won't be around and those unaware pictures will be all he has left.

Jaebeom tries not to think too much of not having Jinyoung around.

"Hyung," Jinyoung calls some other day when Jaebeom is, once again, wrapping his own scarf around Jinyoung's neck, taking off his coat to cover Jinyoung who only wears a thin shirt and a cardigan even when temperatures are below zero and the forecast says the first snowfall is around the corner. "You're gonna get a cold if you lend me your coat."

"I am wearing more layers than you do," Jaebeom points out and he does. Not only a thick hoodie but at least other two layers under it. "You're at more risk to get pneumonia or something. You've been waiting here for a while, haven't you? Why aren't you wearing a coat in this cold weather?"

"I won't get sick, hyung," Jinyoung replies, shaking his head and trying to shrug off the coat, but Jaebeom doesn't allow it, grabbing the lapels of the garment and keeping Jinyoung firmly in place. "It makes no difference if I wear your coat or not, hyung. It's better if you do."

"If you care about me and don't want me to take my own coat to keep you warm, then wear yours next time. That way no one gets frozen," Jaebeom proposes.

"It's not something I have control over," Jinyoung mutters under his breath, looking away and even sulking. That expression distracts Jaebeom enough not to pay too much attention to what he said.

"Of course you do, stop being stubborn. Fashion isn't that important, and you look equally handsome when you're bundled up," Jaebeom compliments, not too concerned about what he said, but definitely enjoying the way Jinyoung gets flustered, incapable of meeting his eyes. "Or maybe we should stop meeting at the rooftop."

"I can't be in a place with too many people around," Jinyoung sighs. "And people can't see us together."

"Oh really? What are we? Star-crossed lovers or something?" Jaebeom laughs. "Sometimes you're so dramatic. Maybe you should consider becoming an actor, you know?"

Jaebeom smiles, realising Jinyoung won't try to shrug off the coat so he releases the lapels and uses his now free hands to ruffle the younger's hair, affectionately. It's fairly short today, leaving Jinyoung's ear completely exposed. Surprisingly, his ears aren't cold but Jaebeom still cups them with his hands to protect them, and also to make Jinyoung look at him despite how embarrassed he clearly is.

"But seriously," Jaebeom speaks again, aware his voice must sound muffled to Jinyoung now with his hands on his ears. "We need to find somewhere else to meet. Eomma is getting cleared up tomorrow, so I won't be coming to the hospital every day."

"Tomorrow? Really?" Jinyoung echoes, a big smile spreading on his lips. "That's wonderful. She'll still have to come for therapy, right?"

"Yeah, but I won't always come with her as it's normally around noon, and I have classes," Jaebeom explains.

"I see," Jinyoung hums. "It's easier for me to meet here, but I'll go wherever you are, hyung."

Jaebeom laughs, the statement as dramatic as Jinyoung. However, he laughs because he feels flustered as well, something inside of him making him feel nervous and restless, so he hides it with his laughter.

"Oh, are you going to follow me like a puppy? Are you that attached to me?" Jaebeom smiles, joking, but apparently Jinyoung doesn't realise that.

"Oh," he accepts, making Jaebeom's heart skip a beat or something, he can't tell exactly what happens inside, but it startles him, it makes him hold his breath and stare at Jinyoung wide-eyed. "You're all I have."

Jinyoung looks so calm, so accepting of what he says, not even a slightly bit embarrassed, but Jaebeom knows he's blushing, bright and unbecoming. He's the embarrassed one who shies away, taking his hands away from Jinyoung and shoving them in his hoodie pocket, stepping back and breaking the eye contact, clearing his throat but not saying anything for a few seconds.

"If... if that's the case... then I guess we really need to find a new place to meet," Jaebeom says, but his mind isn't really focusing on thinking of a place.

"I'll go find you, no worries, hyung. I won't be leaving you anytime soon," Jinyoung promises with a smile that's a bit hesitant but also hopeful and it warms Jaebeom better than any coat.

"I'll hold you on to that," Jaebeom says, almost threatening, pointing a finger at Jinyoung and trying to look stern.

Jinyoung's smile only widens, joyful, and that works better than anything to get rid of the embarrassment Jaebeom was feeling. It also soothes that constant worry in his heart, that fear to lose Jinyoung.

∞

Aren't these two just so cute? I hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you next Sunday!

Bel, xx