By the time Jaebeom wants to go back to the hospital, Jinyoung still has no plans or any intention to head back home. The more he watches the younger, the more apprehension grows in his guts. There's instability in his eyes, an emptiness that's only noticeable when you truly look into his dark eyes. Jaebeom doesn't want to leave him alone for the time being, so he takes the boy with him.

They take the same route to the hospital, and all the while Jinyoung is quiet and absentminded. Jaebeom doesn't try to break the ice, only watching his companion through the reflection, wishing to know what triggered him to continue in this state. Their relationship is tentative yet, Jaebeom just recently accepting he cares about the other young man. He's shared a lot of his own burdens, but Jinyoung has always been vague about his life, his family and everything else. He knows there must be a reason for that, but he feels hesitant to probe further.

Jaebeom is still debating himself when they arrive at the hospital. He's about to just walk through the doors but Jinyoung has stopped and doesn't seem to have the intention to follow him anymore.

"Do you wanna go back home now?" Jaebeom asks, not stepping back, just turning around and watching him standing a few steps from the doors.

"Not precisely," Jinyoung answers. "But I don't feel like going inside right now."

"Then where will you be going to?" Jaebeom can't help his apprehension, having a bad feeling in his guts. Something's telling him not to leave Jinyoung alone.

Jinyoung shrugs. "I don't know, but hyung, you don't need to look at me with those eyes. I'm not going to go jump off the bridge or anything."

"I know, it's not your style," Jaebeom points out, remembering the day they met and what Jinyoung said about jumping into the Hangang. "But you don't look like you should be alone right now. Why don't you go home? Or do you live alone?"

"I'm supposed to live with my parents," Jinyoung answers, making Jaebeom frowns at the way he phrases that. "But even if I go home, it's not like they'll notice me."

Jaebeom holds on to that little information, wanting to know more and more about Jinyoung, trying to understand why he is the way he is, what's pushing him to feel so lonely and why he has nothing that makes him glad to be alive.

"Do you have a bad relationship with your parents? Both of them? What about your sisters?"

It's evident Jaebeom has asked too many questions too fast in the way Jinyoung smiles, because it's so different from every other smiles the younger has given him before. This smile is darker and infinitely sadder.

"You can say they gave up on me already," Jinyoung muses, his eyes on the floor, the dark smile on his lips, making Jaebeom feel uncomfortable. "I'm sure they wouldn't even miss me if one day I'm gone."

"I'm sure it isn't like that, Jinyoung-ah. Have you talked to them?" Jaebeom doesn't exactly like how he sounds right now, his tone is the one of an older man, someone who thinks knows more and is being patronising.

Jinyoung probably feels the same because for the first time, Jaebeom sees annoyance in the younger's eyes when he looks up, his expression tense.

"Don't talk like you have any idea what my family are like," Jinyoung says in such a cold tone Jaebeom feels it in his bones. "You think I haven't talked to them? You think I've never tried to make them understand?"

"I'm sorry... I—" Jaebeom mutters but Jinyoung's features only harden.

"You thought you knew better and how to make everything right, thinking it's just easy, like talking fixes it all." Jaebeom feels truly sorry, he didn't mean to belittle Jinyoung's situation, his feelings or anything.

"No, I didn't mean that!"

Jinyoung turns away, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. Jaebeom watches him clenching his fists, a sign he's trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry," mumbles the younger, not meeting his eyes. "I overreacted and snapped at you."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it so lightly," Jaebeom tries, wishing Jinyoung would meet his eyes, but that's not happening.

"Go in," the younger requests. "I won't do anything bad. I need some fresh air and I'll be better."

"Jinyoung-ah," Jaebeom calls softly, wishing his voice could reach him and make him turn. He is aware he could step closer, but for the first time he feels a wall between them and doesn't dare to cross it, scared to shatter what they have.

"Go in," he requests again. "I won't do anything bad."

Jaebeom feels in the younger's tone that he's drawing a line right now and he really doesn't want Jaebeom to push him, so he accepts it and nods his head, heaving a tired sigh.

"Okay. I'll see you around, then."

Finally, Jinyoung turns to meet his eyes and although his expression is stony, he tries to smile. Jaebeom tries to return the gesture himself, but he feels awkward. He realises in that moment how a friendship with Jinyoung won't be an effortless thing like it happened with Jackson. For a heartbeat, he considers not going through the trouble, but soon he realises he already began so he won't go back now.

Jinyoung nods his head and Jaebeom presses his lips in a tight line, awkwardly waving his hand. He wants to see Jinyoung go, but the younger looks stuck in place and like he's not going anywhere anytime soon, so he takes that as a sign to turn around first.

Turning his back on the younger, he steps closer to the doors and these open automatically for him, immediately feeling the warmer air inside, a stark contrast with the Seoul night in October.

A few steps inside, he looks over his shoulder expecting to see Jinyoung still standing there or walking away, but when he does, the younger boy is nowhere to be seen. Jaebeom stops and scans the outside better, taking a closer look to every passerby, but none of them is his friend. His brow furrows, wondering where Jinyoung went so fast. After a few seconds without being able to spot Jinyoung, he gives up and shrugs, turning around again to take the lift this time.

Jaebeom takes the lift to the eighth floor to his mother's room, still having a bitter feeling in his guts for the small argument with Jinyoung. He knows it wasn't that terrible, but it shows Jinyoung was more sensitive. Overall, Jaebeom is just worried, wishing he could do something but not knowing what. There's so little he knows about Jinyoung and he's like no one he's met before, it's hard for him to find a way around.

His Jinyoung thoughts are pushed to the back of his mind when the lift doors open and he heads to his mother's room. As expected, when he slides the door open his mother is alone, the only reminder of his father's visit are the roses by the window. Jaebeom sighs and smiles, wondering for how long his father stayed.

"Eomma, I'm back," he calls automatically, like he always does as entering the room.

However, for the first time since the accident, there's a response from the patient. A low hum that startles Jaebeom, making him realise his mother is still awake. The way his heart stirs with the strength of the realisation that this is truly happening, this is real.

His smile widens automatically and he hurries to his mother side.

"You're still awake. Are you tired?" He asks, feeling his chest getting swollen with delight that she's awake and meeting his eyes.

His mother shakes her head lightly, a smile on her lips.

"Still, it's late and you should go to bed. Tomorrow you start rehab," Jaebeom reminds his mother, taking her hand and rejoicing when he feels her lightly squeezing back.

It's so comforting having her back.

"H-hom-me," his mother tries and Jaebeom understands what she means by just reading the worry in her eyes.

"I went home to change and get a break. I went with a friend," he explains and watches his mother raise her eyebrows, questioning. "A new friend, you still don't know him," he smiles. "But he wasn't feeling well so I'll introduce you two another day. He's helped me a lot in the past few months."

Jaebeom is surprised when he says that, but it's true. Jinyoung has helped him to distract himself, to breathe and to pull himself together. It would've been even more difficult if he hadn't run into the younger boy, he realises now.

His mother smiles, squeezing his hand again and Jaebeom understands his mother is happy to hear that.

"T-ti-ti-red," his mother stutters but he shakes his head.

"I'm okay," he reassures her. "I'll sleep better here with you than at home."

Jaebeom chuckles when his mother sighs, not pleased with his attitude. He feels all warm because she's annoyed that he's not going home to get a proper rest. That's just so her, looking after him even if it means being alone.

"Do you need anything? Water?" His mother shakes his head. "Then you should try to sleep. I'll go ask if they know anything about the rehab tomorrow."

"S-s-schoo-ool?" His mother asks and Jaebeom blinks surprised, he completely forgot that he needs to go to attend his lectures.

"Um... it's okay, a classmate is going to lend me the notes and—"

His mother doesn't say anything, but the look in her eyes, cold and reproachful, is louder than any work and it cuts Jaebeom mid-sentence, making him gulp. It's both amusing and surprising she's acting so like herself, despite the new limitations. He's both shocked she is already scolding him for not putting his education first without even saying a word; it also fills him with relief because his mother is the same inside, the accident didn't change that and the more lucid she becomes, the more evident that is.

"I can't leave you alone the first day of your—"

Her expression is cold and unamused, making Jaebeom nervous. Her eyes are so expressive and he can read without problem that she's not buying his excuse.

"Eomma!"

"No," she says, so clearly he can't help his own smile.

"Ah, fine. I'll go to classes. You're still so strict about that," Jaebeom huffs, puffing his cheeks and not missing how his mother's cracks a smile, like she always does when he acts like a kid. "Imo will be with you so I can settle for that much."

His mother smiles so warmly, and just because of that, Jaebeom doesn't mind if he has to attend his lectures instead of staying with his mother, because that reaction and pleasing her like that matters more than his own desires.

∞ 

Let's see if I can keep the weakly updates on Sundays.

Bel, xx